Destined to Care for You
Kendra's tattoo is black and white, and something in Leonard shifts as he remembers when his own had reverted to that state. Now that he actually knows Sara, the very idea of her loss makes him angry, almost desperate. They're only just getting to know each other, and already, Leonard has an inkling of why soulmates die close together so often.
Forget the self-destructive phase he went through when his unknown soulmate seemed to have vanished; if he lost Sara, even now, he'd spiral out of control. It isn't codependency, though, not really. It's just that he knows instinctively that she makes him better, and that maybe he can help her, too.
His first impulse is to avoid her until he figures out what he needs to do, but he finds himself unable to, partly because they're drawn to each other, and partly because Mick decides words aren't enough interference. He finds excuses to push them together.
Not that it takes all that much. Playing cards, giving the professor a hard time, training… It's all better with Sara.
Leonard, Mick, and Sara are playing cards together one day when Raymond walks in, rubbing his thumb across the mark on his wrist. It's neither an idle movement nor a thoughtful one; the man is rubbing it hard, as if he wishes he could remove it. Leonard can't quite see what it is, but he can tell it has color.
Raymond has a soulmate waiting for him, somewhere, and he doesn't seem happy about it.
Sara raises her eyebrows at Leonard like she's thinking the same thing, and she's much closer than Leonard realized. Her knee rests gently against his thigh, and if her hands weren't clutching her cards where he couldn't see them, he could easily reach out and lace their fingers together.
Not that he wants to, of course.
But she'd come into his space, into his invisible, protective bubble, and he hadn't even noticed.
Raymond sighs loudly, drawing his attention. "What is it, Raymond?" Leonard drawls, dragging his eyes away from Sara and latching onto the distraction, ignoring Mick's smirk.
"Nothing," Raymond huffs. Leonard starts a mental countdown: three, two one… "It's just," the man continues, right on cue, "I don't know. I'm feeling a little trapped, I guess."
"Do you know who she is?" Sara asks, nodding toward Raymond's wrist when the man looks surprised.
He drops his hands to his sides and sighs. "I don't. And that's the problem, isn't it? Every time I think I've found the one, she turns out to be the wrong one. Forcing it doesn't seem to help, but I feel like not trying is just giving up, giving into some phenomenon that nobody really understands anyway. How does this"—he holds his wrist so he can glare at it—"know who my perfect woman is?"
Somehow, Leonard manages to keep from looking at Sara, but he can feel her eyes on him. Mick is probably watching him, too. He looks down at his cards before speaking again. "Did something specific bring on your existential angst?"
"Yes. No. I don't know." Raymond runs a hand through his annoyingly perfect hair.
"Enlightening," Leonard drawls, and he hears Mick chuckle.
"Yeah, well, I don't know. It's Kendra and Carter, I think. If there were ever two legitimate soulmates, it's them, and even they couldn't get it right. What chance do the rest of us have?"
Leonard mulls the sentiment over silently, excruciatingly aware of Sara's knee pressing against him. Before he can decide on a response, Raymond continues. "Sorry for bringing down the party," he says, seeming to finally notice the card game. "I'll just… I'm gonna go find something to eat."
Kendra's tattoo is black and white, and Kendra had still been fighting against her destiny, and Sara doesn't want to imagine what that must feel like. She's only just getting to know Leonard, and still, she knows that losing him would wreck her.
Fighting against their bond gets harder all the time. There are touches now, occasionally. Only Mick seems to have noticed. The man gets some sort of perverse satisfaction at seeing them together. He's grown on her, though. Not to the same extent as Leonard has, but she'll still upset when Mick gets taken along with Ray and the professor.
She's not as upset as Leonard is, though.
The things he says to her about Rip's side-mission, about possibly killing Stein, are hard to ignore. He talks like he knows her better than she knows herself, and that's just bullshit. How can he say it's the wrong thing to do, when she's only considering it to save the world?
His use of their labels bothers her. Sure, he's been a crook and she's been an assassin. She left that life behind, though, and he's needling her about doing what she has to do now.
It's not like he's still the crook anymore. Not in the same way he was. When he steals, it's usually for a cause.
Isn't that the same as what she's doing? What she's ready to do, anyway, to save most of the team and the whole damned planet?
And yet Leonard doesn't just let it go, doesn't let her do what she needs to. Her fucking soulmate is an asshole.
What about Stein's soulmate, though? Sara knows she's still alive in 2016. If she pulls this trigger, will Clarissa's mark go dark? She isn't sure how that works with time travel, but it makes her think about Kendra's tattoo. It makes her think about how she'd feel if she lost Leonard.
It's enough to make her slow her actions, and it gives Leonard a chance to reiterate his opinion. This time, though, instead of needling her, instead of plying her with guilt or with what he'd do differently, there's genuine feeling in his voice.
"That's how a killer thinks, and that's not you anymore." He's almost pleading, and it's enough.
Stein is safe for now, and the rest of the world is doomed.
Except they make it work, somehow. Their cobbled-together team of misfit, wannabe legends manages to pull the damned thing off, and then Rip is praising her for not doing what he asked, and Sara can't help but give credit where it's due.
If they hadn't been attacked, she's sure Rip would've figured out right then that she and Leonard have something between them.
He doesn't want to admit how much Sara plays into his decision to get back on the Waverider rather than staying in the alternate version of 2046. Partly, he doesn't want to admit to himself or to Mick that he might've chosen Sara over his partner.
When Mick wakes up, though, he calls him on it.
"You screwed me over so you could be with Blondie, when you're not even planning to make a move."
"And what should I have done, Mick? I couldn't stay, and you knew that."
"Then why not just leave me behind?"
"I couldn't do that, either." Leonard paces the room, and Mick watches him, his body still coiled tight with anger.
"And why not? I could've been happy there." Something in Mick's tone reminds Leonard of when he'd talked about Katy. "That world was made for me."
"But then where would I have been, huh?" Leonard doesn't mean to shout, and he stills, trying to reign in his errant emotions. "You've been there for me, Mick, since I was just a scrawny little kid. Even when we weren't working together, I knew I could call and you'd be there. I know it was selfish, but you and Lisa are all I've got. I couldn't leave you in an alternate timeline and never see you again."
"You've got Blondie," Mick says, quietly.
"I know," Leonard answers, sitting on the bed across from his partner and hanging his head. "Still doesn't mean I want to lose you, it seems."
They don't talk anymore for a while, but Leonard figures he's mostly been forgiven when Mick locks him and Sara in a closet for three hours.
They've been in this closet for almost three hours. Leonard says it's his fault, his and Mick's, but he won't explain how or why.
They end up talking about their childhoods. To say they were different would be the understatement of the century.
Still, though, they're here together now. At least the closest has a decent amount of room, and it has a light, so they aren't trapped in the dark.
She's been able to watch Leonard's face as he talks about his father, as he talks about his sister. She sees the teasing light in his eyes when he calls Sara a daddy's girl. She sees the way he watches her, intent, those blue eyes looking right into her, soaking up all the information they can find.
She sees the way he looks away when it's a little too much, his eyes darting down to her wrist before moving to the safety of the floor.
When the door finally opens, she sees Mick standing outside, his arms crossed.
"You two get through your shit yet?" he asks.
"We're working on it, Mick," Leonard answers. "We just need some time."
Sara has to wonder, though. Is it really that they need time? They were just in a closet for three hours, and neither of them had tried to kill the other. She can't think of anyone else she could stand being locked up with for that long, at least not without resorting to sex, and yet she isn't even in a hurry to leave.
Maybe Mick has the right idea, after all. Maybe just sticking together is the way to go.
It doesn't make it any less terrifying how fast she's falling.
