Barry was pacing in the living room of the Wests, waiting for Iris to meet him. That morning had rocked his world, shifting his foundation fundamentally. The woman he had thought he'd wanted was suddenly knocked out of contention the woman who had been there through the toughest parts of the last few years. Iris was a romantic ideal, pretty but hollow. Caitlin was all passion, earthy and real. He couldn't believe it took him messing with the timeline to make him see what was right in front of him all along. That the love he craved had been standing beside him the entire time.
"Barry?" Iris walked through the front door, dropping her keys on the entry table. Normally her voice would excite him, but now, all he felt was familiarity. No spark, nothing. Empty.
"Hey Iris." He called as he watched her come into the den. He thought back to how just the sight of her would make his heart flutter, never letting himself realize they they were basically brother and sister. Not by blood, but by law and by the fact that they had grown up together in the same house. It suddenly made his skin crawl, completely wrong. He now knew that it was milk white skin kissed by the sun that made his heart race, lush hips and pillow soft lips that called to his soul.
Iris' smile dimmed as she came closer to Barry. She had always been perceptive, and Barry knew that his thoughts were on his face. He didn't know how he had been able to keep his secret of being the Flash from her as long as he had, never having been able to keep anything from his childhood friend. She reached out to touch his arm, but he dodged her hand, face impassive.
"Barry? What's wrong?"
All Barry felt was calm, knowing the decision he had made was right. Looking ahead, he saw nothing with the woman in front of him. All he saw was the past, tinted with affection. His future was with Caitlin, who even now was working on a way to harness and control her powers. To help him, to protect people like Iris. The ability to control her powers, to love like a normal woman.
"I can't be with you anymore Iris." No point in beating about the bush. Do it like a band aid, quickly. If he got it over with fast it would reduce any pain felt on the part of Iris. The woman in front of him crossed her arms and began tapping her toe.
"What brought this on?" Her normally pleasant face clouded with anger. Barry had always known she had a temper, but he was surprised to see it come to the surface so quickly. He also recalled that she had a powerful jealous streak that ran deep.
"Recent events made me rethink some things." Barry ran his hand through his hair, trying to decide where to start. To be as tactful as possible. "Things began changing months ago."
"Could have fooled me. I thought we had finally decided that it would be us against the world." Her voice didn't sound hurt. Angry was more like it.
"It started when Zoom kidnapped Caitlin." Barry started only to be interrupted.
"Big shocker." Barry stared at Iris, unable to believe the venom he could hear in her voice.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Why was she being so nasty all of a sudden?
"We all saw you Barry. You acted like your world had come crashing to the ground. You barely slept and only ate when Cisco or dad forced you to." She threw her hands in the air. "You acted like a zombie, barely even looking at me."
"What do you want me to say?" Barry baked right back at her, tension coiling in his stomach. "Caitlin is the only person with the knowledge of how to put me back together after a fight. Both physically and emotionally."
"So what, she's not your girlfriend." Iris argued, not seeing that she had already lost the battle. Barry frowned, wishing he knew how to keep this from ruining their relationship.
"No, but neither are you Iris." He said as gently as possible. He felt this chapter of his life ending and a new one about to start with Caitlin.
"You deserve better, someone who sees you and wants to be by your side."
Barry could tell that his words were beginning to sink in. Iris sat on the couch heavily, not looking at him. Part of him hated hurting her, but he knew he had to be honest with himself. After all this time, all the blind pinning away, he finally knew with a clear certainty who and what he wanted. It wasn't Iris after all; maybe it never had been, not really.
"So Caitlin?" Her voice was thick. "When did that start?"
"Honestly? This morning."
Iris looked up, not believing him. He pressed on, feeling the need to explain himself. To justify what was out of his control.
"Last year when I jumped worlds I got an inkling of us, together. At first I was ecstatic, but as things began to crumble with Zoom, I realized things had changed. I had changed. I had experienced too much, lost too much. I wasn't the Barry you knew. I was someone else, someone more. I just didn't realize it then."
Barry sighed as he saw tears in Iris' eyes. He knew he was hurting her, but he couldn't lie to himself anymore. Couldn't deny himself the future he could now see with Caitlin by his side.
"I don't know where Caitlin and I will go from here, but I do know that I want to take a chance with her. I want to see how we will work together as a team and be involved together. I need someone in my life who can protect themselves if they become a target. She's always been able to do that, even without her powers."
Barry whispered,
"I'm sorry Iris."
Walking out the door he was followed by the sound of crying. Instead of ripping him apart, it affirmed his resolve. They both needed to move on from the farce they were in, just going through the motions because it was expected of them. They were free to find the real true love they both deserved.
