He has no right to move in like this. He should not be taking over my brain like this. Who does he think he is to get upset over John and impede on our evening? Spencer thought her whole way up to the apartment with John, all the while wishing John wouldn't squeeze her butt while she was holding her son. There had been a time where Spencer didn't respect her body or the way others treated it, but since becoming a mother that had drastically changed. Mostly because before she had Aaron, her teen years had been filled with fear and honestly, she barely cared if she survived or not because everything around her was catching fire after Ali disappeared and it was only a matter of time before she was burned beyond repair. Aaron gave her a new reason to live, and a reason to respect herself more. How would she love another human and take care of them when she could barely be held responsible for herself? She silently reprimanded herself for even letting herself think of Toby when she was trying to have a nice evening with her two boys.

She unlocked the door with a brooding Aaron on her hip, desperately trying to wiggle from her arms. She let him go when they entered the apartment, bending down to his level and holding him in front of her for a moment. "Aaron Hastings get that little pout off your face before Momma has to kiss it off," she teased. "Be a good boy for mommy, please? No iPad until you show me you're going to be good. Okay?"

Aaron grunted and started to wiggle again. "Fine, I'm gonna be a good boy Momma" he sighed "But I'm not always a good boy sometimes I'm bad and then you are mad and I go time out" he pointed over to his room where he was sent on time out.

Spencer couldn't help but smile a little, suppressing a laugh. Her kid was something else. "Nobody's perfect," she shrugged. "But you should always try to be good, right?"

"If you say so," Aaron said. "Can I go play now?"

"Yes, buddy," she said ruffling his hair. He had quite the little 'tude going on. But it was cute and she couldn't yell at him for that. He had undoubtedly gotten his smart remarks from her if she was being honest.

"John, why don't you go play with him while I make dinner?" She said throwing her arms around him, their noses nearly touching.

"He clearly wants your ex," John said jealously, still brooding from the encounter in front of the building.

"He's not my—" she sighed, composing herself as to not have a fight on their first night in so long. "He's just in a mood, he's a toddler, it happens. He's friendly, he'll play with anyone if they offer. Go on," she encouraged. "It'd make me really happy,"

"Okay, fine," he said kissing her cheek and heading into Aaron's room and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Hey kid…whatcha got there?"

"Dora and Boots!" He explained, opening his hands to show the little figurines in his grip.

"Isn't that a girl toy?" John inspected it.

"Dora is a girl and Boots is a boy," Aaron explained, not quite understanding the question. John let it go and took out his phone, as if just being in the same room as Aaron was the same as occupying him. Aaron was making sound effects as he made his figurines interact and fly and crash into things, throwing them eventually at John.

"Don't tell Mommy," he covered his mouth laughing a little. He assumed that every person that came around was there to be his friend. Caleb, Hanna and even Toby had let him get away with little things because he was cute and because he was generally a good kid. He assumed the same from anyone else since he rarely spent time with anyone else besides his Mommy of course, Ashley, Ted, Tabitha, Aria, and Spencer's family a handful of times per year.

"You can't do that, you're being bad," John took the toys away from Aaron and spoke sternly. Aaron sucked in his lip and made a mad face at John. "I'm a good boy," he argued.

"Just go play over there," he shooed Aaron away and continued to scroll through his phone, deleting junk and outdated emails.

Aaron climbed up on the bed and crawled behind John, hoisting himself up by holding John's shoulder. "Games?" The curious toddler peered over John's shoulder at his screen.

"This is e-mail." John answered.

"Can I find games? Minions? Pwweeeeease?" He clapped giddily.

"No, you can't use the phone."

"Mommy and Unky Caleb and Auntie Han and Momma let me, it's okay I can play" Aaron assured John.

"No means no, stop it," he forcefully pulled the phone out of reach from the grabby little boy's chubby hand, causing him to teeter backwards and fall back onto the bed, immediately crying.

Spencer quickly came in to see John at the edge of the bed, not trying to help Aaron at all.

"What happened?" She was looking to John as she scooped up Aaron, kissing his head.

"Mean man," Aaron pointed with an angered look on his face, shoving his head into the nook of Spencer's neck forcefully after letting out his emotions.

"What happened?" She repeated again at John.

"Nothing, he just wanted my phone and I said no. He's out of control."

Spencer was taken aback by the comment. "He's three," she reminded John. She pursed her lips looking at what was starting to resemble an overgrown child. "Dinner's ready, come inside," she said kissing Aaron's cheek and bringing him inside, helping him into his booster seat and making his plate.

John following begrudgingly and scanned the table, finding Spongebob shaped mac-and-cheese, teeny chicken cutlets, carrots and applesauce.

"What are we eating?" John said in a tone that suggested his impatience for kid food.

"We're all eating this," she said scooping a serving of mac and cheese onto her plate after helping Aaron.

"But this is kiddy food," John protested.

"And we're eating with a kid," she reminded him as Aaron picked up his chicken with his fingers and coated half his face with ketchup. "I can't make two dinners every night, and so sometimes we eat kid meals. Other times he will only eat little portions of what I make. We compromise."

"I just wish you'd have told me we were eating garbage before, I would have come after dinner."

"It isn't garbage. I made the chicken, it wasn't frozen. If you don't want it don't eat it, I don't know what to tell you," she felt like she was arguing with a child.

"It's fine," he said, finally making his plate.

Spencer sighed, eating in mostly silence except for Aaron's mumbles and humming.

After dinner, she set Aaron up in his room with her iPad to watch Netflix in his bed and cozied up with John on the couch.

"Thank God he's finally in bed," he said, kissing her. She didn't kiss back.

"You were supposed to enjoy your time with him," she frowned.

"It's just hard to relate to a little kid," he shrugged. "Come on, let's just try to have a romantic evening," he offered, his hand latching to her knee.

She nodded and let him kiss her, kissing back now and falling back onto the couch letting him press his body into hers. This is typically the point she'd kiss him one last time and say Goodnight, but she'd promised him a romantic night and for the first time in years felt an obligation to give herself away. Besides, she had Hanna's voice ringing through her ears telling her this would stop her sheet-soaking dreams of Toby screwing her brains out.

"Momma…?" Aaron called from his room, whimpering. "Momma," he whined again and Spencer pushed John off, sliding out from under him to Aaron's room to tend to the boy. He had been pretty good about potty training for almost a year now, but once in a while he'd still have an accident, and tonight was one of those nights. She told him to tell her next time, but handled it unlike her perfectionist parents would have and cleaned him up and changed the sheets and his pajamas calmly, trying to soothe him and his embarrassment and frustration with himself. She tucked him back in, and returned to John.

"Where were we?" He grinned, pulling her in by her hips. "Maybe we should take this inside, where there'll be less interruptions," he nodded towards her room.

"Actually," she firmly attached her hands to her hips, forcing his hands to move from her body. "I don't think tonight's the night," she bit her lip. "I'm sorry, it just doesn't seem like it's supposed to happen tonight," she sat down next to him.

He breathed in and exhaled rather loudly, moving over from her a bit. "Fine, we shouldn't if you don't want to," he smiled, trying to change her mind. "I just, I'm trying to work on our relationship," he was trying to guilt her at this point, but the memories flooding in made her want anything but to change her mind.


"I'm trying to work on a relationship. Starting one," Spencer read the text message again before locking her phone and turning it over, unable to even think about looking at the message thread again, the mere thought of it sending a churning feeling into her stomach. She plopped down onto the bed, letting her new wedge sandals fall to the floor as she relaxed, smoothing her dress over midsection.

Tears starting coming out of her eyes, falling down sideways as she laid down, pooling near her ears.

She remembered not even a week ago, lying in his bed after giving herself to him for the third time that month. She usually didn't sleep with the same guy more than once or twice, but he was different, she remembered thinking. Gentle. He respected her body and moreover seemed to care about her for more than her body, or at least more than the part he could insert himself into. She had become completely infatuated with him and addicted to the attention he gave her. Truth was, it wasn't so much about her individually as it was that they were young, this was relatively new territory, and it would turn out that he was much too nice a guy to engage in the meaningless encounters she'd become partial to.

She remembered moaning into his neck as he rubbed her bare back softly with the pads of his fingers, comforting her as she came down from their high and tried to drift off to sleep. He always encouraged her to stay. And he always did this, holding her close as their bare bodies pressed, rubbing her back and drawing lines across her spine with his nails so lightly that it felt like fireworks were dancing up her spine in the best way. She hummed little things into his neck and he told her she was sexy. She hadn't yet realized the difference between sexy and beautiful.

She'd texted him that night to ask if she could come over, as it was a Friday night and there was nothing like starting the weekend off with a bang. And truth be told, she missed him a little bit. In a town like Rosewood with creeps going bump in the night, she sought safety in everyone she met. That was part of the problem. She was so scared of what the darkness held outside she had never wholly considered the dangers of the darkness in the bedrooms of the boys she thought might protect her.

Her plan was to stay over, and linger long enough that she could con him into taking her to the school dance the following night. Maybe they'd have a night worth more than a bump and grind goodnight. Maybe after all this time she'd have someone to call her own, she briefly let the thought pass over her. But instead, he informed her that they couldn't hang out ever again because he was trying to get into a relationship - with a girl who wasn't her. As if the nights he held her meant nothing...like the rest. She felt nothing short of mortified that it had actually meant a little bit to her, and that she had maybe fantasized and daydreamed a tiny bit about what it might be like to fall asleep in the arms of someone every night. And maybe even have that person be the same every time. But as of this moment, she'd sworn herself to a strict rule of no more sleepovers with boys, no matter what. She wouldn't let herself get fooled again.

It had hit her so hard he might as well have come over and have been the one to knock her down onto her bed. At least she'd have a bruise to validate her pain. She was eager to alleviate the pain from the blow, even if it wasn't a true and physical blow, digging in her drawer for the small orange pills that she'd stolen from her father after his knee surgery, popping two, ensuring her a high that would promise relief and euphoria as she sunk into her bed.

She remembered not so long ago (even though it felt like forever ago) her first boyfriend broke up with her because she wouldn't have sex with him. And today, she was someone who was good to hang out with if you needed a quick release, but wasn't the girl you'd ask out, even if you'd cradled her to sleep and seen every birthmark and felt her from the inside. Sex, she realized in that moment, was the only thing that defined her worth. Losing her first boyfriend had hurt, but her heart was broken for the first time when she'd realized in that very moment at only sixteen years old that good grades and a people-pleasing, over-achieving spirit meant nothing over her sexuality.

Safety was what had started the game, but this realization only perpetuated it. She cried herself to sleep that night, but not before scrolling through her contacts and picking her next conquest. On to the next.


Spencer blinked a few times, looking him up and down. "I'm not saying it's not going to happen or that it's not going to happen soon. But…I need to feel ready." I need to feel like I'm worth more than a quick fuck, she thought as she sighed heavily, disappointed herself that she wouldn't finally get the release she'd been so itching for.

But she refused to be that girl again. She refused to be the girl that put out. The girl who wasn't worth anything more than her body pressed up against a man's who would leave her for a girl more worthy, or more something.

"Maybe I should go," John started to get up, reading her saddened state.

"No," she grabbed his hands. "Stay," she curled up into him. "Just a little bit," she pleaded.

While the triggered memory may have spawned a need to protect herself and abstain from sex, it also conjured a deep feeling inside that craved to make him stay, unlike her first boyfriend who'd left when she'd chosen to abstain and the boy who broke her heart the first time. Although she had fortunately had the opportunity to talk it out with the boy who broke her heart first, clearing the air and understanding that his actions were never meant to diminish her worth, and she was honestly over it, the experience still played a major role in who she'd become. It had taken a lot of courage to put herself out there again after nearly five years since her last encounter, which had clearly ended on less than favorable terms given the fact that she'd been alone in mothering her child since the day she told Toby she was expecting.

He flipped on the TV and kept his arm around her. They fell asleep like that, and Spencer decided maybe John was a little better than she gave him credit for.


Toby grimaced as he came inside from his morning run and headed straight up towards Spencer's apartment, swearing he saw that prick Spencer had brought home, John, hopping into the elevator on Toby's way out. He kept trying to tell himself it was someone else, but he knew better. She's a grown up and she's not yours, she's never been yours, and you're not even into her. Yeah, that man might end up being your son's stepfather and realistically the only father he's ever known, but— Toby stopped his thoughts from derailing and marched over to Spencer's, remembering why he'd headed to her apartment.

He knocked on the door twice and stepped back, patiently waiting and praying to whatever higher power was listening that she not answer wearing any article of John's clothing.

"Aaron, get up off of the floor and please eat your breakfast," she pleaded sternly, unable to entertain the idea of scooping up the flailing child off the floor with the kink in her back from sleeping on the couch. She always tried to be authoritative without actually yelling too much, because honestly it just stressed her out more and Aaron didn't respond well to it. He just got upset and the tantrum would turn into hysterics. He was a good boy and would even sometimes put himself in time out after doing something wrong.

"NO!" Aaron kicked. "No waffles, only Olaf cakes," He continued to kick.

"That's it, time out," Spencer said as she went to the door, pointing him towards his room.

"Thank God you're here," she pulled Toby in, the red little boy sitting in the corner slowing his whimpering as the guest walked into the house.

"Toby!" He exclaimed.

"Three minutes quiet," she reminded Aaron. Their rule was that time out would last as many minutes as years he was old.

Aaron sat down more contently now, picking at the carpet in the doorway of his room, a bit more calm down that he had an audience.

"What's going on?" Toby looked around, relieved to see Spencer in regular, unsexy pajamas. It was easier for him to believe noting happened when there was no evidence in the apartment. "Rough morning?" He teased.

"What the Hell did you make with Olaf for him for breakfast when we were sick?" She said pulling Toby into the kitchen. "He's been asking for it for days and he was throwing a major tantrum about it before you came over." Spencer explained.

"Why didn't you ask before," he laughed, secretly over the moon that his son had become obsessed with something he'd introduced. "If you take one of these guys," he said, opening her cabinets as if he were comfortable as anything there, and pulling out an empty squeeze bottle you might put a condiment or dressing in, "and you put the batter in it so you have more control over it. Whatever design you draw in the pan with this, the outline, will start to cook first so will be darker than the rest you fill the outline in with. So it looks like a character. My Mom used to make me Mickey Mouse ones that way, and sometimes my name or animals. I just drew his face. Pretty standard snowman." He shrugged.

"Do it. Now." She said pulling out the can of pancake mix, milk and eggs. "Please," she raised her eyebrows desperately, her eyes wide and pleading with him.

"Of course," he said, grabbing a bowl and starting making the batter.

He watched from the corner of his eye as Spencer sat at the edge of the couch and waved Aaron over from time out. "Three minutes is over, buddy," she said as the little boy ran over to her and she sat him next to her, getting very close to him but retaining her smooth, calming voice. "Do you know why I put you in time out, buddy?" She said ruffling his hair.

He started to whimper. "Bad boy," he explained.

"Don't cry, baby," she kissed his head. "Can you tell me what you were doing that was bad?"

"I screamed and said 'NO!' like that, really loud, Mommy. And I threw my breakfast on the floor but I only wanted Olaf and you didn't make me Olaf — that's why I did it."

"But you know you can't do that every time you want something you can't have."

"I know, Mommy." He started to fake-cry and whine again.

"Don't cry," she rubbed his leg again. "Are you going to be a good boy?" She smoothed out his hair again. She really was obsessed with her son. He was everything.

"Yes Mommy," he stood on the couch and grabbed her face with his hands.

"Give kisses?" She laughed as he held her face. He did that often. She had come to realize this was something of a hug to him. But sometimes it was to get your attention.

He slobbered a bit on her face before climbing down and running into the kitchen to Toby. "Are you doing OLAFS?" He jumped and clapped.

"Yes, but Mommy and Toby are going to eat them all if you're bad," he threatened with a smile.

"I good, I promise," he jumped up and down again.

He made Aaron a pancake and a few normal ones for Spencer as well, putting everything in the sink afterwards and lingering as Aaron sat down to eat.

"Thank you," Spencer put her hand on his shoulder.

"I can't believe how well he took his punishment. You talked to him like a grown up and he responded."

"Punishment shouldn't be scary," she shrugged. "It should be about learning a lesson. That's what I'm trying to teach him." She sat down and took a pancake from the plate he'd made and cutting a second in half (he'd made three), and pushed the plate towards him. "Eat with us," she offered.

His eyebrows raised in surprise as he was offered a spot, which he gladly accepted.

"Toby play?" Aaron asked with food falling out of his mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Spencer laughed and wiped his face. "We'll discuss it after you finish and wash up,"

She smiled and looked at Toby, taking a bite. She wondered what was going on with him in his mind, what had changed that he suddenly was sitting with them as if nothing had ever happened. She also secretly wondered if somehow Aaron sensed something with Toby given his almost instantaneous latching to the man with whom he shared his starry blue eyes, the only two people Spencer had ever seen with such a deep shade of blue coloring their irises.

Aaron consequently shoved the rest of his pancake in his mouth all at once, food popping out everywhere. "Play now?" He grinned his devious grin.

"Go wash hands and Mommy will be in to brush your teeth in a minute and then we will talk about playtime," she offered. "Mommy has to finish eating."

Aaron ran off into the bathroom quickly, wanting to rush everything until playtime.

"He's full of energy this morning…glad to see he's definitely feeling better," Toby smiled.

"He likes you," she offered hesitantly, her cheeks flushed for some reason. "Why did you come over, by the way? Did you need something, or did you just sense that I was about to have a meltdown right next to Aaron?" She joked.

"That would be a cool super power," he joked back. "I, uh, actually did need something…the development firm I work for rebuilt the Lancaster Barnstomer's stadium, the local minor league baseball team, a few years ago so every year towards the end of the season they have this big friends and family day and we're always invited… they have the mascots and little games some little inflatable slides and like, huge bounce-houses," he nervously smiled, realizing he was talking fast. "I was wondering, do you think Aaron could go? You are welcome to come along...I just think he'll enjoy it. I understand if you don't want him to, since it's like, with me, and he's just getting over the chicken pox, and—"

"Slow down," she said softly, placing her hand on his. He was near shaking, which was weird to see. "I don't know, honestly. I don't want to confuse him. I mean you can't just swoop in after three years and be fully engaged…"

"I know that. I just thought it would be a fun thing for him. I know he watches baseball with your friend Caleb, he told me that like 500 times when I was checking updates on the Yankee game last time I was here."

She thought about it, and realized Aaron really did love baseball and would have a lot of fun. She didn't wanna take that away from him. "Well," she started to reconsider, watching Toby's eyes light up as her lips pursed in thought. "Maybe if I was there it would be okay," she felt guilty the more she thought about how excited Aaron would be to be there at the stadium, and if she were being honest, how excited he would be to hang with Toby again. Even if that prospect freaked her out majorly.

"Think about it?" He asked hopefully, taking the dishes and putting them in the sink for her.

"I will," she nodded. "Thanks for thinking of him, I guess. It's cool you remembered what he said. He babbles about a million things a minute so it says a lot you caught that."

He shrugged. "I'm always thinking about him…" he caught the glare in her eyes. "Now. And I meant, I'm always listening… Just let me know. It's Saturday," he lingered by the door. "I'll…talk to you later?" He said awkwardly as he let himself out slowly.

Spencer couldn't help but laugh as he left, his awkward hesitance sweeter than he realized.

She went in to help Aaron, unsurprisingly having to wipe down the counter from the water and soap bubbles he'd gotten everywhere. She grabbed his toothbrush and helped him brush. "Hey buddy, wanna bake with Mommy today?"


Late that afternoon, Toby was still sitting around the apartment waiting to hear from Spencer, trying to push images of John out of his head, and more so the stupid thing he admitted that morning about his thoughts about Aaron slipping out. He was kicking himself about all of it.

"One minute," he called upon hearing the knock at the door, searching for his wallet to pay for the pizza delivery. He was still unfolding crumpled 5's and 10's before he looked up to see a laughing Spencer with Aaron hanging at her side standing at the door carrying a wide tupperware container filled with homemade Rice Krispie treats with strawberry icing. "Still on for Saturday?" She asked as she offered up the desserts, a smile spread across her face.


A/N: Hope you guys liked this chapter! Anyone know who Spencer's flashback heartbreak was? Hmmmmm.