Tugging at my hair, I yanked out another knot and found myself biting my lip as I undid the braid. For the last hour or so, the three girls had worked on my hair and done a bad job of it. I'd told them it had looked great, when, really, it was pretty bad. Making them sad wouldn't do anything either and letting them do this took their minds off the storm before they went to sleep. The rain was almost obscuring vision when you looked outside and I hoped Rain wasn't freezing to death. There was the short rumble of thunder and I feared for a brief moment that the electricity might go out.

Which reminded me, I was suppose to call Rain about now. Getting one braid out, I ran my hands through my hair to try and get the rest out as I stared into the bathroom mirror, ignoring my aching scalp from all the tugging. I repeated the same procedure onto the next one, although I could've sworn this one was worse than the other and wondered vaguely how someone could mess a braid up that bad, despite the fact I remembered the braids I had tried when I was smaller. Once they were both done, I analyzed myself in the mirror. The braids had been in long enough to create small soft waves in my hair, and despite the previous aches, I had to admit it did look kinda nice. Giving a small nod of my head, I went downstairs in order to get the couch set up. Apparently, there was an extra room upstairs that the girls were going to be sleeping in, so I got the pleasure of sleeping on the couch. It was just such a pleasure.

Mostly everyone had left and it seemed rather quiet now, other than the purring engines of cars as they passed the house and the still pounding rain. Two-Bit would've stayed, but he seemed worried about his mom being home freezing. She had apparently had a night off, so he decided to go and wait with her. Sitting down, I sunk down slightly and shifted to get slightly more comfortable as I leaned back. Surveying the room, I found myself tapping my fingers on my knee and realized with annoyance that I wasn't tired in the slightest. When I finally got bored enough to actually get up and do something, I searched for the phone. Upon finding it, I dialled Rain's number and hoped no one would mind me using the phone this late.

"Hello?" She sounded like she was shivering from the way her voice wavered.

"Rain! Hi." I said, trying to not show the worry through my voice, even though the restraints were cracking.

"Hey, how are the girls?" She sounded relived that I had called, so she could see how everyone was.

"They're good. They went to bed, but I'm not sure they're exactly sleeping." I said, my eyes darting in the direction to where I knew their room was.

She sighed, "That's good." A lump rose in my throat for some unknown reason and I forced it down. The reason was unsure, but I knew it had something to do with my mother.

"Yeah." It came out in a breezy sigh. Before she could speak again, I spoke first, "Has the repairman come?" Silence. Then the answer came in a heavy rush.

"No, but I'm sure he's on his way and there's no reason to worry, I'm doing fine." I doubted it from the way she sniffled right after.

"I could come over and wait for a bit with you."

"No, no." She breathed, "It's fine. You stay where you are." I wanted to tell her that I wanted to come, not that I felt obligated too.

"Oh, okay." More silence and I heard the fridge door open in the kitchen.

"If you're doing okay, I guess I better… go." I found myself hesitating.

"Yeah, I'll call there in the morning to see how everyone is."

"Alright." There was a click on the other line alerting me she had hung up. I held it there for a second before replacing it on the cradle, keeping my hand there maybe a second too long. I walked into the living room and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Ponyboy placing a blanket and pillow on the couch, turning to cast a smile at me.

"Darry forgot to bring some down." I nodded, walking over to sit down, and running my fingers through my hair, searching for unknown knots.

Grinning, Ponyboy said, "I see you finally got the braids out." To which I blushed and nodded, feeling a little self-conscious that all the guys had seen me like that.

"It took awhile though." Leaning back, I reached one hand over and pulled the blanket over, cuddling it around me. The pillow fell to the floor without the slightest noise. Ponyboy turned to go back to his room, from what I was guessing, but hesitated. It was strange, and I saw him almost give a shake of his head.

"Goodnight." I said, watching him.

"Night." He called over his shoulder and left, leaving me alone. Once again, the silence was occupied by the screeching of brakes, which I found myself tensing at, and then the roar of speed before it faded away. It felt awkward, to be sitting here in someone else's house, and nothing feeling different. Something should feel different, I was out of my comfort zone. Staying at a house i'd never been to before, it should feel a little nerve racking, I should feel somwhat apprehensive.

I didn't.

A crack of thunder sounded and then a flash of lightening illuminated the room slightly after, a small yelp erupted from my mouth as I jumped and hugged the blanket closer.

"I'm not afraid of storms." I said firmly, closing my eyes and trying to breath steadily. It was an irrational fear, I couldn't be afraid of storms. I couldn't remember the last storm we'd had here. It wasn't that I was afraid necessarily either, it reminded me of something. I could never put my finger on it, but it was the lightning, the sudden brightness and the streak it made through the night, cutting through the black sky.

Pulling myself together, I leaned over to grab the pillow and placed it against the edge of the couch, getting up to turn off the lamp before laying down on my side and trying to get to sleep. It didn't come easy and I was tossing and turning for awhile before I found a comfortable enough spot. Even then, I stared at the gray tinted room, trying to think of something that may help me to fall asleep, but I couldn't think of anything for the longest time.

--

When I opened my eyes, I felt drowsy and less inclined to get off the couch and do anything. It was still dark out, so the room was bathed with the black air. That's when I started to think of my own parents without any warning, how lonely i'd felt after mom had died, and even more so after dad had left. There'd been a week where I was by myself, before Sam and Serenity had moved in, and I had barely eaten anything. There'd been a point where someone had called and when I picked up the phone, I recognised the voice. After a few seconds where I didn't answer, they hung up and I held the phone to my ear until the flat beep told me of what had happened. That voice i'd recognised then, but know I couldn't put my finger on it anymore.

Hadn't Ponyboy's parent's been killed too? That's right, it had been in a car accident, not that long ago either. None of those boys showed how sad they were, I wish I could be like that. The pain of both my parents being gone still felt like a snake had wrapped itself around my heart and constricted at the most random times, whenever it felt like it. My sister must've felt like this when Mom died, and then when Dad discarded her because he didn't like what she wanted to become. The fight rang in my ears, the raised voices and then the slamming of the door as Amber left, not bothering to gather any of her belongings. In the middle of the night, she'd come through her bedroom window, I had heard her.

"What are you doing?" I had asked from the doorway, yawning and rubbing my eyes. She had turned to me and didn't answer. It was a stupid question, I knew what she was doing. Without another word, I had walked to her closet and took out the shirts, starting to fold them so she could pack them. It had been more or less an hour of silence before we were done, and then she had thrown the bag out the window, ready to follow it herself.

"Camille?" Amber stopped, refusing to look at me though. "Try to, try to get dad to understand, please? You know he won't listen to me."

"I promise." I had replied, thinking that he would listen to me and then Amber would be welcomed back with open arms, the family dispute forgotten. It was naive thinking and I shouldn't have been surprised when he refused to let her back. I had broken my promise and that's why Amber wouldn't talk to me. It was understandable, and at the same time heartbreaking. We were all we had left, but we couldn't get along. Amber had her friends now, they had stood beside her for a long time, far beyond the time I had.

The storm was over, the moonlight flooded through the window and vanquished the black blanket. It was calming and I found myself falling asleep quickly, my body relaxed and fatigued, my mind blank and tranquill.

---

I don't know when I woke up, but it was early in the morning and the house was still quiet. I gathered the blankets closer around me and sighed, bending my knees and curling up more. I was awake and there was little possibility I would get back to sleep. Sitting up, I yawned and stretched my arms above my head, holding them there for a few seconds before letting them drop down. I ran my fingers through my hair, knowing it was probably all over the place by now. Finally deciding to move off the couch, I stood up and immediately sat down when black dots started to cover my vision. Shaking it off, I got up again and walked into the kitchen, yawning as I did so.

"What kind of food do they have here?" I wondered aloud, opening the fridge and looking around inside. Chocolate milk seemed most appealing at the moment and I grabbed it out, relishing the cold against my skin, a wake up call of sorts. Serenity never really bought chocolate milk, despite how much I told her I loved it, so I had it whenever I could.

After putting the jug back in the fridge, carrying my glass and sitting down at the table, I drank slowly. My throat was dry and it felt nice to have this liquid slide down silkily.

There was half left when I put it down and rested my head in my arms, starting to think about my sister again. I wish I could've explained everything, but that would mean everyone would know. Telling someone would make it real and I couldn't live with that at the moment, not with the way things were going. Just know was the time when I was starting to get over my parents leaving, both in different ways, and to bring everything back to the surface would hurt more than letting it brew just underneath.

Even when we were little, Amber loved writing and she use to tell me stories about a dog named Max and how he use to go on all these wild adventures, through a forest where he met a squirrel named Monty and a deer named Buck. They were so interesting to me back then, when I was little and still believed in the tooth fairy. She had stopped coming after mom left, so I figured it out. There was that faint smell of the rain near the doorway as I thought back. The memory turned hazy and I found myself reliving the dream i'd had not to long ago, where I was little behind the couch.

There was that overpowering scent of alcohol again and I watched as the smaller version of me cringe before throwing up on her other side. The little one wiped her mouth and turned back around, looking at the matting head of hair now in her line of vision. There was a pool of crimson around it and I felt my heart clench, was that mom? The smaller version crawled closer and I was reaching for her body with one hand, ready to shake her awake.

Starting, I snapped my head back up and took a deep breath. The peices were coming together, slowly, but quickly at the same time. I grabbed the glass of chocolate milk and downed it before placing the glass in the sink and running to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I splashed water on my face and closed my eyes, head down, before looking up into the mirror.

I didn't expect to see much and I wasn't disappointed. This was who I was, my mom was gone, my dad was gone. There was only me to look out for me. No Sam. No Serenity. Only Me. I protected Sam, I helped Serenity. Who helped me? I did.

"All I have is me, remember that." I told my image and they repeated it as the same time I did. It was the truth somewhat. Nobody went out of their way to look after me, but I had some belief that they still cared.

My efforts were in vain as I felt my grip on that cloud start to loosen.