Author's Note: As always, thank you MC for your help.
Chapter 10: Full Circle
Zachary Matthews walked through the door of the house, threw his backpack onto the couch, and made his way into the kitchen. He was famished. After last night's exertions, he had awakened too late this morning to eat breakfast..
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day young Zach," he heard HIM, his mentor, his master, say in his head.
..and he'd had a study group in the library all through lunch. Zachary opened the fridge and peered inside. He pulled out a cold piece of leftover pizza..
"You should not eat that waste, Zach, it will poison your mind." Again, it was HIM.
..and a Coke and plopped down on the couch to see if there were any new developments in the latest Lecter murder. He flipped on the news but they were reporting on the latest economic cutbacks so he'd have to wait for what he wanted to see. As he chomped his pizza and guzzled his soda his thoughts turned to his master. He called the man his master for Zachary owed the man everything, including his very life.
He smiled as he recalled meeting the man four years ago. The night had been cold, bitterly so. Zachary had been thrown out of his father's house after he had graduated from high school, the reasoning being that he was old enough to take care himself now and his father did not want to deal with him any longer. That had been a good six months earlier. He had floated from job to job but was unable to maintain anything permanent because of his attitude problem and his "hobbies."
The night in question, a sleeting late January night, Zachary was on the prowl for a warm place to stay and warm food to fill his belly. He had walked for hours to reach the downtown district of D.C. He had stood against the wall of an over-priced grocery store and scouted out his prospects. At last, an elderly, well dressed woman with a fur coat had walked passed, her high heels tapping against the sidewalk. Zachary fell in step behind her determined on following the old bat to her car and forcing her at gunpoint to drive him to her home. It was a sketchy plan at best he knew, but he was half starved and half frozen and could think of none better.
Without warning, Zachary had not even sensed another presence around him, he had been knocked unconscious from behind. When he had awakened, his head had throbbed terribly, he found himself lying on a bed inside a room and there had been a tray of food left on the bedside table. Without thinking, Zachary had plunged into the food and eaten every crumb of it. It had been days since he'd last eaten. Only then, had he explored his surroundings. He had discovered the door to the room he was in to be locked from the outside. He looked to the window but it had been nailed shut. He thought about breaking the glass and crawling through, but as he looked out the window, he had discovered he was on the second story with nothing to cushion his fall but the frozen ground below. Zachary had begun pounding on the door to the room, screaming for help until his throat was raw. He stopped when he had heard a key in the lock.
"Come now, what is all that ruckus?" Asked an aging gentleman as he had walked through the door.
Zachary pounced on the man but soon discovered just how strong the man was. Indeed, his upper body strength was incredible and the man quickly subdued the youth. Zachary had been forced onto the bed where he had been shackled to the headboard when one hand was placed into handcuffs.
"Now that was certainly uncalled for," the gentleman had replied as he pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed.
"What do you want?" Zachary had asked in a shaky voice. "Who are you?"
"My name is unimportant right now. I am a man who sees a power in you, a power that other individuals have deemed as criminal and even insane." The man smiled gently at Zachary and he noticed how crisp the man's blue eyes were. "I spotted you on the street a month ago and have since followed your actions closely." The man paused and eyed Zachary with interest. Zachary felt those blue eyes boring into him, as if the man could read his thoughts or see into his very soul. "Yes, you are different from most that I encounter. You are intelligent and somewhat calculated. But you are raw and require a bit of honing."
Zachary had stared at the man dumbfounded. "What are you talking about?" He had finally asked.
The man had smiled again and a chill ran up Zachary's spine. "I am talking about your games, your 'hobbies' if you will." He had paused and Zachary's eyes widened. "There is so much I can teach you young man. But you must learn to trust me and I will trust you in return. I see an amazing gift within you, but you must allow me to train you and draw it out in my own way. I am offering you a chance, a chance at life, education, and the vastness of my knowledge. I will house you, feed you, clothe you, send you to college, and protect you. In return you will learn from me and protect me as well."
Zachary could not believe what he was hearing. 'This guy is crazier than I am,' he had thought. 'He's probably some pervert.' Still, the idea was intriguing. But it could not be true. There had to be a catch somewhere. "But why?" Zachary had asked. "Why are you offering me this?"
The man had smiled a bit sadly. "Because I have no offspring of my own to educate. You do not yet fully understand. I have a vast knowledge and experience of the same type of hobbies that you engage in and yet I have no one to pass that experience and knowledge on to. That is why I chose you."
"Who are you?" Zachary had asked, at once both fearful and exhilerated.
The man had smiled once more and looked at him with those piercing eyes. "Just call me Hannibal."
Indeed, Hannibal had been true to his word. He had taken Zachary in and treated him as if he were his own son. Zachary had it good. When he thought about it, he could hardly believe his luck. Four years ago, he had been a wild starving lunatic. Today he would be graduating from college in five months, heading on to graduate school where he would pursue his degree in psychiatry, he lived in this cushy home, and he had been shown a world formerly unknown to him. It was a world where he could right wrongs and force the guilty to pay retribution. It was a world where he had learned when and where to give in to his urgings. Hannibal had transformed him into a calm, calculating, strong force to be reckoned with. Hannibal was his savior, Hannibal was his master.
At first Zachary had been disheartened by the fact that his master had been given credit for the retributions that he, Zachary, had forced those men to make. But Hannibal had assured him that Clarice Starling, the woman he loved more than anything else, even more than his own life, would soon learn the truth for herself. Zachary knew that she had been his protégé in a way. He had shared with her his knowledge and given her his trust and secretly his heart and he knew she would not let him down. She would figure out that it was not Hannibal but that it was indeed another.
Zachary frowned. She had yet to fulfill Hannibal's promise and Zachary was becoming very impatient.
The following morning, Clarice strode into the Behavioral Science division, briefcase in hand and a smile on her face. She had not felt this positive about coming in to work in years. Today was the first day of project "Capture Lecter" as she and Will had jokingly nicknamed their partnership. Now as she strode through the office, she suddenly became acutely aware of her colleagues' eyes on her, not to mention the secretaries' as well. She stopped when she spotted Seth coming toward her.
Seth enveloped Clarice in a bear hug. "I've missed you." He smiled into her hair.
"I missed you, but not the job," Clarice returned his smile and he laughed.
"Is your family alright?" Seth asked with a smile playing on his lips and one eyebrow raised, knowingly.
'He knows,' she thought and smiled. "Yeah, everything's fine."
"Good. Glad to hear it."
"Well, I better get to work Seth what with that new victim and all."
"Yeah," he grinned. "You have a very interesting day ahead of you I suppose."
Clarice shook her head and made her way to her office. She could feel many eyes boring into her back and wondered what the big deal was. So she had been away for a full week, so what? It was not as if she did not deserve it. Clarice did not understand the imposing attention she was receiving until she opened the door to her office. Standing there, dressed professionally in navy blue slacks, white long sleeved shirt and tie, hands on his hips, gun and ID badge at his waist, studying the victims' crime scene photos that were tacked to one of the walls, stood Will Graham.
"Ah, good morning, Will," Clarice smiled as she put her briefcase down and hung her jacket up. "Aren't you the early bird this morning?"
He turned to look at her and grinned. "For some bizarre, disturbing reason I was too excited to sleep. I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve, morning did not come soon enough. I'm anxious to be of some use around here. God only knows why."
Clarice laughed. "Well now I know why I was eyed strangely all the way in here."
"Yeah, I seem to have stirred up a bit of interest although fortunately everyone seems to be leaving me alone other than staring in here through the glass. I tell you though, I had a hell of a time convincing the security guards down stairs that I'm working with you."
"How did you get in?" Clarice asked. She sat down in her chair and propped her feet up on the desk.
"Her majesty herself, Kendra Mitchell," Will grinned.
Clarice groaned. "Oh shit." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Let me guess, I'm to report to her office for a reprimand immediately?"
"No. Actually, Ms. Mitchell was extremely pleasant and rather helpful once she realized who I was," Will continued to smile. "She made sure I got my badge and ID and of course my gun."
"Oh I bet she was a big help. She'd be kind to Hitler himself if she thought he'd be able to solve this case."
"Hey, are you comparing me to Hitler?"
Clarice laughed. "No, no! I just meant.."
"I know what you meant, I'm just giving you a bad time, Clarice. Trust me, I've been around enough to spot a person like Kendra anywhere. Jack Crawford had quite a bit of self preservation in him too. But he was nowhere near as bad as Kendra though, if my dealings with her this morning are any indication," Will said.
"You ain't seen nothing yet," Clarice promised. The mention of Crawford's name evoked some deep emotion within her, more than she cared to show and she turned away as she quickly swiped at her eyes. She missed him and wished he were still here to help guide her through this case.
"How did you do last night?" she asked him, recomposed. "I mean being back home and all?"
"I did alright. Thanks for helping me clear out all the pills and bottles, there's no way I could've done that alone. The craving is still there and I suppose it will hold on for quite some time but when it got really bad, I got up and cleaned the house. Keeping busy and mulling over the case seemed to help keep my mind off it," he replied.
"Good," Clarice smiled. "But you remember what I told you: if the craving gets so bad that you're thinking about calling up your dealer again, call me instead, okay? I don't care what time of the day or night it is."
"I will." He paused. When he looked back at her, she saw gratitude in his eyes. "Hey, thanks again. I mean it, you saved my life."
"No," Clarice corrected. "You saved your life. I just went along for the ride. But you're welcome for the help." Clarice placed her feet on the floor and began to wade through the pile of messages on her desk.
Will went back to studying the pictures for a moment. "I'm missing something. There's just something not right, and I'm missing it," he said almost to himself.
"It'll come to you." Clarice said absently.
Will shook his head. "It's right here, it's staring me in the face but I can't see it. I was up half the night going through the case file and I know it's here, it's right here, I just have to see it." He paused and continued to scan the pictures. Then he closed his eyes and turned away from them. "Goddammit," he whispered. "I can't see it. I've been out of this too long."
"Hey now," Clarice said and came to stand next to him and she put her hand on his back. "Give yourself a break, it's your first day back and you've been through a lot the last week." She walked over and pulled one of the extra chairs around to her side of the desk. "Here, sit down. Let's talk about this theory of yours."
Will opened his eyes and sat down in the chair. He pulled a piece of gum out of his pocket, unwrapped it, and put it in his mouth. He began to snap the gum with his tongue as he chewed. Clarice looked at him as she pulled folders and notepapers out of her briefcase. Will continued to pop his gum until he saw Clarice studying him with a smirk on her face.
"What?" Will said.
Clarice shook her head. "Were you always this restless when you were on the job?"
"I'm sorry," Will replied. He threw the gum in the wastebasket next to her desk. "It's so weird, I can't explain it. I mean, ever since I've come off that shit, I've got all this energy and I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm seeing the world again for the first time and experiencing things again for the first time." He shook his head. "I don't know. Forget it." He leaned over the case file on her desk. "Alright, let's do this."
"Okay, you told me that you think Lecter's got a house probably on the east coast?" Clarice frowned. "What makes you think so? I mean aside from the victim two days ago, every other victim has been found either in the west or the mid west. I mean, sure, he could travel but I would think given his famous features, he'd want to stay close to home; wherever that is."
Will smiled gently. "Clarice, you are an amazingly talented agent but on this case, I'm afraid you don't get it."
"Enlighten me, then, oh Mighty Will." Clarice replied sarcastically and rolled her eyes.
"This case, these crimes, it's not about the victims or about Lecter, it's about you."
"What?" Clarice asked.
Will held up a hand. "Just hear me out. The way I see it, Lecter's getting old. He's tired. He wants to stop running. And most of all, he wants to stop killing."
"What?" Clarice repeated. "Okay, Will, I think that.."
"Just listen Clarice," Will interrupted. "Five years ago, the last time you saw him, he said to you.." Will paused as he rummaged through papers in the case file to find Clarice's deposition. "...ah, here it is, he said to you, 'Tell me, Clarice, would you ever say to me stop, if you love me you'd stop?'"
Clarice lowered her eyes at the memory of those words. It had been a long time since she had heard those words or allowed herself to remember them. She looked back up and saw Will watching her closely.
"At that point, he was looking for a reason to stop," Will continued. "And he tried to get you to be that reason. But, being the person and the federal agent that you are, you refused him." He suddenly sat straight up in his chair and slapped a hand to his forehead. "Oh my God, that's it!"
"What?" Clarice asked excitedly.
"What I haven't been seeing? It's that Lecter isn't committing these crimes at all. We need to be looking for a completely different perp."
Clarice looked out the window and pondered what Will had said.
"I don't know. Then how did he know about the word being carved into their backs? That was purposely kept from the media," Clarice asked finally.
Will shrugged. "How does Lecter ever know anything he knows?" Will thought about it for a moment then snapped his fingers. "He probably knows the actual killer personally. Think about it, Clarice, put yourself in his shoes. He's not a young man anymore. Sure, maybe he is still overtly strong but he's probably not as quick on his feet anymore and his hands, especially his left one assuming it was even reattached, are probably not as steady anymore. Given the inevitable physical limitations of old age, he may not have a choice, he may have HAD to stop."
Clarice shook her head slightly. "Okay, okay, suppose you're right. What I don't understand is if he is not committing these murders, then why would he stay in the U.S.? It would put him in more danger than a more anonymous country. Why live here all these years?"
Will smiled gently. "To be near you Clarice." He said simply.
She looked at him and her eyes widened. "Oh my God." She shook her head and pondered his words. As sick and twisted as they were, they made sense. She put her head in her hands. "Why haven't I seen this? I've been working this case for five damn years, why haven't I seen this?"
"Because you're too close to it. You should never have been reassigned to this case after the incident at Krendler's home but because of the typical idiocy and backwards thinking of the Bureau, you were." He paused and put a hand on her shoulder. "Additionally, I think maybe you don't really want to catch him."
Clarice looked at him, genuinely shocked. "What the hell are you talking about? Why wouldn't I want to catch him? I mean, shit, I've only been chasing him for seemingly forever."
"It's nice to have an admirer." Will stated simply.
Clarice shook her head. "No," she whispered.
"Then let me ask you this, Clarice: what have you done with all of the presents he's given you that you documented in the case file?"
Clarice hung her head. Will's words stung. She stood up suddenly and went to the window, watching the early morning traffic below. She crossed her arms across her chest. Will came to stand behind her.
"But really it's more than that, isn't it? Because of your early contact with him, while you didn't quite see him as your mentor, you were drawn to him as a person."
Clarice spun around to face Will. "No," she said.
Will nodded. "Yes, Clarice. I admit that when I worked with him profiling killers, I enjoyed spending time with him. I mean come on, Lecter's charismatic and charming. He's well versed, well educated, overly polite, and he can make us feel very good about ourselves when he wants to." He paused and put his hands on her shoulders. "You felt a connection to him."
"Then that makes me a monster like him," Clarice shook her head and looked down at the floor.
"That makes you human like him," Will corrected. He put a finger under her chin and lifter her head to look at him. "You were drawn to the part of him that's human, not the part of him that's a monster. You connected with another human being and that's only natural. There's nothing wrong with it. The only problem is, ironically, you have been put in charge of capturing him. But that isn't your fault."
"Oh my God," Clarice put her head in her hands and shook her head slightly. "I guess subconsciously I've always known this but it hurts to actually acknowledge it."
Will put his arms around her. "It's alright, Clarice. Really, it is. You shouldn't fret so much over it."
Clarice looked up at him, smiled gently and pulled away. "You know, in a lot of ways you remind me of him."
"Oh great," Will said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "Which part? The psychiatrist part or the sociopathic part?"
"Both," she laughed. "No, seriously, you give very good advice and you also can make people feel good about themselves when you want to."
Will smiled and looked her straight in the eyes. "I just need to know something, Clarice. I need to know exactly how you feel about Lecter." He paused and Clarice opened her mouth to protest. Will held up a hand. "Wait. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear and don't tell me what you think would be politically correct to say. Tell me honestly how you feel about Dr. Hannibal Lecter. I promise, this will stay between us and I will not think any differently about you."
Clarice stared at him. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. She turned back to the window and stared out, unseeing. Will watched her closely but did not press her to answer. She stood silent for a moment and when she spoke, it was almost a whisper.
"It's hard to put into words how I feel about him. I was so damn young the first encounter we ever had. I was so naïve and only saw the world in shades of right and wrong, black and white." She paused and ran a hand through her hair. She continued to stare out the window as she spoke. "As you said, he was so charming. He brought feelings, memories and emotions out of me that I had locked tightly away. I became vulnerable around him and he knew it. Yet in spite of that, he was always gentle with me.
"He knew how to make me feel good about myself and he knew how to correct me as well. I came to see him as a sort of father-figure and I realize how disgusting that sounds but I lost my father when I was so young that I longed for a father's guidance, a father's love. And Dr. Lecter guided me. And he loved me. He introduced me to the bureaucracy and dark side of the FBI before I even knew such a thing existed. He showed me that there can be many shades of gray in the world, not just black and white." She sighed and paused again.
"I guess what you want to know is do I have any strong personal feelings for him?" She turned to look at Will. "I don't know. My feelings regarding him have become very blurred over the last ten years or so, but especially the last five. I know that I do not love him. Am I fond of him? As a friend, perhaps. Could I see him and I ever being lovers? If he wasn't a sociopath who hurt people, maybe, yes. I will admit that I am attracted to him in a way, although to admit that even to myself disgusts me." She held Will's gaze, unflinching. "But I do know one thing, if he were to ever hurt anyone I care about, I would hate him forever."
Will nodded slowly. "But he hasn't Clarice and he probably never will, he would consider that rude. What I really need to know is this: will the way you feel about him interfere with your full assistance on this case?"
Clarice stared at him and was silent for a long time. "No," she said at last. "He needs to be brought to justice for the lives that he has destroyed in the past."
"Alright then, let's get back to work."
To be continued. Please review.
Kurt: Hope this chapter cleared some things up for you. You'll have to keep reading to see where Clarice and Will are headed and the GD as well. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
LoT: LOL, you may be right!! Thanks so much for your review, I really appreciate it.
Shattered Mug: As usual, I laughed my ass off at your review! Thank you for the compliment on these notes, it's just a personal touch that I enjoy doing. You gave me such a great compliment, though, you admitted you're actually beginning to like Will. If as a writer I can get you to like a character that you maybe haven't liked so much in the past, then I've done my job! And I don't care if this fic kills you (well, actually I do care - so read with care!!), you better not stop reading! And you better not stop reviewing! Yes, the GD makes another appearance soon. I promise. It's coming. Thanks so much for your continued support.
florence: I hope the encounter will be a good read for everyone, I'm working on it now as we 'speak'. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.
Steel: Gosh, I hope I don't disappoint everyone with the whole Hannibal/Clarice/Will encounter! It seems to be what everyone is pining for!! Thank you for your review, the coughcough made me laugh!
Mel: Welcome to the party!! J/K. I'm so, so glad you reviewed and that you've been reading. Thank you so much for your wonderful words. I cannot tell you whether Clarice and Will are getting together but I will say this, IMHO, if you are staying true to the character of Clarice from the movies, she would never allow herself to love Lecter because of her upbringing and her training and the way she sees him(which I've tried to allude to in this and previous chapters). And don't worry about people hunting you down..you're safe with me! Thanks again and please do keep reviewing..even if you are the minority voice!
EyeSeeU: LOL, well, I can't tell you yet if he's going to come through this whole thing okay or not! That's the beauty of being the writer, I know the whole story already! I may be sadistic in torturing you guys but as the GD said in an earlier chapter, 'One must have one's fun when one can'!! Thanks so much for your review.
Nan: For reviews of Chapters 8 and 9: That's not fair, you can't read this story in reverse!! It ruins the atmosphere I'm working so hard to create!! I'm just teasing. You can read this story any way you want to..as long as you keep reading!!! Thanks so much, I always love your reviews. Good to see you back online, btw!
Chapter 10: Full Circle
Zachary Matthews walked through the door of the house, threw his backpack onto the couch, and made his way into the kitchen. He was famished. After last night's exertions, he had awakened too late this morning to eat breakfast..
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day young Zach," he heard HIM, his mentor, his master, say in his head.
..and he'd had a study group in the library all through lunch. Zachary opened the fridge and peered inside. He pulled out a cold piece of leftover pizza..
"You should not eat that waste, Zach, it will poison your mind." Again, it was HIM.
..and a Coke and plopped down on the couch to see if there were any new developments in the latest Lecter murder. He flipped on the news but they were reporting on the latest economic cutbacks so he'd have to wait for what he wanted to see. As he chomped his pizza and guzzled his soda his thoughts turned to his master. He called the man his master for Zachary owed the man everything, including his very life.
He smiled as he recalled meeting the man four years ago. The night had been cold, bitterly so. Zachary had been thrown out of his father's house after he had graduated from high school, the reasoning being that he was old enough to take care himself now and his father did not want to deal with him any longer. That had been a good six months earlier. He had floated from job to job but was unable to maintain anything permanent because of his attitude problem and his "hobbies."
The night in question, a sleeting late January night, Zachary was on the prowl for a warm place to stay and warm food to fill his belly. He had walked for hours to reach the downtown district of D.C. He had stood against the wall of an over-priced grocery store and scouted out his prospects. At last, an elderly, well dressed woman with a fur coat had walked passed, her high heels tapping against the sidewalk. Zachary fell in step behind her determined on following the old bat to her car and forcing her at gunpoint to drive him to her home. It was a sketchy plan at best he knew, but he was half starved and half frozen and could think of none better.
Without warning, Zachary had not even sensed another presence around him, he had been knocked unconscious from behind. When he had awakened, his head had throbbed terribly, he found himself lying on a bed inside a room and there had been a tray of food left on the bedside table. Without thinking, Zachary had plunged into the food and eaten every crumb of it. It had been days since he'd last eaten. Only then, had he explored his surroundings. He had discovered the door to the room he was in to be locked from the outside. He looked to the window but it had been nailed shut. He thought about breaking the glass and crawling through, but as he looked out the window, he had discovered he was on the second story with nothing to cushion his fall but the frozen ground below. Zachary had begun pounding on the door to the room, screaming for help until his throat was raw. He stopped when he had heard a key in the lock.
"Come now, what is all that ruckus?" Asked an aging gentleman as he had walked through the door.
Zachary pounced on the man but soon discovered just how strong the man was. Indeed, his upper body strength was incredible and the man quickly subdued the youth. Zachary had been forced onto the bed where he had been shackled to the headboard when one hand was placed into handcuffs.
"Now that was certainly uncalled for," the gentleman had replied as he pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed.
"What do you want?" Zachary had asked in a shaky voice. "Who are you?"
"My name is unimportant right now. I am a man who sees a power in you, a power that other individuals have deemed as criminal and even insane." The man smiled gently at Zachary and he noticed how crisp the man's blue eyes were. "I spotted you on the street a month ago and have since followed your actions closely." The man paused and eyed Zachary with interest. Zachary felt those blue eyes boring into him, as if the man could read his thoughts or see into his very soul. "Yes, you are different from most that I encounter. You are intelligent and somewhat calculated. But you are raw and require a bit of honing."
Zachary had stared at the man dumbfounded. "What are you talking about?" He had finally asked.
The man had smiled again and a chill ran up Zachary's spine. "I am talking about your games, your 'hobbies' if you will." He had paused and Zachary's eyes widened. "There is so much I can teach you young man. But you must learn to trust me and I will trust you in return. I see an amazing gift within you, but you must allow me to train you and draw it out in my own way. I am offering you a chance, a chance at life, education, and the vastness of my knowledge. I will house you, feed you, clothe you, send you to college, and protect you. In return you will learn from me and protect me as well."
Zachary could not believe what he was hearing. 'This guy is crazier than I am,' he had thought. 'He's probably some pervert.' Still, the idea was intriguing. But it could not be true. There had to be a catch somewhere. "But why?" Zachary had asked. "Why are you offering me this?"
The man had smiled a bit sadly. "Because I have no offspring of my own to educate. You do not yet fully understand. I have a vast knowledge and experience of the same type of hobbies that you engage in and yet I have no one to pass that experience and knowledge on to. That is why I chose you."
"Who are you?" Zachary had asked, at once both fearful and exhilerated.
The man had smiled once more and looked at him with those piercing eyes. "Just call me Hannibal."
Indeed, Hannibal had been true to his word. He had taken Zachary in and treated him as if he were his own son. Zachary had it good. When he thought about it, he could hardly believe his luck. Four years ago, he had been a wild starving lunatic. Today he would be graduating from college in five months, heading on to graduate school where he would pursue his degree in psychiatry, he lived in this cushy home, and he had been shown a world formerly unknown to him. It was a world where he could right wrongs and force the guilty to pay retribution. It was a world where he had learned when and where to give in to his urgings. Hannibal had transformed him into a calm, calculating, strong force to be reckoned with. Hannibal was his savior, Hannibal was his master.
At first Zachary had been disheartened by the fact that his master had been given credit for the retributions that he, Zachary, had forced those men to make. But Hannibal had assured him that Clarice Starling, the woman he loved more than anything else, even more than his own life, would soon learn the truth for herself. Zachary knew that she had been his protégé in a way. He had shared with her his knowledge and given her his trust and secretly his heart and he knew she would not let him down. She would figure out that it was not Hannibal but that it was indeed another.
Zachary frowned. She had yet to fulfill Hannibal's promise and Zachary was becoming very impatient.
The following morning, Clarice strode into the Behavioral Science division, briefcase in hand and a smile on her face. She had not felt this positive about coming in to work in years. Today was the first day of project "Capture Lecter" as she and Will had jokingly nicknamed their partnership. Now as she strode through the office, she suddenly became acutely aware of her colleagues' eyes on her, not to mention the secretaries' as well. She stopped when she spotted Seth coming toward her.
Seth enveloped Clarice in a bear hug. "I've missed you." He smiled into her hair.
"I missed you, but not the job," Clarice returned his smile and he laughed.
"Is your family alright?" Seth asked with a smile playing on his lips and one eyebrow raised, knowingly.
'He knows,' she thought and smiled. "Yeah, everything's fine."
"Good. Glad to hear it."
"Well, I better get to work Seth what with that new victim and all."
"Yeah," he grinned. "You have a very interesting day ahead of you I suppose."
Clarice shook her head and made her way to her office. She could feel many eyes boring into her back and wondered what the big deal was. So she had been away for a full week, so what? It was not as if she did not deserve it. Clarice did not understand the imposing attention she was receiving until she opened the door to her office. Standing there, dressed professionally in navy blue slacks, white long sleeved shirt and tie, hands on his hips, gun and ID badge at his waist, studying the victims' crime scene photos that were tacked to one of the walls, stood Will Graham.
"Ah, good morning, Will," Clarice smiled as she put her briefcase down and hung her jacket up. "Aren't you the early bird this morning?"
He turned to look at her and grinned. "For some bizarre, disturbing reason I was too excited to sleep. I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve, morning did not come soon enough. I'm anxious to be of some use around here. God only knows why."
Clarice laughed. "Well now I know why I was eyed strangely all the way in here."
"Yeah, I seem to have stirred up a bit of interest although fortunately everyone seems to be leaving me alone other than staring in here through the glass. I tell you though, I had a hell of a time convincing the security guards down stairs that I'm working with you."
"How did you get in?" Clarice asked. She sat down in her chair and propped her feet up on the desk.
"Her majesty herself, Kendra Mitchell," Will grinned.
Clarice groaned. "Oh shit." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Let me guess, I'm to report to her office for a reprimand immediately?"
"No. Actually, Ms. Mitchell was extremely pleasant and rather helpful once she realized who I was," Will continued to smile. "She made sure I got my badge and ID and of course my gun."
"Oh I bet she was a big help. She'd be kind to Hitler himself if she thought he'd be able to solve this case."
"Hey, are you comparing me to Hitler?"
Clarice laughed. "No, no! I just meant.."
"I know what you meant, I'm just giving you a bad time, Clarice. Trust me, I've been around enough to spot a person like Kendra anywhere. Jack Crawford had quite a bit of self preservation in him too. But he was nowhere near as bad as Kendra though, if my dealings with her this morning are any indication," Will said.
"You ain't seen nothing yet," Clarice promised. The mention of Crawford's name evoked some deep emotion within her, more than she cared to show and she turned away as she quickly swiped at her eyes. She missed him and wished he were still here to help guide her through this case.
"How did you do last night?" she asked him, recomposed. "I mean being back home and all?"
"I did alright. Thanks for helping me clear out all the pills and bottles, there's no way I could've done that alone. The craving is still there and I suppose it will hold on for quite some time but when it got really bad, I got up and cleaned the house. Keeping busy and mulling over the case seemed to help keep my mind off it," he replied.
"Good," Clarice smiled. "But you remember what I told you: if the craving gets so bad that you're thinking about calling up your dealer again, call me instead, okay? I don't care what time of the day or night it is."
"I will." He paused. When he looked back at her, she saw gratitude in his eyes. "Hey, thanks again. I mean it, you saved my life."
"No," Clarice corrected. "You saved your life. I just went along for the ride. But you're welcome for the help." Clarice placed her feet on the floor and began to wade through the pile of messages on her desk.
Will went back to studying the pictures for a moment. "I'm missing something. There's just something not right, and I'm missing it," he said almost to himself.
"It'll come to you." Clarice said absently.
Will shook his head. "It's right here, it's staring me in the face but I can't see it. I was up half the night going through the case file and I know it's here, it's right here, I just have to see it." He paused and continued to scan the pictures. Then he closed his eyes and turned away from them. "Goddammit," he whispered. "I can't see it. I've been out of this too long."
"Hey now," Clarice said and came to stand next to him and she put her hand on his back. "Give yourself a break, it's your first day back and you've been through a lot the last week." She walked over and pulled one of the extra chairs around to her side of the desk. "Here, sit down. Let's talk about this theory of yours."
Will opened his eyes and sat down in the chair. He pulled a piece of gum out of his pocket, unwrapped it, and put it in his mouth. He began to snap the gum with his tongue as he chewed. Clarice looked at him as she pulled folders and notepapers out of her briefcase. Will continued to pop his gum until he saw Clarice studying him with a smirk on her face.
"What?" Will said.
Clarice shook her head. "Were you always this restless when you were on the job?"
"I'm sorry," Will replied. He threw the gum in the wastebasket next to her desk. "It's so weird, I can't explain it. I mean, ever since I've come off that shit, I've got all this energy and I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm seeing the world again for the first time and experiencing things again for the first time." He shook his head. "I don't know. Forget it." He leaned over the case file on her desk. "Alright, let's do this."
"Okay, you told me that you think Lecter's got a house probably on the east coast?" Clarice frowned. "What makes you think so? I mean aside from the victim two days ago, every other victim has been found either in the west or the mid west. I mean, sure, he could travel but I would think given his famous features, he'd want to stay close to home; wherever that is."
Will smiled gently. "Clarice, you are an amazingly talented agent but on this case, I'm afraid you don't get it."
"Enlighten me, then, oh Mighty Will." Clarice replied sarcastically and rolled her eyes.
"This case, these crimes, it's not about the victims or about Lecter, it's about you."
"What?" Clarice asked.
Will held up a hand. "Just hear me out. The way I see it, Lecter's getting old. He's tired. He wants to stop running. And most of all, he wants to stop killing."
"What?" Clarice repeated. "Okay, Will, I think that.."
"Just listen Clarice," Will interrupted. "Five years ago, the last time you saw him, he said to you.." Will paused as he rummaged through papers in the case file to find Clarice's deposition. "...ah, here it is, he said to you, 'Tell me, Clarice, would you ever say to me stop, if you love me you'd stop?'"
Clarice lowered her eyes at the memory of those words. It had been a long time since she had heard those words or allowed herself to remember them. She looked back up and saw Will watching her closely.
"At that point, he was looking for a reason to stop," Will continued. "And he tried to get you to be that reason. But, being the person and the federal agent that you are, you refused him." He suddenly sat straight up in his chair and slapped a hand to his forehead. "Oh my God, that's it!"
"What?" Clarice asked excitedly.
"What I haven't been seeing? It's that Lecter isn't committing these crimes at all. We need to be looking for a completely different perp."
Clarice looked out the window and pondered what Will had said.
"I don't know. Then how did he know about the word being carved into their backs? That was purposely kept from the media," Clarice asked finally.
Will shrugged. "How does Lecter ever know anything he knows?" Will thought about it for a moment then snapped his fingers. "He probably knows the actual killer personally. Think about it, Clarice, put yourself in his shoes. He's not a young man anymore. Sure, maybe he is still overtly strong but he's probably not as quick on his feet anymore and his hands, especially his left one assuming it was even reattached, are probably not as steady anymore. Given the inevitable physical limitations of old age, he may not have a choice, he may have HAD to stop."
Clarice shook her head slightly. "Okay, okay, suppose you're right. What I don't understand is if he is not committing these murders, then why would he stay in the U.S.? It would put him in more danger than a more anonymous country. Why live here all these years?"
Will smiled gently. "To be near you Clarice." He said simply.
She looked at him and her eyes widened. "Oh my God." She shook her head and pondered his words. As sick and twisted as they were, they made sense. She put her head in her hands. "Why haven't I seen this? I've been working this case for five damn years, why haven't I seen this?"
"Because you're too close to it. You should never have been reassigned to this case after the incident at Krendler's home but because of the typical idiocy and backwards thinking of the Bureau, you were." He paused and put a hand on her shoulder. "Additionally, I think maybe you don't really want to catch him."
Clarice looked at him, genuinely shocked. "What the hell are you talking about? Why wouldn't I want to catch him? I mean, shit, I've only been chasing him for seemingly forever."
"It's nice to have an admirer." Will stated simply.
Clarice shook her head. "No," she whispered.
"Then let me ask you this, Clarice: what have you done with all of the presents he's given you that you documented in the case file?"
Clarice hung her head. Will's words stung. She stood up suddenly and went to the window, watching the early morning traffic below. She crossed her arms across her chest. Will came to stand behind her.
"But really it's more than that, isn't it? Because of your early contact with him, while you didn't quite see him as your mentor, you were drawn to him as a person."
Clarice spun around to face Will. "No," she said.
Will nodded. "Yes, Clarice. I admit that when I worked with him profiling killers, I enjoyed spending time with him. I mean come on, Lecter's charismatic and charming. He's well versed, well educated, overly polite, and he can make us feel very good about ourselves when he wants to." He paused and put his hands on her shoulders. "You felt a connection to him."
"Then that makes me a monster like him," Clarice shook her head and looked down at the floor.
"That makes you human like him," Will corrected. He put a finger under her chin and lifter her head to look at him. "You were drawn to the part of him that's human, not the part of him that's a monster. You connected with another human being and that's only natural. There's nothing wrong with it. The only problem is, ironically, you have been put in charge of capturing him. But that isn't your fault."
"Oh my God," Clarice put her head in her hands and shook her head slightly. "I guess subconsciously I've always known this but it hurts to actually acknowledge it."
Will put his arms around her. "It's alright, Clarice. Really, it is. You shouldn't fret so much over it."
Clarice looked up at him, smiled gently and pulled away. "You know, in a lot of ways you remind me of him."
"Oh great," Will said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "Which part? The psychiatrist part or the sociopathic part?"
"Both," she laughed. "No, seriously, you give very good advice and you also can make people feel good about themselves when you want to."
Will smiled and looked her straight in the eyes. "I just need to know something, Clarice. I need to know exactly how you feel about Lecter." He paused and Clarice opened her mouth to protest. Will held up a hand. "Wait. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear and don't tell me what you think would be politically correct to say. Tell me honestly how you feel about Dr. Hannibal Lecter. I promise, this will stay between us and I will not think any differently about you."
Clarice stared at him. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. She turned back to the window and stared out, unseeing. Will watched her closely but did not press her to answer. She stood silent for a moment and when she spoke, it was almost a whisper.
"It's hard to put into words how I feel about him. I was so damn young the first encounter we ever had. I was so naïve and only saw the world in shades of right and wrong, black and white." She paused and ran a hand through her hair. She continued to stare out the window as she spoke. "As you said, he was so charming. He brought feelings, memories and emotions out of me that I had locked tightly away. I became vulnerable around him and he knew it. Yet in spite of that, he was always gentle with me.
"He knew how to make me feel good about myself and he knew how to correct me as well. I came to see him as a sort of father-figure and I realize how disgusting that sounds but I lost my father when I was so young that I longed for a father's guidance, a father's love. And Dr. Lecter guided me. And he loved me. He introduced me to the bureaucracy and dark side of the FBI before I even knew such a thing existed. He showed me that there can be many shades of gray in the world, not just black and white." She sighed and paused again.
"I guess what you want to know is do I have any strong personal feelings for him?" She turned to look at Will. "I don't know. My feelings regarding him have become very blurred over the last ten years or so, but especially the last five. I know that I do not love him. Am I fond of him? As a friend, perhaps. Could I see him and I ever being lovers? If he wasn't a sociopath who hurt people, maybe, yes. I will admit that I am attracted to him in a way, although to admit that even to myself disgusts me." She held Will's gaze, unflinching. "But I do know one thing, if he were to ever hurt anyone I care about, I would hate him forever."
Will nodded slowly. "But he hasn't Clarice and he probably never will, he would consider that rude. What I really need to know is this: will the way you feel about him interfere with your full assistance on this case?"
Clarice stared at him and was silent for a long time. "No," she said at last. "He needs to be brought to justice for the lives that he has destroyed in the past."
"Alright then, let's get back to work."
To be continued. Please review.
Kurt: Hope this chapter cleared some things up for you. You'll have to keep reading to see where Clarice and Will are headed and the GD as well. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
LoT: LOL, you may be right!! Thanks so much for your review, I really appreciate it.
Shattered Mug: As usual, I laughed my ass off at your review! Thank you for the compliment on these notes, it's just a personal touch that I enjoy doing. You gave me such a great compliment, though, you admitted you're actually beginning to like Will. If as a writer I can get you to like a character that you maybe haven't liked so much in the past, then I've done my job! And I don't care if this fic kills you (well, actually I do care - so read with care!!), you better not stop reading! And you better not stop reviewing! Yes, the GD makes another appearance soon. I promise. It's coming. Thanks so much for your continued support.
florence: I hope the encounter will be a good read for everyone, I'm working on it now as we 'speak'. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.
Steel: Gosh, I hope I don't disappoint everyone with the whole Hannibal/Clarice/Will encounter! It seems to be what everyone is pining for!! Thank you for your review, the coughcough made me laugh!
Mel: Welcome to the party!! J/K. I'm so, so glad you reviewed and that you've been reading. Thank you so much for your wonderful words. I cannot tell you whether Clarice and Will are getting together but I will say this, IMHO, if you are staying true to the character of Clarice from the movies, she would never allow herself to love Lecter because of her upbringing and her training and the way she sees him(which I've tried to allude to in this and previous chapters). And don't worry about people hunting you down..you're safe with me! Thanks again and please do keep reviewing..even if you are the minority voice!
EyeSeeU: LOL, well, I can't tell you yet if he's going to come through this whole thing okay or not! That's the beauty of being the writer, I know the whole story already! I may be sadistic in torturing you guys but as the GD said in an earlier chapter, 'One must have one's fun when one can'!! Thanks so much for your review.
Nan: For reviews of Chapters 8 and 9: That's not fair, you can't read this story in reverse!! It ruins the atmosphere I'm working so hard to create!! I'm just teasing. You can read this story any way you want to..as long as you keep reading!!! Thanks so much, I always love your reviews. Good to see you back online, btw!
