Today the band, as usual, is standing in the corner. I'm thinking about renaming us the 'corner club' or maybe 'corner fanatics'. Sounds legit to me.
"This week I'd like to pay tribute to Jesus!" Finn blurts out. Where the fudge did that come from? "And I know there's others in here that dig him too. And so I thought this week, we could pay tribute to him. In music."
"Sorry but if I wanted to sing about Jesus I'd go to church." Kurt adds, "And the reason I don't do that is because most churches don't think very much of gay people… or women… or science."
"I don't see what's wrong with getting a little church on up in here." says Mercedes.
"I agree. I've had a really hard year and I turn to God a lot for help. I, for one, wouldn't mind giving a little thanks." Quinn says.
"Thanks for what? That it didn't come out a lizard baby?" Oh Santana.
"Every time I pray I fall asleep." Brittany adds.
"Maybe our songs don't have to be religious. Maybe they can be about spirituality instead." Mr. sssssssssssssssssssssssss says, keeping the peace.
I couldn't help but notice though, the face Puck made and it looks like the same went for Finn. "You got a problem with Jesus?"
"No. I'm a total Jew for Jesus. He's my favorite heb. What I don't like is people using J money to cramp everybody else's style.
Cause it seems to me that true spirituality, or whatever you wanna call it, is about enjoying the life that you've been givin. I mean I see God every time I make out with another chick." Wow Puck. Way to get deep.
"Ok that doesn't make any sense. In fact it's stupid." Rachel puts in.
"Are you calling Mr. Billy Joel stupid? This time I'd like to continue my streak," Puck says while standing up. Crap, he's gonna sing! Time to panic! "of only doing songs by jewish artists. Hit it!"
Oh no. Oh no! OH NO! Oh… It's Billy Joel… We know this one… Only the Good Die Young
I forgot Puck could play guitar. And he was rocking out hard with Brad, Thaddeus, and Ben. Since Autumn and I weren't playing, when it got to the refrain we both started dancing and mouthing the words. This song is soooo catchy.
~Time Jump~ ps. idk how to do all the upside down punctuations and stuff so plz don't hate ;)
Ugh. Ben and I are currently in spanish class and are going back and forth in Spanish. This normally would be fine if I didn't suck at speaking Spanish. I mean I can barely speak English.
"Donc, Ella , hows votre journée aller ?" (So Ella, hows your day going?) Ben asks.
"Sí." (Yes.) I reply.
He scrunches up his face. "Ella , qui ne sont pas la bonne réponse." (Ella, that is not the correct response.)
Crap I think he's on to me. Um what do I do? "Sí." (Yes.)
Ben face palms. "Vous avez pas été étudiez. A tu." (You haven't been studying, have you.)
Yeah… I have no idea what he's saying. "No hago el español." (I don't do the spanish.) I'm proud to say that I memorized that one.
"Ella, what grade are you getting in French right now?" He asks.
"This isn't Spanish?"
Before he can respond we notice Mr. Shmer take Kurt out into the hallway.
"I wonder what that's about?" I ask, thinking out loud.
"No idea. But what we really should be focusing on is the fact that you thought this was Spanish." He says, changing the subject back on me.
"Well how did you not pick up on it earlier? I was literally speaking Spanish!" I inquire.
"I thought you were just trying to be funny and failing."
"Your words wound me Ben. They hurt." I say while gripping my chest.
He rolls his eyes. "You and I are studying tonight."
"Probably for the best."
~Time Jump~ like the next day
Autumn, Ben, Thaddeus, and I were on our way to the music room when Ben brought up Kurt, again. "So, have you guys heard about Kurt's dad yet?"
"Um yeah," Thaddeus says "didn't his dad have a heart attack or something?"
"Yeah." Ben confirms, "But something else happened and now he's in like a coma type thing."
"Do they know when he'll wake up?" Autumn asks.
Ben and Thaddeus shake their heads no.
"Poor Kurt." I mumble. Ben wraps his arm around my shoulder, letting Thaddeus and Autumn walk ahead. I can't imagine what Kurt must be going through. He already lost his mom and now his dad isn't in good shape either.
Makes me think of how Ben and I met. When we were younger both our dads were diagnosed with cancer. We met in the waiting room playing with those little toys they have for the kids. Almost every time my dad had an appointment his dad did too. The thing is that the doctors caught his dad's cancer at an early stage while my dad was too far on. But by the time his dad was given the all clear to go home our moms and us had gotten really close. So close that Ben would come with me to visit my dad in the hospital. But that didn't do much because a couple of hard months later he died. But that didn't stop Ben and I from hanging out with each other. Besides my mom, Ben was there to comfort me the most and I honestly think that's the reason we're so close. I may have lost a dad that day but I gained a brother, and I couldn't be happier about that. I suppose you could say that I love Ben in the family sense. Ever since then Ben and I's family have practically been one. our moms are like sisters and his dad is like my uncle. I just can't imagine being in Kurt's place, afraid of losing the only parent I had left.
As we walk into the music room we see all the glee kids surrounding Kurt hugging him and things like that. But all of a sudden Finn walks in. "What the hell happened?"
"My dad's in the hospital." Kurt replies softly.
"I know! My mom just called me! I feel like I'm the last to know!"
"Well I'm sorry Finn, it didn't occur to me to call you because he' not your dad."
"Yeah, well he's the closest I'm ever gonna get. Ok, I know it may not look like what everybody else has but we were sort of a family." Finn mumbles. Kurt just shakes his head and sits down. "Look," Finn continues, "I guess I just didn't like hearing about it by the other kids in gym." This causes Kurt to move his bag from the seat besides him, leaving it open for Finn.
"Hey guys." Mr. Glee says, walking in "our thoughts are all with Kurt and uh, it's sort of hard to focus on anything else-"
"Mr. Schuester." Mercedes interrupts.
"Yeah." He asks.
"I've been struggling to try and figure out what I want to say to Kurt all day. And I realized I don't wanna say it I wanna sing it." She says.
Mr. SingTeacherGuy gestures her forward.
"This song is about being in a very dark place and turning to God. It's a spiritual song. Is that okay?"
"It's fine."
She then calls up Tina and Quinn to help her out. Quickly, all the band kids get together and ready to play. Brad starts out on piano and then Autumn and our fellow bander and random student that I don't think about often, Arnold Lenz, join in. Autumn being on the harp and Arnold on the cello. Then when It hits the bridge Thaddeus comes in on his drums. He's really getting into it too, with some head nods and stuff.
"Thank you Mercedes." Kurt says "Your voice is stunning but I don't believe in God."
"Wait, what?" Tina says, before sitting down.
"You've all professed your beliefs I'm just stating mine. I think God is kinda like Santa Claus for grown ups. Otherwise God's kind of a jerk, isn't he? I mean, he makes me gay then has his followers going around telling me is something I've chose. As if someone would choose to be mocked every single day of their life. And right now I don't want a heavenly father, I want my real one back." Kurt says. He makes me wanna cry.
"But Kurt," Mercedes says, "you can't be sure. I mean you can't prove that there is no God."
"You can't prove that there isn't a magic teapot floating around on the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs but it seems pretty unlikely doesn't it?"
"Is God an evil dwarf?" Brittany asks to herself. Oh Brittany.
"We should not be talking like this," Quinn says, "it's not right."
"Sorry Quinn." Kurt says, getting ready to walk out, "but you all can believe in whatever you want to. But I can't believe in something I don't. I appreciate your thoughts but, I don't want your prayers." He finishes and walks out as the bell goes off.
"Well." Ben says as were walking out.
"Yeah. I mean I can get him not believing in God because of how bad things have been for him but he has to rely on something." I sigh.
"Yeah, you had me and your mom when your dad died."
"You know it!" I cherp, smiling up at him. "Have I ever thanked you Ben?"
"For what? Being there for you? Cause I don't really think you need to."
I give a hug. "Well thanks anyways."
He chuckles. "What a cliche BFF moment."
"So true. But Ben," I pull away. "I feel like we should talk to Kurt. Even if we aren't that close I feel like we should do something."
"Ben's face lights up. "We should, shouldn't we? What should we do? Send him flowers? Maybe a fruit basket? Make a cake? Break out into song?"
"Umm I was thinking more along the lines of talking to him and maybe saying something inspirational."
He whines. "Okay. If that's what you thinks best."
"It really is."
~Time jump!~
Ben and I were running a bit late for glee club and walked in while they were all clapping. I have no idea why they were clapping but Ben pretended it was for him and started waving his hands around like he had just ran a marathon. Luckily though only the band kids noticed, or at least I think. I just really don't want all the glee kids thinking we're a bunch of idiots.
"Mr. Schue," Kurt says "if I may."
"Yep?"
"Um I wanted to thank you all for your kind words and emails about my dad but, for your information, his condition remains the same. I need to express myself, so with your permission Mr. Schue I've prepared a number for the occasion." He tells Mr. Guy.
"Of course Kurt." He nods.
Kurt takes a deep breath. "On the day of my mom's funeral, when they were lowering her body into the ground, I was crying. I mean that was it, that was the last time I was going to see her." By now my eyes were beginning to prickle and my throat was tightening. This was bringing back way too many memories. "I remember, I looked up at my dad and I just wanted him to say something. Just something to make me feel like my whole world wasn't over. And he just took my hand and squeezed it. And just knowing that those hands were there to take care of me, that was enough. This is for my dad."
Ugh. I already knew the song Kurt had picked out. And it was particularly an emotional one. I can already tell that by the end of this I'm gonna be crying, but I guess I'll just have to power through the song.
Once he came in I started on the violin. And then when Autumn came in on guitar and Thaddeus on drums my heart kind of clenched. Kurt was putting his heart into the words and I could feel myself putting it into my chords when I came back in. When Kurt finished he was crying and If Autumn hadn't put her hand on my shoulder I wouldn't have known that I was as well. I quickly wiped my tears, took a deep breath, and smiled at her so she wouldn't worry too much. But this didn't stop Ben from giving me sympathetic looks.
Once the bell rang I grabbed Ben's hand and followed Kurt out into the library. He was standing by a shelf filled with science books, probably for some class. "Kurt?" I ask quietly, grabbing his attention.
"Yes?" He asked, looking confused. He probably has no idea who I am.
"Um hi. I'm Ella and this is Ben." I say, gesturing behind me towards Ben. "We're in the jazz band."
"Oh, um. Can I help you?"
"Um yeah sort of. I mean I kind of want to talk to you if that's ok?"
Now he just looks really confused. "Sure."
"Um ok. So being apart of the jazz band we often just sit at the side listening in on your guy's lessons so we know what songs to prepare for." I say.
"And with that," Ben adds "We find out about a lot of things, like your dad for example."
Kurt sighs. "Look, if you guys are here to tell me that you're praying for me please don't. I don't want your prayers."
"No. That's not it." I explain. "When I was really little my dad died. And if I were in your position, I don't think I'd be able to cope. Feeling like you might lose the only parent you have left must be awful. And I know you don't believe in God. For some people that's just hard. So don't think I'm gonna pressure you into joining my church, because I'm not. But right now, you need to be holding on to something. Putting faith in something." I quickly grab Kurt's hand and he just looks sort of shocked. "So put some in your dad. Have faith that he's gonna pull through for you." Quickly I pull my hand away in embarrassment. I didn't mean to come off so forward. "Sorry." I apologize "I never meant to come off so intrusive."
"We just want to help make you feel better about what's going on." Ben clarifies.
"No." Kurt says. "Don't be sorry. That's probably the best advice I've been given throughout this entire processes."
"I just couldn't stand by while seeing someone else in a situation I could be in someday." I explain while Ben nods.
"Thanks. Well I better go or I might be late for class." He says just as the bell rings.
I nod. "See you around." Ben says before he walks away. As Ben and I head the opposite direction for math Ben says to me. "Well that was real awkward at the beginning."
I laugh. "It was, wasn't it?"
"And girl, when you said that you were planning on saying something inspirational you weren't joking."
I shrug. "I was probably just summarizing something off of TV and not knowing it."
"None the less, it was the perfect thing to say."
"Well if you insist on complimenting me." I flip my hair and smirk. Ben laughs. "You were pretty quiet back there though, Ben."
"Was I?" He asks.
"Yes, yes you were. Though I don't blame you. You were probably nervous. Seeing as how Kurt is your man crush and all."
"Man crush?" Ben spits out. I simply nod. "I don't do man crushes."
"To late. I'm already shipping it."
"I hate you."
"#OTP."
"Shush your face."
I laugh. "Shush your face?"
"I was flustered." He complains.
I simply roll my eyes as I walk into the classroom.
