Chapter 6

Older but Not Much Wiser

NINETY-NINE YEARS LATER . . .

Zim couldn't believe it. After all this time he was finally going to get back to Dodge City. After becoming a bank robber, having adventures on the high seas, fighting Indians and traveling across half of America he was en route to Dodge City. From the platform on the train he could see Front Street in the distance. The time machine was in a crate in the cargo car. It was going to be delivered to the Dodge House where he would use it to escape into the future, to his present, after saving Mad Dog DD's life.

Zim went back inside the car, and he caught a glimpse of himself reflected in the glass of the window. Fitz and Brandon would never recognize him, not with this ridiculous waxed mustache, pince nez spectacles and a bowler hat.

He sat down across from the hottest chick he could find, but before he could introduce himself a man who was clearly her husband returned from the platform and sat next to her. Zim sighed and thought about all the events that had brought him here.

When he'd been confronted with the Redcoats he was slick enough to push the diamond knob forward, which sent him hurtling into the future again, thus saving his life. He came to a stop in 1875 where he discovered a bank had been built three years before in that very place. Since he was in need of period money he went back to when they were building the place, and then he dragged the time machine to where the massive vault would be built. He then went back into the future, helped himself to as much money as he could grab, then went back a few years to a safe place. There he took refuge and started living the life of a gentleman. With the cash he'd stolen he made a name for himself and wound up making friends with a young H. George Wells before he'd made his time machine.

Then Zim set up a residence for himself near where the bank would be so he could drag the machine over to his property. He was proud of himself for coming up with such an ingenious plan. He traveled back to 1875, a few days before the bank robbery that he would later commit, and he started making arrangements to have the time machine shipped to Dodge City, Kansas.

Having lots of money was really cool. Zim didn't have to make any effort to have the thing shipped. Workers came over and crated it up. They even hauled it down to the shipyard and loaded it onboard. All he had to do was pay them and also pay for his own journey.

So many other things happened on his way to this moment. Pirates and cannibals tried to board the ship, but British soldiers managed to defend them pretty well. When Zim got to America he boarded a train to Dodge City, but along the way they were attacked by nation after nation of angry natives. Zim learned how to shoot, and he'd managed to build up quite the body count. He surprised himself with his defensive abilities. His appearance wasn't the only thing about him that Fitz and Brandon would be unable to recognize.

And now here he was, stepping off the train and walking up to the depot mere days before his adventures in the Old West were supposed to begin. He paid all the proper parties and oversaw the shipping of the time machine to the Dodge House. It was too big, so they had to leave the crate outside in the back lot of the inn.

Since he had a few days he thought he'd enjoy the good life . . . as much as Dodge could offer the good life. He went to Delmonico's, but he stayed away from the Longbranch. He didn't want to fuck time up too much by running into someone who might later recognize his past self. Instead he hung out at the Lady Gaye despite the horrible name. At first he was reluctant to step through the batwing doors, but as soon as he saw the inside he knew there was nothing gay about this place.

Mostly he hid out in his room at the Dodge House. Sometimes he'd look out the window and see Marshal Dillon strolling around with Chester Goode by his side. Once he even saw Josh Randall snooping around town.

And then came the day that he saw himself, wandering around town with cowshit on his pants. He grimaced at the sight of himself. He couldn't believe he looked so stupid, but maybe that was par for the course.

Now that Past Zim had arrived, Zim decided to stay in the hotel until the moment of truth. That way he'd be sure not to run into himself and cause . . . what was it? A pair a' cox? Something like that.

The next day, when he knew Past Zim would still be busy either with the jail or with the shootout at Doc's place, he snuck out the back of the Dodge House and crossed the tracks, looking for the place where he was supposed to meet with Mad Dog DD. He was about a half an hour away from the moment he would put a bullet into DD's seemingly useless body, so he knew he'd have to prowl around a bit.

Then there was a loud POP behind him, and he turned to see a bubble forming in reality. Zim looked around, but no one was there to see what he was looking at. The air shimmered and crackled, and Zim reached into his shoulder holster to pull out the small revolver with which he'd become so proficient. He had no idea what was going on, but he knew it couldn't be good when a giant sizzling bubble formed out of thin air.

It melted away, and there was a very large, very muscular man kneeling on the road. The first thing he noticed was the crewcut, and then Zim noticed the guy was naked. When the man started to stand, Zim turned his head away to avoid looking at this muscle man's junk.

"Cris Zim?" The man had a thick Austrian accent.

"Sure," Zim said. He strained not to look.

"I have been sent from the future to terminate you."

"With what? Your dick? I'm busy. Go away."

When the man charged forward he did so with a series of clicks and whirs as if he was some kind of a robot. There was also a gleam of red from behind his eyes, and Zim felt like maybe he was wrong about trying to ignore this guy. He whirled around, but when he saw how close the guy was he was certain he'd never get his gun up in time.

"Aouaugah!" the robot man roared. Zim cringed, prepared to die.