I went back to classes. Nobody knew I had been gone, much less that the duplicate of me was fake. She'd only been asked a question once, and just scribbled on a piece of paper that she lost her voice.

Like I said, all my smarts, just not the real me.

In all honesty, I wasn't certain whether I was happy or not that nobody had noticed, much less that I had been so successful in my magic. It was just more proof that I wasn't normal, that I couldn't be normal.

But I still attended classes. I still went home to Mrs. Tran and studied and wrote my essays and did flashcards, but things were different, now. Mrs. Tran still helped, but I didn't accept it as much anymore. I was just… I was withdrawing, and I knew it. Hell, Mrs. Tran knew it.

But she left me alone on this one. She let me figure out what my course of action was going to be. She was a smart mom. Kevin had been a lucky guy.

So I visited the library, and started doing independent research. They didn't have a lot of info on hunting and dead languages, but they had a few books, and that would have to do.

So I sat and read in my free time, studied back up on everything I might've forgotten or didn't know. The History of Witches and Witchcraft was an interesting one. It didn't mention Rowena by name, but I was pretty certain it was referencing her, along with a different witch that was the origins of the Hansel and Gretel story, the reasoning behind the Salem witch trials, and how witchcraft and Wiccans exist in society today.

"Am I Wiccan?" I asked myself, smirking a little as I looked around. Nobody was nearby, so I held up a hand and let a little fire pentagram rise up from my fingers. "Nah." I decided, clenching my fist with a smile.

My smile faded when I realized that I wasn't certain whether I even wanted to be a witch or not. I loved magic, I had gotten so used to it that it felt like an extension of my own person. I could extend a hand, and it just flowed from my fingers so comfortably that I couldn't imagine life without it now.

I wished I knew what to do.

"What am I?" I muttered, waving a hand. The book floated halfway back to its spot on the shelf before I realized what I was doing, and it slammed to the ground. "I can't ask these questions if I just keep using like some sort of addict!" I exclaimed quietly to myself, getting up to grab the book by hand. "But if I stop…" I looked down at my arms, and remembered the deep scratches that used to decorate them. "If I stop it'll destroy me."

I walked out of the library with more questions than answers, and went back to my studies. They were boring now, though. Listening to Psychology was boring. Going to 18th Century Literature was boring. Algebra was too easy, and I finished the entire book in a short amount of time. I didn't bother with erasing the extra calculations for Chemistry anymore, I just worked it all out on a different piece of paper and then wrote down the pertinent bits on the actual worksheet.

"You're a witch." Different conversations with Crowley rang out in the back of my mind. "And a damn good one."

"This is exactly why I'm going to college." I muttered.

"Community college, which is boring and beneath you and something that you jumped to leave without much persuasion."

"And you aren't happy in that normal life either." Crowley said softly. "That's why you agreed so easily. You missed this just as much."

And those last words, the biting ones that made me wish I could go back, but at the same time reminded me of the fear I had at the idea.

"You miss Cas."

"You're damn right." I muttered to myself, waving the book back to its spot on the top shelf. I thought about calling. If I did, would he even want me to be there? Would he want me to leave? "He's probably moved on by now." I decided, walking outside. I mean, it had been a few months. He was an angel. Time passes by so quickly for him, the time I spent with him was probably already a blip in his memories.

Karma joined me outside, keening a little bit at my unhappy mood. She had actually become quite in tune with my emotions and responses. I wondered if it was a hellhound thing, or if it was just a dog thing. I wanted to call Crowley and ask him, but at the same time… I wasn't certain about doing that as well. He was with Castiel, and they were hunting Lucifer together. It would be like trying to call Castiel, for me.

I gave Karma a small smile, scratching her behind the ear. She smiled at that, jumping around happy. I needed to get her another tetherball. She demolished anything smaller.

I felt my phone buzz, and I reached in to my pocket to grab it. "Speak of the devil." I muttered, seeing the face on it. Crowley had put his contact info in to my phone, including an idiotic contact photo. Castiel had actually told me about this one a long time ago. He apparently had it hanging up in Hell too.

I answered it, taking a seat on a nearby bench. "Now you're calling?" I asked. "What happened to just showing up on campus? Tired of me already?"

"We got Rowena." He said. "And Lucifer's vessel is currently at the bottom of the ocean, rotting away with a trapped Devil inside of it."

"Go Rowena." I muttered. "She alright?"

"She's resilient." He answered. "And determined to retire amongst the 1% of society." I made a face at that. "She's also asking questions."

I leaned forwards, resting my elbows on my knees. "What kind of questions?"

"Lucifer decided to drop your name." He said. "And she's now asking as to the status of your life."

"What did you tell her?" I asked. "Does she remember anything?"

"Not as far as I can tell," that made me feel a little relieved. "And I told her exactly what you said. Kylie Dillinger is dead. Diana Nyx is the daughter of a witch and an angel." That was what we'd agreed on.

"Does she know about Mrs. Tran?"

"No."

"Good." I let out a small sigh of relief. "Do you think she'll come looking for me?"

"She may," he conceded. "But you're not going by Diana Nyx in your collegiate studies, nor have you used that alias among your homeless contacts, so I doubt she will find success easily, if at all."

"Do you still have a security detail on us?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Are they demon?"

"I don't have many demonic friends anymore." He answered. "It's been difficult, reclaiming Hell."

"Aw, don't worry Crowley." I assured him. "You're a rascally son of a bitch that plays the long chess game. I know you've got a plan."

"I feel almost flattered." He responded, sarcasm dripping from his voice. I let out a small laugh. "How is Karma doing?"

"She's a good girl," I said, the words gaining perked ears from said hellhound as she ambled towards me. "Aren't you?" I scratched behind her ear. "Aren't you?"

"Glad to hear everything is working out so well for you." He said. I didn't answer, and for a moment my hand lapsed in its attention to Karma. "Unless things aren't working out so well?" He asked.

"Everything is fine." I finally said, forcing the words out like they had a foul taste. Crowley hummed an agreement, but neither of us quite believed my words. "It's just an adjustment thing." I said. "Nothing more. I'll be back to loving the college life in no time."

"You miss Hunting now, don't you?" He asked.

"With you?" I scoffed. "I think you're still just lonely. You were Hunting with an angel, after all." I laughed. "That's like, the textbook set-up for a bad pun."

"And I'm sure you have plenty to tell about that." I could almost hear the eye roll in his voice. "But you didn't say no, at all." I didn't dignify that with a response, which just urged Crowley to continue. "You know, that offer on taking out a few Lucifer Loyalists still stands, if you're interested."

This time, I actually considered the offer. Mrs. Tran had said to try going for both together, after all. But demons… What if they figured it out and squealed? News does travel fast along demonic lines, after all. They're just huge gossipers.

"I'll think about it." I finally said. "Just… Let me figure out what I want to do about all of this first."

"You actually mean it." He sounded surprised. "You're actually considering it this time."

"I'm considering a lot of things." I admitted. "And now that's just another one of them."

"I'll do your homework again." He offered.

"You're desperate, aren't you?"

"I'm just trying to make the decision easier on you." I sat in silence for a few moments longer before shaking my head.

"I don't think I can right now." I answered. "I still need to sort a few things out, for me."

"Alright." He said.

"Good luck with Castiel."

"He's not with me right now." Crowley stated. "He went to go take care of some personal business."

"Does he know anything?"

"No." Crowley wanted to say something, I could feel it. "Do you ever wish you would tell him, or that he would go to you and know?"

"I…" I was done lying to myself. "Yeah. Some days I do. I miss the hell out of him. I miss the family I had with them."

"That family dynamic included you wanting to kill me." Crowley reminded me.

"Eh. People change?" I offered. "Call it character development. You aren't trying to kill me anymore, either."

"Fair point." He conceded. "So why don't you tell him, on those days?"

"You remember the reactions." I said. "Sam and Dean… They hated me. If Castiel had chosen me, it would've driven them apart. If not… It would've broken something inside of me that I couldn't fix. Best to leave the whole situation entirely, remove myself from the equation."

"You sound like a Winchester."

"If I was a Winchester, I would've chosen to stay with Castiel and damned the consequences." I argued. "Taking myself out of it, it leaves him free to live the life he wants."

"And if he wants back a life with you?" That question stung.

"He wouldn't. Not now." I said. "Not after he learns I'm still alive, and that I lied to him and made him forget. No matter what choice I make, it's not going to end well."

That hung over the phone like a heavy weight that neither of us were quite willing to try and break just yet, for fear of what may lie behind it. Finally though, Crowley spoke. "Best of luck in college, Kylie." He said. "Call me if you decide to bust some demons."

"I will." I promised. The line went dead, and I stood. Karma wagged her tail beside me, wanting attention and excitement. I pocketed my phone, smiling at her. "Wanna go for a run, girl?" I asked. She liked running, and I didn't mind doing that to get back to Mrs. Tran's.

So we both sprinted towards home, hellhound and witch, side by side. I used my power to go a little faster, matching pace with Karma and staying just the littlest bit ahead of her as we took back alleys to avoid people.

I couldn't help but think that I was running to avoid my problems – my fears – as well.