Chapter 12: Choked and Chastised

I knew I would have to go back home eventually. I could only use the excuse that I was at Leah's for so long. Eventually dad would start getting suspicious. Leah and Emily helped me into the bathroom, when Bella tried to come with I simply waved her off. I knew my anger was slightly irrational, it wasn't Bella's fault. But the only thing I could think about was the fact that none of this would have happened if she wasn't involved with vampires. But I liked these vampires, I loved Rosalie and Alice. Esme and Carlisle were parental figures in both Bella's and I life. I couldn't be mad at my sister, Edward was her soul mate. I knew if I had the option, I'd risk it all to be with the person I loved. I tried not to think about Jacob but his face was the first to cross my mind. I could love him all day long and that wouldn't matter if he didn't love me back. Feelings were a bitch. Seth crouched down beside me, I signed 'sister' and Seth went to go bring Bella. When she walked in she looked like she'd been crying. "I'm so sorry sis, I'm so sorry." I just shook my head. I was sure God was laughing at me, somehow my sister could ruin everything she touched and she still gets her happy ending. I tried to be everything everyone needed me to be and that got me an imprint who didn't want me and a crushed larynx. Life. Fucking. Sucks. Between Bella, Emily, and Leah they tried everything to cover the bruises. They tried to cover it with makeup but every time they touched my neck I recoiled back violently from pain. They tried to tie a scarf around my neck instead, but the material was itchy and I kept trying to touch it which made the pain worse. In the end, the girls ran out of ideas.

Embry and Seth drove me home; Bella went back to the Cullen's house. I don't blame her; nobody wanted to be around when shit hit the fan. Hell, I didn't want to be here. Seth, of course, would be by my side for the foreseeable future. He was my only mode of communication at the moment. Embry parked his truck in my driveway and both of the boys helped me in the house. My dad came storming from upstairs as soon as Seth had shut the door. "Abby-Lynn Swan, where the hell have you been? What did you…." He caught sight of my neck, "What the hell happened to your neck? What happened to my daughter?" He looked threateningly at Seth and Embry. They took two steps backward as my dad took several menacing steps forward. "Who….strangled….my baby girl?" He snarled. I waved my arms frantically in front of my dad trying to convey that they didn't do anything. I looked at Seth pleadingly. I quickly signed, 'tell my dad that you guys didn't do anything. Tell them I got mugged.' He raised his eyebrows as if to say 'are you sure' I nodded. Seth ran his fingers through his hair and growled softly but repeated me nonetheless. Dad came and wrapped his arms around me in a tight bear hug. "I will find the bastard that hurt you bunny….and they will pay." I willed the tears to stay inside, versus sliding down my face. My dad hadn't called me bunny since I was six. He called me bunny because I hopped everywhere when I was little. I was born a dancer; I came out of the womb doing pirouettes. Dad didn't understand ballet at all, so he told everyone that I hopped around the house all day. Thus he always called me bunny. Then the tears came rushing down my cheeks like a dam. I let myself be consoled by my father, my rock, the one constant in my life. He was stable, sturdy, and strong. He was exactly what I needed right now.

Dad had me on lockdown in the living room, propped up on lots of pillows and thick blankets. Seth was staying with us so he could translate for me. The only other people allowed to see me were people that dad knew wouldn't upset me. Which translated to: Embry (who came to see me every day sometimes staying the night with Seth), Leah (who frequently came with Emily, I was glad to see they were mending fences), Bella (because she lived here and she was my sister) and Edward (because he was always with my sister). Alice and Rosalie came to see me often as well; they were on their way now. Rose was livid that I had gotten hurt, she blamed Jacob. How it was his fault I didn't know. Suddenly Rose came waltzing into the living room with Alice not far behind. It was only around 10 am so Seth was still asleep in the recliner. Bella and I were drinking coffee and talking quietly. Rose wrapped me up in a big hug, "How're you feeling?" I shrugged and make a 'so-so' gesture with my hand. The bruising around my neck was starting to fade from deep purple to a lighter blue color. I had gotten over the shock; I was starting to just accept that bad things happened to me. This was my life now. I just kept waiting for the one good thing that made all of this unbelievable shit worth it. Jacob had been begging for days to come see me, but everyone was objecting. I feel like even if we got together now, there's too much water under the bridge or whatever. How would we get past everything that's happened? Being put on lockdown gave me a lot of time to think and maybe I didn't want to get past everything. I wasn't the same person I was when I first came to Forks; I wasn't the perfect ballerina or even the perfect little sister. I had been broken and bruised now, I had lived. I was a completely different person now, I wasn't soft or meek. I was hard and outspoken now…because I had to be.

Dad has been on the war path trying to find the person that "mugged" me. He was pulling extra hours down at the station and Emmett was working side by side with him to make sure he didn't accidently stumble upon vampire activity. Carlisle was kept on speed-dial to check on me periodically. So far, as expected, dad was coming up empty handed on the mugger front. I wasn't worried, the damage was already done but I played the victim for my father's sake. Bella sat down next to me and signed, very slowly, "are you okay?" I was touched to find out that everyone was learning sign language to communicate with me. Seth was the only one who could sign as fast as I could but the fact that everyone was trying was pretty touching. It had been almost a month and the bruises were now completely faded. I signed and told her I was okay, that she didn't need to worry. This is life, and it is what it is. Shit is going to happen. She paused briefly before biting her lip and signing again, "What about Jacob?" I banged my head on the wall where I was still laying on the couch. Embry gave me a look to stop and went back to playing cards with Seth and Leah. Emily was making lunch in the kitchen, no matter how many times I told everyone I was fine now, they still insisted on dotting on me like an invalid. I moved my hands rapidly, "I think I have to get over the fact that I'll probably never get an apology from him because in his twisted mind…he's done nothing wrong." Bella tried to assure me that Jacob felt terrible and that he missed me something awful. But all I could hear was a buzzing silence, the same silence I heard in his bedroom when asked if he'd still love me when I was healed. I think it all started when I stopped liking him. I still love him but I don't like him anymore…and that's when I knew my mind was preparing my heart for that moment. The one where I would say "I'm done" and really mean it. So did I really mean it? I was tied to him for the best of my life, I needed to let go and move on. I couldn't hold on to everything, I was a new person now that I've been through hell and maybe I needed to give him a chance to be a new person too. I looked at my sister, my head was swimming, but I signed that I wanted to see Jacob.

He was at the door five minutes later; apparently he'd taken to sleeping in the woods across the street in wolf form. He was waiting on the off chance that I might want to see him. I motioned him to the back porch where I sat on the swing and started rocking back and forth silently. I could see everyone gathered in the living room, all trying to pretend that they weren't watching us. Emily, Leah, dad, Embry, Seth, Sam, Paul, and Jared. My sister here too with Edward, Carlisle, Alice, and Rosalie. It was really nice to see everyone put aside their differences and come together for me. I was smiling to myself when Jacob's voice brought me back, "Why are you smiling?" I tilted my head and signed slowly, "It's nice to see vampires and werewolves in the same room, not fighting, and just being together." He nodded slowly and seemed to be processing my words. "It's all because of you, you know. If it wasn't you no one would bother. They're only being civil to each other because of you, you bring everyone together." I smiled again and Jacob came to sit gingerly beside me. He threw his arm on the back of the swing and I felt the heat radiate towards my back. I started signing without looking away from the full moon in the sky, "You asked me one time what do I need. And I almost said it to you right there and then. That what I need most is the power not to break, the power not to break under pressure, under love, under your heated gaze. The power not to break whenever you walk away from me, or whenever you hurt me with your words and your stupid actions and inactions. The power to walk away from you and never look back. The power to never fall in your arms again every time you come back. The power to still this treasonous, treacherous heart of mine. To say I don't love you anymore and mean it this time."

I sighed heavily and heard him take a sharp intake of breath, "You don't want to love me?"

"Do you want to love me, or do you want to still pine after my sister?"

"You're everything your sister isn't and everything I didn't know I needed. You make me better Abby. When I first met you, you glided down the staircase with grace. You always seemed too good for me, and that had nothing to do with the way you looked. Even though, God you're beautiful, you always put 3 sugars in your coffee because you can't stand the bitter taste alone. I now you smell like lavender. You love romantic comedies and you laugh so hard at them that tears come to your eyes. I've come to notice every little thing about you Abby-Lynn and I've been so damn lucky to get to be around you and I took that for granted. You make me better and you don't even realize it. I want you Abby; I want you now and forever." His arm trailed down my arm and left goosebumps in his wake. I turned towards him abruptly, "kiss me…" so he did. And I swear the fucking world stopped.

Author's Note: Sorry lovelies! I know it's taken forever but Uni has been a nightmare. Well I'm taking the semester off to work in the real world so I'll be posting more regularly. xoxo Lottie