Bang bang bang bang.
Spencer kept knocking on the door loudly, refusing to give up. She needed to talk about this and it had to be now.
He stumbled to the door, only half in his sweatpants as he opened the door, his boxers nearly completely out of his pants.
"What's wrong? What's going on? Where's Aaron? Is he okay?!" He panicked.
"Nice Snoopy drawers, Caleb." she smirked. "Uncky Caleb!" Aaron rolled in on his scooter from down the hall and near knocked over Caleb.
"I thought you were dying out here or something, you rat." He messed up her hair and then moved on to Aaron, lifting him up and blowing raspberries on his stomach, emitting a series of yelps from Aaron as he started to kick his legs and beg to be put down through his laughter.
Caleb finally put him down and lightly patted his backside, "go start up Mario, bud." He pointed him towards their extra bedroom, which had become the game room, despite Hanna's pleas to make it her home design room. To make up for it, the entire walk in closet in their room became hers, filled with not only clothes but mannequins and tape measures and spools of fabric, and a sewing table lived in the back corner of Caleb's cave. it was mostly Aaron who convinced Hanna.
"What is it, kid?" He looked over at Spencer once Aaron had trotted off inside and they could hear the tune of the Xbox starting up.
"Is Hanna home? I texted her and she said she was back from Ashley's last night and…"
"She's at the fitting for her bridesmaid dress for…" he trailed off, almost forgetting that once Spencer was a crucial part of that clique, and now she would be the only one without a pink dress and bouquet next month. "Nevermind…what can I do ya for?" He said uneasily opening the fridge and uncapping a beer for himself, tilting it towards her to offer her one. She usually didn't, but she took it and took a big sip.
"I'm sorry for bringing up Emily's—"
"It's okay," she said slowly and soothingly, her hand gripping his shoulder. "That's not what this is about," she said, holding up the bottle for emphasis. Honestly, she was a little sad, but she wasn't hurt. She understood, partially, anyway. She felt lucky that Hanna and Caleb had stayed so close to her, and Aria was a big presence in her life as well. She was shocked she hadn't lost them, too. Especially Hanna.
"You're what?" Emily's eyes widened, looking her friend up and down. Hanna squeezed Spencer's hand, trying to give support silently.
"I'm pregnant. And I'm keeping the baby," Spencer said firmly, although still not making eye contact. She had made peace with it, by now just about three and a half months along. She was telling her parents tomorrow that she was expecting and wouldn't be returning to school after this Thanksgiving break. All she wanted was to get through the perfect Hastings family meal before having everything crash down.
"Are you alright?" Aria asked sheepishly, not sure if she should look her friend in the eyes or not. She remembered having a pregnancy scare right after she'd lost her virginity — no one had ever told her that the influx of hormones and changes your body went through after having sex could mess up an otherwise perfect cycle. And Spencer had just calmed her in quiet lulls, not offering much vocally but just her presence being enough. She remembered all the horrible things she'd said about having children less than a year ago to the girls right in this room, and now one of them would be mothering one.
"I'm fine…I haven't told my parents yet. I'm going…going to do that tomorrow. I don't think I'm going back to school, bu—"
"Does the father know?" Emily interjected. She was hurt. Spencer was always the one trying to talk sense into the group, she was the good one. Seemingly silently judging everyone from her perfect Hastings perch. How could everything she knew about good-girl Spencer be wrong? "Who even is the father?" She hissed.
"He does know…" Spencer looked down. "He doesn't—"
"He doesn't matter. What matters is we've got a little one on the way and we're all going to help out. We're all going to be aunties." Hanna kissed Spencer's cheek, being the only one to know about her rendezvous with Toby and the horrible things he'd said to her. The only one who knew Spencer for who she really was behind closed doors and in between sheets of the unmade beds of half the boys of Rosewood. And some of the men, too. She'd kept that part of her life private somehow; her biggest secret. It's not like she was proud of being the town pump.
"But who is it?" Emily pressed. "I mean, how could you be pregnant when none of us knew you were dating anybody? Except for Hanna, apparently? What the hell is that?" Emily cut in all fired up. How could she bare all her secrets to someone she thought was her best friend when she didn't know a thing about her personal life?
"Easy, Em." Aria tried to protect Spencer. "But…who is the father?"
"Toby Cavanaugh," Spencer said finally, barely above a whisper. Not so much because she was embarrassed, although she internally braced herself for blaring judgement, but because it still hurt to say his name. As it turned out, sometimes people surprised you. She thought the surprise with Toby was that he was softer than she'd imagined, more affectionate than anyone she'd ever known. But it turned out the real surprise was that underneath it all, he was just like every other man she'd ever allowed in her life and inside of her: they were all disappointing, single-track minded, and most finally - they left.
"I can't believe this," Emily threw up her hands. "Were you together before he got sent away? How much were you keeping from us?! He's only been back…and if you're already—"
"End of August," Spencer interjected. "He came back the end of August. We were never together before then." Her eyes darted around the room. She knew it was time to come clean. About everything.
"And you've been together since…" Aria looked her up and down. "Hanna you knew about this?" Her eyes darted towards her blond friend.
"He's a criminal!" Emily yelled.
"ENOUGH, Em," Hanna stood up. Spencer wanted to defend him, but then again, she'd realized she really didn't know him at all.
"I found out when Spencer found out she was pregnant, not before then." Hanna wanted to stand up for Spencer, but also needed to cover herself.
"So you were hiding this from all of us, Spencer? Why—"
"Because we were never dating," Spencer admitted. "I was drunk and high off my ass at Hanna's party and we had sex in my backyard. It happened a few times after that, too." She came clean.
"You were doing drugs?" Emily's eyes widened. "Why would you—how long?"
"The past two, almost three years. But it's not like it sounds-" Spencer had started this all when Ali disappeared.
"I can't do this," Emily started to put her jacket on.
"She made a mistake, it's…it was a mistake." Aria tried to calm Emily down. "I'm sure it was just a one time thing, with Toby, right? And you've only ever drank a little bit, with us…"
"Well…" Spencer trailed off. "It's been a few different guys, honestly. I just…everything was so hard after Ali disappeared…I mean it was hard with her here, too, but shit, I felt relieved when she was gone, and if that doesn't fuck you up…I needed something to distract me… but that's not the problem. It's not like i don't know who the father of my baby is…that's all I have the energy to worry about right now…this baby," she rested her hand on her still-flat stomach. Only she could notice the slight puffiness of her middle, not enough to even make her dress fall any differently. Not yet. But she knew her baby was in there. She could feel it with every ounce of herself.
"You're telling me," Emily got in her face. "Sex, drugs, alcohol, God knows what else! With God knows who! And here we were thinking good little Spencer was still the class act virgin you pretended to be. How could you lie to me—to us like that! To our faces! When Aria slept with Ezra you acted like it was an abomination yet you were screwing around and getting high with…how many? Four? Five? Six different guys? More? What else don't we know?!"
"Stop it!" Spencer was crying now. She'd never counted and she wasn't interested in doing so. Why was Emily reacting this way?
"You think you know someone….but you're just a liar. A pretty, little liar." She let out an exasperated breath. "You acted like you were so much better than Ali, but you're the same. Actually, you're worse. Ali never made any excuses about the games she played. But you? You've been lying to all of us. Is anything we know about you true?" Emily spat out. Spencer twitched at the correlation between her and Alison. They had no idea how inter-connected it all was. But she wasn't like Ali. She was only trying to survive.
When Spencer didn't answer her or even come to her defense, Emily kept going. Once she got revved up, it was hard to stop. This was all so out of left field, she didn't understand. "Let me ask you this: how could you let yourself get pregnant? Didn't you think it might be a good idea to be prepared if you're going to screw just anyone? How could you have a baby when you're so irresponsible that you're doing drugs?"
"Emily! Enough!" Hanna yelled as Aria stood timidly in the doorway, her eyes saying sorry a hundred times over but her mouth unable to say anything. Because she was in shock, too. Spencer was the Mother Hen. The good egg. The one that kept them all grounded after Ali had disappeared, and ever before, when Ali would shit all over them and make them feel like worthless followers. Spencer was always the one to stand up. And it turns out she was high for half of it?
"I'm over it." Emily stormed out.
"You can text me?" Aria shrugged, following Emily out quickly, as Emily and her had come together and honestly, Aria felt betrayed, too.
"You can go," Spencer said to Hanna, sucking in her bottom lip and rolling it through her teeth, trying to suppress the cry building up behind her eyes.
"Spence, they were just shocked…I mean if I hadn't know from when you and—"
"You can never tell them about that part," Spencer nearly growled through gritted teeth, sitting back on the bed and finally letting some tears out. She had a limited number of people in this world she could count on, and more importantly trust. And half of them just walked out the door when she needed their hands to hold most.
"No one will ever know that part," Hanna promised, hugging her friend and putting a hand to her pregnant stomach. Ever since Ashley had gotten pregnant, Hanna was very in tune with all of it. The babies, the pregnancy. She was more than prepared to help Spencer. And she wanted to. She loved her new baby sister.
"I just thought that my family might react that way but…I thought that if anyone was going to love this baby when it comes out it would be the four of us…"
"Well I'll love this baby enough for me, Emily and Aria," She promised. "Maybe I'll end up with a children's fashion line and we'll have ourselves our own little model," she giggled and Spencer finally laughed through her tears.
"We haven't been so close in a very long time. I know why and even understand. But I don't think it made it better when she tried to extend an olive branch and I refused to go back to Rosewood but I can't, I just, I can't—" She was starting to become hysterical just thinking about Rosewood.
"Shh…shh, it's okay," Caleb pulled her in. She sucked in his scent. It smelled strikingly similar to Toby's and she made a mental note to tell Hanna to buy Caleb a new cologne for his birthday. She felt good enveloped in someone's arms, especially his. There was a time when she was extremely attracted to Caleb, and only dreamed that he would envelope her this way. But that brief moment in time had long passed, and now he was simply her best friend, second only to Hanna.
Caleb kissed her hair and nudged her over to the couch. "What did you actually come here for…now that I've completely derailed you twice," he muttered the second part under his breath. Not only for Spencer being Hanna's best friend, but for the history they'd shared as a group of three and for just the two of them, Caleb was extremely protective of Spencer. He would do a lot for her.
"I'm sorry," she wiped her her eyes where it was still a bit damp.
Caleb made eyes at her begging her to tell him. "It's stupid, it's girl talk," she said, chugging back her beer.
"As if I don't know anything about that," Caleb laughed. He'd been dating Hanna for near seven years at this point and they'd been living together the last four years. In fact they'd moved in together very shortly before Aaron was born. He was fluent in girl talk.
"You're just going to laugh at me," Spencer blushed.
"I don't think we've had any real secrets in, like, seven years." He raised an eyebrow. They had an extensive history. He was also the one with her for most of Aaron's birth since he was the only one around to bring her to the hospital. She was with him when he got the call that his previously absentee father had died from alcohol poisoning. They'd seen and heard the worst and most vulnerable of one another.
When she still didn't answer, Caleb raised an eyebrow. "Is this about Toby? Did he try anything?" He stood up as if he were ready to leave and pin Toby against a wall. "Did John hurt you?" John was her boyfriend she'd been casually seeing the past month or two. He hadn't even met Aaron yet.
"See, this is why I wanted Hanna. You panic."
"Fine, I'm listening," he sat back down and finished the last sip of his beer.
"So, we were sick the last week, you know, Hanna was too… and Toby was helping us out a little bit," she saw the look in Caleb's eyes. "I had no one else!" She defended herself. "But, uh, I've been having some, uh, dreams."
"Like…naughty dreams?" Caleb's lips turned upward in a devious smile. "If you wanna spill details," he joked.
"You're disgusting," she hit him with a pillow. "I just…I can't escape 'em. I don't know what they mean. And I don't want to be having them. I mean, I'm with John. I like John. I don't want to sleep with John," She sighed. "I mean Toby!" She corrected herself after getting a look from Caleb. "I don't want to have sex with Toby."
"Has John met Aaron yet?"
"Soon…probably. I think I'm ready but he seems a little unsettled by it. I think it's still weird to him that my son is only like, three years younger than his half brother."
"Ouch, that's weird."
"Tell me about it." She shrugged. "But I've got worse issues. Aaron's kind of attached to Toby. He was with us half of last week and all Aaron's been able to talk about since is Toby this and Toby that and Do you think Toby likes Mario Kart like Caleb? and Toby…he wants to be with him, too. But I just don't feel right about it. But he's his father…"
"You need to go with your gut," he put his hand on her shoulder. "A deadbeat dad sucks," he admitted. "But having none at all? That feels no good either. If I could have known my dad sooner…"
"i just don't want him to get hurt. And I love him enough for both…"
"I know you love him. Han and I do, too. But none of us are his dad. And one day he's going to realize that he's missing that. If he hasn't already. And it won't matter how much he loves you or how happy he is. I'm not saying you should…you know i hate that guy and if anyone ever hurt you or Aaron like he did ever again…" he trailed off, cooling off. "I'm just saying if you choose not to, which I totally am in support of, you just need to be prepared. And explain to him early on what's going on."
"How do I do—" She was interrupted by a crash coming from inside. They both jumped up and ran towards the game room, where Aaron was sitting on the floor surrounded by games and a Hershey's minis everywhere, all from the top shelf of Caleb's gaming storage tower.
"Baby what happened?" She lifted him and wiped the chocolate off his face.
"Caleb lets me have candy when I win but he wasn't here and I beat level FIVE MOM" He said holding up five fingers proudly.
Spencer looked at Caleb and raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything about Aaron's sugar consumption in front of him.
"Sowwy Uncky Caleb," He said reaching his arms towards Caleb for a hug, simultaneously wiping chocolate all over Caleb's neck and collar and Spencer just laughed as she pulled Aaron off so she could put him down and help clean up the games that fell.
"Another one," Aaron held up a little velvet box that had tumbled under the ottoman. "What game is?" he shook the box.
"That's, uh, not a game, Bud." He shoved it in his pocket.
Spencer opened her mouth in shock and a smile started to grow from ear to ear. "Caleb Rivers is that what I think it is?! Are you going—"
"Do I hear my little Prince in here?" Hanna's voice echoed from the entryway as she hung the garment bag with her bridesmaid dress on the hook by the door for now.
Caleb quickly shut the door of the game room. "Yes, but, shut up," he was flushed. "She'll be finishing her internship right after our anniversary and starting a full-time job and I think it's…ugh, we can do this later." he panicked at the impending click-clacking of Hanna's heels coming closer. "Buddy, don't tell Auntie about the box? Okay? It's a secret."
"Like the candy?" he giggled, his face smeared with chocolate still.
"Like the candy," he sighed, laughing.
"Okay," he shrugged and went back to his game. Caleb opened the door.
"I hope you meant me," he said wrapping his arms around Hanna.
"I meant my favorite man!" She wiggled out of his arms and lifted Aaron, giving him a million kisses as he squirmed and begged her to stop, laughing the entire time.
"Say you love me and I'll put you down," she offered.
"I wove you Hanny," he giggled and gave her chocolate kisses.
"Did Caleb sneak you candy again?" She laughed, wiping his face and licking her lips.
He blushed. "Nooooo," he ran off.
"How was Emily? Was Aria there?" Spencer questioned, looking down at the floor.
"You weren't supposed to say anything!" Hanna hit Caleb's chest.
"Ow," he stumbled back. "Look, sorry, but you should have told her." he walked off.
"I'm sorry," Hanna sighed.
"Don't be," Spencer shrugged. "I was just curious."
Hanna nodded. "They're good. Aria was asking for Aaron and you. You two should make a trip out when you get a chance,"
Spencer sighed. Emily still wouldn't come see her. At least Spencer had good reasons why she wouldn't go back to Rosewood. But Emily hadn't seen Aaron since he was a bald, drooling infant.
"You're feeling better? Tabitha?"
"Tabby!" Aaron jumped up. "Tabby here?"
"No honey she's not, but maybe this weekend we can see if Tabs can have a sleep-over?"
"And watch Minions?" He clasped his hands together in a begging motion.
Hanna tousled his hair. "Yes." she looked back at Spencer. "He's going to get away with murder."
"Tell me about it," Spencer put her hands on her hips. She might be biased, but her kid was the cutest.
"T-O-B-Y," Spencer explained. "He wants to…you know, be here. For now."
"Oh, my God. Well you're not going to let him, right?! I mean, he...?" She stopped. "Well actually just tell me. What happened?"
"I—" Spencer was interrupted by Caleb. "She's been having dreams about the two of them doin' the nasty," he raised his eyebrows.
"You're disgusting," Hanna rolled her eyes. "Why do I put up with you?"
"Because I'm cute," Caleb grinned causing both women to roll their eyes simultaneously.
"He's not kidding," Spencer groaned. "I don't know what to do!"
"Honey, it's been like, what, five years? I think you just need to get laid."
"Woahhh, wait. You still haven't…with John?"
"You know who was the last," Spencer admittedly dreadfully. She was 23 with an almost-four year old who hadn't had sex in almost five years. It was weird in just about every way.
"It was probably just your needs coming up in your dream in whoever you saw last. Plus you were taking cold meds. That'll screw with anyone."
"I guess…" Spencer sighed.
"I'm telling you. Just do it, you'll feel better and if it's good, the dreams'll stop," she shrugged and smiled.
"Okay I'm done with this conversation," she said as Aaron climbed up between Spencer and Caleb.
"Mommy I want Uncky Caleb to play," he pouted.
"You have to ask him then," She nodded over to Caleb.
"Pleeeeeeease?" Aaron climbed up onto Caleb pinning him down.
"Only because you said please," Caleb smiled and threw Aaron over his shoulder bringing him inside.
"Go call John, we can keep Aaron until six," she said, nearly pushing Spencer out the door.
xx
"The traffic was horrible," John said as he got out of the car and walked towards a waiting Spencer, sitting patiently on the bench outside her building, sketching and doodling in her planner.
"I'm sorry," she said standing to greet him, kissing him gently before he squeezed her sides and deepened the kiss, his tongue near attacking her mouth before she could prepare for it.
"Next time you want to see me, you should drive up to me. I don't have the time to sit in traffic for two hours. I just don't have that kind of time," John said lighting up a cigarette and walking towards the door.
"I'd actually rather you not smoke upstairs, I don't want Aaron's things smelling of smoke." She said stopping him with a hand on his chest.
"Whatever," he rolled his eyes.
"I was thinking," she leaned up looking into his eyes dreamily. She knew he wasn't the best, or the nicest, or the most handsome. But he accepted her skeletons, all of them. And he was still here. "I think it's time we, uh, take it to the next level," she teased at his top button on his shirt. "But I'd like for you to meet my son," she fixed his tie.
"Where's the kid?" John raised an eyebrow, taking a handful of her backside as she leaned into him.
"He's at Hanna's, but they'll be coming any minute. They have dinner plans."
"Okay, I'll meet him." He agreed. "But then, we can…" he squeezed her harder and smirked. "I've been so patient,"
"I know you have, and I promise, it'll be worth it," she kissed him once. She was too afraid to let anyone in who wasn't serious after her past mistakes. Not with her son in her life now. She had to be different.
After a few minutes of sitting outside together and kissing on and off, Toby pulled up and loudly cleared his throat as he walked by them towards the entrance, their lips fused together much to Toby's dismay.
"Yes?" Spencer raised an eyebrow.
"Shouldn't you be doing that upstairs?" He frowned. "Where's Aaron?"
"Who the hell is this?" John stood up protectively and jealously.
"John, this is Toby, Toby, my boyfriend John," She introduced the men. "Aaron is—" she was interrupted by the little boy whizzing past her on his scooter, Caleb and Hanna not far behind.
Aaron stopped when Toby caught him, as he was going too fast towards the, albeit mostly empty, lot. "Be careful," He said crouching down and steadying him.
"TOBY!" Aaron screeched and clung to his leg. "You are going to play with me…" he said it more like a statement than a question.
"Honey, you have to ask people if they want to play, you can't tell them."
"But I know he wants to play with me," He pouted. It broke Toby's heart, because he did.
"We're going to play with John tonight," she gestured towards the man next to her. "Aaron this is Mommy's friend, John. Can you say hi and give hugs?"
"No," he crossed his arms over his chest. He was stubborn like his mother.
"Aaron C. Hastings you better uncross those arms right now."
"I wanna play with Toby!" He yelled. Spencer looked at Toby, and then back at Hanna and Caleb.
"Well, we, uh, gotta go. Call me?" Caleb shrugged, pulling Hanna away before she got them too involved.
"Toby, like, your—you've got to be kidding me…" John got aggravated.
"John, please," she tried to calm him, putting her hands on his shoulders before bending down to scoop up Aaron to bring upstairs.
"Goodnight, Toby," she stomped off inside, visions of her dreams flashing as John slipped in hand in her back pocket, who was looking back at Toby grimly and smirking, sure to make a show of how he man-handled Spencer in front of him.
