I know, this took longer than the other two. With all my stress and homework and stuff, I needed some time. Plus, this one was harder to start. But I love it. It turned out way different than I intended it to, but much better, I think. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer still owns Twilight, no matter how many times I read it. And Skillet still owns Cycle Down, even though I listened to it at least 20 times while writing this.


All I Need

I wasn't terribly surprised to see the CD's sitting on the desk in our room. Rosalie had been buying them for everyone with absolutely no chance of stopping. Or reason, apparently. Edward had warned me there must have been some kind of reason. I couldn't believe that. It's Rosalie, I mean. Since when did she have some kind of hidden agenda?

Besides that, I don't listen to music. So why on earth would she buy me a CD? I was about to ignore them when Alice poked her head in. She was grinning madly; something she had seen had clearly made her very happy.

"Look at the CD's!" she said, almost commanding me to. I picked them up; the note on the first one blew me away. It said, quite clearly, Jasper. Alright, not that shocking of content, but I wasn't expecting it. I looked at Alice, a frown already forming on my face. She was undeterred.

"Listen to track 11, will you?" And with that, she danced away. I was puzzled. Why on earth would Rosalie buy me a CD? Beyond that, why would it be so important that I hear that song? Alice must have seen something about my reaction to it…I sighed. What choice did I really have here? I would listen to it, regardless, since she had seen it.

Into the small CD player went the CD. I pressed the skip button backwards once, then play. It would work, I was sure. Indeed it did, and the music burst out of the speakers. (Really, it burst out. There wasn't a nice, easy start. It just came flying out, practically assaulting my ears.)

Crashing, covered with debris
Dwelling in my own pity
Cry like I have not
Dig like I had not
I start to claw
Gotta get outta here
I've got to, gotta get out

After getting over the rough start, the lyrics hit me. I sank to the floor, staring at the CD case in my hands. Please tell me this is not why Alice wanted me to listen to the song, I thought somewhat frantically. Reliving my past was not what I wanted out of a song I was (almost) being forced to listen to against my will.


I am, I am, I am on a higher ground
You are, you are my cure from the cycle down
I am, I am, I am on a higher ground
You are, you are my cure from the cycle down

Sinking in a sea of self
Deception never sold so well
Regret like I have not
Pain like I don't want
I start to claw
Gotta get outta here
I've got to, gotta get out

The memories I tried so hard to block out on a regular basis were flying around my head, driving me slowly back to the dark depression. Somewhere in that mess, the CD case fell on the floor. I pressed my hands to my head, trying to stop the madness.

Songs were not supposed to be this depressing (of course, the people that wrote the song probably weren't counting on it being heard by a vampire with a dark past…). I was not supposed to remember that. It was supposed to stay buried, not come back to haunt me.


I am, I am, I am on a higher ground
You are, you are my cure from the cycle down
I am, I am, I am on a higher ground
You are, you are my cure from the cycle down

Down
Down
Down

I'm so cold and I wonder
How'd I make it this long without you
Pull me out, out from under
On the cycle back to you

And then I realized why Alice wanted me to listen, what she must have seen (she would never have subjected me to the torment my past caused me intentionally). From the depths of my pain, she had saved me. In my deluded insanity, she was (and of course, still is) the voice of reason. Though I had never known it, she was the missing piece in my eternal existence.


I am, I am, I am on a higher ground
You are, you are my cure from the cycle down
I am, I am, I am on a higher ground
You are, you are my cure from the cycle down

As I fell down, she picked me up. I rely on Alice to keep me sane. Without her, I would have ruined myself and essentially ruined all of us.

I was entirely unprepared for this one song to evoke such deep thought, especially along the lines that it did. I was hardly aware of the song nearing its end. If only I could change my own mood like I could others'…

Down
Down
Down

The song ended. I was surprised to feel like I couldn't move from where I was sitting. My sudden revelation seemed to leave me unable to do anything, let alone get up and stop the CD. The first song started, but I couldn't follow it. I managed to lie back as I tried to reorganize my thoughts.

The music stopped and the case left its position by my leg. A few clicks and snaps later, and I knew Alice had finished putting it away. She laid next to me and put her hand on my arm.

I didn't need to hide from my past. All I needed was Alice, and everything would be okay.


So, thoughts? Reviews? Kiowa loves to hear from you. She also loves talking in the third person randomly. She's still willing to consider requests, especially since she's not sure what's coming next. And she still doesn't know when.