((Chapter heading is taken from Lithium by Evanescence.))
Chapter 13
I Can't Hold On To Me
Dorian had stumbled into the room he'd occupied way back when without thinking. He realised that nothing had been changed but that the place was still being cleaned, because it wasn't dusty, either. Maybe he'd had a chance. Maybe if he'd just backed down, remained calm and reasonable and even something approaching decent, he could have fixed this. But now … He'd said something unforgiveable, had made sure that Fenris had an easier time hating him.
It was the middle of the night and Dorian was preparing himself inwardly to go back to Tevinter. There was a soft knock on his door and Dorian's heart went from violent beating to an abrupt halt. He wasn't going to survive this for long. Nearly tripping over his own feet, Dorian all but fell against the door and yanked it open. Outside stood Varric, and it cost him an enormous amount of discipline not to slam it shut again or drop to the floor and start crying.
'Hey, Sparkler. I talked to Fenris, you know, and I'm not done with him.' The dwarf entered without being told to and took in Dorian's packed stuff. 'Didn't even unpack, did you?'
Dorian raised his arms. 'Why should I?'
'Don't know. He told me what you said to him. I told him he should work out what you meant because it wasn't as simple.'
'Why would you do that? You're supposed to be his friend. You're supposed to tell him that I'm scum and he's better off without me.'
'I'd be a lousy friend if I didn't tell him when I think he's making a mistake. Thing is, while I know how you meant it, what you said to him … that wasn't ideal.' Dorian laughed humourlessly. 'All right, understatement. Look, it's like this. If you leave tomorrow, you'll never know. Give him time. Go to Redcliffe, for example, they're having some demon stragglers. Help them. Then check back and maybe he'll have come round.'
'I can't wait forever, Varric.'
The dwarf stood. 'No. But you probably didn't plan to leave again tomorrow. Take the time you'd planned. If I know anything, I'll tell you.'
'See, I don't want to hope in vain. It hurts so damn much.'
'You did this to yourself, Sparkler. And yes, I said that to him, too. But suit yourself. Go home. Forget him. You'll never know what might have been. Have fun living with that.'
