Author's Note: Guzma deals with anxiety and you can't convince me otherwise. I imagine him having so much pressure to please as a kid, which carried over to his relationship with Lusamine. In the past, when he wasn't good enough, he was beaten by his dad or abandoned by Lusamine, the people he wanted praise from. Having Alondra is a huge change from what he is used to and he is slowly adjusting to that kind of acceptance. There's my headcannon in a nutshell.
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When Alondra awoke, it took a while of drowsy blinking and deep thought to figure out where she was. The bed was so comfortable, not like when she had been on those flimsy cots in the Pokémon center. Turning her head, she registered a dresser, with clothes strewn across the top. A man's clothes, flung haphazardly as if someone couldn't decide what to wear and couldn't be bothered to put them back neatly. Guzma? She squinted and finally sat up, stretching. Then, she noticed the "throne" of an armchair. Guzma's room! No, her room? Wait…their room. That was what they had decided on last night. But then…where was Guzma?
Ugh, so much had happened so fast. She suddenly recalled the events of that morning, of his frightful thrashing and frustrated tears. He'd wanted to leave and go suffer alone; had he waited until she fell asleep to sneak out? The thought brought a pang of sadness, thinking she couldn't console him when he was hurting. Heaving a heavy sigh, she threw back the covers and resolved to find him after a trip to the bathroom. He'd have to be up soon to get ready for his first day, and hopefully he was still asleep considering how little sleep he probably got the night before.
When she approached the east wing bathroom, the door was closed, and rustling could be heard on the other side. Curiosity got the better of her, and she knocked politely. "Guzma? Are you in there?"
Someone on the other side of the door jumped, clearly not expecting her. "Oh, uh, mornin' Alondra," the person inside mumbled, Guzma beyond a doubt. "What are ya doin' up so early?"
"Umm, it's 7:30 Guzma…"
He swore under his breath. "How'd it get to be so late?"
"Better question," she countered, leaning against the doorframe. "How long have you been up?"
There was momentary silence as he considered the answer. "Don't know, didn't look. Probably like 5:30."
"So you didn't really go back to sleep, did you?" Despite the door between them, he could hear the melancholy in that conclusion.
"Yeah, I actually did fall back asleep." He stopped, weighing something. "You sound upset about me being up so early. Trust me, Alondra, the fact that I went back to sleep at all is totally unusual when I have those nightmares. Ya helped me out."
A pause. "Did you stay after I fell asleep?"
This time, no hesitation. "Yeah, I stayed. You'd have hauled my ass back if I tried to escape. Besides…it was nice havin' ya with me."
Alondra blushed, glad he couldn't see it. "I'm happy I could do something for you. But then, why were you up so early?"
Several heartbeats passed before she got a reply. "Woke up and couldn't go back to sleep," was the terse reply she was given.
"Because of the nightmare, or because of…"
"Look, quit it with the interrogation, okay?!" Guzma's voice had escalated in aggravation, making the girl flinch. "Ya don't have to grill me about every little thing; I can take care of myself!"
She swallowed, ducking her head. "You're right, I asked too many questions. I know you're under a lot of stress, but I just wanted to make sure you were all right, so I'm not going to apologize for it. I'll go get ready and make breakfast so you can challenge those trainers at full strength. It'll be waiting downstairs…"
She turned to go, prepared to hike to the west wing bathroom and sort out her feelings when he exclaimed "Alondra, wait!" He could hear her footsteps stop, but got no further response. His hands were running through his hair anxiously, and he was thankful she could not see him do it; it always made her worry even more. "Question for you. Why do YOU think I woke up early?" For whatever reason, it wasn't so bad if she said it and not him.
"You are worried about your first day," she stated simply.
Worried? No, that word did not begin to cover the flood of panic and dread forming knots in his stomach, making him nauseous and causing his head to spin. People worried about whether it would rain, or if they'd arrive on time, or if there was enough food in the fridge for the guests. This was not it, not by a long shot. "I'm not worried, Alondra, I'm…" he choked on the word that best described his feelings: terrified. Then, he collapsed to a seat on the closed toilet, holding his head in his hands and trying to take deep breaths like she recommended he do in these situations.
She could hear it all, and she could fill in the blank easily. Though he was beginning to open up to her, Guzma generally didn't let people see this side of him. But that didn't mean he hadn't ever felt it. He felt it often, she'd come to realize, no matter how he denied it. It was never when presented with physical danger; she was fairly certain that man would tackle a rampaging Tauros without hesitation. No, it was always in the times when he might be judged and come out a failure, threats created or amplified completely in his mind. With pretty much everyone else, he stuffed those feelings into the deepest recesses of his mind and put on the act of aggression and confidence, his best defenses. Big Bad Guzma couldn't be hurt by anyone.
There had been only one time before today (she was counting his near confession as close enough) that he'd admitted to being afraid. That moment had changed her view of him forever, but if he'd felt it would ruin his reputation, he couldn't have been further from the truth…
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It was dark. Some glowing blue…crystals?...provided a dim light, but it was hard to make out more than forms wherever they had been dumped off by Nebby. With only one way to go, however, it mattered very little what they could see, and both girls resolutely strode forward in search of Lusamine.
They found someone else first, though. Lillie spotted him, sitting high atop a tall rock pillar and leering down at them, like another specter in this gloom-filled void along with the Nihilengo. Whatever reason for his position high up from the ground, it wasn't to avoid the beasts; Alondra could see them floating around lazily in the background at his level. A vantage point to spy for enemies? Gritting her teeth, Alondra's hand quickly found Osvaldo's Pokeball. There wasn't a time yet where their meeting hadn't ended in a battle. The man practically thirsted for it, craved it for his own validation. And now, with them here to spoil Lusamine's fun, he'd probably do anything to stop them. At this point, she was certain that anything really could be ANYTHING, moral or not.
They locked eyes. "I'm the Team Skull boss, and I've never been scared of nothing or nobody," he began forcefully, the very image of assertive cool. "Heck, I live my life making people scared of ME. So listen to what Big Bad Guzma has to say." He paused, closing his eyes, then suddenly made a face that nearly made her fall over in shock. "Y'all are stupid!"
"We…what?!" Alondra blinked, entirely confused. Of all the things she expected the villain to say, that line would have been towards the bottom of the list at best. She looked over to Lillie, who gaped as well.
Seizing the moment, Guzma slid down the rock face so he was towering before the two girls, hands on his hips and inspecting them suspiciously. That would have been cause for alarm, but even more shocking than his assertion was the fact that she couldn't sense the same malevolence he had emitted during their last confrontation. This felt…more like the Guzma at the Malie Gardens. Why…?
"How in the world did you even get to this place?" he interrupted. But he left them no time to respond. "I don't know how you did it, but here you are." He abruptly turned away, his voice bouncing off the cold stone walls. "It's all dark here. I've got no clue what's going on, but there's beasts everywhere. I tried to catch one of those things…" he paused for a moment, then shuddered. "But it possessed me! And that's when it happened. My body, my mind…they started running wild and I couldn't do anything about it!"
Alondra was now staring. She leaned over to Lillie and whispered in her ear "He's finally gone completely crazy, hasn't he?"
As if on cue, he turned around to address them again, eyes gaining that wildness she'd seen during his post-battle frenzies. It was slightly different though; desperate as it was, it wasn't anger that fed it, but fear. Fear? Yes, Guzma who went around threatening to beat down anyone and everything was actually afraid! Just what had all transpired while they were trapped in this alternate world?
"It was like I became someone else!" he exclaimed, voice escalating. "I finally felt what fear feels like! It was terrifying!" And just like that, he started his routine of grabbing his hair and shaking his head savagely. Lillie, who had never seen this behavior before, looked very much concerned for him, wide green eyes softening as he told his story. Alondra was still trying to juggle a great many thoughts about him and wasn't about to let him off the hook so quickly. Finally, Guzma turned around once more. "I may be the Team Skull boss, and I've never been scared of nothing or nobody, but…that lady…she's on another level! She's way far gone." Lady? He must mean Lusamine!
Lillie had the same thought. "You mean my mother?"
He ignored her. "She lost her mind over these Ultra Beasts. There's no talking with her, no reasoning with her… She's just gone." Was she imagining things, or did Guzma sound…pained?
Lillie was worried about other things. "That doesn't change anything! I still have to go!" She grasped the straps of her backpack tightly in determination. Not waiting for the older girl to take the lead, she pushed past doggedly, leaving Guzma and Alondra.
"That little runt is really going for Lusamine," Guzma stared. "I didn't think she had it in her."
"Hmph. She's grown a lot. Besides, you don't give up on the people you love, not even when it seems they've lost all hope. If anyone can get Lusamine to see reason, it's her."
For the first time, Guzma seemed deflated. "I tried everything, but she wouldn't listen to me. She just…left me here. After all the shit I did for her…" And Alondra was shocked to realize that he sounded vulnerable. Hurt. Abandoned even. Big Bad Guzma shouldn't have felt sad about Lusamine cutting ties with him, but here he was, stripped of all cockiness, coming across as downright dejected. She really had no idea what to say.
"So…you coming with us to sort her out?"
"What's the point? I already told you she won't listen to me!" he spat, digging his toe into the stony ground. "Besides, I ain't goin' anywhere near that freaky jelly-fish." He shuddered at the memory of his possession, a look of pain crossing his face. This response floored Alondra; was he even the same man she had recently sworn to hate not long ago?
"Fine. Stay here and we'll come back for you as soon as we straighten her out." Alondra shifted her bag on her shoulders and began to follow in Lillie's direction, pushing her confusion to the back of her mind.
As she walked away, she caught a faint murmur, one she was half-convinced she'd imagined. "Yeah, right, sure you will." A look back, and she saw Guzma sitting on the ground, hugging his knees to his chest, his head pressed against the tops of them so he was as small of a ball as the tall man could be. It was clear he didn't believe her words for a minute. Unconsciously, she bit her lip. There wasn't time to worry about him, but if they made it back…ugh! Why the heck was she so worried for such a jerk all of a sudden?
In a huff, she sprinted away, leaving him alone in the dark. Memories of his teammates flooded her as she ran, of them begging her to bring 'their boy' back, even though they were the same ones who worried about his rages. Though his violent, volatile and downright rude side showed clearly, his subordinates found him worth abandoning their pride for and displayed the utmost loyalty to him. Was it possible for him to have brainwashed them to such an extent? And even Plumeria apologized for her actions and tried to explain why he needed saving: he'd wanted to impress Lusamine, who gave him the attention and praise he craved, no matter what she asked of him. Seeing him afraid and alone in the dark, it finally clicked for her that Plumeria might actually be right, and that Guzma needed help in more ways than one. What a complicated mess!
Well, it wouldn't matter what happened to him if they couldn't get back to Alola, so better to focus on Lusamine and Nebby at the moment. Then, if things actually went well, she could revisit this puzzle she had previously abandoned. It seemed abandonment was what the subject feared most.
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Alondra licked her lips, trying to consider what to say. He might think the fear made him weak, but that fear was what had made her realize he was human, not all bad, with motivations for the crap he'd pulled. Finally showing his fear had been the first step in the process of getting to truly understand him in a way he hadn't allowed prior to that. Even now, the fact that he was trying his hardest to express it openly made her confident he was trying to be a better man. How could she put into words the ways she wanted to reassure him that she didn't find it pathetic?
Finally, she spoke. "How can I help you right now, Guzma?" Leaning forward, she pressed her forehead against the wooden door and closed her eyes. She knew well enough by now that pressing him made him feel cornered, and that then led to anger. It was best to be gentle when fear gripped him.
"You can't do anything. It's all about what I have to do. What if I make a kid cry? What if I lose my temper? What if…" He inhaled deeply. "What if no one trusts me even though Tapu Bulu chose me, and they just show up throwing rocks or crap because I'll never be more than Team Skull's leader? God, Alondra, what if they don't give me a chance?"
She thought carefully. "Well, in the latter instance, I would swoop in like a Fearow and smack them around like a Wigglytuff. I won't let anyone put you down for a past you've moved on from, I don't care who they are! I'll be right there at your side defending you the whole way." There was no response, so she continued. "And if you make a kid cry, well, you'll just have to make them laugh. Kids are easily moved like that. Just give them that face you made when you yelled 'y'all are stupid'! I know it still cracks me up!" She smiled fondly. "And if you lose your temper? You might get really upset, but I don't think you will lose it. You've been doing so much better controlling yourself. Does any of that help?"
He sighed. "Well, I still don't know if I can eat breakfast, but…yeah. Kind of. Knowing I've got someone on my side helps" He took a shaky breath and withdrew his hands from his hair. "I…I'm supposed to be such a hard dude, but I…don't know if I could face all this on my own. That frustrates me too."
"Guzma, you don't have to face anything alone anymore. I'm here for you, and that doesn't make you any less."
"I know." Pause. "Thanks, Alondra."
"Now, will you come out? You have to at least drink some juice or something before we get set up."
She could hear him rise, knees cracking from the effort, and plod towards the door. "Umm, Alondra…I don't even know if I picked out a decent outfit to wear. You'll tell me if it's no good, right?"
"Yeah, I can handle that. Hurry, I wanna see!"
Slowly, the handle turned and the door swung open, revealing the slouched figure of the kahuna. He'd apparently taken a shower, though his hair had been slightly fluffed back up when he toweled off. He still had the undershirt typical to his style, but instead of his ex-Team Skull jacket, he'd found a purple button-up t-shirt, which hung open loosely. The normal sweatpants were replaced with a pair of long gray cargo pants. He'd kept his favorite shoes and watch. As she studied him, she noticed he reached up to scratch the back of his head nervously. "How bad is it?" Alondra couldn't help it; she giggled, causing him to glare. "That ridiculous, huh?"
She shook her head vehemently. "No, Guzma, you look so cute like this!" Her words made him blush furiously.
"How many times do I hafta tell ya, I'm not cute!"
"Well, let's say you're cute to me. I think everyone else will just think you look like a kahuna," she assured him. "You look cleaned up, but not too formal. It's almost perfect."
"Almost?" he raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, almost. I've got one more thing that will really finish off the look. But you have to come with me!" Excitedly, she grabbed him by the wrist and began dragging the much taller man down the hall and back to the bedroom.
"You're makin' me nervous," he mumbled as he stood in the doorway, watching her dig through her bag in frenzied search of something.
"Well, you shouldn't be. I should be! I mean, what if you don't like it?" she retorted without looking up. Then, she stumbled upon it with a cry of triumph. "Okay, you have to close your eyes and lean down a bit."
"Because you're a shrimp?" Guzma smirked. He loved finding chances to tease her, and her indignant huff was well worth it.
"No, because you are freakishly tall! Just do it!" she rolled her eyes.
"Fine, fine." Closing his eyes, he ducked his head down just a bit. He wasn't sure if this was what she had in mind, but it was his best guess. Focusing on her movements, he could feel her reach around his neck, then the cool touch of metal against his skin. A necklace? "Can I look now?"
"Yeah, do it!" she enthused, stepping back. He did so, and noticed immediately that it was a golden chain similar to his Team Skull pendant. However, instead of the logo, this necklace had the emblem of a Golisopod head in all its ferocity and charm. Huh, so she was right; it really did finish the look. Completely perfect for the bug-wielding kahuna. Except for…
Walking over to the dresser, he grabbed his yellow shades and positioned them on his forehead. "There. Now your boy is ready."
She followed, smiling gently and reaching up to adjust the collar of his shirt over the chain. "Yeah, my boy is."
Guzma did not waste the opportunity. With her reaching around him so close to his body, he pressed the back of her head upwards to meet his mouth, pulling a long, slow kiss from her lips. When they finally pulled apart, he grinned. "And that's what I think about the necklace."
