((Chapter heading from the Dowland song In Darkness Let Me Dwell.))


Chapter 12
Hellish Jarring Sounds

Skyhold rose up in front of Dorian and with every step he got closer, his heart was beating more wildly. The crystal had stayed dead, and by now Dorian had come to the conclusion that Fenris hadn't cut him off but that something must have happened. Had he sounded hectic? Had he disturbed him in battle and had Fenris lost the crystal? It didn't matter, soon he'd see him again. He knew for a fact that the Inquisitor was alive and well. It wasn't like he had no source of information. He couldn't wait, increased his pace.

The guards, he thought, gave him a weird look, but then again, he'd been gone for over a year, and he'd changed. Tevinter hadn't done him favours. Or too many, one might think. In the first half year he'd gained weight – and had managed to get almost back to normal by now. He'd also let his hair grow, he might even have helped it along a bit so that he could tie it back. His moustache and soul patch were still the same, though.

The next weird thing that happened was Varric. The dwarf spotted him, swore soundly, and stopped Dorian's determined stride before he could reach the hall. 'Hold it there, Sparkler. Where do you think you're going?'

'Me? To Fenris. What a question.' Only now he started to think if maybe something had happened. 'He's … nothing's happened to him, has it? He's fine?'

'Oh, he's fine. But you won't be. Not after what you did.'

'I … what did I do again?'

'You cheated! And you didn't even try to hide it.'

'I …' Dorian fell silent. 'I didn't cheat, Varric.'

'Yeah. He told me of that talk you had. He heard that other guy.'

'What … you know what? I don't owe you an explanation. I do owe Fenris one, however.'

'Take my advice. Go. Remain the ambassador in Tevinter for as long as it takes for us to disband the Inquisition.'

'I've got something for Fenris. Something he'll want to have.'

'I can hand it to him.'

'Yes. But this is my family's mess, so it has to be me. Where is Fenris?'

'His quarters. Do yourself a favour and don't go, Sparkler.'

'No can-do.'

'Then take me with you. Might increase your chance of survival.'

Dorian wondered if he wanted to live in a world in which Fenris hated him enough to murder him. It wasn't a healthy thought, he knew, but in the current situation he couldn't help it. 'I'd rather not. I don't know what this will do to me and if I have a breakdown I prefer a small amount of witnesses.'

'Fine.' Varric shook his head. 'Sparkler. Good luck.'

Ϡ

Dorian's knock was answered with a curt call to enter. He'd been excited before. Now he was frightened. He closed his hand around the doorknob so hard his knuckles turned white and opened. Fenris stared at him and for a moment neither of them spoke. He could see the emotions chase each other over the elf's face. Shock and sheer anger mostly, but he was willing to bet his hand that for just one moment there had been joy. 'Fenris,' Dorian said, trying to sound normal and failing miserably. 'I haven't heard from you in a while, and since I have this parchment for you anyway, I thought I'd take a vacation in the wet and freezing south.'

Fenris didn't answer, but his hands were balled into fists.

'I missed you terribly,' Dorian tried.

'Give me the letter,' Fenris said, his voice quiet. Not the good kind of quiet this time. He knew this, knew how he grew cold when it was all too much for him. Dorian had never expected to be on the receiving end.

'Sure,' he answered. He passed him the parchment. 'You … don't want to tear this. It's not a letter, it's a document.'

Fenris answered with a nod, which meant he had probably meant to rip it to shreds. 'You are not welcome here, mage.'

'I … Fenris, I know what you think I've done, but I haven't.'

'Just look at yourself. Your clothes, your hair, it screams magister. You used to be different, but you've become decadent like all the rest of them. And you've lost your decency as well, if ever you had any.'

Involuntarily, Dorian checked his reflection in the mirror. He couldn't really deny what Fenris had said, he had adopted the style even more than before. Impatiently, he pulled the elaborate ribbon out of his hair and threw it on the floor. 'I don't care about their decorum, Fenris, but I have to play along.'

'Including bedding half the Magisterium?'

'If you'd bothered talking to me longer than two minutes or waiting until I get back to you, I'd have told you that he meant he wanted magic.'

'Of course. You will leave tomorrow morning and you will not come back. The guards will see that you do not enter Skyhold ever again.'

'Fenris …' He closed his eyes. He felt a surge of anger that was so powerful it made him sick. At himself and his stupid idea to show the other two mages the crystal; at Hawke for betraying Fenris and ruining his ability to fully trust someone else; at Danarius for destroying him; irrationally, at Felix for being dead. 'You know what,' he said finally, 'this document might say otherwise but I'll tell you something: You're still a slave, Fenris, and you always will be. It's not even your fault, but I refuse to take the blame. I didn't do anything wrong.' Except you just did, you absolute dick. 'Farewell.'