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Chapter Eighteen

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After a few days Dave went back to work, visiting Spencer mostly on his lunch hour and in the evenings. While it went against the grain of his new-father instincts, he realized that it was probably good for both of them. It allowed Spencer to drop the brave front for a few hours each day and, as guilty as it made him feel, there was some relief on his part to be away from the increasingly bristly and withdrawn younger man.

Not that being around the team again was any easier. The endless questions of "How is he? How's he doing today? Does he need anything?" - and the most frequent "When's he going to let us see him?" - were tiring and beginning to rankle. Not to mention they were all being watched closely by Cruz, who made no bones about sending Sam Cooper's team to a case in Miami in their place.

"Look, officially, they're going because you're undermanned," Cruz had explained to Hotch." Agent Jareau has requested some personal time to spend with her son, Agent Rossi isn't going to want to leave the city with his in the hospital, and Doctor Reid himself has resigned from the Unit. But I'm not blind, Aaron. Your team is showing its cracks at the moment. From what I've seen this last week, they're barely talking to each other. In fact, each of them seems to be barely talking at all. Now, I get that there's been some sort of blow-up, and I don't want to have to play the hard-ass, but you need to pull your team together. And, I'm sorry to say, you also have to start looking for a replacement for Doctor Reid."

"I'd like to hold off on that - "

"You're hoping Doctor Reid might change his mind?"

"The Bureau would be foolish not to keep the option open. Doctor Reid is an invaluable resource. And his injuries may mean a change in his situation."

"Doctor Reid's injuries mean he'd be on desk duty for six months. And even if they didn't," and Hotch reported here that Cruz had sounded regretful but firm, "Aaron, I can't allow Doctor Reid and Agent Rossi to serve on the same team. I understand the emotional…complications…that were involved in your keeping it secret at the time, but the three of you put the Bureau in a very delicate - and ultimately untenable - situation, and the only reason you aren't facing temporary suspension now is the fact that Doctor Reid resolved the problem by resigning. If, in a few years when Agent Rossi has retired, Doctor Reid would like to return, I'm sure the matter can be reconsidered…"

"And if Dave were to leave now?"

"The Bureau is not going to ask him to leave. For a start, that would be unfair. Plus, it would leave us open to legal action should Agent Rossi then change his mind. It's unlikely he would win a case like that, but it would have the potential to get ugly either way. All things being equal, we cannot ask Agent Rossi to leave when Doctor Reid has already left. Technically, you arguably are not even allowed to raise the question with him.

"That being said, should Doctor Reid change his mind about working for the Bureau in general, we'd be more than happy to welcome him back, and I'm sure a place would be found for him. From what I understand, Counter Terrorism alone has been salivating over his potential code-breaking skills for years. This might actually be an opportunity for him: a lateral move to another department would very likely increase his chances for promotion, either now or in the near future. Quite frankly, I'm surprised he's been kept pinned down in the bullpen for so long as it is."

Hotch had been telling all this to Dave over a quick bite of sandwiches and coffee as they sat on a park bench, away from the ever-present ears at the office. "He's right, you know," Dave said, putting aside half a sandwich, no longer hungry. "Do you know how many offers the Kid gets? You should have heard his landlord grouching at me about the build-up of junk in Spencer's mail box. I could fill a box the size of a microwave with all the letters the man handed me, and they're all from universities and institutes and God knows where else. And that's just for one week, because he's stopped his mail now."

"Did you read them?"

"Jesus, Aaron, of course not."

"Then how do you know they're job offers?"

"I'm psychic. Because I've seen those kind of packages before. I used to get a few myself back in the Dark Ages. Besides, I once glanced over his shoulder while he was checking his email at work and let's just say other departments aren't being exactly shy."

"Hmm, I suppose I should be shocked they were actively trying to recruit him while he still worked for us, but I'm not. The question is: what happens next?"

"Meaning what am I going to do?"

"Not necessarily…"

"Cruz said it: as long as I'm here, Reid can come back to the Bureau, but not the Unit. Either way, you're next step is to start casting your net for his replacement. That is, if I'm here. Till that's decided, you can't start re-organizing the team - or at least you'll be reluctant to start re-organizing the team until you know for certain which skill set you'll be looking to replace - and you can't pull us all together until things are settled."

Hotch didn't bother to answer. Both men sat silently for awhile, oblivious to the beautiful late spring weather.

"Has there been any word on the job with the foundation?" Hotch asked finally.

"There was no phone near his bed in the ICU, and he's cancelled his landline at home and handed in his work phone, so Spencer had to get me to call his old professor Tuesday morning to tell him about the accident when it was obvious he was going to miss their appointment. The man was very concerned and apparently he's coming to Washington to talk with some Congresswoman about getting funding from her committee, so he's going to drop by and speak with Spencer sometime this week."

"How does it sound? Is Reid optimistic?"

"I don't know. He isn't talking to me about it. But then he hardly would after the corner we all backed him into at the party."

"Dave, I didn't know what they had planned."

"I know. Neither did I. The problem is though, that neither of us stopped it when we saw what was going on."

"No, and I deeply regret that. But to be fair, I don't think the others had some kind of whole Machiavellian scheme going on either. They simply wanted him to stay and thought maybe they could convince him, and then it got out of hand."

For the first time, Dave really considered that Spencer may have been right when he said the two of them couldn't work together, because it was right then when he realized how much he was looking at everything a new way. Like light refracted through a new prism, every feeling of his own and others were being re-examined and re-evaluated through the sudden filter of "This is my kid." Objectively, he knew what Hotch was saying was true, and he also knew that Hotch was only stating a fact and not trying to defend the others, but he was also the one who'd been witness to the damage over the last week and it was damned hard not to react to that.

Still, he did his best to rein his temper in. "It doesn't matter why they did it," he said, "but the fact is that their actions - and ours, I'm not letting us off the hook - have pushed Spencer into a stance where he's not readily going to be able to admit failure to us. Hell, even if he does go to Africa and then turns out to be completely miserable, how easy do you think it will be for him to change his mind and come home after what's happened? Truthfully, Aaron, I'd quit in a heartbeat if Spencer said he wanted back on the team, but I don't think he does. And even if that was the case, I don't think he'd tell us now."

"Okay. But look, could you at least get Reid to talk to us?"

"I think he's softening, but he feels he's not really in a fit state for a lot of drama, and at the moment he's certainly right."

"I understand. But ask him anyway; finding his replacement isn't going to be what heals this team, it'll be getting the chance to apologize to him."

"And being able to shift the blame to him if he doesn't automatically accept?" Rossi demanded to know.

"I promise I won't let that happen."

"Aaron - "

"At least ask him if he'd be willing to let J.J. bring Henry to visit. J.J. says he's been having nightmares and he keeps crying about how he wants to talk to his uncle Spence."

"Yeah, cause that's not too manipulative."

"Dave, he's five."

"I wasn't talking about Henry."

"Please, Dave."

"I'll ask him, but I won't push him."

Hotch nodded. "All right."

-x-

Reid pinched the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache. Rossi thought Spencer looked a little pale today, and the bags under his eyes were very dark, though that wasn't exactly something new. On the other hand, the chest tube had only just come out the day before and it's removal had caused no little discomfort. Doctor Amyot put the delay in recovery down to the scarring on Spencer's lungs and had asked if he'd ever had pneumonia. When Reid had shook his head, Dave had nearly mentioned the anthrax, but then remembered that the case was still confidential and the files sealed.

Turning his head away, seemingly unwilling to meet Rossi's gaze, Reid asked, "When?"

"As soon as possible, I guess. If he's having nightmares… I mean, why put the kid through another night of it?"

"If you think so," Reid said.

Dave stood, reached over and, ignoring his son's dislike of being touched, took hold of Spencer's chin, turning the other man's face back in order to look at him. He saw the dull, bloodshot eyes and the almost imperceptible tremor of someone who was feeling a lot weaker than he wanted to let on. "I think tomorrow would be better for the both of you. You don't want to freak poor Henry out."

Reid grimaced. "Right."

"Okay, then. I'll tell Will or J.J. to bring him by tomorrow, but only if you're up for it."

Reid opened his mouth and Rossi assumed that he was going to ask for it to be Will, but then he apparently changed his mind and merely nodded, before turning away again to stare out the window.

"Are you done with your books?" Rossi asked. "Would you like me to go by the library again this afternoon?"

"You know, you don't have to visit me every day," Reid told him.

Dave tensed inwardly. "You kicking me out?" he asked, trying to keep it light.

"No. I just mean you could take a night off. And you don't have to keep running errands for me or getting me things."

"I don't mind."

"I know. But I have got other visitors."

"I noticed. I wasn't expecting to see the former Deputy Director of the FBI in here."

"John's a… friend."

Rumours around the Bureau over the years lead Rossi to be able to guess what their connection might be, but he wasn't going to ask. Even if he thought he had the right to be nosy, he knew Reid would never confirm anything since that would constitute a gross violation of the Deputy Director's privacy. Besides, it wouldn't matter either way, unless Reid was craving, which was something to worry about. "Did the two of you have a good talk?" he asked.

"Yes."

Rossi breathed an internal sigh of relief at Reid's easy tone and lack of hesitation. It suggested things were still okay. "And who was the kid I saw in here on Wednesday?"

"Eric. We play chess in the park a lot." *

"Ah."

"You're changing the subject."

"Fine. Do you want me to stop coming by every day? Am I cramping your style with Nurse Foley?"

"Nurse Foley is sixty-three years old and possibly demented."

"Just because she pinches your cheeks and is trying to set you up with her youngest daughter doesn't make her demented."

"Rossi! I'm trying to be serious!" Reid snapped angrily.

"Okay, you're being serious, but what are you trying to say?"

"I… I DON'T KNOW!" Reid growled in frustration, pounding the bed with his fist. Dave was surprised; even when angry, it was extremely rare for Spencer to express it physically. "I don't KNOW what I want. But it's not fair to pretend one thing and then push you away later on if I change my mind. I feel like I'm using you, and I don't like it!"

"Spencer, it's okay. I'm not some delicate flower. I know you're confused. So don't panic. I'm doing things for you because I want to, not because I expect something in return."

There was an infinity of sadness in Reid's expression. "I know you mean that, Dave, but that's not how the heart works."

"Well, if it doesn't, it doesn't. But I'm a big boy and I'm not going into this blind, so I think it's my choice, don't you?"

"But it makes me uncomfortable."

"It shouldn't - "

"But it does! I can't help it!"

"I'll stop visiting as often if it really bothers you, but I'd really like to keep coming."

"Dave, what do you want out of this? I mean, what do adult children even do with their parents? What's your relationship like with yours?"

"I don't know. Okay, I guess. I see them five or six times a year. I call every week. They drive me crazy every so often and I disappoint them once in awhile, but it's all good in the end. What do you do with your mother?"

"I can't go by that. My situation with my mother is hardly a conventional one."

"Still, what do you do?"

"Let's see: I committed her, and now I write her letters everyday."

"You took care of her when she needed you to, and now you stay in touch and let her know that you love her. It's what most good kids try to do. Beyond that, I don't think there really is any kind of 'normal' when it comes to stuff like this."

"So you'd like me to take care of you and tell you that I love you?"

"Uh… well, sure. But it doesn't have to be that. I've been thinking about it and, really, if we were father and son, how much different would our relationship be? We're friends, I see you more than I see my folks - apart from a lack of getting bad ties on Father's Day, it's pretty much the same. Hell, most parents of grown children would kill to have that kind of thing with their kids."

Reid didn't look quite convinced, but he dropped the subject. Dave patted him on the forearm and told him that he had to get back to work, but that he'd be by later with some new books.

"And coffee," Reid corrected.

"And coffee," Rossi agreed.

-x-

The next afternoon J.J. brought Henry by. She and Reid nodded awkwardly to each other, but before things could go any further, Henry - who had until then been chewing nervously on his lip and half hiding behind his mother - gathered up his courage and solved the problem by pushing J.J. towards the door.

"Henry, what are you doing? Stop that," J.J. told him.

"No, Mommy, you gotta go outside," Henry informed her. "Uncle Spence and me gots to talk about man stuff!"

"Man stuff?" Reid asked.

"Will said the two of you should have a 'man to man' talk."

"Oh."

"Do you mind?"

"No," Reid said. "It's not a problem at all."

"All right. Ouch! Henry, careful! Now come here," she said, bending down to address the little boy. "You and Uncle Spence can talk alone and I'll wait just outside. But you have to be quiet, because there's a lot of sick people in the hospital who need their rest, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

"And you have to be careful around Uncle Spence cause he's got a lot of owwies, all right?"

Henry nodded enthusiastically, "Yes, Mommy."

Once J.J. was out the door though, Henry seemed to be at a loss. Staring at his shoes, the little boy shuffled from foot to foot.

"Are you okay, buddy?" Reid asked.

Henry nodded without looking up.

"We don't have to talk if you don't want to," Reid offered. "Uncle Dave paid for me to have a tv, and I'm sure there's something we could watch together if you'd rather do that instead."

"Aladdin?" Like someone had flipped a switch inside him, Henry went from shy to wiggly dancing mode. "Mr. Aladdin sir, bop boo bop boo bop bee, you ain't never had a friend LIKE MEEE!" he sang.+

"Inside voice, buddy - remember the other patients," Reid said, and then had to keep from chuckling at the way Henry went big-eyed and slapped both hands over his mouth. "And we can look for Aladdin, but I think he's only on your DVD at home."

"Okay. You know who's my favourite, Uncle Spence?" Henry said as he instantly forgot J.J's other admonition and climbed up on the bed and sat on his knees next to his godfather.

"Who, buddy?"

"The genie!"

"Why's that?"

"He's the funniest thing I ever, ever saw! And cause…" Reid's brow furrowed with worry as Henry's mood immediately changed again. He knew children at this age were volatile, but this seemed a little excessive.

"Henry? What's wrong? 'And cause' what?"

Henry bit his lip. "Mommy says you have lots of owwies," he whispered.

"Well, a few," Reid hedged. "But they're not too bad."

"Having an owwie means you're hurt. Do you hurt bad, Uncle Spence?"

"No," Reid lied easily. "Not too bad."

Henry, fiddling with the hem of his shirt, was a picture of misery. "Are you going to die?" he asked, barely audible even to Reid beside him.

"No, buddy, not from this."

Henry's lower lip began to wobble. "Dakota said it was my fault."

Reid was puzzled for a second, thinking Henry was saying one of the states had been talking to him, before remembering J.J. once mentioning a 'Dakota' as one of Henry's little classmates. "Dakota is wrong, Henry. That's not to say you shouldn't look both ways before you cross the street, but those big boys shouldn't have been racing. And I don't even think they meant for this to happen, though they were still doing something wrong and very foolish."

"I… I didn't mean for you to get hurt, Unc…Uncle Spennnnce," Henry sobbed, finally breaking down.

"Oh, Henry, I know. Here, lay down and you can cuddle up with me." When Henry did so, Reid made sure the sniffling little boy was paying attention. "Listen to me, Henry. This owwie? It's going to get all better in no time. But if you'd been hurt, that would have been the biggest owwie of all. It would have hurt me so much more than this. It never would have stopped hurting. So don't be sad, because as far as I'm concerned, everything worked out for the best."

"Would it have hurt like when your pretty lady friend died?"

"Yeah, buddy," Reid said, trying to swallow around a sudden lump in his throat. "Like that."

"You still miss her?"

"Everyday."

"If the Genie were here, he could bring her back for you and make you all better too."

"That would be nice."

Henry, with confidence in his Uncle Spence's forgiveness, rather predictably drifted off to sleep curled up in his cosy, warm spot. And as Reid lay there, a touch uncomfortable but not willing to call J.J. just yet, he thought about Dave.

"Dave, why do you want me in your life?" he had wanted to know.

"Because you're my son and I love you," Rossi had said.

And then he had asked, "Do you? Just like that?"

Reid thought about the day Henry was born. Hadn't it been the same for him? Someone had stuck a title on him and boom! against all logic, this child was suddenly a little more important than any other.

He sighed.

"Just like that," he said out loud to no one.

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* John, the man lends Reid his first year chip in "Elephant's Memory" was never actually given a rank (I don't even think it was confirmed for certain that he was in the FBI), but it was implied that he was of high enough rank and well-known enough in Washington to be recognizable, so I made him Deputy Director. I also like the idea of him becoming Reid's sponsor, but that's not officially canon either. Eric is the young Asian-American man we see Reid talking to at the beginning of "Uncanny Valley".

+ "Friend Like Me" composed by Alan Menken, with lyrics by Howard Ashman. Originally performed by Robin Williams, and my little shout out to him.