Chapter Six
Wade Wilson did not own a car. There were many reasons behind this lack of ownership that are completely justifiable for any person who lives in a large city. Taxis and buses are, after all, more common and their drivers usually more daring behind the wheel than any sane person should be. Traffic is usually difficult to maneuver and everyone seems to think they have the right of way, no matter what color the lights are. Parking costs money on some blocks, is impossible to find on others, and is the worst idea imaginable on the particularly bad streets. While these are all justifiable reasons for not owning a car in the city, Wade Wilson used none of these excuses.
If he were to tell the truth, the main reasons that he did not own a vehicle were all very specific and telling of his character. Wade did not carry his wallet with him when he wore his red suit, for one. He either did not have the appropriate pockets or, if he did, they were full of knives or other things that really do not belong in pockets at all, leaving no room for a driver's license. Which was another reason he did not carry a wallet; he had lost his actual license some time back and did not feel like going to the DMV or getting his picture taken. Wade had also procured a nasty name for himself when he had been behind the wheel of several different vehicles, one incident being that he thought he could drive two vehicles at the same time (he could not).
Since Wade Wilson did not have a car and no sane taxi driver would search for patrons along the streets leading to his apartment building, this left the three orphans and their hooded guardian to walk along said streets towards the destination Wade had in mind. After waving to the assistant manager of the apartments on their way out, the children had very little trouble keeping up with their guardian. After the next three turns and almost jay-walking through a busy intersection, the children had a harder time keeping pace. Violet, who was carrying Sunny, ended up grabbing the back of Wade's jacket while Klaus gripped the back of his sister's dress.
Wade Wilson, who was rarely around children, did not realize he was walking too fast for them to keep up in such an unfamiliar environment. He was surprised at the death grip the girl had on the back of his jacket, but continued at the same pace when the sidewalks became more crowded. While he was ignorant about most things having to do with the Baudelaires, like how long their leg span was or even their middle names, he had correctly guessed that they would quickly be overwhelmed in such a busy environment. He wanted to get to their destination quickly before the city swallowed them or otherwise separated them from him. The last thing he needed was to feel guilty about accidentally losing the children less than 24 hours after they had been put in his care. In their haste, they looked like an actual trail of ducks bobbing through the crowd, making an elderly couple gush as they passed and becoming the focus of no less than three social media posts as they made their way through the city.
After a few more turns and several minutes, they arrived at another dark alleyway. It had taken about 23 minutes to get from the apartment building to this spot, but none of the children could remember the route no matter how hard they tried to. "Where are we?" Sunny babbled to Violet. Since Klaus was still gripping the back of her dress, Violet felt him mirror her shrug in answer to their sister's question. She tugged on Wade's jacket, still not daring to let go. "Mr. Wade, where are we?" she asked politely. Wade had lead the duck trail towards a window beside the back door of the building lining one side of the alley. "We're, uh, just seeing that friend I was talking about," he said over his shoulder. He tapped on the window and then the door before finally just pulling open the door and walking into the building, the three children stuttering behind him and bumping each other when he stopped for each action.
Dear reader, I would like to pause here for clarity on my own personal opinion on this matter. Under very few circumstances is it advisable to walk into a building by the back door, especially if said back door has a faded "employees only" sign on it. One such circumstance might be if you are an employee of the establishment. Another would be that the front door was locked. When it would be most advisable is if one should find themselves being chased by a vampire, in which case entering a building that they have not been invited into by a door that strictly forbids it is the best course of action.
Wade and the children were not employees of the establishment and, while the front door was locked, it was because the establishment did not open until two in the afternoon. It is also safe to say that, though the children had been chased and hunted by many foul beings, none of them had been vampires to their knowledge and Wade was currently not doing a certain vampiric anti-hero any favors in his hunt. So, dear reader, the route Wade and the children took into the establishment is not endorsed.
Wade Wilson rarely does anything worth endorsing.
The friend Wade had mentioned was Weasel. Weasel was the owner of the bar Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children at his best, and at his worst he was pretty much everything else he did. He was not a bad man, per se, there are many worse men than he, but he was yet another man who should not be around the Baudelaires, or any children for that matter. He swore a lot, had a lot of guns and weaponry, which he sold to various mercenaries and assassins, and he took bets on the lives of said mercenaries and assassins. Swearing, guns, gambling, killers for hire, and alcohol were all things that the Baudelaires were, unfortunately, familiar with. This did not make the location any more suitable for them.
They first encountered Weasel after coming in through the back door, walking through the small, dingy kitchen, and coming through the doors that led to the bar. He was watching TV and mopping, but mostly watching TV. While the quartet had not tried to be quiet, the unobtrusive nature of the orphans and the instincts of the assassin had kicked in, making their entrance unintentionally stealthy. Wade rapped on the bar's counter. Weasel turned quickly, causing him to slip in the mop water and fall very awkwardly.
"Holy ***, it's Spiderman."
