Manic Monday! Or Matt Monday? I don't know..but either way here we are one step closer to the ending. I hope everyone is enjoying this so without further adieu...
Disclaimer: ASP, Universal, not me.
Chapter 17 - *The Hardest Thing
We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And baby it's killing me, it's killing you
Both of us trying to be strong
I've got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
Someone else who loves me
And trusts me fast asleep
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that
Suddenly Logan swears that Rory is everywhere. She stopped by his office because she is in New York and Richie wants to see his Daddy, but she isn't alone, Finn is with her. She and Finn talk and laugh and tell Logan about their NY plans. Logan sucks up the time with his son while his father is glaring from the other office at how out in open Logan is with Richie, but there is no way in hell that Logan is going to hide his son.
She shows up early at his and O's apartment saying that since she and Jess are doing some shopping for his new house that maybe he and Odette would like to spend a few extra hours with Richie. Jess, another fucking guy.
She invites him and Odette to the next Friday dinner and all those after. How could he and O not go after the comments he's made about being family. So they go and he loves that extra time with his son and seeing his friends regularly again, but there is always someone with her. Robert trying to get her to drink scotch, Finn helping in the kitchen, Jess setting the table, and tonight, 6 months later she invited her new editor James.
She is everywhere, and sending him texts with pictures of her and Richie and yet she is never quite available to speak to him alone. There is always someone else to distract her but no one to distract him. She makes sure she looks amazing, he can't help but notice, and she smells of Angel, his favorite scent on her, and she hugs him just enough to leave her scent in his mind but not his shirt.
He is amazed at how crafty she, and yet still unsure if she was being Rory "High Stakes Deception" Gilmore or if she was just moving on with her life, like he had thought and doesn't realize that her presence in his life all the time is killing him.
And now this guy James. I mean come on he think. The guy is rich, and smart and funny and quick witted and kind of an ass and he reminds Logan of the guy he used to be and it frustrates him. Next to him O sits holding Richie's hands as he's been trying to pull her over to see his new toy that Auntie April brought him.
Odette has been so wonderful with him. She treats him like he's her own. She takes care of him when he spends time at their house, and she bathes and feeds him and takes him to play dates and the park. Richie loves her too, regularly kisses her unprompted and requests to be picked up. Logan is glad for O that she has the child she could never have in Richie.
She excuses herself to go over to April and see the toy. He is left alone and once again his eyes wander to Rory… and James. The house if full of family and friends and she's by the piano with this guy.
"How ya doin Ace." He says as he walks over to them.
"Ace?" James says and it already makes Logan angry hearing the name from him.
"Nickname he gave me in college. James this is Logan, he's Richie's father."
"Nice to meet you man." the guy says as she shakes Logan's hand.
"Ace, I like that." James says to her. "Like a little Ace Reporter."
She nods and Logan is pretty sure he wants to punch the guy in the face.
"She is quite the journalist."
"She's quite the writer." James agrees. "Ace, would you like a refill on your drink?"
Now Logan is positive he wants to punch him.
"Yes please." She says as the douche and excuses himself.
"I don't like him, he's kind of an ass don't you think?"
"No."
"Huh, nights young." He pulls her into the kitchen and kisses her. He can't help himself.
She pushes him away. "Logan stop."
"Right, so, how you been?"
"I've been fine. You've seen me several times this week."
He leans in and kisses her again. He's knows its wrong, but God this is ALL he's wanted since he saw her again in that hospital room.
"We can't do this here, Logan." She says as she half-heartedly pushes him away. He can tell her hearts not in it.
"You're right, let's go."
"Go where?" She asks.
"You're place. My place. Let's take a train to New York City, spend the night in the Plaza." He says in mocking tone realizing this conversation is eerily similar to the one had at Finn's Birthday.
"Were not leaving. This is my house and your wife is right in the next room."
"I know." He backs up. Knowing she's right, and that's he fully in the wrong here.
She steps around the door frame only slightly and then back into the kitchen. She pulls Logan closer to her and he thinks, in that very second that he's sure he's dreaming again because SHE kisses HIM, willingly, passionately, and he doesn't want the moment to end but all too shortly she pulls back and leaves the room.
If he couldn't still taste her on his lips he would have thought the whole thing was a daydream.
"Hey, he's been looking all over for you." Odette says as Richie pulls her into the kitchen.
"Daddy, up!" Richie says and Logan picks him up.
"What's up little man?"
"My toy!"
He shoves the new stuffed boat at Logan. He laughs and plays with the toy.
"What was going on there?" Odette says nodding towards Rory who is now laughing with her mom and Luke.
"Nothing. Why?"
"Logan…." She says knowingly.
"Nothing, ok. Nothing." He walks past her holding Richie, leaving her standing the kitchen alone. Yeah it's a shit move, and he knows it, but right now his head and heart aren't communicating and he feels a little lost.
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion
When you start to cry
I can't let you see
What you mean to me
When my hands are tied
And my hearts not free
Odette lays on the futon in Richie's room, he'd come home with them tonight and he didn't want to sleep alone, so she stayed. She always stayed when he was scared. She made sure the nightlight was on, that the closet door was shut and that there were no monsters under the bed. She feels like he is her family.
Loves isn't only about blood and this little boy was fully in control of her heart. There wasn't one day since James that she's felt like love was actually worth it but this little boy, falling in love with this child was more than worth it. He is holding her finger and she adjusts the blanket over him.
Logan had gone to bed almost immediately after coming home. He tucked Richie in and then went to bed. She and he haven't spoken since the house, and she didn't push so when Richie started crying she said she'd take first watch. It's been 3 hours now that's she been in this room. She figures by now Logan will have gone to sleep so she tucks in the child and makes her exit.
She makes sure their door is open and gently crawls into bed.
"I kissed her." He says from the bed next her.
She says nothing. "O.." he says again.
"I heard you Logan. I thought you were asleep."
"I couldn't. I'm sorry O. I'm so sorry."
"Has it happened before?"
"God no. I wouldn't have kept that from you."
"Is it going to happen again?"
Her question is followed by silence and it terrifies her. It's one thing to know where you stand and understand your place, it's quite another to think something is happening behind your back, because then you can be blindsided and she hates suprises.
"Logan?"
"I don't know." He answers.
"Ok." She says and rolls over. She knows he's still lying on his back staring at the ceiling but she can't bear for him to see her cry. That little boy in the other room has stolen her heart and she's scared that once he's gone, like James is, there will be nothing left.
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever had to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you
I know that we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind
Like Dr. Zhivago
All my love I'll be sending
And you will never know
There can be no happy ending
It's been a week since Friday dinner, a long, excruciating week, an apparently Rory has decided to stop her random stopping by. So when Logan gets the text Friday morning that she's need him to stop by ASAP he practically runs out of the office. Ok, he slowly clears his day and asks his assistant to take care of a few things, he's a Huntzberger with responsibilities, but he still drops anything to see her, and really he wants to know if last week was just a fluke, just some random lapse in judgment, because it's created this weird tension between him and O and he hates it.
Ok he could have avoided all that by not telling her about this one time kiss but that's never been their relationship and he never wants it to be. He respects her too much.
He pulls up at Rory's around noon. She shoots him a text and says the door is open to come up to Richie's room. So he does what the message says.
"Hey, Ace, it's me. I'm on my way up. Is Richie awake?"
He walks up the stairs but there's no one in the nursery. "Ace?"
"In here." she calls from her room next door.
He follows the sound and enters her room. He stops in is tracks. She stands in the room wearing a black and red baby doll nightie. Something he's never seen him in in all the years they've known each other is lingerie.
"Hi." She says looking unsure.
"Hi." He says surprised. "You look.."
She blushes and he can't believe how amazing she looks.
"You said before that I didn't fight for us, and you know, you were right. Guys always leave, they lie and they walk away and I was so sure you would have done that to me, and maybe part of the reason I didn't tell you about the pregnancy at first is because I thought you would do the same thing to him."
"Ace…" he's standing next to her now, running his hand down her arm to comfort her.
"It's true, but you've been nothing but this great guy since you found out about our son, and you've made every effort to be a part of his life, and mine. I just couldn't do it Logan. I didn't know how to be just your friend. I love you, I've loved you all along, and if you love me too, maybe we can make this thing, this family an actual family."
She stretches up to kiss him but he slowly takes a step back.
"My God Ace this is, it's everything I have always wanted, and part of me, the majority of me," he laughs, "Wants to jump into this with both feet. I mean just, look at you."
"You jump, I jump Jack." She says closing the small distance.
He however backs up again, "But there's this other part me, my heart, that's just not sure. I mean it's sure, but how do I know you won't pull the chute again when things get too hard."
"You don't. You just have to trust me, I guess."
"I don't know if I can, because if I trust you and I'm wrong, I lose everything. Richie, Odette, You, just the possibility of us that's constantly been in the back of my mind."
"You'll never lose Richie, and you're not going to lose me." She reassures him.
"Damn Ace you're not making this easy on me." He says as she puts her hand on chest. He covers her hand with his and then takes it and brings it to his lips and kisses it. "But I can't."
"What?" she's confused. "Why?"
"I'm not going to cheat on O and I'm not going to let you be the other women. You both deserve better than that from me."
"But…"
"I'm sorry Ace, I mean, wow, just wow," he motions to her and how sexy she look, "but I need to know, really know that what you want with me is forever. I'm sorry." He drops a kiss on her forehead and takes a deep breath to steady himself before he walks down the stairs and out the front door to his car.
It's a damn good thing he's already cleared his schedule because there's no way in hell he'll be able to concentrate on anything work related. So he does the only thing he knows will help, he text Finn to meet him in Hartford, at the closest bar. He definably needs a drink and he needs his best friend to tell him he didn't just do the stupidest thing ever.
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion
When you start to cry
I can't let you see
What you mean to me
When my hands are tied
And my hearts not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever had to do
To turn around and walk away
"So let me get this straight, she said she loves you and took off her clothes and you said…" Finn says
"That I couldn't."
"Ok let's try this again, she said she loves you and took off her clothes and you…"
"Left."
"Do I know you?"
"Thanks for reassuring me that I did the right thing." Logan laughs and they down their second beers.
"I try and never do that, so I'm not sure I would know what it was if I saw it."
Logan smiles at this friend. It's been a while since they've hung out.
"Hey, I'm sorry about before, about accusing you of seeing Ace behind my back."
"It's all forgotten." Finn says and take a big swig of his drink, "Besides that girl is way too good me."
"She's too good for me." Logan says.
"You're right, she's too good for you."
They sit and drink a few more drinks over the next few hours. Soon it will be time to reconvene at Rory's place and Odette will be there and he doesn't know how to make things is life simple anymore, so he decides for now, he's not going to think about it.
Maybe another time, another day
As much as I want to, I can't stay
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that
I don't want to live a lie
What can I do
*Lyrics are The Hardest Thing by 98 Degrees
