"You're finally home." Feliciano flinched as he heard his older brother. He turned with a smile as he served plates and did his best happy voice. "Ve~ you're up! Bad day fratello? Don't worry some pasta will cheer you up!" He set a plate down and Lovino sat down and picked at his food. "You were gone for two whole weeks." He said plainly. Feliciano knew he wasn't going to sweeten his way out of trouble this time. But it wasn't time for the white flag just yet.
"Germany took me sight seeing after the meeting and I lost track of the days. Im sorry I didn't call fratello." Romano scoffed and Italy gulped. "What I wanna know is what's going on between you and that potato bastard." Italy sat quietly staring at his plate for a few seconds before mumbling out an 'I'm sleeping with him.' "Im sorry fratellino, I didn't catch that." Romano said in a monotone not looking away from his brother. Feliciano realized that's not the best response and cleared his throat before replying. "We're dating."
He didn't look up as Romano's face turned to shock before scowling. "Now you listen to me Feliciano. And I say this for your own good. Break it off." Feliciano looked up at his brother with tears in his eyes. He finally decided how he had felt for the blonde. He couldn't just throw it away. " I love you fratello but I cannot approve of this."
"But fratello!"
"Feliciano it's wrong and you know it is. God forbids it and I will be damned if im letting you go to hell because some stupid potato bastard cant keep himself off of you."
Feliciano inwardly scoffed. God? What God? The one that killed their grandfather after making him suffer? The one who took Holy Roman Empire? Or perhaps the one that did nothing as Millions were killed in bloody wars. He didn't care about God. He cared about Ludwig.
"Fratello no way, this is not fair. I wont do it." Feliciano stood up now crying and angry. Why can't his brother understand
"Feliciano for once listen to me!"
'Listen to him? He wants me to listen to him... for once? I have always listened to him. I have always been there and he's treating me like I never do anything for him. Now he won't even let me be happy for once in my shitty life. What kind of bullshit is that?'
Break it off and then ill have a talk with you." Romano turned to leave and Feliciano moved to go after him, only to drop the plate on the food. Romano turned around and Feliciano felt the frustrated tears coming now.
"Im not going to Romano. You're just jealous cause I have someone and you don't. There's a reason I'm obviously the better half of Italy. You're just an asshole about everything." Italy shut his mouth as he realized what he said. It was a sudden slip of the tongue, he didn't mean too.
He stared at Romano who had a look of shock before it turned to one of sadness then contorted to one of pure anger.
"Listen here you stupid bastard, you don't talk to me like that. And me, jealous? Ill be honest, yes I am jealous but not for your stupid boyfriend. I'm jealous because you've always had everything and everyone always surrounded you while I didn't have shit to my name. Except the meaning that so explained me perfectly. 'To ruin', while your name means happiness. That's total bullshit. While I'm here trying my best, everyone ignores me. Yet when you do the exact same thing you get all the praise. Sometimes I wish you didn't exist, you just get in my way. No one seems to notice that I'm Italy as well. I was the first Italy but you took the name from me so now im just Lovino, Romano fucking Vargas. I don't see what makes you so damn perfect anyways. So you can paint well and you're always happy, at least im not some whiney stupid little faggot that cant even tie his own shoes!"
Italy looked at a crying Romano shocked. He never imagined his brother to ever feel that way about him. He should have known that he was just a bother for his brother. He didn't know what to say. It was his fault his brother had an outburst but he was at fault too right? But still, he felt guilty and wanted to apologize, but he wasn't sure for what to apologize for first. Before he said anything Romano ran out the door and slammed it shut, leaving only silence.
Feliciano bit his lip in guilt as the tears spilled. He was right, he should have never existed. He decided he would end it all. He wouldn't tell Germany. He wouldn't tell Ludwig. Noone has a right to stop him.
He sat reading Lovino's old diary, wondering how long his brother hated him. From what he could see, a long time.
One diary entry caught his eye though. His eyes scanned it once. Twice. A third time, and he smiled as he closed the book.
Lovino meant to ruin. Feliciano meant happiness. It seemed their names were meant for the other. Lovino's name didn't mean to ruin. It meant he was ruined. Lovino was meant to have happiness, but that didn't mean Feliciano. He would give everything up, for his brother.
He's had enough anyways. He just wanted the reassurance. He grabbed the rope as he recited the last entry in his head.
'Dear diary,
I did it. I finally got my brother back. I'm so happy I have him back. He may be more annoying now and seems dumber than before. But it's okay, I will still always love my little brother. Through all my envy of him I've come to realize why I love him too. No one will take him away from me again. I haven't felt complete in so long. We are one again and I wouldn't want it any other way.'
He smiled as he climbed up the chair. "You have been such a good big brother." He took the noose in hand and stared at it.
He sighed, hoping to see the sight of the one he missed most. He stared at the gap in the noose, waiting for the small blonde to hold out his hand on the other side, to invite him in. Nothing.
'Of course. What am I expecting if God isn't even real? I lost Holy Rome long ago. Just because I die, doesn't mean I'll see him again. Even if heaven did exist, he'll be there and I'll go straight to hell. One lost will never be found again.'
He sighed and gently slipped the noose over his neck. He just wanted everything to end. He didn't care anymore. He raised his leg off the chair and heard something he wish he hadn't.
"Feliciano? I need to talk to you. Listen, I'm really sorry for everything I said."
