Author's Note: To say that most of you were concerned over the ending of
the last chapter would be a major understatement! I apologize to all you
Hannibal lovers, Will lovers, and Josh lovers! And, as Kurt and I have
discussed on IM, the story isn't over until the author writes "The End" so
please keep that in mind (especially during this chapter).
Chapter 21: Miracles
Swarms of FBI agents arrived at the emergency room shortly after the three ambulances carrying Will, Josh, and Dr. Lecter did. Special Agent Wendy Croft and Special Agent Carlos Vega had accompanied Dr. Hannibal Lecter to surgery once he had been stabilized in the ER. The FBI was taking no chances that the infamous cannibal would escape once again. Will Graham, too, had been stabilized and rushed to surgery in attempts to repair the damage to his body inflicted by Dr. Lecter. Joshua Graham remained under treatment for heroin overdose in one of the trauma rooms. The hospital staff had been shocked by the conditions of all three men once the story of who each one was had circulated but it was Will's condition that shocked them the most. Privately, each doctor and nurse that learned of his condition was utterly surprised that he had not been DOA.
Clarice Starling sat in the stark, whitewashed waiting room of the shock trauma center in the medical center of the University of Maryland in Baltimore with her head in her hands. Seth Williams and Ardelia Mapp sat in chairs on either side of her and alternately took turns holding her hands and whispering encouraging words. They had been there for hours and thus far Clarice had not shed a single tear. They had yet to hear any word on either Will's, Josh's, or Dr. Lecter's conditions and the lack of knowledge was eating her up inside. Clarice alternated between sitting and chewing her nails to pacing the floor of the crowded waiting room and chewing her nails. She could not eat, she could not drink, she could not sit still for any extended period of time, she could do nothing but fret as she waited for any word.
"Is there an Agent Starling here?" A female's voice suddenly boomed through the waiting room. "A Clarice Starling?"
Clarice looked up in the direction of the voice and saw the owner was a short, round Mexican American woman with tight curly black hair. She was dressed in a burgundy nurses' smock and pants, scanning the waiting room. Clarice stood up on unsteady legs, Ardelia and Seth immediately stood next to her each with one arm around her waist for support, both physically and emotionally. They helped her walk over to the nurse.
"I'm Agent Starling," Clarice breathed. A ball of fear had settled into her stomach at the call of her name. Fear of the unknown, fear that the man she loved had just died.
The nurse looked at her with deep brown eyes that were not unkind. "Hannibal Lecter is dead," she said quietly and simply. "Agent Croft requested that I come down and tell you."
"What?" Clarice asked and felt disbelief wash over her. She took an involuntary step backward and was held steady by Ardelia and Seth.
Clarice took a deep breath and felt the strength drain from her body. She could not believe she had accurately heard the nurse's words correctly. She had killed him. She had fired three shots into him when one probably would have sufficed to put him down. She had killed him. Her mind struggled to come to grips with the words. Clarice shook her head. Hannibal Lecter could not be dead, it was not possible. He always found a way through or found a way of escape. Then it dawned on her. He was not really dead, he couldn't be, and she needed to make certain.
"I want to see him," Clarice whispered and turned in the direction of the surgical unit. "I need to see him."
"Claire," Ardelia replied softly and put a hand on her arm. "Don't do this now, you're in shock, give it some time."
The nurse nodded at Clarice, not understanding the exchange between the two women and gestured for Clarice to follow her. Clarice shook her head at Ardelia, set her jaw determinedly and shook off her friend's grasp. Without another word, she strode after the nurse. Ardelia looked at Seth who shrugged and she sighed audibly.
"I fucking hate that bastard," Delia said vehemently. "He's done nothing but ruin her life for years and yet here she is, feeling guilty over shooting him when that's what she should have done years ago to put us all out of our misery."
Seth pulled Delia close and enveloped her in a hug. "We need to be supportive for her right now, Del," he said quietly into her hair. "We need to keep our feelings about Hannibal Lecter to ourselves."
Ardelia pulled away from Seth and gave him a hard look. "You mean I need to keep my feelings to myself don't you? You know what? You weren't there, Seth. You didn't have to watch as Jack Crawford used her like a dispensable pawn to get what he wanted out of Lecter. You didn't have to sit up with her at night after he had escaped in Memphis because she was afraid to be alone. You haven't had to watch her year after year become more of a zombie, become more of a stranger, become more and more withdrawn because of this bullshit connection she thinks she has with him which in turn makes her think she is a monster like him..."
"Del," Seth interrupted her quietly. "You are a very passionate person and that is one of the things I love about you. But right now is not about you. No matter how you feel about Dr. Lecter and Clarice's feelings for him, you need to be supportive of your friend right now. She's got enough to deal with today."
The fire in Ardelia's eyes burned for a second longer before she conceded. She lowered her gaze and nodded her head. Seth put his arm around her shoulders and they walked in the direction that Clarice had disappeared.
The nurse that Clarice was following led her to the hospital's surgical unit. They walked past Agent Croft and Agent Vega sitting in the small waiting area in the midst of the surgical unit. Agent Croft was flipping through a magazine and Agent Vega was dozing quietly, his head leaned back against the wall. Agent Croft glanced up when they walked by and watched Clarice. The nurse pushed the outer door to the surgical area open and Clarice dashed through.
"Which room?" She asked the nurse breathlessly and the nurse pointed to the room directly to her left.
Clarice scurried toward the door and then slowed as she reached it, suddenly afraid to enter. What if he was really dead? What would she do then? He had been a huge part of her life for so long that it seemed as if Clarice Starling could not remember life without Dr. Hannibal Lecter in it. Additionally, she would have to live with the knowledge that she had killed him. Clarice paused briefly with both hands on the outside of the door, took a deep breath, and then pushed it open.
The first thing Clarice noticed was the body lying on the surgical bed in the center of the small room although she could not quite make out the face. The lights in the room had been dimmed slightly to make it easier on the eyes of the nurses who would clean up the room now that the surgery was over. A crash cart and other medical machines surrounded the bed, all still and quiet now. The body was draped in a white sheet, chest and head exposed, both body and sheet stained scarlet with blood and the bloody surgical instruments on the surgical trays had yet to be cleared away. Clarice slowly approached the body, her blood pounding in her ears. She reached the bed and peered at the man's face.
Indeed, Dr. Hannibal Lecter lay motionless and pale on the surgical bed. Clarice gasped and put her hand over her mouth. She had not wanted to believe it was true. Her mind would not, even now, let her believe. He could not really be dead. She stood there staring down at his lifeless form when she heard someone enter the room.
"Excuse me, miss, but you cannot be in here," a man's voice said sternly.
Clarice glanced up, hand still covering her mouth. The man was wearing green surgical scrubs and an ID badge. He looked to be in his mid-fifties and his brown hair was balding. Clarice found herself trembling involuntarily. She cleared her throat so she could speak.
"I'm Agent Starling with the FBI," she said shakily.
"I don't care who you are, miss, you must leave."
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just needed to see him. I needed to make certain."
The doctor watched her solemnly for a moment. Clarice slowly reached her right hand out and placed her fore and middle fingers over the spot on Dr. Lecter's neck where his pulse point should be. She stilled her body, even her breath, and waited to feel something, anything. He could not really be dead, he just could not. But there was nothing.
Clarice looked into Dr. Lecter's pale face, at his closed, sunken eyes and his partially opened mouth, and felt the beginnings of tears in her eyes. She blinked quickly. She would not cry over him now, especially not after what he had done to her and Will.
"I'm sorry Agent Starling," the doctor replied quietly behind her. "But I really must insist that you leave now."
Clarice nodded slowly and blindly made her way out of the room without a look back. The doctor watched as she went through the doors and then pulled a syringe out of his pants pocket and injected its contents into Dr. Lecter's IV.
Clarice stood rigid in the outer room of the surgical unit and watched as another nurse spoke to Ardelia, Seth, Wendy Croft and Carlos Vega. Their faces were solemn and they nodded from time to time. Clarice felt her heart drop.
'Oh God,' she thought. 'God no, not Will. Please not Will. I could not stand to lose two in one day.'
Slowly, Clarice's feet trudged out into the waiting area. The other four agents looked up as she approached and Ardelia stood to greet her. The nurse, a pretty young girl with long blonde hair who looked as if she still belonged in high school turned to look at her.
"Agent Starling?" The nurse asked.
Clarice nodded dully.
"I'm Nurse Novak and I was told to come find you concerning your partner, Agent Graham," the nurse replied steadily.
Clarice stared at her with blank eyes, steeling herself for the worst, and merely nodded.
"Agent Graham, as I'm sure you are aware, was in extremely bad shape when he was brought in. He was badly dehydrated and malnourished. He had two broken ribs, a broken nose, and many lacerations to the face and back, some very deep. He also had puncture wounds through either wrist, through both feet, and his left pinky finger had been severed." The nurse paused.
'She's speaking of him in the past tense,' Clarice told herself. 'He's dead.' But she only nodded again.
Nurse Novak smiled sympathetically. "During surgery, Agent Graham's heart stopped beating. That was about an hour ago.."
Clarice put both hands over her mouth and her eyes filled. Ardelia put an arm around her shoulders and held her close. Clarice's eyes never left the nurse.
"...however the surgeons were able to get it started again. He came through the initial surgery okay but because of his weakened condition and loss of blood, he's in very critical condition," she paused. "I'm so very sorry but we're not sure if he'll make it through the night."
Clarice closed her eyes and leaned into Ardelia. She stood there for a moment and re-opened her eyes.
"I want to see him," she replied hoarsely. "Please."
The nurse gently shook her head. "I'm sorry, Agent Starling," she said. "But at this point, only family members would be allowed in. I'm so very sorry."
Nurse Novak turned to leave and Clarice came forward, catching her arm. "Wait please," Clarice beseeched, looking the young woman in the eyes. She lowered her voice to a small whisper. "Please, I have to see him," she paused. "He is more than just my partner," she said. "Please."
Nurse Novak saw the pain in Clarice's eyes and understood what the woman was trying to tell her. She nodded slowly. "Alright," she said. "I'll take you to him."
They turned and walked back into the outer room of the surgical area. Clarice glanced at the door to her left and was suddenly struck by an eerie feeling that she should go in and check Dr. Lecter again. Then she shook her head. He was dead, she must accept that. And right now, she needed to see Will. Clarice followed the nurse down a short hallway to the surgical recovery rooms. The nurse held the door to one of the rooms open for her and followed Clarice into the room.
At the sight of Will, Clarice's eyes finally brimmed over with tears and they ran slowly down her cheeks. He was so pale and looked so fragile that her heart broke. There was an IV in each arm dripping slowly, there were electrodes on either temple and on his chest, there was a blood pressure cuff around his left arm, and there was a tube down his throat to help him breathe. She went to his side, pulled a chair close to the edge of his bed, and sat down slowly, her eyes never leaving him for an instant. She inched her right hand out slowly until it rested lightly on top of his and she held it. She bent down and kissed his forehead gently. Nurse Novak smiled softly and rested her hand on Clarice's shoulder. She was deeply touched by Clarice's gentleness. Clarice wiped her face before gazing up at the nurse.
"Listen, hon," Nurse Novak said. "I'm on for another eight hours so if you need anything, anything at all, just buzz the nurses' station and ask for me. My first name's Angela."
Clarice smiled and another tear rolled slowly down her cheek. "Thank you so much, Angela. I can't tell you how much this means to me."
"I can see it," Angela replied and squeezed Clarice's shoulder. "Besides, hopefully it'll do him good to have you near. But you may encounter some friction from the hospital if you try to stay on past visiting hours."
Clarice was touched at the young woman's sensitivity and words. Angela gave Clarice's shoulder one more squeeze before quietly heading out the door. Clarice turned back to Will and smiled bravely through her tears.
"Will, it's me," she said softly. "I'm here and no matter what, I'm not going to leave you. You've got to get better. You've got to come back to me, okay?" Tears coursed down her cheeks steadily now as she spoke. She squeezed his hand lightly. "You promised you wouldn't leave me, remember? Remember that night? We were in bed. Remember the things we said to each other? You can't leave me. You can't because I love you Will. I love you and I need you."
Clarice closed her eyes, laid her head down on the pillow next to his, and cried freely, still clutching his hand in hers as she listened to the machine helping him breathe and the machine monitoring his heart rate.
Will Graham did not die that night. Nor did he die the following night. Given his initial condition, the trauma doctors were astounded at his slow but steady pace of recovery. Clarice Starling kept her promise to him and did not leave his side for any length of time. She was granted special permission by the hospital director to stay with Will in part because of the infamous perpetrator of the crime and the media scrutiny that now surrounded them all. Hour after hour, she would sit in the chair next to his bed, holding his hand and whispering softly to him, sometimes reading to him. During her shifts, Nurse Angela Novak would check in on Clarice and Will often sneaking in food or something to drink for Clarice, one time she even brought in a bouquet of flowers to brighten the room. After work, Seth and Ardelia would come to the hospital and check to see if Clarice needed anything or if there had been any type of change at all to Will's condition. Delia would bring her fresh clothes and books. They were still not allowed to spend much time in the room with Clarice because of Will's condition, but they wanted to be sure she knew they were there for her.
On the third day after having been brought to the Trauma Center, Clarice, afraid of the answer she might receive, asked Angela about Joshua Graham's condition. Angela had been unsure since he had never come into the surgical wing but she promised to check.
True to her word, on her lunch break, Angela Novak came into Will's room and pulled up a chair next to Clarice. She leaned closer to Clarice and whispered.
"I checked on Will's son and apparently on the way here in the ambulance, because of the amount of heroin injected into his body, his heart stopped."
"Shit," Clarice muttered.
"They brought him into the emergency room. His heart had not been beating for two minutes which meant his brain was not getting any oxygen during that time."
Clarice's eyes filled with tears and she nodded slowly.
"They started an IV of a narcotic antagonist called Narcan which is used in overdose cases to help counteract the drug. They also administered Eppy which is a drug used to aid in starting the heart in addition to shocking his heart. I'm not going to go into all the medical terminology.."
"I wouldn't follow you anyway," Clarice interrupted tiredly.
"..but after some time, his heart did start to beat again."
Clarice breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God," she whispered. "Will he be alright? Will there be any long term damage?"
"At this point it's hard to say but the nurse I spoke to said he is awake now and coherent which is a very good sign," Angela smiled. "But there's no telling if there will be any long term damage."
Clarice smiled back and squeezed the woman's arm. "I cannot tell you enough how much I appreciate you."
"I know," Angela said quietly. "It's no problem. I just really hope everything works out for the three of you."
A few hours later, Clarice sat dozing in her chair when there was a knock on the door. She lifted her head and opened her eyes to watch as the door opened slowly. She recognized Joshua Graham as he was wheeled into the room by Angela Novak. Joshua's black hair was disheveled and he looked uncomfortable wearing a hospital gown.
Angela smiled. "He wanted to visit his dad," she said quietly.
Clarice stretched and made a movement to rise. "Of course," she smiled at him. "I'll leave you two alone."
"No," Joshua said quietly. "Please stay."
Clarice looked at him, uncertain if that was what he really wanted or if he was just being polite.
"Please," Josh repeated.
"Okay."
Angela smiled once more and left the three of them alone. Clarice wheeled Joshua around to the other side of Will's bed near his head before returning to her own chair and she was once again struck by how much he looked like his father. He sat in his wheelchair, dry eyed and sullen, and watched as the breathing machine took breaths for his father. He took Will's left hand in his own and kissed it lightly.
"Hey dad," Josh whispered huskily. "I love you. Please get better okay?" He paused. "And I just wanted to say thanks. You saved my life in there."
Josh Graham hung his head slightly and closed his eyes. Clarice watched him quietly for a moment, and they listened to the monitors and machines around them hum, beep, and whir.
"How are you feeling?" Clarice asked him softly, attempting to make small talk but not really knowing what to say.
"Okay I guess," he shrugged, looking at his father. "I'm really tired though."
Clarice nodded. She supposed that was to be expected. "Have you talked to your mom?"
"Yes, in fact she's here," he said and looked sheepishly at Clarice. "I keep trying to get her to go back to her hotel, I'll be fine, but she insists on doting on me constantly."
"She's just worried about you," Clarice said softly.
"She's driving me crazy," Josh smiled gently. It was a mirror of Will's same quirky smile. Joshua held out his right hand across the bed to Clarice. "We haven't been properly introduced. You probably already know but I'm Josh Graham."
Clarice grasped his hand with hers and shook it. "I'm Clarice Starling," she said quietly. "It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard a bit about you."
Josh smiled again. "And it's nice to meet you too. I've heard about you as well."
Clarice's eyebrows and curiosity rose. "Really? When?"
"While we were held captive," he paused, looked at her, blushed slightly, and realized he should not have said anything. "Dad said some things that's all."
"All good I hope," she chuckled wryly and wondered what in the world Will could have said to his son about her.
Joshua's blush went crimson thinking about the derogatory things his father had said to Dr. Lecter about her and Clarice knew that something was up. "I guess you could say that yeah," he said.
Clarice watched him for a moment but decided not to push the issue. They both quietly watched Will for a moment.
"He told me he loves you," Josh said quietly.
Clarice looked at him and Josh met her gaze levelly. They both remained silent.
"I'm glad you're alright Josh," she said finally. "I know that's all your father would want."
Joshua lowered his gaze. "I know," he replied simply. "Truth is he protected me in there as much as he could. He kept Dr. Lecter from hurting me by getting the psycho to come after him."
Clarice smiled gently. That was the Will she had come to know. "He loves you so much Josh. I hope you know that."
"I do," Josh nodded and tears began to form in his eyes but he blinked them away. "I wish I would have been more fair to him though while I was growing up. I wish that I would have given him the chance to explain things to me. He tried so many times to talk to me and I would just hang up the phone on him," he paused and could not restrain his tears anymore. He swiped at them with a jerky hand. "I was such an asshole to him. I treated him like shit."
Clarice reached across and put her hand on his shoulder. "Josh, it's okay. He understands," she paused. "You know what he told me one time? He told me that if you could grow up to be the man that you are today in spite of having a father like him, then you are undoubtedly the most amazing person he knows."
Joshua looked up at her. "He really said that?"
"Yes, he did," Clarice nodded. "And if you don't mind me giving you some advice, one thing I've learned in life is that everyone makes mistakes, no one's perfect, and it's those who love us unconditionally that are always there for us no matter what, and forgive us our faults. Your father loves you unconditionally Josh but there is a lot he regrets and wishes he could have done differently."
"I realize that now," Josh replied. "I only hope he pulls through this so he and I can try to have the kind of relationship we used to back when I was growing up."
Clarice smiled gently. "Why don't you tell me about it."
For the next hour or so, Josh told Clarice about his childhood. He spoke of the happy times as well as the down times. It made Clarice happy to hear stories about Will from Josh's perspective and the longer he talked, the more they both smiled. They even managed a laugh now and then. They were interrupted by a knock on the door and Nurse Novak walked through.
"Sounds like a party in here," she smiled.
Immediately behind her followed a thin dark haired woman with deep lines etched into her face. Upon seeing Josh, she rushed to his side and hugged him tightly.
"Josh," she breathed. "Thank God you're alright. Why didn't you tell me where you were going? I have been worried sick."
"Of course I'm alright, mom," Josh countered, irritated. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you but I wanted to visit dad alone."
At the mention of his father, Molly Graham turned to look at her ex-husband lying on the bed. Her face softened and she gently squeezed Josh's shoulder. Then she looked at Clarice and smiled softly. Clarice smiled back and extended her hand to Molly.
"Hi, I'm Clarice Starling."
Molly's face brightened and she shook Clarice's hand. "It is so good to meet you Agent Starling. I cannot thank you enough for everything you've done for us."
"It's the least I could do," Clarice said lamely. She was uncomfortable around Molly but she tried desperately not to show it. She felt sure that Molly could see her love for Will written all over her face and was unsure how the woman would react to it.
Josh smiled gently at Clarice and could sense her discomfort. "Hey mom," he said. "Can you get me a Coke? Please?"
"Of course," Molly said and looked back to Clarice. "Would you like anything Agent Starling?"
"No, thank you," Clarice replied. "And please, call me Clarice."
'After all,' Clarice thought. 'I have fucked your ex-husband so that probably puts us on a first name basis.'
Molly kissed Josh on the forehead and now it was his turn to look uncomfortable. Clarice smiled and lowered her eyes. Molly glanced at Will once more and then quietly exited the room.
"I'm sorry about that," Josh said quietly.
"For what?"
"For mom," he sighed. "She can be so dramatic sometimes."
"Don't worry about it Josh," Clarice smiled.
Clarice looked at Will and at first her mind did not register what she was seeing. His eyes were open. In fact he had been observing Clarice and Josh in the few moments after Molly had walked out.
"Oh my God, Will," Clarice said softly and stood up from her chair.
Joshua looked at his father and his eyes widened. "Dad," he breathed.
Will's eyes blinked slowly in acknowledgment. The tube down his throat forbade him from speaking. Clarice smiled, tears of joy in her eyes, and pushed the call button for the nurse. She reached down and stroked Will's hair off his forehead and kissed his cheek.
"I'm so happy to see you," she whispered in his ear.
Will blinked again and his eyes swung slowly over to Josh. Josh smiled and took his father's hand.
"Thank God you're okay," Josh smiled.
At his comment, Will nodded slightly as if to say he thought the same thing about Josh. Nurse Angela Novak entered the room and saw Will was awake. She strode to the bed and made a mark on his chart to note the time of day. Then she looked back up at him.
"Welcome back Agent Graham," she smiled at him. "I'm Nurse Novak. We'll get that tube out of your throat shortly," she paused as she regarding him. "You're on your way to a full recovery I'd say. It's really rather miraculous. I know these two must be so happy to have you back."
To be continued. Please review.
No responses to your reviews this chapter because most of you tweaked over the ending of the last chapter and I'd just be typing the same words over and over again! But I do want to thank you all SO MUCH!! Thanks for your continued reading and reviewing and I just hope you'll all stick with me, the story is almost done! See y'all next chapter.
Chapter 21: Miracles
Swarms of FBI agents arrived at the emergency room shortly after the three ambulances carrying Will, Josh, and Dr. Lecter did. Special Agent Wendy Croft and Special Agent Carlos Vega had accompanied Dr. Hannibal Lecter to surgery once he had been stabilized in the ER. The FBI was taking no chances that the infamous cannibal would escape once again. Will Graham, too, had been stabilized and rushed to surgery in attempts to repair the damage to his body inflicted by Dr. Lecter. Joshua Graham remained under treatment for heroin overdose in one of the trauma rooms. The hospital staff had been shocked by the conditions of all three men once the story of who each one was had circulated but it was Will's condition that shocked them the most. Privately, each doctor and nurse that learned of his condition was utterly surprised that he had not been DOA.
Clarice Starling sat in the stark, whitewashed waiting room of the shock trauma center in the medical center of the University of Maryland in Baltimore with her head in her hands. Seth Williams and Ardelia Mapp sat in chairs on either side of her and alternately took turns holding her hands and whispering encouraging words. They had been there for hours and thus far Clarice had not shed a single tear. They had yet to hear any word on either Will's, Josh's, or Dr. Lecter's conditions and the lack of knowledge was eating her up inside. Clarice alternated between sitting and chewing her nails to pacing the floor of the crowded waiting room and chewing her nails. She could not eat, she could not drink, she could not sit still for any extended period of time, she could do nothing but fret as she waited for any word.
"Is there an Agent Starling here?" A female's voice suddenly boomed through the waiting room. "A Clarice Starling?"
Clarice looked up in the direction of the voice and saw the owner was a short, round Mexican American woman with tight curly black hair. She was dressed in a burgundy nurses' smock and pants, scanning the waiting room. Clarice stood up on unsteady legs, Ardelia and Seth immediately stood next to her each with one arm around her waist for support, both physically and emotionally. They helped her walk over to the nurse.
"I'm Agent Starling," Clarice breathed. A ball of fear had settled into her stomach at the call of her name. Fear of the unknown, fear that the man she loved had just died.
The nurse looked at her with deep brown eyes that were not unkind. "Hannibal Lecter is dead," she said quietly and simply. "Agent Croft requested that I come down and tell you."
"What?" Clarice asked and felt disbelief wash over her. She took an involuntary step backward and was held steady by Ardelia and Seth.
Clarice took a deep breath and felt the strength drain from her body. She could not believe she had accurately heard the nurse's words correctly. She had killed him. She had fired three shots into him when one probably would have sufficed to put him down. She had killed him. Her mind struggled to come to grips with the words. Clarice shook her head. Hannibal Lecter could not be dead, it was not possible. He always found a way through or found a way of escape. Then it dawned on her. He was not really dead, he couldn't be, and she needed to make certain.
"I want to see him," Clarice whispered and turned in the direction of the surgical unit. "I need to see him."
"Claire," Ardelia replied softly and put a hand on her arm. "Don't do this now, you're in shock, give it some time."
The nurse nodded at Clarice, not understanding the exchange between the two women and gestured for Clarice to follow her. Clarice shook her head at Ardelia, set her jaw determinedly and shook off her friend's grasp. Without another word, she strode after the nurse. Ardelia looked at Seth who shrugged and she sighed audibly.
"I fucking hate that bastard," Delia said vehemently. "He's done nothing but ruin her life for years and yet here she is, feeling guilty over shooting him when that's what she should have done years ago to put us all out of our misery."
Seth pulled Delia close and enveloped her in a hug. "We need to be supportive for her right now, Del," he said quietly into her hair. "We need to keep our feelings about Hannibal Lecter to ourselves."
Ardelia pulled away from Seth and gave him a hard look. "You mean I need to keep my feelings to myself don't you? You know what? You weren't there, Seth. You didn't have to watch as Jack Crawford used her like a dispensable pawn to get what he wanted out of Lecter. You didn't have to sit up with her at night after he had escaped in Memphis because she was afraid to be alone. You haven't had to watch her year after year become more of a zombie, become more of a stranger, become more and more withdrawn because of this bullshit connection she thinks she has with him which in turn makes her think she is a monster like him..."
"Del," Seth interrupted her quietly. "You are a very passionate person and that is one of the things I love about you. But right now is not about you. No matter how you feel about Dr. Lecter and Clarice's feelings for him, you need to be supportive of your friend right now. She's got enough to deal with today."
The fire in Ardelia's eyes burned for a second longer before she conceded. She lowered her gaze and nodded her head. Seth put his arm around her shoulders and they walked in the direction that Clarice had disappeared.
The nurse that Clarice was following led her to the hospital's surgical unit. They walked past Agent Croft and Agent Vega sitting in the small waiting area in the midst of the surgical unit. Agent Croft was flipping through a magazine and Agent Vega was dozing quietly, his head leaned back against the wall. Agent Croft glanced up when they walked by and watched Clarice. The nurse pushed the outer door to the surgical area open and Clarice dashed through.
"Which room?" She asked the nurse breathlessly and the nurse pointed to the room directly to her left.
Clarice scurried toward the door and then slowed as she reached it, suddenly afraid to enter. What if he was really dead? What would she do then? He had been a huge part of her life for so long that it seemed as if Clarice Starling could not remember life without Dr. Hannibal Lecter in it. Additionally, she would have to live with the knowledge that she had killed him. Clarice paused briefly with both hands on the outside of the door, took a deep breath, and then pushed it open.
The first thing Clarice noticed was the body lying on the surgical bed in the center of the small room although she could not quite make out the face. The lights in the room had been dimmed slightly to make it easier on the eyes of the nurses who would clean up the room now that the surgery was over. A crash cart and other medical machines surrounded the bed, all still and quiet now. The body was draped in a white sheet, chest and head exposed, both body and sheet stained scarlet with blood and the bloody surgical instruments on the surgical trays had yet to be cleared away. Clarice slowly approached the body, her blood pounding in her ears. She reached the bed and peered at the man's face.
Indeed, Dr. Hannibal Lecter lay motionless and pale on the surgical bed. Clarice gasped and put her hand over her mouth. She had not wanted to believe it was true. Her mind would not, even now, let her believe. He could not really be dead. She stood there staring down at his lifeless form when she heard someone enter the room.
"Excuse me, miss, but you cannot be in here," a man's voice said sternly.
Clarice glanced up, hand still covering her mouth. The man was wearing green surgical scrubs and an ID badge. He looked to be in his mid-fifties and his brown hair was balding. Clarice found herself trembling involuntarily. She cleared her throat so she could speak.
"I'm Agent Starling with the FBI," she said shakily.
"I don't care who you are, miss, you must leave."
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just needed to see him. I needed to make certain."
The doctor watched her solemnly for a moment. Clarice slowly reached her right hand out and placed her fore and middle fingers over the spot on Dr. Lecter's neck where his pulse point should be. She stilled her body, even her breath, and waited to feel something, anything. He could not really be dead, he just could not. But there was nothing.
Clarice looked into Dr. Lecter's pale face, at his closed, sunken eyes and his partially opened mouth, and felt the beginnings of tears in her eyes. She blinked quickly. She would not cry over him now, especially not after what he had done to her and Will.
"I'm sorry Agent Starling," the doctor replied quietly behind her. "But I really must insist that you leave now."
Clarice nodded slowly and blindly made her way out of the room without a look back. The doctor watched as she went through the doors and then pulled a syringe out of his pants pocket and injected its contents into Dr. Lecter's IV.
Clarice stood rigid in the outer room of the surgical unit and watched as another nurse spoke to Ardelia, Seth, Wendy Croft and Carlos Vega. Their faces were solemn and they nodded from time to time. Clarice felt her heart drop.
'Oh God,' she thought. 'God no, not Will. Please not Will. I could not stand to lose two in one day.'
Slowly, Clarice's feet trudged out into the waiting area. The other four agents looked up as she approached and Ardelia stood to greet her. The nurse, a pretty young girl with long blonde hair who looked as if she still belonged in high school turned to look at her.
"Agent Starling?" The nurse asked.
Clarice nodded dully.
"I'm Nurse Novak and I was told to come find you concerning your partner, Agent Graham," the nurse replied steadily.
Clarice stared at her with blank eyes, steeling herself for the worst, and merely nodded.
"Agent Graham, as I'm sure you are aware, was in extremely bad shape when he was brought in. He was badly dehydrated and malnourished. He had two broken ribs, a broken nose, and many lacerations to the face and back, some very deep. He also had puncture wounds through either wrist, through both feet, and his left pinky finger had been severed." The nurse paused.
'She's speaking of him in the past tense,' Clarice told herself. 'He's dead.' But she only nodded again.
Nurse Novak smiled sympathetically. "During surgery, Agent Graham's heart stopped beating. That was about an hour ago.."
Clarice put both hands over her mouth and her eyes filled. Ardelia put an arm around her shoulders and held her close. Clarice's eyes never left the nurse.
"...however the surgeons were able to get it started again. He came through the initial surgery okay but because of his weakened condition and loss of blood, he's in very critical condition," she paused. "I'm so very sorry but we're not sure if he'll make it through the night."
Clarice closed her eyes and leaned into Ardelia. She stood there for a moment and re-opened her eyes.
"I want to see him," she replied hoarsely. "Please."
The nurse gently shook her head. "I'm sorry, Agent Starling," she said. "But at this point, only family members would be allowed in. I'm so very sorry."
Nurse Novak turned to leave and Clarice came forward, catching her arm. "Wait please," Clarice beseeched, looking the young woman in the eyes. She lowered her voice to a small whisper. "Please, I have to see him," she paused. "He is more than just my partner," she said. "Please."
Nurse Novak saw the pain in Clarice's eyes and understood what the woman was trying to tell her. She nodded slowly. "Alright," she said. "I'll take you to him."
They turned and walked back into the outer room of the surgical area. Clarice glanced at the door to her left and was suddenly struck by an eerie feeling that she should go in and check Dr. Lecter again. Then she shook her head. He was dead, she must accept that. And right now, she needed to see Will. Clarice followed the nurse down a short hallway to the surgical recovery rooms. The nurse held the door to one of the rooms open for her and followed Clarice into the room.
At the sight of Will, Clarice's eyes finally brimmed over with tears and they ran slowly down her cheeks. He was so pale and looked so fragile that her heart broke. There was an IV in each arm dripping slowly, there were electrodes on either temple and on his chest, there was a blood pressure cuff around his left arm, and there was a tube down his throat to help him breathe. She went to his side, pulled a chair close to the edge of his bed, and sat down slowly, her eyes never leaving him for an instant. She inched her right hand out slowly until it rested lightly on top of his and she held it. She bent down and kissed his forehead gently. Nurse Novak smiled softly and rested her hand on Clarice's shoulder. She was deeply touched by Clarice's gentleness. Clarice wiped her face before gazing up at the nurse.
"Listen, hon," Nurse Novak said. "I'm on for another eight hours so if you need anything, anything at all, just buzz the nurses' station and ask for me. My first name's Angela."
Clarice smiled and another tear rolled slowly down her cheek. "Thank you so much, Angela. I can't tell you how much this means to me."
"I can see it," Angela replied and squeezed Clarice's shoulder. "Besides, hopefully it'll do him good to have you near. But you may encounter some friction from the hospital if you try to stay on past visiting hours."
Clarice was touched at the young woman's sensitivity and words. Angela gave Clarice's shoulder one more squeeze before quietly heading out the door. Clarice turned back to Will and smiled bravely through her tears.
"Will, it's me," she said softly. "I'm here and no matter what, I'm not going to leave you. You've got to get better. You've got to come back to me, okay?" Tears coursed down her cheeks steadily now as she spoke. She squeezed his hand lightly. "You promised you wouldn't leave me, remember? Remember that night? We were in bed. Remember the things we said to each other? You can't leave me. You can't because I love you Will. I love you and I need you."
Clarice closed her eyes, laid her head down on the pillow next to his, and cried freely, still clutching his hand in hers as she listened to the machine helping him breathe and the machine monitoring his heart rate.
Will Graham did not die that night. Nor did he die the following night. Given his initial condition, the trauma doctors were astounded at his slow but steady pace of recovery. Clarice Starling kept her promise to him and did not leave his side for any length of time. She was granted special permission by the hospital director to stay with Will in part because of the infamous perpetrator of the crime and the media scrutiny that now surrounded them all. Hour after hour, she would sit in the chair next to his bed, holding his hand and whispering softly to him, sometimes reading to him. During her shifts, Nurse Angela Novak would check in on Clarice and Will often sneaking in food or something to drink for Clarice, one time she even brought in a bouquet of flowers to brighten the room. After work, Seth and Ardelia would come to the hospital and check to see if Clarice needed anything or if there had been any type of change at all to Will's condition. Delia would bring her fresh clothes and books. They were still not allowed to spend much time in the room with Clarice because of Will's condition, but they wanted to be sure she knew they were there for her.
On the third day after having been brought to the Trauma Center, Clarice, afraid of the answer she might receive, asked Angela about Joshua Graham's condition. Angela had been unsure since he had never come into the surgical wing but she promised to check.
True to her word, on her lunch break, Angela Novak came into Will's room and pulled up a chair next to Clarice. She leaned closer to Clarice and whispered.
"I checked on Will's son and apparently on the way here in the ambulance, because of the amount of heroin injected into his body, his heart stopped."
"Shit," Clarice muttered.
"They brought him into the emergency room. His heart had not been beating for two minutes which meant his brain was not getting any oxygen during that time."
Clarice's eyes filled with tears and she nodded slowly.
"They started an IV of a narcotic antagonist called Narcan which is used in overdose cases to help counteract the drug. They also administered Eppy which is a drug used to aid in starting the heart in addition to shocking his heart. I'm not going to go into all the medical terminology.."
"I wouldn't follow you anyway," Clarice interrupted tiredly.
"..but after some time, his heart did start to beat again."
Clarice breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God," she whispered. "Will he be alright? Will there be any long term damage?"
"At this point it's hard to say but the nurse I spoke to said he is awake now and coherent which is a very good sign," Angela smiled. "But there's no telling if there will be any long term damage."
Clarice smiled back and squeezed the woman's arm. "I cannot tell you enough how much I appreciate you."
"I know," Angela said quietly. "It's no problem. I just really hope everything works out for the three of you."
A few hours later, Clarice sat dozing in her chair when there was a knock on the door. She lifted her head and opened her eyes to watch as the door opened slowly. She recognized Joshua Graham as he was wheeled into the room by Angela Novak. Joshua's black hair was disheveled and he looked uncomfortable wearing a hospital gown.
Angela smiled. "He wanted to visit his dad," she said quietly.
Clarice stretched and made a movement to rise. "Of course," she smiled at him. "I'll leave you two alone."
"No," Joshua said quietly. "Please stay."
Clarice looked at him, uncertain if that was what he really wanted or if he was just being polite.
"Please," Josh repeated.
"Okay."
Angela smiled once more and left the three of them alone. Clarice wheeled Joshua around to the other side of Will's bed near his head before returning to her own chair and she was once again struck by how much he looked like his father. He sat in his wheelchair, dry eyed and sullen, and watched as the breathing machine took breaths for his father. He took Will's left hand in his own and kissed it lightly.
"Hey dad," Josh whispered huskily. "I love you. Please get better okay?" He paused. "And I just wanted to say thanks. You saved my life in there."
Josh Graham hung his head slightly and closed his eyes. Clarice watched him quietly for a moment, and they listened to the monitors and machines around them hum, beep, and whir.
"How are you feeling?" Clarice asked him softly, attempting to make small talk but not really knowing what to say.
"Okay I guess," he shrugged, looking at his father. "I'm really tired though."
Clarice nodded. She supposed that was to be expected. "Have you talked to your mom?"
"Yes, in fact she's here," he said and looked sheepishly at Clarice. "I keep trying to get her to go back to her hotel, I'll be fine, but she insists on doting on me constantly."
"She's just worried about you," Clarice said softly.
"She's driving me crazy," Josh smiled gently. It was a mirror of Will's same quirky smile. Joshua held out his right hand across the bed to Clarice. "We haven't been properly introduced. You probably already know but I'm Josh Graham."
Clarice grasped his hand with hers and shook it. "I'm Clarice Starling," she said quietly. "It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard a bit about you."
Josh smiled again. "And it's nice to meet you too. I've heard about you as well."
Clarice's eyebrows and curiosity rose. "Really? When?"
"While we were held captive," he paused, looked at her, blushed slightly, and realized he should not have said anything. "Dad said some things that's all."
"All good I hope," she chuckled wryly and wondered what in the world Will could have said to his son about her.
Joshua's blush went crimson thinking about the derogatory things his father had said to Dr. Lecter about her and Clarice knew that something was up. "I guess you could say that yeah," he said.
Clarice watched him for a moment but decided not to push the issue. They both quietly watched Will for a moment.
"He told me he loves you," Josh said quietly.
Clarice looked at him and Josh met her gaze levelly. They both remained silent.
"I'm glad you're alright Josh," she said finally. "I know that's all your father would want."
Joshua lowered his gaze. "I know," he replied simply. "Truth is he protected me in there as much as he could. He kept Dr. Lecter from hurting me by getting the psycho to come after him."
Clarice smiled gently. That was the Will she had come to know. "He loves you so much Josh. I hope you know that."
"I do," Josh nodded and tears began to form in his eyes but he blinked them away. "I wish I would have been more fair to him though while I was growing up. I wish that I would have given him the chance to explain things to me. He tried so many times to talk to me and I would just hang up the phone on him," he paused and could not restrain his tears anymore. He swiped at them with a jerky hand. "I was such an asshole to him. I treated him like shit."
Clarice reached across and put her hand on his shoulder. "Josh, it's okay. He understands," she paused. "You know what he told me one time? He told me that if you could grow up to be the man that you are today in spite of having a father like him, then you are undoubtedly the most amazing person he knows."
Joshua looked up at her. "He really said that?"
"Yes, he did," Clarice nodded. "And if you don't mind me giving you some advice, one thing I've learned in life is that everyone makes mistakes, no one's perfect, and it's those who love us unconditionally that are always there for us no matter what, and forgive us our faults. Your father loves you unconditionally Josh but there is a lot he regrets and wishes he could have done differently."
"I realize that now," Josh replied. "I only hope he pulls through this so he and I can try to have the kind of relationship we used to back when I was growing up."
Clarice smiled gently. "Why don't you tell me about it."
For the next hour or so, Josh told Clarice about his childhood. He spoke of the happy times as well as the down times. It made Clarice happy to hear stories about Will from Josh's perspective and the longer he talked, the more they both smiled. They even managed a laugh now and then. They were interrupted by a knock on the door and Nurse Novak walked through.
"Sounds like a party in here," she smiled.
Immediately behind her followed a thin dark haired woman with deep lines etched into her face. Upon seeing Josh, she rushed to his side and hugged him tightly.
"Josh," she breathed. "Thank God you're alright. Why didn't you tell me where you were going? I have been worried sick."
"Of course I'm alright, mom," Josh countered, irritated. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you but I wanted to visit dad alone."
At the mention of his father, Molly Graham turned to look at her ex-husband lying on the bed. Her face softened and she gently squeezed Josh's shoulder. Then she looked at Clarice and smiled softly. Clarice smiled back and extended her hand to Molly.
"Hi, I'm Clarice Starling."
Molly's face brightened and she shook Clarice's hand. "It is so good to meet you Agent Starling. I cannot thank you enough for everything you've done for us."
"It's the least I could do," Clarice said lamely. She was uncomfortable around Molly but she tried desperately not to show it. She felt sure that Molly could see her love for Will written all over her face and was unsure how the woman would react to it.
Josh smiled gently at Clarice and could sense her discomfort. "Hey mom," he said. "Can you get me a Coke? Please?"
"Of course," Molly said and looked back to Clarice. "Would you like anything Agent Starling?"
"No, thank you," Clarice replied. "And please, call me Clarice."
'After all,' Clarice thought. 'I have fucked your ex-husband so that probably puts us on a first name basis.'
Molly kissed Josh on the forehead and now it was his turn to look uncomfortable. Clarice smiled and lowered her eyes. Molly glanced at Will once more and then quietly exited the room.
"I'm sorry about that," Josh said quietly.
"For what?"
"For mom," he sighed. "She can be so dramatic sometimes."
"Don't worry about it Josh," Clarice smiled.
Clarice looked at Will and at first her mind did not register what she was seeing. His eyes were open. In fact he had been observing Clarice and Josh in the few moments after Molly had walked out.
"Oh my God, Will," Clarice said softly and stood up from her chair.
Joshua looked at his father and his eyes widened. "Dad," he breathed.
Will's eyes blinked slowly in acknowledgment. The tube down his throat forbade him from speaking. Clarice smiled, tears of joy in her eyes, and pushed the call button for the nurse. She reached down and stroked Will's hair off his forehead and kissed his cheek.
"I'm so happy to see you," she whispered in his ear.
Will blinked again and his eyes swung slowly over to Josh. Josh smiled and took his father's hand.
"Thank God you're okay," Josh smiled.
At his comment, Will nodded slightly as if to say he thought the same thing about Josh. Nurse Angela Novak entered the room and saw Will was awake. She strode to the bed and made a mark on his chart to note the time of day. Then she looked back up at him.
"Welcome back Agent Graham," she smiled at him. "I'm Nurse Novak. We'll get that tube out of your throat shortly," she paused as she regarding him. "You're on your way to a full recovery I'd say. It's really rather miraculous. I know these two must be so happy to have you back."
To be continued. Please review.
No responses to your reviews this chapter because most of you tweaked over the ending of the last chapter and I'd just be typing the same words over and over again! But I do want to thank you all SO MUCH!! Thanks for your continued reading and reviewing and I just hope you'll all stick with me, the story is almost done! See y'all next chapter.
