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"Now," the brunette nestled her head onto the pillow and blinked slowly, whilst lying on her side, "as promised. Let's talk to each other."

"I didn't want to have this conversation with you being tipsy and all but –"

"I'm not tipsy." Regina seemed slightly offended.

"Your words are slurring though."

"Barely."

Emma shook her head and smiled. "Honestly, you're someone else when you've had a few. Where do you go when you're not like this? In a shell?"

A face that could never be read easily. Glancing at each other from across a room and as desperately as she would try to pull back the curtain behind those brown eyes, Emma couldn't get in.

"I fold up and hide inside my castle that I've built in my heart," the brunette admitted softly whilst pressing a clenched fist onto her heaving chest. "Where I can protect myself and never worry about anyone getting in."

"But you've let me in," Emma said, admiring a few strands of hair that rested on the older woman's left cheek.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Regina's chest heaved. "Initially you were the one that came barging in. You never seemed to ever want to give up. So don't blame me for letting you in. My only choice was to adjust to you being in my life."

"And by doing so, you fell for me?" Emma considered the statement. She tasted those words. "How?"

"Would you like me to take my heart out so that you can ask about the mechanics that are involved when it comes to love?"

Emma considered the question she had pitched out between them and understood the complications. You didn't choose who you fell for. Falling for someone would just happen. Just like that. Without warning. Like Neal. She never imagined that she would fall for him. He had been a thief. He had nothing much to offer. No kind of security but promises.

But with Regina, it was so different.

She was the definition of independence. Being her own woman. Having so much to offer. Her own mansion. A bank account that was possibly larger than life. And her heart.

Emma sighed.

Honestly, if she could ever reach in there and capture the older woman's heart, to feel it, the warmth and honesty and everything else would be so evident. Not because she had separated herself from her evil half. But because she had so much potential to love someone so deeply without having any regrets. Regina could practically drown another person with her intense conversations and gazes, so it was only fitting to imagine what magnitude her commitment came with.

"Say something to me," the brunette croaked, those brown eyes like pools of chocolate threatening to drown Emma.

"I want to ask you something, but I don't know if you'll answer."

"After you've known me for so long," Regina said. "Can't you see how open I would be, especially to you?"

"Well," emerald eyes were lowered, as her fingers pinched the sheet between them. She smiled and shrugged. "I guess that there's that. The two of us having this…connection. You know, like…" she adjusted herself and inhaled deeply, "…after every single person I've come across in my life, you're the only person that kind of…gets me worked up."

"Meaning?"

"Like you…I don't know," the blonde shrugged, "you get under my skin pretty much all the damn time. And sometimes it's really annoying. But then I realize that you know what makes me tick and you just do things and say things that would make me react. I don't know how the hell you do it."

Regina's chest rose and fell slowly. She cupped the side of her face between the pillow and smiled. "Because maybe we were wired to understand each other more than we understand anyone else."

The blonde's eyes fluttered close. She smiled. "Stop being so poetic."

"Oh I haven't even begun as yet," Regina said matter-of-factly.

Emma laughed. "I don't doubt that."

"I can quote Pablo Neruda and Poe. Until your toes begin to curl."

"Stop it," the blonde shyly avoided eye contact again.

It was finally happening. The needle slipping from 'fully composed' to 'softening up'. She realized that. She understood how her heart worked. What made her feel certain things deeply. But she could never understand how and why she would fall for certain persons. Never. It just happened. But there were a few things that always seemed to grab her around the ankles and she would be tugged into the pit of love.

Honesty. Eye contact. Boldness. Confidence. Someone knowing what they wanted. Someone gazing at her as if she meant the world.

"Why me?" she found that her voice sounded rather strange. A little hoarse. Smaller. "Of all the women in this town. Why are you even feeling this way about me?"

Regina allowed the silence to slip by without replying.

In that time, Emma bundled up her doubts.

"I'm not even that good looking. I'm just…plain. I don't even wear makeup and when I do, I feel as if I'm trying too hard. Plus, I don't think I'm even capable of giving you what you want."

"And you know exactly what I want," Regina stated, but in a soft tone.

Emma allowed their eyes to meet. "I guess that I can't imagine what you'd want from me."

"Have you ever considered the fact that we are more similar than you think?"

"I know that we're similar," Emma agreed. "I know that. I just don't get why it's me. I just thought that you'd want someone different. Like Robin. He seemed to fit with you. He sheltered you with all his softness and how he cared and -"

"You shelter me," Regina said. The wind howled beyond the walls. The dream catcher hanging from the ceiling swayed a little. "You care. You…care about me more than anyone else in this town. And to prove how much you care, Emma, you've saved me countless times without even realizing it."

"I never thought of that as something I was forced to do," the blonde said softly, "to me, caring about you comes naturally."

"So why can't you admit that you're in love with me?"

Emerald eyes widened. Swan felt a pang in her chest. She swallowed hard. "Because I'm with someone else?"

"But then if you're with him, then why are you entertaining this kind of conversation with me?" Regina wanted to know. "You're aware of willingly letting me in here whilst you're also aware of my feelings for you…"

"I get that…" Emma agreed. "But it still doesn't answer the question…Why me."

Regina sighed. In turn, she lowered her gaze to rest on the distance between them. "If you could only see how beautifully flawed you are through my eyes. How perfectly capable you are of doing everything you want. Of getting what you want. Then you might not even understand. But I'll tell you this. There are simple things in life everyone wants. Mundane things. A degree. A house. A car. A family. And that's it for them. But I don't want that. I never did. And I know that we both want the same thing."

"And that is?" Emma was curious, hanging onto every word.

"Permanence," Regina gazed at her for a long time. "Roots. A reason to stay put. A reason to wake up and smile without forcing yourself to. Knowing that I'm not just going to be available. But I'll shelter you, regardless of what happens. Because you've seen how I pull you up when you're not strong enough. Maybe in life people oftentimes make the mistake of being with someone only for the comfort and security. But they refuse to acknowledge the fact that we also need someone to fit us back together when we're broken."

"Is this what alcohol does to you?" Emma was astounded.

"I need someone to love the chaos inside of me, and all my demons. Just as you need someone to never judge you based on your past. But to understand why you did what you did."

"God, that's deep, Regina," the blonde whispered.

"That's what happens when I'm in love with someone," the older woman confessed. "You can say that I'm in too deep."

"But when the hell did this happen?" Emma was staring. "I mean, after Robin and the fights between us."

"I hated you so much that I began to love you even harder."

"That can really happen?"

Regina nodded once. "Yes."

"But you wanted to kill me…"

"But fate…prevented me from doing that. Isn't it obvious why?" The brunette's chest heaved.

"Just as fate led me here."

"Because I adopted your son."

Emma laughed. "Henry started all of this, didn't he?"

"I suppose so. But I also believe that fate was aligned since you were born. You were destined to break the curse. And in the process, you would somehow manage to break the Evil Queen."

"I did all of that, didn't I?"

"I'll tell you what," Regina shifted a little and captured the blanket between her fingers. Pulling the ends closer to the blonde's bunched up hands, she was able to at least close the distance between them. But carefully enough. "Why don't you let me kiss you. Just once. And then you can break me out of my shell even more?"

The request was so bluntly put but quite captivating. It was evident that the older woman didn't want to hold back. She was in too deep and allowing herself to drown regardless of the situation.

"Regina…" Emma croaked, her chest suddenly tickling with anxiety.

"What's wrong?" the brunette frowned, her fingers barely touching the younger woman's fingers upon the sheet.

"I'm…not sure about this," emerald eyes were lowered as the blonde considered their hands drawing nearer.

"Why are you not sure?"

Why wasn't she sure?

Emma's mind allowed thoughts to wrap around inside all that chaos like vines. Twisting and turning. Trying to meet and failing. Because she had so many doubts springing up like weeds instead of cutting them all down and focusing on the positive things. On the things that would make her toes curl instead of fearing judgment and disappointments.

She couldn't breathe. "Because I'm with Killian. I love him."

"Do you truly think so?" Regina willed her fingers to finally curl around Emma's hands. Slowly. And her gesture was welcomed.

"I don't know," the younger woman's lips suddenly quivered. She couldn't make eye contact. Not now. Not when she was crumbling and crumbling fast.

"Then there's your answer."

"Regina, I just can't walk away." The blonde felt the warmth the older woman's fingers provided, her words being so powerful.

"I'm not asking you to walk away. I'm asking you to divert from the path that you're on. You're not on the right path. And you know that. Deep down inside, you're so certain of what you want. Of how wrong he is for you. But you're just afraid to let go. Because of the fear of disappointing him, and your parents."

Emerald eyes glistened from tears.

"There's a saying, that if you're in love with two people, Emma, then choose the second person you fell for. Because you really weren't completely in love with the first, so that you ended up finding so much more with the second. And that's me." The brunette placed it bluntly.

She just couldn't understand, could she? Emma felt those feelings twisting inside her heart and she couldn't form a reply.

Regina grasped the younger woman's hands between hers. "Tell me what you want. Deep down inside. Prove to me that I'm wrong. That what I feel has nothing to do with our connection. And I'm just being delusional."

The seconds slipped by so slowly in silence.

Rain began to splatter onto the window glass behind them and on the roof. Sounds that should have soothed her but she was drowning. She was falling. Arms flailing. Down and down she went, sinking into that black hole where doubts tugged at her arms and feet. Where she couldn't breathe.

"I can't love you the way that you want me…to," Emma whispered.

Regina considered how the younger woman's expression was strained. She swallowed. "I want you to look at me. And I want you to say exactly what you just said again." Her voice trembled somewhat, but her tone was direct enough.

Emma began to shake her head before even realizing it. "I can't do this."

"Look at me," the brunette croaked, squeezing the other woman's hands between hers.

"I can't," Emma said weakly and just like that, although it was painful, she slid her fingers out of Regina's grasp. Dying inside. "I just…can't."

"Why?" Regina seized those fair hands between hers and held on. "Answer me."

She wished that her heart wasn't beating so loudly. In her head. Even her lungs began to feel like sacks containing bricks. Over and over again the alcohol pushed her further. To say more. To do more.

"If you're in doubt then let me talk to you. Let me…" brown eyes rested on the younger woman's fingers growing stiff between her grasp. "Let us talk to each other some more. I'm here for you."

"You can't understand the way I feel about this," Emma refused to make eye contact.

Regina blinked slowly. She willed her voice to remain soothing. "Then tell me everything."

"It's not that simple," the blonde said. Her hands began to feel clammy. "It's not like I'm an open book and it's not easy for me to talk about certain things."

The brunette nodded although her heart ached. She buried the urge to reach out and enfold the other woman in her arms. "Okay. Okay," she nodded. "Then let me talk to you. Because I want to talk to you."

"You've already said so much," Emma pointed out, "more than I thought you'd say."

"Then let's talk about something else," the older woman pressed on, her voice growing rustier from emotions welling up. "Anything else. How about…our plans to lock the Evil Queen in a snow globe and we'll sell it to some peddler from a far off land."

Switching paths.

It was a bit easier to imagine that.

Emerald eyes sparkled a little.

Regina finally took an easy breath. "And we'll hope that he sells her off to some petulant child who refuses to cease shaking the globe so that the Evil Queen tumbles and falls."

The blonde chuckled. She lowered her gaze and allowed her fingers to be held again. "Some rich kid who hates snow globes right?"

"Right," the older woman smiled along, her heart beats spacing out gradually. That was more like it.

Taking it easy.

Diverting.

"But guess what," Emma said in a softer tone, her toes curling a little when Regina began to massage the younger woman's fingers slowly. The feeling was growing.

Brown eyes watered a bit from the other woman's cute expression. "What?"

It was an easy confession. "I kind of liked the Evil Queen inside of you. When she occasionally peeped out. From time to time when she started a fire in your eyes."

"Oh?" Regina was slightly taken aback. She honestly believed Emma had hated that part of her.

"Yeah," the blonde nodded. "I liked the flare."

"To spice up your love life…" the older woman joked. "With her saucy remarks and kinky bedroom habits. I understand the attraction."

"No, I…" Emma's cheeks coloured. She didn't wish to seem compliant immediately. "I wasn't really trying to go into that department. More like…our conversations and stuff."

Brown eyes narrowed but were pinched from a smile crossing the brunette's face. "But you cannot deny that your mind wandered…"

"Only when you mentioned it," Emma stated in a soft tone.

It wasn't the truth. In fact, her mind had wandered before. Many times. To moments when she would sit in silence and peel away the older woman's clothing. At least trying to reveal the sexual appeal everyone spoke about. The hidden secrets.

"So you've never thought of me as more than your friend." Regina was slipping into murky waters but her mind already had no filter.

"Not really," Emma smiled though.

The brunette caught on and squeezed the other woman's fingers. "Stop lying to me. You have. At least twice. Thought of what I would be like in bed. Haven't you?"

"Regina…" the blonde dragged out the older woman's name. She barely glanced at her.

"You don't have to be ashamed of it. I'm quite aware of your lingering eyes. Every so often I find you gazing at me. It's very nice."

"You're so full of yourself, aren't you?" Emma smiled.

Regina shrugged. "I try not to be but it's not in my nature to not have an abundance of sex appeal."

"You really are –" and she stopped herself. Just like that. The blonde ceased up and swallowed her words whilst the older woman awaited the verdict.

Anything. Anything at all.

"I really am…" Regina croaked. Their eyes connected.

But she couldn't speak. She just couldn't. Emma was frozen. She glitched.

A few minutes slipped by. And both of them gazed at each other.

The brunette couldn't help herself. "I'm what…Emma?" She tried again. Those brown eyes blinked. "I'm…what you…really…want?"

Even before she could, the younger woman swallowed that painful 'yes'. She willed her hands to remain connected with the other woman's hands.

"You are allowed to say it," Regina said in that husky voice of hers. "There isn't a rule that says that a Princess cannot fall in love with a Queen. We're allowed to live our own fairytale. You and me."

It was the way she strung those words together. The way she simply…uttered them without so much effort. Smoothly. As if her heart sang a song that flowed like a stream. Whilst inside the blonde's heart, all there was, was chaos. Turmoil. And she swallowed her confessions. She choked on them.

"I want you, Emma," Regina tried again. "I really do. I want every part of you. But especially your heart and not because I wish to add yours to my vault. But I want to fill the empty spaces and repair the cracks and I want to make you whole again."

She couldn't hold back the tears. Emma just couldn't. "Don't…" she whispered.

"Why?" the brunette croaked. "Because you're not used to someone speaking to you like the way I am? Because you've never been spoken to like that by another woman? Well guess what… there's always a first. And I want to be the last too."

She wasn't allowed to do this to her. Emma was caving in. She just wasn't supposed to do this. To drive herself in and crash. Not like this. Why. Why was she doing this to her.

"Look at me," Regina tried.

But Emma couldn't.

"I just need to…" she was untangling herself from the blanket suddenly, avoiding the hands reaching out to her. And then she was standing up but weak in the knees. "I'll take the couch."

"No, let me –"

"It's fine," Emma croaked, tears spilling onto her cheeks. She batted them away quickly, reaching for her blanket and slowly tugging the fabric away. "Stay where you are. I'll be in the next room."

"And what if I need you?" Regina asked softly, her heart aching terribly.

"You don't need me," the blonde said, moving to the door with heavy feet. She sniffed and tried so hard to fight back the tears. "You really don't."

Regina swallowed back a sob. She stared at the bedroom door as it didn't completely shut itself. But the door remained slightly ajar. She could hear her shuffling around out there. In fact, the brunette had to restrain the urge to follow the other woman. And then…night poisoned them both into a drowning sleep that was black and dreamless.

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