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Chapter 5 – *Over You

Over, I'm so over you
The way that you look
In a 3-piece suit

Over, I'm so over you
The way that you held me
Like nobody else would

Maybe if I tell myself enough
Maybe if I do
I'll get over you
Maybe if I tell myself enough
Maybe if I do
I'll get all over

The last 10 years of Rory's life have been nothing like she thought they would be. She had always imagined herself in some foxhole reporting the latest news on some current foreign war, or back on the presidential trail like right after college with the Obama Campaign. Instead she had been in New York for her monthly visit with her publisher.

Her young adult book series, Gilmore Girls, that she had recently sold, was expected to sell like hotcakes and she was in the process of finishing book three. Of course the suits had notes. They always had notes, some of which were good, most she knew she could just ignore, it was her editor Kathleen that she trusted to make any editing suggestions, because hers usually made sense, and furthered the story. Yes she knows the story is basically her life broken up into different books, but the names and places have all been changed to protect the guilty.

Book One is focuses on her bond with her mom, and the relationship with her grandparents. It throws in a little of her starting Chilton and her friends and meeting Dean.

Book two will be primarily focused on her time at Chilton and her relationship with Dean and her mom and her relationship with her parents and some of Lorelei's relationship with Max, and she threw in Jess arriving at the end to peak interest (see changed to protect the guilty).

But book three was where it got interesting, and harder for her to write. She had to take a hard look at herself and how she had treated Dean once Jess had shown up and that no matter how hard she had tried there was just something about Jess that she was always drawn to. It had changed over the years from undeniable attraction, to love to friendship, to someone who pushed her to do better. He had grown so much in the time that she had known him. He had definitely changed from the unruly haired punk she first met in the Metallica t-Shirt.

Shaking her head she was thankful for the short haircut she had reverted back to It made the morning rush so much easier. You ran a brush through it and you were done. Which made life with her ever expanding belly that much easier. She had planned on spending one day in the conference room and the next exploring the city by herself. The next night she had a dinner with Jess and his wife planned. It had been quite a while since they'd seen each other, the day of Luke and her mom's wedding, when he'd told her about his upcoming marriage to Cassidy.

It had shocked her. No matter who or what was in her life she had always had Jess as this mental safety net. She had kind of always thought that he was her Luke, the boy, the man that would always be there for her. Admittedly it had made her jealous.

However as she began talking to Jess more and more every day, and eventually Cassidy, she knew that the jealousy was not because she loved him, but because she didn't want to go though this pregnancy alone, and while Jess was her Luke in many ways, he was not the love of her life like Luke was to her mom. He was her best friend, her confidant and someone that knew just what to say to say to knock some sense into her in a way that no one else could.

Dinner was fun and lighthearted and Jess and Cassidy sent a lot of time with their hands on Rory's stomach feeling the baby move. It felt like magic brewing inside her. As usual he wanted to know when she planned on telling Logan.

"Come on Rory, you know you want to tell him. You know you have to."

She tried to hide her eye roll, "I know Jess."

"When?" He said in his usual monosyllabic way, eyebrow raised.

"I don't know. It's all so messed up. He's getting married in three days."

Again Jess just glared at her. "Then you've got three days."

Somehow it made sense. He'd already missed so much, and even if he never forgave her, even if he truly loved Odette more then he loved her, he deserved to know he was going to have a baby.

Over, I'm so over you
The way that you laugh
Made everything that I do
Over, I'm so over you

The way that you said that you'd always be true
And maybe if I tell myself enough
Maybe if I do
I'll get over you
Maybe if I tell myself enough
Maybe if I do
I'll get all over

It was almost midnight when she'd hit the road to home. She knew it was too late to call or text Logan, especially with the time difference and Odette living with Logan now, she would have to wait till morning. But it would be morning soon and one way or the other, in a few hours Logan would know he was going to be a father.

That thought was the last thing she remembered, before wakening up in the hospital, scared, empty and praying for a life of her son.

Rory jolted awake, the dim light of the hospital room shone above her. She groaned and rolled over and checked her phone to see what time it was. 5:00 am. Much too early too be up but she'd had the dream again. The same one she'd had over the course of the last three years:

She was back in the hotel with Logan, Finn, Colin and Robert. They laughed, and danced and then retired to their rooms. She was back to waking up at the same time, 5:00 am and disengaging herself from the man in bed with her to sit on the window seat and look outside at the amazing colors of the new England countryside.

She'd been in that position for about an hour. She loved the man in the bed behind her, but he was engaged. She loved being a journalist but that career had changed so much that she wasn't sure she fit into that world anymore. What she was sure of was the book she wanted to write. The key on the table that Logan had given her to his home weighed heavy on her mind. She never wanted to be a kept woman, nor did she want to continue being the other woman.

The boy woke up; he would have to head home today. In only a few hours he would be back on a plane to London and Odette and she would be back at her grandmas house writing in the one place she always felt inspired, her grandfather's study.

She had hurt the boy once, a long time ago when he had asked her to marry him, and she had said no. How could she ask him to now not marry the women that had said yes?

In her dream she had said yes to breakfast and they all ate and drank a few mimosa, which Robert and Finn had insisted on, and when it was time for all the boys to head back to the airport she panicked.

"Logan…" She said. He turned to her, a questioning look on his face, "Don't marry her."

It came out as almost a plea, not quite the way she wanted it to sound but her voice was shaky and her stomach was upset.

"What?" He said.

"Don't marry her. I was such an idiot to say no, I didn't know that no meant, not ever, that no meant, no to you and me forever. I just wanted it to mean, not now, not at that very second, but that someday, someday it would be you and me and someday it would be us getting married. I didn't know that saying no meant saying goodbye."

He was still standing in one spot. He looked like a deer in headlights and when he didn't say anything to interrupt her she continued, " I love you Logan, I have always, always loved you, you know that. I love you now more then I did even then, and so I guess what I'm saying is pick me. Choose me. Let me be the one to say I do. Don't marry her."

There was silence for a long time. It was only interrupted when Finn opened the door to the car to see what was taking the couple of the sidewalk so long.

"Come on Loves, we've a plane to catch soon."

"Hey Finn, guess what?" Logan said smiling towards the man in the car. "Rory here wants me to NOT marry Odette."

Finn leaned back into the car to tell the rest of the boys who all laughed.

"Logan?" Rory said quietly.

"Come on Ace do you really think I'd say ok to that desperate plea? You said no, and I moved on. Odette is the woman I love now. You had your shot, and you blew it. And I mean the last few years have been fun. The sex was great, but then we never had a problem in that area did we." with that he high fived Finn who was now standing next to him. "Let's go brother." He said to Finn who waved goodbye to Rory and the two men headed to the car together. Finn got in and before Logan got in he turned back to a stunned, crying Rory and said, "I mean it was fun Kiddo, we had a good run." And with that he tipped his hat to her and got in the car that drove off leaving her standing, alone.

It had been a long time since this nightmare had plagued her. But it never got any easier and she'd be damned if she ever let him see how much she continued to break her own heart.

Maybe if I tell myself enough
Maybe if I do

I'm falling around you
Maybe if I tell myself enough, oh
Maybe if I tell myself enough
I'm falling around you
Maybe if I do
I'm falling around you
Maybe if I tell myself enough, I'm falling around you, oh

* Over You by Ingrid Michaelson Feat. A Great Big World