Chapter 6: Nobody's second choice
I left Jacob's immediately and headed to Emily's; sure that's where I'd find Embry. I knocked and heard Sam's voice, "Come in." I opened the door to see Embry, Quil, and Paul eating popcorn and fruit. I walked up to Embry, "Tell me I'm good."
"What?" He looked confused and sat me down on the bench he was sitting on in front of the table, "What are you talking about Abs?" I took a deep breath and tried to fight back the frustrated tears that were threatening to fall, "Tell me I'm good and I deserve someone who will choose me. Tell me I shouldn't be someone's second choice."
Quil looked over at me, "What happened Abs? I heard Bella pulled you over a cliff."
"Are you okay?" Paul asked through a mouth full of popcorn. I shook my head and recounted the entire experience I was forced to endure, including Jacob walking out with my sister. Sam startled me by speaking first, frustration evident in his voice, "The fuck? I'm going to kill him!"
"I'll help." Embry cracked his knuckles. Paul and Quil chimed in with agreement as well. Paul and Embry looked my body over for cuts or any sign of damage from the water, Quil got me a mug of hot tea. It was amazing to see all these people coming to my defense and taking care of me, they barely knew me and they looked ready to go to battle for me. Sam looked me in the eye, "You're family Abby, and we take care of our family. We're all glad you're okay."
I had Embry drive me home, a black Mercedes was pulled into my driveway and Bella's truck was sitting out front. Embry cursed and looked at me, "If I told you to stay in the truck, would you?"
"Probably not..." He nodded, "Then you stay behind me, I mean it Abby." I nodded and hopped out of the truck.
I was met with golden eyes; I drew the conclusion that this was the infamous Alice Cullen Bella talked so much about. Bella was arguing with Jacob, "No just her, and she can stay as long as she likes." Embry went up and yanked Jacob back by his ear, I'd laugh if the situation didn't seem so dire. "What the fuck were you thinking Black? One of these days you're going to hurt her and she's not going to bounce back."
Jacob shook him off, "I have more important things to worry about, and Bella wants to go off to Italy with this leech to go save Edward. I can't just let her go." Embry shook his head, "Dumbass…"
"Bella can make her own decisions." I shocked everyone by speaking. Bella was busy writing out a note to our dad but my words stilled her. "If she wants to go, then let her." I was beyond done with everyone's bullshit, I wouldn't be Jacob's second choice, and I wouldn't let my sister dictate my life. I could feel myself harden, my eyes turning into steel. My sister wasn't my sister anymore and if she wanted to choose the Cullen's over her family then I'll be the last one to stop her.
Bella smiled at me gratefully, "Maybe we talk things through when I get back?" She sounded hopeful but I narrowed my eyes and walked up to stand close to her. Alice walked over closer to Bella, probably worried I was going to strangle my sister. Honestly, the thought had crossed my mind. Jacob and Embry both growled menacingly as Alice got closer to us both. I ignored everything but my sister, her brown eyes reminding me so much of my own.
"I'm saying go. Go because I could give a shit less if you ever came back. You burned a bridge with me today, and you'll probably never get that back. So go."
I turned around when I felt Jacob's hand on my arm, "I'm proud of you, you stood up for yourself." I ripped my arm away from him and glared, "I am standing up for myself, and I'm tired of being quiet. I won't be your consolation prize because my sister is choosing Edward. You choose me or you fucking loose me. You chose my sister, so whatever we could have had…it's fucking gone. I'm done letting you mess with my head Jacob Black. You hurt me, and I don't forgive easily. I give you everything I have or I leave and never look back, I work in extremes like that." I said dryly and stalked out of the house, I could practically see the younger, more innocent version of myself waving goodbye from the doorway. She looked sad, the woman who was walking out of the house was hard, cold, and void of emotion. I would never be who I was again; this had changed me for better or for worse. The people around me hadn't given me any choice, I guess in this world it was walk with sharpen cleats or get trampled.
Embry drove me to Emily's in silence; he thought it was too dangerous for me to stay at home. He was afraid Alice's scent would attract other vampires. I heard a tortured howl come from the woods line; I thought it was most likely Jacob. He had run away and phased mid-way to the woods after Bella left. I shook my head, he shouldn't have been surprised. To my sister, he was just a second choice. Much like I had become to him. So what? I was supposed to be the second choice girlfriend to his second choice boyfriend? I don't think so.
Embry pulled into Emily's driveway and she rushed out to greet us. As soon as I stepped out of the truck Emily's arms were wrapped around me. "You've been through so much; I don't even know how you're still standing." I wasn't quite sure either, now that I'd confronted all my demons, I felt hollow inside and so damn tired. I staggered into the house and fell on Emily's couch. Emily propped my head on a pillow and Embry draped a blanket over me. I felt like I could sleep for a thousand years. I wish I had never left California.
"Rise and shine Abby!" I could feel a body shaking me, I felt like I was waking up from a coma. "Whaa?" I opened my eyes and saw Quil jumping on the couch. "Get off…" I mumbled and sat up.
"You've been asleep for 72 hours straight." Embry walked into the room and ruffled my hair. "WHAT?!" I leapt off the couch and looked around for my shoes.
"Calm down…" Embry grabbed me by the shoulders and steered me towards the kitchen. "I'll tell you everything you've missed if you eat." My stomach chose that moment to grumble loudly. I grinned sheepishly and sat down in front of a plate. I filled it with the breakfast items that were available: eggs, grits, bacon, sausage, pancakes, waffles, and apple juice. I chose waffles, bacon, and some scrambled eggs. Embry poured me a glass of juice. I stuffed a giant bite of waffle in my mouth, "What'd I miss? Where's Bella? Is Edward alive? Are the Cullen's back?" I rapid fired off. Embry told me to take deep breathes and had me continue to eat.
"Bella's back home, The Cullen's all came back the next day. Charlie grounded Bella until God knows when, and she and Edward are back together. Everyone is flipping their shit because Bella has decided she wants to become a vampire after graduation."
"Jacob especially, he's fixating on the treaty, saying that changing Bella violates the treaty." Quil supplied helpfully. Embry gave him a dark look.
"I have to go home..." I mumbled. I grabbed my shoes and snatched Embry's keys from him. I really needed a car. "I have to go check on my dad." I explained to Embry and he let me go reluctantly.
"Dad?" I walked into the door. I heard a gruff 'in the living room' and I followed suit and hugged my dad on the couch.
"Did you have a nice time at Emily's?" I guess Embry told my dad where I was. I nodded and he kissed the top of my head. "Thanks for staying put kiddo. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you kid." I inhaled my father's familiar scent. He was one of the positives of moving here, I had really missed him. I let him go and headed upstairs, I could hear Bella talking to someone in her room. I knocked on the door and walked in without waiting for her to respond. Edward sat on her bed beside her; I raised my eyebrows but didn't comment. I was 99% sure he was banned from the house but whatever. I was too tired to fight with her about it. Edward smiled at me, "Thank you for taking care of Bella while I was gone." I just stood in the doorway stoically. I had no idea how to respond to that, on one hand it was my job because she is my sister, on the other hand I shouldn't have to take care of her. Edward nodded like he understood my train of thought. I remember Bella saying something about Edward being able to read minds. Fabulous. I just shook my head, "I just came to see Bella was in one piece. She is, great. Okay." I turned to leave when Bella came up to grab my hand.
"Lynn please, you're my sister. I want us to be okay. Now that Edward agreed to change me I want to spend time with you while I can."
"If you marry me…" Edward interjected. Great, so now my sister was turning into a vampire and getting married. I crossed my arms, "So what? You think because you got your knight in shining armor back that everything is magically better? That everything you say to me magically goes away? You might have Edward and his family but you've damaged every other relationship in the process of loving him." I blew away the hair that had fallen in my face, "I mean it Bella, you've lost me, you hurt Jacob beyond repair, dad is furious with you, and the only relationship you have left is with the Cullen's. So you know I hope they're worth it because no one is going to come running for you when they leave again." I left the room and walked into my own, shutting the door loudly. I wanted to go back home, to California, to the dance studio. I missed my friends, and Madame La-Laree. Before I could delve more into those thoughts a knock came at my window. I looked down to see Jacob; he was throwing rocks at the window like a bad 80s movie. I opened the window, "What do you want?" I hissed.
"Move…" I was confused and moved away from my window. Three heartbeats later Jacob was standing in my bedroom wearing nothing but a pair of cut off shorts. No matter how much I might dislike him at the moment, I had to admit that the boy had a body. Rippling pectorals, wash board abs, a V with light hair trailing down into his shorts, he was sweating slightly and it glistened on his dark russet colored body. His hands were strong, and rough looking, I could imagine how they'd feel against my delicate skin. Like sandpaper against silk. His black cropped hair was messy and a few pieces were falling in his eyes, his lips were full and pink, he had high cheekbones and a strong chin. His eyes were boring into mine and I had to blink several times before I could look away. Stupid Jacob Black, he was hot but he was a jackass.
"I'm so sorry for everything Abby…" He held out his hands, palm up, trying to apologize. I just shook my head. "It doesn't matter, you made your choice." I looked at the floor.
"Abby…." He slowly walked closer to me, I walked backwards away from him, and he cornered me against the wall. He rested his elbows on either side of me and his face was so close to mine. "Sweet, sweet Abby….what pains you?" He ran one rough padded finger down the side of my face. I turned my face in the opposite direction. He was strong enough to keep there, in between his arms, like a prisoner. Our bodies up against each other and it felt nice to have a body to be close to. The warm fuzzy feeling had burst into flames in my heart and everything was different when I held a guy in my arms.
"No!" I shoved him back, tears leaking out my eyes like a faucet. Everything atom in my body begged me to pull him towards me, as close as we could get. There was a magnetic pull I couldn't deny. But my broken heart was stronger than any warm feeling he gave me.
He looked stunned at my outburst, backing away from me reluctantly, he eyes full of remorse. It was a look I was being too familiar with on Jacob Black. His eyes held remorse but his body still sinned. The look in his eyes meant nothing when it was the only way he could say sorry. "I know everything got so fucked up Abby. I'm so sorry, I just…I spent my whole life loving Bella and then you come along. I don't want to love you. I owe it to myself to do everything I can to fight for Bella." Ouch. He didn't want to love me. He didn't want to love me. He didn't want to love me.
"It's okay…" My voice was eerily calm. "You made your choice and it's okay if your choice isn't me." It was the truth. Sometimes we offer people chances hoping that they'll choose you, sometimes we offer people chances knowing that they never will.
"I never wanted there to be a choice." He answered quietly; I wasn't quite sure what he meant. He made it sound like he was unwillingly bound to me. It would hurt a lot less if he would make a clean break, if he wouldn't than I would.
"I think you should leave now, I think you should go." I tried to corral him back towards the window. As he got ready to jump back down, I grabbed his arm, "I just have one question…"
"Anything…"
"Why do you still love her?" I asked him.
"She used to call me her own personal sun. But she's like the sun in my world, and without a sun there's no way to survive." He jumped down.
I wanted to say something.
"I'm sorry" or perhaps "fuck you." I wanted to say, "I let you in and you abused that position of trust." But no no no. I wanted to say, "kiss me please please, we can forget everything."
Or maybe, maybe I just wanted to say, "I forgive you. You're not sorry but I still forgive you."
Author's Note: BOOM! Chapter 6, Abby might be getting a backbone yet. At this point she's either going to find herself or lose herself.
