"Come over now," Spencer texted, quickly followed by a second text: "Please,"
When Toby got there, Spencer was sitting in her old tree house and shone a flashlight down at him, signaling him up.
She moved over to make room for him as he climbed up. The dull light showed a nasty cut on her chin and some bruising around her cheek.
"What happened to you?" Toby said before settling, getting onto his knees and inching closer, his hand gently grazing over her cut.
"They were following me again, they pushed me down in my driveway after slipping this in my pocket," She said uncrumpling a piece of paper and showing it to him. THE LAST THING SHE EVER TASTED WAS DIRT IN HER MOUTH. GET USED TO THE TASTE, BITCH. XO, -A scrawled in blood red marker.
"You really need to bring this to the police," Toby sighed.
"That'll only make it worse. They're already angry. They're convinced I did that horrible thing to Ali and they just want me to suffer for it. Once I'm out of Rosewood everything will be okay. It's only a few more weeks. It's really only the night that's the issue. During the day, there are people around, whoever this is doesn't have the nerve to hurt me in broad daylight. Night is a different story," Spencer tried to explain this to him again. He'd been with her when she'd gotten a threatening text a few days ago, and so she was somewhat forced to explain herself and the situation — and it felt good to trust someone with the secret she'd held so closely to her ever since her best friend turned up murdered. She'd been cleared by the police early in the investigation but this tormentor was sure this was solely because of her parents' reputation as Pennsylvania's best criminal attorneys. And so they took the task of punishing her unto themselves. Sometimes Spencer wondered if this person truly thought she was guilty, or was Alison's true murderer and was mad when Spencer was cleared and didn't take the blame.
"You should at least go to the hospital, you might need stitches,"Toby was worried about her. He wondered how far this person would go to hurt her. He secretly wondered if she really did have anything to do with Alison's disappearance, or what other secrets she had, but he kept those thoughts to himself.
"I'm fine," she sighed, leaning in to kiss him once, her hand getting lost in his shaggy hair. "Thank you for coming, I just couldn't be alone. I got scared, and no one's home tonight." She explained before kissing him again. She was all of a sudden completely wrapped around him. She let the space between them dissolve and kissed him again, harder and quicker, laying herself down on the cold floor of the tree house. She winced at the pain of his hands on her bruised hip and his scruff rubbing her fresh wound as he kissed her. She pulled away to suck in some air and regain her composure before hesitantly leaning forward once more to continue kissing him. However, her pain didn't go unnoticed by him and he stopped, placing his hands on either side of her head to hold himself up over her without pressing any weight onto her.
"Are you okay? If you're hurt we shouldn't be doing this," he said kissing her temple and retreating to his position next to her. She sat up from her laying position and put her hands on the sides of his face.
"I just…I need you to stay until it gets light out," she said slightly above a whisper. She had a strict no-sleeping over policy since the Caleb situation in which she went from being the smartest girl in her class to feeling like the dumbest of them all for thinking his actions meant more than his intentions. The policy didn't matter if they weren't sleeping, but instead actively hooking up. No holding, no forehead kisses, no midnight whispers about feelings.
"All you had to do was ask," He said pulling her close to him. She swallowed hard as she settled her back against his chest and her head against his shoulder.
"If we aren't… then there's no reason for you to stay. I mean, it's not like I'm your girlfriend. You're not supposed to stay without a reason,"
"Well maybe the reason is that you need somebody and I could be that person. it's okay to need another people without needing to repay them…especially with sex. You don't really think that's why I hang around do you? And to be fair I've offered to have you sleep over a dozen times, you always say no. You always run out and leave as soon as we're done and the sun's up,"
"Because if I stay… In the past, I've confused staying over for feelings, and I don't want to make that mistake again because it hurt me more than the cuts and bruises I've got right now hurt." She said shyly. "I just don't like being alone at night."
"Well…no one ever said there was anything wrong with feelings," He said shyly and quietly into her neck, interlacing their fingers. "I'll come protect you any night, just like I came when you texted tonight. You should feel safe," He felt sad for her, and his hands felt unsteady with hers inside of it. He wasn't good at sharing feelings with anyone but he felt deeply connected to her. And not just because they knew each others' secrets.
Spencer ignored his bit about feelings because she had decided a long time ago she wasn't getting hurt again. It was humiliating and not worth it. She knew what she was good at and knew what she was good for — and none of it reached beyond her body. She had her secret nightlife for a reason — it was the only way to ensure her safety — from the dark corners of bedrooms and basements and cars parked in alleys hiding beneath men bigger and stronger than her she could ensure her tormentor couldn't get to her; her dark, often empty home and parents who didn't believe her cries for help was a different story. And that was how she began her sexual exploits.
But that night, she had her first sleep-over since Caleb. He rubbed her thumb and kissed her temple like Caleb had, but unlike with Caleb, she didn't have to take any of there clothes off first. Unlike Caleb, she reminded herself this was not romantic. But that didn't mean her brain believed her.
"Come in," Spencer sang softly as she heard knocking at the door. She was sitting on the floor with a mostly empty bottle of wine next to her and a mostly full glass in her hand. The floor around her was piled with photo albums and there were still mascara stains running down her cheeks.
"Hey, hey what's going on?" He crouched down, knowing her vices were always alcohol and drugs and could see that through they'd refined in the years that'd passed, they hadn't really changed.
"I hate you," she said collapsing against his shoulder and heaving once more.
He instinctively rubbed her back very lightly, hesitant to touch her. "You invited me here, you remember that, right?" He said, taking the glass from her hands and setting it aside.
"Aaron…" she hiccuped, pulling away and wiping her eyes. "He's asking about his Daddy. He thinks he doesn't have one and I'm the big mean Mommy who won't let him have one…" She caught her breath. She'd sat Aaron down after bringing him home thinking it would help, but it only made it worse as he blamed her for not giving him a Daddy as if it were as simple as buying him a toy or baking him cookies or even giving him a hug. She knew he was just a toddler, but it still didn't feel good.
Toby didn't know if he should feel happy, as this might be his in, or heartbroken because Spencer was such a good mom and was trying so hard to give enough for both parents, and then some, but Aaron wasn't old enough to appreciate what she was doing or understand that if she could have given him a father from the beginning, she would have. In fact, she tried really hard. It was Toby that took that away from Aaron. And Toby definitely felt that guilt coming on heavy right now.
"Does that mean you want me to…to try this thing?" He tried no to smile.
"No…but I think it means I have to. I just want him to be happy, you know? I've always done everything I can, but this feels…" she clenched her fists. "Out of my control," this was especially hard for Spencer. She was super Type A and did not do well when things weren't in her control. Even in the hardest times of her life, the torment she endured in high school, it was in her control to an extent — she kept her safety by picking out boys to protect her, she hid her secrets from her friends; everything in it's own separate place and in it's own labeled box, perfectly adhering to her anal tendencies despite being anything but perfect or ideal.
"I want to make this easy on you," He looked her in the eyes. "I'll do whatever you ask me to do — honest. No games. I won't smoke anymore, I won't drink, I won't date, I'll come around as much as you need me to…or go away if that'll make this easier." He put his hands up in a surrender.
She studied his eyes, and even in her drunken state knew that he was being honest, truly.
"I want you to come around more…slowly. Absolutely no telling him you're his Daddy until I say it's okay — IF I ever do. And that's a BIG if." She said with her hand on his chest, still making direct eye contact. "Bond with him. And we'll see from there. As long as you don't bring him around other women and you don't interfere with my relationships or my schedule I wouldn't ask you to change anything else, but be responsible," she breathed. "You have a lot to prove. I just want so badly to be able to tell him he can have what he wants. That I'm not a villain who chased away his Daddy and he's not a bad boy who can't have it. I'm rooting…i'm rooting for you."
"If it ever comes up, I'll make sure he knows you're the best Mom. You really are, you know. He's a mature, smart, funny little boy. Well-behaved for his age, too. You did really well. You know…I'm sorry you''re going through this right now. I'm sorry you've had to go through any of this. I should have never ran away from you that day. I shouldn't have let you hang up on me without calling back. I was so scared, Spence. But not you, you're fearless."
"I've been through worse," she shrugged. "And I wasn't always fearless,"
"You have been," he nodded, interlacing their fingers as he slid his hand towards hers, "But you've been brave through it all. If I could do it again —"
"Well you can't," she said, pulling her hand away after a second.
An awkward silence lingered between them before she took her glass back, leaning across him.
"Can I look at these?" He said, motioning towards the photo books sprawled across the floor. She nodded and upon her approval he found pictures upon pictures of baby Aaron. It seemed like she took a photo every day for at least the first year of his life.
He got choked up a bit. "I'll regret not being here with you every day for the rest of my life, if it's any consolation," he swallowed back tears.
"That just makes me sadder," she admitted, this time taking the initiative to touch hands.
"Tell me more about him," He pleaded. "About what I missed,"
"Well…his birthday is May 29th, 2011. He's turning four next week. He was only four and a half pounds when he was born…11:11pm. He had really blond hair when he was born," she said pointing to a baby picture. "But it all got dark like mine as he got older," She sighed. "He hates green vegetables and he's allergic to mellon, he broke his arm when he was a year and a half because he knew how to walk up stairs, but not down them. He got stitches after a playground incident last year. He says he wants to be a computer fixer like his Uncle Caleb when he gets bigger or a fire truck driver…which often sounds like he's saying the f-word, and once he told me he wanted to be a cat when he grew up. We lived with Ashley and Ted and Tabitha for a few months after he was born and I think he's always going to subconsciously feel connected to them. My parents see him once or twice a year usually for any substantial amount of time because they hate driving up, but now that we're closer and so much time has passed since the initial anger over the pregnancy that that might change — and I don't know how I feel about that. They're all pissy because I won't go back to Rosewood, but…I can't. It makes me sick to even think about that town."
"No one should blame you for that…" he remembered how scared she got at night. She truly thought her life would end in that town. She had no regard for her well being and he vices she engaged in because she was deep down convinced she wasn't going to make it out alive anyway. "Why was he so small when he was born? Was he born early?"
"Only a week or so," she took a deep breath. "They said it could have been stress on my part, but other times it just happens. He was healthy though."
"Were you alone?" He didn't look at her. He almost didn't want to know the answer.
"Hanna and her family and Caleb were in and out. And Aria visited. Emily FaceTime'd which was more than I expected from her."
"I'm going to make this all up to you," he looked at her with big puppy dog eyes. "Both of you."
"Just don't make promises you can't keep. Because I'll hold you to it."
"I promised you once I would protect you… I'd like to be that person again."
"Well I won't stop you…" She said, leaning into him again and getting comfortable.
In the next few days, Aaron had forgotten all about his meltdown about having a Daddy for his birthday and was excited to see Toby that day and spend all day at the ballpark since he'd previously only seen such things on TV.
"I'm SO EXCITED LET'S GO LET'S GO NOW!" Aaron said as Toby met them outside by the entrance to the building with coffee for Spencer — coconut milk, no sugar, just how she'd always drank it, and a donut for Aaron.
"I'm more excited," He teased, throwing Aaron over his shoulder while waiting for Spencer to secure the car seat into his car. She hadn't realized before now that though the paint had been retouched and the stereo had been updated, this was the same car that she'd spent time with Toby in five years prior. She'd always felt special in this car.
"No me," Aaron said, stuffing half the donut in his face and getting icing everywhere.
"Did you remember to say thank you to Toby for bringing us to the ball park today?"
"No I'll tell him when we get there, duh," Aaron said sassily and Spencer raised her eyebrows as Toby tried to suppress a laugh.
"Excuse me, mister?"
"I wuv you Momma," he batted his eyelashes as his parents got into the front of the car.
"He's a real charmer, eh?" Toby laughed. "Just like his Momma I see,"
"This is your fault, I swear," she teased quietly, implying it was always Toby who was the flirt and he'd passed that on to his son.
"How come all baseballs don't have faces? Do they all have names? My baseball's name is Aaron. Does your baseball have a name?" Aaron tugged on Toby, asking his 100th or so questions of the day. Spencer laughed because while this was normal for her, she could see Toby struggling to keep up with her son's fast-paced curiosity.
"Aaron is your name, silly," She said cutting his hotdog for him, since he refused to eat it on a bun like a normal child but instead liked it cut into small pieces and he was dip it into mustard that way.
"No my name is Stinky Butt," Aaron proclaimed loudly and both his parents laughed. All morning he'd been badgering with questions and running ahead of them towards games and the bounce house.
"Stinky Butt?!" Spencer mimicked his enthusiasm. "I don't remember naming you that,"
"I'm just kidding," he said covering his mouth as he giggled and Toby looked at Spencer with a smirk.
"Are you having fun kiddo?"
"Yes," he said with his mouth full "You're way more fun than Mommy's friend John. You should be Mommy's kissing friend instead because you're cool and John is a stinky butt meany butt" Aaron said loudly and passionately, much to Spencer's dismay.
"Hey why don't I go get you a milkshake?" Spencer said hopping to her feet, trying to avoid the awkwardness of the topic.
"STRAWBERRY," He yelled standing on his chair and Toby held his sides so he wouldn't fall.
"Cool it, buddy," he said as Spencer walked away.
"I like hanging out with you, Aaron," Toby took a chance while Spencer was away to connect. "You're my new best friend,"
"I like you because you bring me stuff and make Frozen stuffs," he chomped away. "And Mommy likes you too. She has dreams about you sometimes and you do silly stuff like take her brains out but I think it makes her happy because she was smiling when she told Auntie Hanna when I was supposed to be sleeping but I was playing with my train. Did you ever go on a train? I wanna drive a train and go CHOO CHOOOOOOO," He talked a million miles a minute with food flying out of his mouth.
"Maybe one day we can go on a train together," he offered.
"Momma too?" He smiled.
"If she wants to come," Toby smiled.
Spencer came back. "What are you boys talking about?" She said handing Aaron his cup and spilling half of the second milkshake into an empty cup to share with Toby, as she only wanted a little bit.
"iT'S BOYS SECRETS MOM," Aaron yelled.
"No fair," She play-pouted.
He shrugged, "Sorry Momma."
Toby carried Aaron inside for Spencer, as he'd slept the entire ride home, exhausted from running around with his parents all day and honestly, Spencer and Toby were just as exhausted, both collapsing onto the couch after Toby put Aaron in his room.
"How do you do this every day? I want to sleep for 48 hours to recoop," He laughed.
"It's the questions," she laughed. "I don't know why they're so tiring but they definitely are."
"And the running. So much running," He put his feet up on the coffee table.
"Are you still in?" She teased. "I can't believe you thought this would be easy,"
"I didn't," He recanted. "I'm all in. I had so much fun today, really. He's crazy and awesome."
"Yeah, he is." She smiled. "I'm so in love with him. He's perfect as far as I'm concerned. I know all moms probably say that but that kid is a riot."
"He is," he laughed. "But I also had a good time with you today…" he smiled and lingered a little too close to her lips a moment too long, and both of them got lost in the moment before she finally broke the moment to stand and stretch.
"I should be getting to bed soon, early day tomorrow at the bakery," she sighed.
He nodded, kissing her on the cheek and lingering again for a moment, taking in the scent he'd sworn he'd forgotten but realistically never could and backed away. "We'll do this again, soon," he promised on his way out. "Goodnight, Spencer."
"Sweet dreams," she smirked.
"Pick your brains out," he smirked back, reciting Aaron's words back to her. "Whatever that means. Sleep well." He said teasingly on his way out, as he'd had an idea of what Aaron probably overheard and thought it was hysterical. He'd been waiting all day to use that on her.
She turned beet red, and consequently stayed up half the night tossing and turning about it. Her family day gave her a different, old dream.
"Are you still up?" Toby texted Spencer an hour later.
"Unfortunately," she yawned as she answered. She knew it was lamely early at only 10:30 on a Saturday, but she'd be dropping Aaron off at daycare at 5:30 the next morning to be at the bakery by 6.
"Fortunately for you I think i just became your hero," He smirked as he texted back. "I've got great news."
