Been working all day today and have another update for you guys. This is chapter 15 and it looks like the story is going to be 20 chapters. I'm finishing 19 and starting 20 and need to go back and do some editing, but just wanted to give you some updates on what's happening.
I hope everyone that is still reading is enjoying. This story took on life of it's own. I had some very specific ideas about it when i started and along the way they just didn't fit with what was actually going on, so i appreciate your patience as I've had to rework some of it before it gets posted.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my love of Rogan. My little lesbian heart married my female Logan so I'm always going to be partial to this love story. thank you ASP.
Chapter 15 – *The Dance
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Rory is looking out the window of Richie's Nursery, the room which at once been hers at her grandparents house. It has been painted green, with turtles and frogs everywhere. Grandma has done good. The decoration and furniture don't scream Emily Gilmore at all. They were all definitely Rory, simple and fun and livable. Nothing like the untouchable living room that still loomed down stairs. She knows she's going to have to start living off the money left to her by her great grandmother and her grandfather. She's been trying to avoid touching that money. She wanted to make her own living, create her own life, but her life wasn't just about her anymore.
It was about Richie, and he needed things, that her current income just couldn't provide. She knows as she looking out the window waiting for the first glimpse of Logan's car, that if she asks he'll give. But he has a whole life now and she's not sure how she and their son will fit in to that.
As far as she knows he's kept this all a secret from his family for months. He's only told Odette of all people about this situation and she know first hand that the road ahead can be paved with good intentions that maybe not be able to materialize. Her father always had good intentions but very few of those good intentions made it into her day-to-day life.
She perks up as a car pulls into the driveway. It's not one she recognizes, but it's quickly followed by one she does, and she immediately knows that Logan hasn't come here to see her and Richie alone. He's brought Odette, and really why shouldn't he. She's his wife, not her. She's made friendly with the women living with the one who she let get away.
She straightens her shirt. It's dirty and stained with drool, but she doesn't care to even change. She's been taking care of her son, and really, if anyone has seen Odette they know that she can't compete. That woman is on top of her game. She's not a single mom in her 30's taking care of the baby she had with a married man.
She watches from her birds' eye view as the woman approaches and takes Logan into her arms. They embrace briefly and the woman laughs in his arms before taking his arm and heading to the front door together.
She needs a minute to steady herself, so even though she's not sure it's a fantastic idea she lets her grandmother answer the door.
When she makes her way downstairs she finds Emily offering them both a drink and it's the way in which she does it that makes Rory cringe and cheer at the same time. She wants to be fair, and friendly and yet she wants to throw Odette out. Stake her prior claim to both her son and Logan. So she only kind of chides Emily's behavior.
Once her grandmother has excuses her self they sit on the couches and attempt to relax.
"I tried to call you when I found out he was being released."
"I'm sure. My phone is broken. I haven't picked up my new one yet. I assumed she would let you know I was stopping by."
"She did."
"I promise I won't just let him stop by without calling all the time. A girl needs her privacy." Odette adds.
"It's ok. He can stop by whenever." She knows she should say you guys but she doesn't really want Odette here all the time.
"Still, I promise to call ahead next time." He says.
It's an uncomfortable silence now with the three of them, Rory, Logan and Odette.
"So, did I hear Lorelei correctly when she said that Emily gave you this house?"
"You did. She couldn't bear to part with it, so I got it. Me and Richie finally got a place of our own."
"That's incredibly generous of her." Odette says.
Maybe it's that's she's being so nice, maybe it's the hormones still surging in her body, but the niceness is starting to annoy her.
"That's Emily Gilmore for you."
"Can I see him?" Logan asks. She knows this tension must be hard for him too.
"Remember my old room?" He nods. "It's his nursery now. Go on up. He's sleeping though." She motions to the baby monitor on the table though which you can hear the gentle sleeping sounds of the newborn.
"I'll be quiet. O? You coming?" He says. "I mean it's that ok."
"Of course." She nods and the two of them head upstarts.
"Rory Gilmore have you no sense of animosity?" Emily says on her way down the stairs.
"You have no idea."
"Did I just pass both Logan and that wretched women going into Richard's room?"
"You did."
"For goodness sake why?"
"She's Logan's wife."
"I still have no idea why that is." Emily walks straight towards Rory and takes her hand. "Do you love him?"
"Grandma…"
"Do you?" She insists.
"Yes." Rory says as she looks down.
"Than go get him. Don't let her stand in your way."
"He's married."
"Richard was engaged was we met and we all know how well that turned out."
"I have to let him go." Rory says almost tearfully.
"Bullshit!"
"Grandma!"
"Well it is. It's a bunch of bullshit. You have loved that boy for years. For the life of me I don't know why you said no to his proposal."
"I'm not so sure either."
"Then get angry. Aren't you angry? When you met that man, he was a degenerate sleeping with anything with legs and throwing money around like someone didn't earn it. You put in the work. You changed that boy into the man before you and she's reaping the benefits."
"Of course I'm angry. "
"I don't believe you."
"I am."
"Bullshit!" Emily pushes.
"It is grandma. It is bullshit. But how do I fix it?"
"You tell him you love him. Screw that trophy wife up there. You tell him that you always loved him and that you want you and him and your son to be a family. I bet you that man up there leaves her in the dust faster then you can say, bullshit."
Rory is getting a bit hyped now. She's feeling all the things she's kept pushed down for so long. She's finally letting them out, no doubt the uncharacteristic profanity coming form Emily urging her on.
"Right?! I had prior claim. I loved him first and that arranged marriage up there isn't important. It's not his forever. I am. Me and Richie and not that, that hussy up there!"
"Exactly!" Emily concurs.
Suddenly their attention is turned when someone clears their throat. Standing on the landing are Logan and Odette who looks like she is about to cry.
Suddenly all the wind has gone out of Rory's sails.
"O will you please wait for me outside." Logan says but his angry eyes never leave Rory.
Odette walks quietly out the door and by the times she passes, Rory she can see the tears on the women face and she feels like shit knowing she caused that.
"I'm sorry." She says to Logan.
"Emily will you please excuse us." He asks.
"I'll be with Richie." Emily says as she heads upstairs.
"I'm sorry, Logan."
Rory thinks she can literally see the steam coming out of his ears.
"You know Rory, ever since we first met I have never felt like I was good enough for you. Oh I tried. I worked like hell, and yeah I made a lot of mistakes. I'll own up to all of them, but I never stopped trying to be the kind of man who was good enough for you, the kind of man who deserved to be with a woman like you. When you said no to my proposal I was devastated but I thought maybe, maybe if I work hard enough she'll see the kind of man I've become."
"And then when we met again all those years later and we got involved, I thought, this is it, this is my chance to right any wrongs I had done. This was going to be my chance to do it right and get my happily ever after. So I accepted any way that I could be a part of your life. I took any scraps you offered because I was sure, I was so sure that you would see who I had become and you would see that even if I still had a ways to go, that you would see I was trying and that would be enough for you know that one day I would be the type of man good enough for you. I would be the kind of man you deserved."
"And yet you said no to me, time and time again. Anytime I tried to take this 'Vegas Vacation' off the table and take things to the next level you reminded me that I was your, for lack of a better word, booty call. I was your friend with benefits. And then you called me. You said we were breaking up and I was shocked because to breakup you had to think this was something more then just a hookup. So I dropped everything. I mean everything. Did you know there was a wedding shower that weekend for O and I"
"No, I didn't know that." She says in almost a whisper.
"Of course you didn't because you were never second place. I left that beautiful woman alone the night before our wedding shower, because I though finally you were going to give me my shot. If I could just show you how it used to be, how it could be that way again, and how I wanted so badly to be with you that I would finally hear you say you love me. And you know what the sad part of this is, the saddest part of it all, wasn't that you let me go, it wasn't that I never heard those three little words from you, it was that she understood. She told me to go. To find out if this was really our shot."
"You never said them to be either." She tries to add in.
"I've said them Rory. I've said them over and over until I was blue in face and each time it's gotten tough between us you've either walked away, closed a door in my face or ran away to your moms. I've been fighting for us since the day you said you couldn't be casual, and I realized that I felt more then I ever had. I've been fighting for you and for us and you gave up. Every time you gave up. You didn't even believe in us enough to tell me as soon as you found out your were pregnant. God Rory I thought you knew me better then that. I thought you knew us."
"I was scared."
"Scared I get, but continuing to keep that information from me no matter the circumstances I don't. I've been spending all this time trying to make you and your family believe that I won't let him down like Christopher has let you down, that I can be a father. Again still trying to prove myself to you and your family and tonight I come down from seeing our son and finally hears the words that I had so badly wanted to hear and they are followed by you insulting me, and my wife. Acting like what I have with her in unimportant and easily brushed off by you simply saying you love me."
"I'm not some little school boy that is hanging on your every word anymore Rory. You didn't want that guy. There was a time, not too long ago that I would have done anything and everything for you. But today, standing here, for the first time I'm starting to wonder if you are what I deserve. I'll call before I stop by to see Richie again."
Leaving her standing speechless and alone in the big house he walks out the door to Odette and Rory has never felt smaller in her entire life.
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
Odette has already left the Gilmore house by the time Logan makes his was outside. Her car has somehow maneuvered around his and has driven off. Fuck. It's the only thing going though Logan's head over and over on repeat. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He feels like he can't breath. Odette is hurt and probably somewhere crying, inside Rory has actually said that she still loves him and for the first time since he met her it wasn't the thing he wanted to hear from her.
His head hurt and his heart ached. What to do now? He sits in his car trying to use his iPad to call O. She doesn't answer and he knows she won't go home right now. He's so tired of the circus his life has become. He looks up and sees the outline of Rory still standing in the living room where he left her and he knows that while what he said to her was truthful on several levels it was also harsh. He never wants to hurt her.
He decides to try and salvage one of the two things that have imploded today, the only one he can currently do anything about. So he gets out and goes back to the big house. He doesn't knock and opens the door and walks in. Rory is crying and she looks at him and he can see she's trying to compose herself.
"I'm sorry." He says.
"For what, Logan. You meant everything you said."
"I did, but I could have done it so much differently."
"I'm sorry too." She says and finally sits down on the sofa.
Logan walks over and sits on the other sofa across from her. "I'm not the one you need to apologize too."
"I know."
There are no words spoken for a few minutes and as usual he is just leveling her with his gaze.
"How long have you felt this way, Ace?"
She sighs, "Since about 2 minutes after I said no to your proposal."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"I don't know. I was scared and then so much time passed and by the time we reconnected you had Odette and, I mean, you've seen her, how could I compete with her? She's smart, and funny, and amazingly beautiful, and you and her have this connection…"
"You had to know that I would have chosen you in a second if I thought that there was even a slight chance that you had loved me. I've always loved you Ace."
"And now?" She says
"Now, is not then. Now it's not simple."
"Right."
"I am sorry, for the way in which I said those things."
"I know, but you meant them right? About us, not knowing if it's right."
"I'm so tired of trying to prove myself to you Ace. I feel like I'm not in a place in my life where I have the need to be anything other than who I am, and honestly I don't know if that will ever be enough for you."
"I love you, Logan."
"Thank you, for loving me, that much, in that way. It more then I ever dreamt I would hear from you, but right now, it's just not right."
He walks over to Rory and kisses her on the head. His hand lingers on her neck and he takes an extra few seconds as he kisses her, but finally he lets her go and walks out of the house.
Finally he backs his car out of the drive and heads home, but in only a few blocks he has to pull over. He needs to get out of the drivers seat and walk around the car a few times. He feels like he can't take a deep breath. He can't stop shaking and he finally sits on the curb and bury his face in his knees until he can catch his breath again.
After 10 minutes he gets back in the car and heads home. All he can do now is go home and hope that O shows up there.
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
It's been 6 hours since O drove off and she hasn't returned his calls or text messages. It's almost midnight and Logan feels like he's about to lose his mind. Where is she!? He's still dressed and is contemplating putting back on his shoes and going out looking for her, though to be honest it's New York City and she could be anywhere.
He pours himself a drink and sits on the couch and stares at the door. Trying to will her to walk in from the outside. By one O'clock he's pretty close to calling the cops and reporting her missing, when he hears her key in the lock. He's at the door before she can get in and pulls her into his arms.
"O! Where have you been babe?"
"You look like shit Logan." She says
"Well than that's about right cause I feel the same way. I was so worried. Where were you?"
"I went for a drive. I needed some time to think."
"About?"
"Us, you, Rory, the baby."
She tosses her keys on the entrance table and pours herself a drink. She downs it and then pours another.
"Babe, you know today was just about me. It was just unfinished drama."
"And it's finished now?" She turns to him.
"It is."
"You're kidding yourself."
"I told her that it's nor right."
"But she said she loves you, Logan."
"I heard her."
"Did you? Cause those words coming from your Ace, aren't just nothing."
"Rory isn't mine. Richie, he's mine. She and I yeah, we had something that I wanted more then anything else at the time, but that time is not now."
"Logan…"
"O, I have you. I love being with you. You make me laugh, you've always got my back and I found a place with you. Maybe that's selfish of me, and if this is about you and you want out, please, please tell me, but for me I feel like I'm where I'm suppose to be."
She looks at him doubtful. "I want to believe that."
"Then believe it O."
He crosses to her and pulls her into his arms. "We have a thing here, between us. We are family, and now this family has added a new baby."
"It also added Rory and she hates me."
"She's doesn't hate you. She hates the idea of you and having to share Richie."
"She hates having to share you."
"That's not my problem anymore. I'm with you." He nudges her side to tickle her. She chuckles, "And don't tell me you can't wait to decorate a nursery for him."
"A nursery?! Here?!"
"Well I assume that we will have him here at some point. Not right now while he still needs to be with her, but he will be coming here at some point and at that point he will needs a place of his own. Right?"
"You'd let me?"
"O, you need to stop being so surprised that I trust you. I have since we first me and I always will ok."
"But Rory.."
"Rory and me and you will all find a way to work together. I have faith in all of us."
She loosens herself form his grasp and walks down the hall of their apartment. He follows her until she stops in front of the guestroom. "I think Emily had the right idea. Animals. Lots of animals."
She beams at him and he can't help but smile back at her. She never ceases to amaze him. He is one lucky bastard and he knows it. He doesn't take any of it for granted.
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance
*Lyrics are The Dance by Garth Brooks
