((This chapter heading came to me by listening to the song it's from: Rammstein's Dalai Lama. It means Onwards, onwards into doom.))
Chapter 8
Weiter, weiter ins Verderben
The sharp wind was making Dorian's eyes water. Two years. Two years had been enough to push Tevinter and any thought of it from his mind, and then his father had to die. A part of him felt guilty that he wasn't more upset about that. That the fact that he left Fenris behind hurt him much more.
The elf had understood his need to leave – to a point. But Dorian would come back. He knew that much. He'd impressed upon Fenris not to try and visit him. That might not go well.
The problem was that Dorian had no delusions that this would be done quickly. He'd try and travel south and he'd try and arrange that eventually he didn't need to stay in Tevinter permanently. He wouldn't be the only one, he knew that much for certain. 'Magister? We'll be reaching the docks in two hours.'
'Magister … Huh.' He shook himself. 'Thank you. I'll get my stuff ready.'
'Will someone be helping you?'
Dorian felt a weird sensation in his stomach. It was followed by an irrational fit of laughter. The sailor stared at him. It didn't help. He wiped over his eyes. 'You think I'm completely mad, don't you. Nah, you don't have to answer that. Maker's breath, I never asked for this.' He shrugged. 'I haven't the faintest idea. I sent a letter, yes, but … someone will probably be there. I didn't even think of this.'
'Are you all right, Magister?'
Dorian huffed. 'No. I'm not. I … just want to be home.' That man didn't need to know that by home he meant a castle with holes in the wall. He sighed and groped for a small item in his pocket. The crystal was cool to the touch and reassuring. His lifeline. The only reason why he'd found the strength to leave at all. He returned to staring sombrely at the water. He was going to do this. He was going to have an influence, that much he'd make sure of. And when he could be certain that visiting occasionally would be enough, he'd return to Fenris. All would be well. He could do this.
Ϡ
At the dock, Dorian saw the three people at once. He hadn't been gone so long, after all. They eyed him with some scepticism that was veiled with smiles and bows. 'Beat it,' he said. They stared. Dorian imagined what Fenris would say to what he'd just done. 'Did I sprout fur on my ears in the south? I wasn't gone that long.' They kept staring. 'Oh, well. Let's just go home.' One of the trio took his things from him to carry them. Dorian resisted the urge to take them back.
'All right. What changed in my absence, exactly? Major-domo still the same?'
'Yes, that is still Nepote, Magister.'
Dorian sighed. 'All right. We'll have a lot to talk about. Please tell him to get everyone together. There are a few things I need to make very clear.' The looks on the three people turned anxious. He closed his eyes. 'Yes. That's exactly the problem.'
Ϡ
Dorian waited for the entire household to gather. Their looks made him wonder, and after a moment he decided to give voice to his thought. 'If I shout, "Boo!", will you all flinch in sync?' Someone chuckled. Interestingly enough, someone he didn't know. 'Thanks, whoever you are. Come on. I haven't become a monster. You know me.'
'With permission, we don't know what changes you will make.'
'Nepote! You still have a voice! Great. I don't know about any changes. You can run this place fine without me. I do want you to bring your concerns to me, as I'm sure my father did. For crying out loud, don't be scared of me. This is … bad enough as it is.'
'I'm sorry for your loss,' the aging cook said. 'Losing Halward Pavus … wasn't easy for us either. At least while no-one was sure what you would do. If you would even accept your heritage or just … pass us on to the Magisterium.'
Dorian gaped at her before he caught himself. He'd become readable. He needed to stop that. 'Is that what you fear?' He laughed. 'No. I won't do that. I may not always be here, but for the time being, I'll stay. And I will not hand you to the vultures. Never fear.' He looked at the one who had laughed before. 'Now you're the only unfamiliar face. You are …'
'Milena Arrius, Magister.'
'Milena Arrius. And you're …'
'The overseer.'
'Oh!' He took her in. She was a small elven woman with short-cropped red hair. 'You succeeded Mira. What happened to her?'
'She retired, Magister.'
'Finally.' Mira had been ancient as long as Dorian remembered, a servant rather than a slave and always kind to Dorian when he just couldn't deal with the world as an adolescent who realised his sexuality wasn't quite what it should be. She had also been kind to the household, he was sure. That this young one should replace her was something he'd have to get used to. 'How long have you been here?'
'Seven months.'
'Are you a mage? Because Mira was.'
'Yes, Magister.'
'Good. Feel free to use the library. If you encounter a book that has no business being in a decent home, let me know and I'll get rid of it.'
'I … ah … yes, Magister.'
Dorian clapped his hands together. 'Today I have a reprieve, it seems, but tomorrow I have to meet with the Magisterium. So, if there are any concerns you'd like to bring to me, today would be good. If you don't get enough food, if your beds are infested with bugs, or if you know for a fact that the major domo is dancing naked on the roof every full moon – please do tell.'
Said major domo finally cracked a smile and shook his head. 'Nothing so fancy. But there is a letter waiting for you in your study. It was brought personally by Magister Natalis. She wants to talk to you before you go to the Magisterium. She would like an answer.'
'Fine. Send her a message that I'm expecting her tonight. Maker knows I can stand to talk to one of those I don't hate before I have to make nice to the rest of them.'
The major domo nodded. 'Certainly. Welcome home, Magister.'
