The doctor had come in to tell me awhile ago, after the nurse had left, that Johnny was dieing, but I already knew that. In my head, I repeated the phrase over and over again, hoping it would create a different effect on my body.

I already knew that. I already knew that. I already knew that.

It didn't do much, only made my heartbreak increase in size. It really felt like someone had dropped an anvil over my head for the past few hours, since I had been with Johnny, and was now deciding to smash it into my head. It made my whole body hurt and the grief I did suffer was indescribable. I barely knew this kid, but I still felt responsible for all this. What if Pony and I hadn't gotten into that fight, would I have been able to stop them leaving? Told them that staying would work out? To be truthful, I don't think it would've mattered.

Walking back into the room, I saw that Johnny was paler than he had been and tears stung at my eyes again. Blinking them away, I sat down in my chair I had been in since the beginning. There wasn't any talking between Johnny and I because we both knew. We both knew he was dieing. At times, I would open my mouth to say something, but would only close it again. I didn't know what to say and I didn't know what to do. Should I call everybody and tell them to get over here? That Johnny was dieing? It seemed impersonal and I didn't want to leave the room. I didn't want to make that call and have to tell them that news. I didn't want to have to tell them that he was dieing and would probably never be able to play football with them in the lot. Worst of all, I didn't want to come back from making that call and have him dead already. So I sat there, pressure weighing down on me and waited for something.

---

"I'm sorry, boys, but he's dieing." The doctors voice rang through my ears and I turned in my chair to see the doctor talking to someone hidden from my eyesight. Who was it? The gang? Had they realized what was happening? Had the doctor called them? Questions rang through my head and I watched the doctor with wide eyes, hoping beyond hope he would let them in.

"We gotta see him. We're gonna see him and if you give me any static you'll end up on your own operatin' table." I knew it was Dally, it sounded a lot like him, except for the shake and waver in his voice.

"You can see him, but it's because you're his friends, not because of that knife." They both came rushing in and I settled my eyes on them, feeling relieved and sick all in the same breath.

"Johnnycake?" Dally had a hoarse voice that gave me no hope and I pulled myself farther into my shell, "Johnny?"

There was a stir from the body on the bed and then a soft, "Hey."

"We won." Dally sounded out of breath and I felt my heartbeat steadily ring through my chest. This was it, this was the end, the last confrontation. I closed my eyes and just listened, not wanting to witness any of it. "We beat the Socs. We stomped them, chased them outa our territory."

"Useless… fightings no good…" I didn't want to see Johnny struggling to talk or that pale face I know had gotten paler since the last time I had looked. Was this suppose to be how people died?

"They're still writing editorials about you in the paper. For being a hero and all." The shake and waver had disappeared, left with calm undertones that made me want to scream at him.

"Johnny's dieing! He's dieing and all you can do is stand there!" But I didn't.

"Yeah, they're calling you a hero now and heroizin' all the greasers. We're all proud of you, buddy." It was true, we all were proud of how brave he had been. I suspected even Dally felt it, but at the same time, I felt like maybe he couldn't understand it.

"Ponyboy." I barely heard it and squeezed my eyes shut, getting up and walking until I hit a wall so Ponyboy could have room for Johnny to talk, I didn't hear any of it, but opened my eyes and watched Johnny's lips move as he whispered those final words. Then, it was over, just like that, and he was gone.

"This wasn't how it was suppose to turn out." My voice sounded hollow and not like mine at all.

I looked away from the person lying on the bed, away from Ponyboy and Dally. This all had to be a dream. I couldn't understand any of this. He wasn't my friend, I barely knew him, and yet the fact that he had died. It shook me to my core, it made my blood freeze. Nothing could ever be the same, not for anybody. His parents, would they care at all? I knew his dad probably wouldn't, not from the things Ponyboy had told me about him. His mom, did she really mean to be like that? Well, she must've known that Johnny was tormented, abused, by his father. She added to that, no one would care what her protests were.

"Never could keep that hair back… that's what you get for tryin' to help people, you little punk, that's what you get." He had reached over to push Johnny's hair back as he spoke and for that one moment, I saw Dallas Winston, resident tough guy, at his weakest. With just as suddenly as he had become tender, he slammed back against the wall and I jumped despite it all. I had never seen this side of Dallas, I never thought I would. He looked like he was in agony and sweat was falling down his face in rivers.

"Dammit Johnny." He sounded like he was begging Johnny for something. His fist connected with the wall and I jumped again, I was on edge. My body was shaking, trembling even, and I wanted to curl up into a ball and just cry. I didn't want to look at Ponyboy, so I could only keep my eyes on Dallas as he hammered the wall with his fists.

"Oh, dammit, Johnny, don't die, please don't die…" There's nothing you can do! I wanted to shout, feeling emotions tear my insides to pieces. If Dallas was taking it this hard and he was suppose to be the tough one, how could everyone else take it. Maybe the death effected him more than anybody. As I was lost in my thoughts, Dally was out the door and down the hall before I could blink.

Ponyboy was out of it and left without giving me a second glance. I felt completely useless. I was in this room with a dead body. We'd talked for more than an hour, more than two hours. I was with him in his last hours and I still hadn't said what I'd wanted to. I hadn't told him I thought of him as a friend, but he'd told me all that he thought about me. I leaned against the wall and fell until I rested on the floor, everything hurt. All the pain and suffering that I had gone through came in currents, and I found myself sobbing, gasping for breath at every moment. I was still sobbing when I stood up and walked over to the bed, looking down at Johnny's face.

"You… you were real brave Johnny." I spoke confidently, but I felt small and scared on the inside. "I'm proud of you and Dally's proud of you. You're really something, you risked your life for this kids. I'm sorry it didn't turn out better. Still, I'm glad I got to know you. I'll keep Pony in line like you told me to and I'll come visit your grave as often as I can. We can talk like we did before alright? I'll see you around, Johnnycake." I said and backed out of the room, my sobs now back with a vengeance. I walked down the hall and out the hospital doors. Everything Johnny had said to me came back.

Tell Dally that he has to always fight to live. Tell him that I don't want him to die if I do. I don't know if he'll be torn about my death or not, but tell him anyway. Tell him to enjoy the small things. Tell him that I'm sorry I couldn't be more tough like him. Tell him, I'm not sure I'll be able too…

There was more to that, I know there was, but I couldn't remember. There was the roar of sirens and I saw them flashing around the corner by the lot. I stopped a few feet from the yellow streetlight, just as Dally halted inside it, pulling a gun from his waistband.

"Dallas!" I heard myself whisper, trying in a vain attempt to get his attention, as bullets spit from the guns lodged themselves in his body and he fell. Everything was quiet and I stood there, watching in horror at Dally's still open eyes, that last smile on his face.

"But I promised." I whispered, "I promised." I broke my promise. I couldn't move from the place I was in, but a police officer grabbed me and I felt myself go from his hands to someone else's. I felt my mind go numb. I felt stupid that I couldn't do anything. If I'd left the hospital even a moment earlier, I may have been able to stop him. My regrets felt larger than life and I could feel my heart pound. What everyone was saying or doing was lost to me.

"Glory, look at the kid!" The only thing I heard since the gunshots, and broke out of the persons arms, turning just in time to see Ponyboy fall and almost hit the ground, but Darry grabbed him in time.

"Ponyboy! Ponyboy!" I kept yelling his name. Was he dead? I was afraid I was really going to lose him, that I would lose three different people. I had lost them all and it was my fault. Nobody could change that, it had to have been my fault. Who else's could it have been? In my mind, this was irriational thinking, but I didn't care and pushed it away.

Everything else turned into a blur as I wished I could just pass out and pretend everything that had happened was all a dream. That nobody was dead and I had tripped, hit my head on the table and had this horrible nightmare.

---

Steve ended up giving me a ride home. I had wanted to go to the hospital with Ponyboy and they had let me stay there for a few hours, but as soon as the doctor came back, they got Steve to give me a ride home. The doctor had been there since I came and knew I was exhausted. Physically and mentally.

"She just needs rest." The doctor had said, watching me waver on my feet before Sodapop wrapped an arm around my shoulders. It was quiet and I had pulled my knees up to my chest, Ponyboy had a number of things wrong with him. Together, they made him pretty sick, but he would get better. It wasn't life threatening, it couldn't be.

They had let me see him for a minute and seeing him all pale in that bed had reminded me of Johnny, he was delirious too. He was having a fit when Sodapop told Steve, or asked more like, to give me a ride home. He hadn't seemed to happy about it, but did it anyway. I had begged to stay, but both Sodapop and Darry said it would be better. When Pony woke up, it wouldn't do anything to ease his mind that I had gotten myself sick worrying over him. So, with reluctance, I'd left.

Stopping outside my house, Steve gave me a soft look and I got out of the car slowly.

"Thanks." I said, weary from everything that had happened. He gave me a reply I didn't hear and drove off. I watched him leave and then walked into my house, finding Serenity in the kitchen, her head in her hands.

"Serenity?" I asked, feeling heavy from everything. She lifted her head out of her hands and turned to look at me. It was quiet and still for a moment before she got up and enveloped me in a tight hug.

"Where have you been?" She asked me fiercely, hugging me so tightly I felt as if nothing could get at me. It was different than the one I had with Pony. Just being in his arms made me feel safe, loved. Serenity's arms made me feel content, like a mother's hug.

"At the hospital." I said and she pulled back to look over my body. "Johnny was hurt and he…" The word slipped from my grasp, but she understood.

"That Cade boy?" She looked bewildered, "The one that had his back broken from the fire." I could only nod. "I didn't know you were there, I would've come to see you." That's right, Serenity works there. With everything that had happened, I had completely forgotten. Her eyes softened and she pulled me back into the hug.

"Dallas too, he wasn't hurt in the fire, but he's with Johnny now." I couldn't bring myself to say the word, but rambled on. "And now Pony's in the hospital. He has a concussion and he's sick." I could feel tears coming on again.

"Go on and get some sleep alright?" Serenity said softly, "I'll wake you up if anyone calls."

I barely remember heading upstairs or actually getting into bed. I do remember the morning though, the quietness of it and how I had this instinct that there was something going on downstairs. I was so tired, I could barely get up from the bed still. Forcing myself, I opened my door and felt my heart stop when I heard a begging mumble and then that voice, that one voice I thought I'd never hear again.

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All reviews are continually welcome. I know I haven't been a very good reviewer, but I'm going to get better. I'm trying to review all the stories I read, which, mind you, is A LOT.

Thanks Again.