When They Think of Me (They Think of You)

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.

Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna.

Chapter Six: Separation Anxiety

"Get out of my house." John Winchester growled, pointing his fork at Castiel.

"John!" Mary cried, scandalized. "Being gay is as natural as being straight."

"Is not." John growled. "It's disgusting and wrong, and I won't have it in my house!"

Cas recoiled as though he'd been struck. Dean squeezed his boyfriend's hand and glared at John.

"Are you deaf? I said get out!" John shouted, rising to his feet.

Castiel tossed and turned in his sleep – the dream was always the same, and the reality never changed when he woke up.

"If he leaves, I leave too!" Dean yelled, and Cas stared at him.

"Fine, go!" John gestured toward the door.

Mary stared in shock as Dean took Cas's hand and left the house. Sam wasn't there; he was at a school event, but they already had his full support.

"Dean, you can't just-that's your father – your family-" Cas babbled breathlessly. In the middle of the lawn, Dean stopped walking and gripped the sides of Cas's face.

"I'd do anything for you." He kissed him, harsh and unyielding. Cas whimpered.

Shooting up in bed, Cas's hand shot to his racing heart, while the other hand reached for the lamp.

Anna rolled over in the cot opposite him, so he changed his mind about turning on the light – wait, Anna? They hadn't shared a room since their first year or so on the run…

Cas looked around wildly and then he remembered.

Windom, Minnesota. That's where he was.

427 miles from Lawrence, and 427 miles from Dean.

As far as his subconscious was concerned, though, Dean was right next to him in the Roadhouse. Or in the hospital bed. Or in the back of the Impala.

Cas tried not to think about Dean's bloodied face in Jo's lap, the unnatural angle his arm had taken, or anything to do with Dean.

But, as usual, his mind wouldn't allow that.

Knowing he wouldn't get back to sleep, he quietly removed his covers and slipped on an undershirt. It was almost sunrise anyway, perhaps he could make breakfast for Kate to thank her for her hospitality.

No, the dream was simply a case of wishful thinking. Dean had not stood up to his father, nor had he run away with Cas. You can wish for something as hard as you want, but that would never make it true.

The truth was, Cas had left the Winchester house, gone home, stared at his cell phone the entire night, only for Dean to break up with him the next morning.

There was no word Cas could conjure that would describe the pain he'd felt when Dean told him they were done.

For the first time in his life, Castiel Novak skipped school. He abandoned his classes and professors, and drove to Topeka, where Anna and Gabriel had been at the time. They'd taken him in without question, of course, and by the end of that week, Cas was living with them once again.

Anna and Gabe, bless their souls, didn't pester him. They just let him grieve, let him cry himself to sleep, let him do whatever he needed to do to feel better.

Despite all that, all the pain and agony he'd gone through, he still wondered why. What had happened after he left that caused Dean to end their relationship? They had been happy, so deliriously happy together, it just didn't make sense.

"Oh, good morning Castiel," Kate Milligan said, walking into the room, already in her nursing scrubs.

"Good morning Kate," he said, and she smiled warmly at him.

"You know, Adam is coming home for the summer tomorrow – are you going to be here to see him?"

Cas thought about it.

"Most likely. I have one final exam next week that I'll have to return to Lawrence for, but that isn't until Wednesday. Unless Anna has some prior engagement I'm unaware of, then I believe we will be here to see him."

Kate beamed.

"He'll be thrilled to see the both of you, although he always idolized Gabriel the most."

Cas laughed.

"It's a good thing he's not here to hear that, we wouldn't want his ego blowing up even more." Cas told her, and Kate chuckled. "Are you going into work, then?"

"Yes, 7 to 7." Kate said. "Long day, but good money, so it works out."

"Do you have time for breakfast?" Cas asked, glancing at the clock on the microwave. 5:32 am stared back at him

"Hmm. I suppose. Are you cooking?"

Cas smiled.

"I know that Anna and Gabriel were always the chefs, but I've been told I make a mean bacon and cheese omelet." Kate laughed and sat down at the small table, gesturing grandly.

"Then by all means, fire away."

Meanwhile, 427 miles away, Dean's dream was the truest of all nightmares.

"I won't have a faggot for a son!" John roared. Dean tried to defend himself but nothing could stop his father's rage.

John's fist landed hard on Dean's chest and stomach in quick succession, making him see stars and want to vomit.

"JOHN!" Mary shrieked. "Stop it!" John didn't seem to hear her as he shoved Dean into the living room, which was opposite the kitchen. John pulled his leg back and kicked Dean square between his legs, sending him to the floor in a heap.

"Maybe that'll get your boy loving cock to work right." John snarled. Mary fell to her knees by her son, and glared up at her husband with tear encrusted eyes.

"John Winchester, you get out of my house right now." Mary told him, stroking Dean's face and hair. "Go sober up at Bobby's or something, I don't care, just get the fuck out of my house, you son of a bitch!"

John stared at his wife, lip curling.

"He's a freak, Mary, he doesn't deserve your protection."

"He's my son." Mary replied, choking on her tears. "And if you know what's good for you, you'll leave. Or you and I are done."

John said nothing, and showed no remorse for his actions as he grabbed the Impala's keys from the table and stormed out. A few moments later, the car came to life and John was gone. "I love you, Dean. No matter what." Dean looked up at her with glassy, unfocused eyes.

"I'm just glad…" Dean coughed, and Mary laid him flat on his back, grabbing a pillow from the sofa for his head. "That Sammy didn't see."

Mary grabbed his hand and pressed a kiss against the top of his palm, whispering apologies and promises that no one but the two of them could hear.

Dean shot up in bed, drenched in a cold sweat. The darkened hospital room stared back at him, and the machines beeped on.

With his good arm, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and sighed. The next part of the memory was probably the worst.

"You'll have to break up with him." Mary told him softly. He was in his bed now, his mother sitting on the side and brushing a loving hand over his face. "I don't know what your father will do, and I know you'd never forgive yourself if he got hurt."

"You're right." Dean said, resigned. "Why is Dad such a…" he searched for the word.

"Homophobe?" Mary supplied, and Dean nodded. "I suspect it goes back to his time in the Marines. The US Armed Forces aren't the most accepting group."

Dean glanced over at his phone, the unread messages from Cas taunting him. Mary turned the phone over so it was face down. "Get some rest. The angels are watching over you."

Dean rolled his eyes at the old comfort, but cuddled into his bed. Mary watched him for a few minutes, waiting until he fell into a sound sleep, before leaving the room for the night.

Dean blinked away tears. He had so many regrets about that night, and about every day that followed. Every day that he was without Cas, he'd started to loathe himself and his father more and more. Not a day went by that he didn't regret their breakup.

His hand brushed against his chest and stomach, where the long healed bruises had once been.

"I have to talk to him. I have to make things right." Dean said to himself, quietly making a promise.

"Cas isn't here." Gabriel said with a dismissive shrug, throwing back a glass of beer. "He went on vacation with our sister."

"For how long?" Dean demanded.

"None of your business, princess." Gabriel snarked.

Dean had been released from the hospital that morning, and, since he couldn't drive Baby 2 with one hand, he'd had to bum a ride to the Roadhouse from Sam.

Sam, who was currently looking at Gabriel with longing in his eyes.

Sam, his little brother who would do pretty much anything for him.

Dean smiled.

"Sam, can I talk to you for a sec?" he asked his brother, who gave him an inquisitive look but nodded.

"No, no way in hell, Dean!" Sam told him. I'm not seducing answers from Gabriel for you. That's twisted and wrong. Just wait until Cas gets back and talk to him then."

"Come on, I need something to go on." Dean wheedled. "I saw that look in your eyes earlier. You like him."

"I do not!" Sam protested. "He's a womanizer and a gambler."

"So was I. What's your point?" Dean asked him.

Sam, to his credit, didn't give Dean a bitchface like he expected. Instead, he sighed a ran a hand through his hair.

"I like…that he's actually been trying. Trying to…" he searched for the word.

"Woo you?" Dean asked with a smirk. Now Sam gave him a bitchface.

"I'm not a girl." Sam grumbled, but continued. "He's been trying to get to know me, actually talk to me instead of get in my pants."

Dean watched his brother's expressions change and altered his game plan.

"Look, just get him to tell you when Cas is coming back and I'll leave you alone. Hell, I'll even give you my blessing."

Sam snorted, but smiled.

Plan in place, Dean made it a point to sit at the bar as far away from the pool tables as possible so he couldn't be accused of eavesdropping.

It was this decision that gave him the chance to talk to Jo, who just looked really unhappy, even though she was trying to hide it.

"So, you gonna tell me what's wrong or am I going to have to force it out of you?" he asked her, and she glanced up at him, startled.

"Nothing's wrong." She lied, not meeting his eyes.

"Uh huh." Dean said, finishing his Coke and Red Bull and sliding it toward her. "You're like my little sister, Jo. Do I have to kick some guy in the nuts? Cause I will."

Jo giggled, but it turned to a sigh.

"No, it's just…I want to go to college."

"KU?" Dean asked. Jo shook her head.

"SUNY in Albany." Jo said, pressing the backs of her hands against the bar to slide on top and over so she could sit next to him. "I want to study criminal justice."

"Wow." Jo punched his shoulder. "What? It was a good wow!"

Dean did his best not to rub his arm; she could hit hard when she wanted too.

"But my mom doesn't want me to go so far away. She's afraid I won't come back, like my dad didn't."

"But…your dad died." Dean said.

"It's all the same to her. She'd rather I go to KU or at least somewhere in Kansas, but I just…I want to see the big city. All the lights, and people, and things to do, I want to experience all of that." Jo ran a hand through her long blond hair. "We've been arguing about it for weeks. The admissions deadline is in a few days and even though I've tried to get the recommendation letters and everything I need, she's blocked me at every turn. I applied to a few other places, but they all rejected me. SUNY's my last shot."

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Dean offered. Jo's head whipped up.

"You'd do that?"

"I can see how much this means to you, Jo, and if that means facing your mom, well I'll deal with it."

Jo wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a crushing hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dean!" she squealed, in a completely un-Jo-like fashion. Dean patted her back awkwardly but smiled earnestly when she pulled away.

"Not a problem, kid. Not a problem." Dean told her.

Ellen Harvelle was a woman of strength, dignity, and a huge heart. She ran the Roadhouse in her late husband's honor and believed herself to be a good mother and wife to Bobby.

However, she wasn't without weakness, and one of her biggest ones was the idea of loss, most especially death.

So, realistically, not wanting her daughter to go to school so far away made a lot of sense, it just wasn't fair to Jo.

Which was where Dean came in.

Since he'd been coming to the Roadhouse since his forehead reached the bar, he figured he could go into the staff only area as long as he didn't mess anything up.

So he did.

Ellen's "office" if you could call it that, was tucked away in an upgraded closet in the kitchen. It was just big enough to fit a desk, her chair, and two chairs in front of her. Pictures lined her desk and walls and despite its size it was very homey.

"Hey, Ellen," Dean said, coming into the room.

"Dean," Ellen said kindly. "Come on in."

Dean sat down in one of the chairs and instantly felt squeezed. He forced himself to focus on why he was there.

"How are you? How's the Roadhouse doing?"

"I'm all right as can be, and the Roadhouse is good." Ellen raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Can't a guy inquire on his godmother's behalf?" Dean asked with a winning smile.

"He can if he doesn't have a hidden agenda." Ellen said suspiciously.

Sweat ran down the back of Dean's neck, but he forced himself to remain calm. Shifting his arm slightly, he tried not to scratch under his cast, but it hurt like a bitch.

"I was talking to Jo a few minutes ago and-"

"Let me stop you right there Dean." Ellen looked away from her computer and clasped her hands in front of her, meeting his gaze. "I've told Jo multiple times, she's not going to New York. It's too far, and way too expensive."

Dean considered his next words wisely.

"When Sammy left for Stanford, my mom was a wreck. She couldn't understand why he was going so far. He needed the experience, he needed to live somewhere other than Lawrence. It didn't matter that he would end up transferring to KU in two years when my dad died. At the time, going to Palo Alto was the most important thing to him. So my mom sucked it up and let him go."

Ellen sighed.

"The difference between Mary and I – and believe me, I have all the respect in the world for your mama – is that she didn't promise your father to keep either of you in Kansas. Bill never wanted Jo to leave, and he told me that from the start. I respected his wishes, and I still am to this day."

"Would Bill want her to be miserable though?" Dean asked softly. "Cause that's what's going to happen if she stays here. He died when she was so little she barely remembers him. It's unfair to her to stop her from achieving her dreams just because of something her dad said fourteen years ago."

Silence fell between them.

Dean stood up, shifting his cast awkwardly. He leaves her to think on what he said.

He's not surprised to find that Jo had been listening in – or, trying too, in the noisy kitchen.

"She basically made a deathbed promise to your dad that she'd keep you in Kansas." Dean told her. "I don't think she wants to stop you. She just feels like she has too."

Jo stared at her shoes for a few minutes, biting her bottom lip.

"Thank you, Dean. Seriously, this means the world to me."

He pulled her into a hug with his good arm and rested his chin on the top of her head.

When he did, he saw Sam was standing awfully close to Gabriel.

You go get 'im, Sammy.

Their mouths were only a few inches apart, eyes closed and desire tangible in the air around them. Sam's hand covered Gabriel's on the side of the pool table, and his voice was a whisper on the wind as he said,

"Tell me, Gabe."

Gabriel groaned like a dying animal.

"You're evil, Sam Winchester. Completely and totally evil."

"You like me though. You like me…" he pointedly glanced down at Gabriel's crotch, where evidence of his arousal was present. "An awful lot."

"If I do tell you when Cas is coming home, what do I get out of it?"

Sam paled – he hadn't thought this far ahead. "Ah ha." Gabriel said, a hint of sadness in his voice. "You actually don't like me. You just want answers."

"That's not true!" Sam blurted. Gabriel met his gaze. Sam blushed under the intense stare, and cursed Gabriel for making him feel like he was 13 again.

"I, uh…" Sam swallowed thickly, his heart pounding as Gabriel continued to stare into his eyes. "I…"

"Spit it out, Sammy-boy."

"Don't call me Sammy." Sam said reflexively. Gabriel smirked, but made a 'continue on' motion with his hand. "I want to go out with you. I really, really do."

"I'm sensing a but here, and not the one I like." Gabriel smacked Sam's butt for emphasis, and Sam let out an undignified squeak.

"But…I mean six months ago I thought I was getting married. Isn't it…you know, too soon?"

Gabriel looked toward the bar, where Jess was talking animatedly with Garth, of all people. Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she regarded him, and Sam caught the signature smile that until recently, had been directed at him.

"I don't think so, Sam. I really don't." Gabriel said softly. "Wednesday."

"Huh?" Sam asked intelligently.

"Cas. He comes home on Wednesday. Anna texted me this morning." Gabe took his phone from his pocket to show Sam.

Anna Banana

We're coming home Wednesday, G. Think you can hold down the fort till then? ;)

"Now, I held up my end of the bargain. What do I get in return?" Gabe knocked his head against Sam's chin, and Sam marveled at the way Gabe seemed to fit along his neck.

"A date. Well, I mean we could just got for coffee on KU's campus since I have finals but…" Gabriel pressed a finger against Sam's lips.

"Sounds perfect to me." Gabe told him, smiling widely.

Sam couldn't help but smile in return.

Dean's phone buzzed a few minutes later.

Sammy

Cas comes home on Wednesday. You're welcome.

Dean scoffed at the obvious sarcasm in Sam's message, but sent a quick 'thank you' nonetheless.

With the question answered, Dean put the rest of his plan in motion.

The next morning, Cas made breakfast for Kate again, and she thanked him profusely as she normally only had time for gas station coffee and a protein bar.

"Adam should be home midafternoon. Takes about two hours or so to get from River Falls." She told him.

"I'm looking forward to seeing him." Cas said, setting up the coffee for himself and Anna.

Kate's fork clanged against the plate as she looked at Castiel. Something seemed different about the boy she had come to know. She'd met him when he was 11, just becoming a man and so innocent. Now, at 25, he seemed…well, not less innocent, but definitely more guarded. Like he had something to protect.

Even though she was curious, she decided to protect Cas's privacy and just provide him a place to rest his head.

Kate kissed his cheek in a display of maternal affection, and it made something in Cas's chest grow warm. His own mother had died giving birth to him, so he suspected that it had something to do with that.

This was where Gabe would undoubtedly tell him to stop psychoanalyzing himself.

Cas scoffed and shook his head, pouring himself some coffee and leaning against the counter. The window over the kitchen sink opened up to show a green lawn with dandelions and weeds peaking out.

He finished his coffee in one gulp and went to retrieve his sketchbook.

Along with studying psychology, Cas had minored in art history and drawing, two of his other main passions. He found the arts fascinating and beautiful, and had been practicing for years.

That's where Anna found him three hours later, drawing an idyllic picnic on that same lawn, featuring himself and Dean.

Dean's head was thrown back in laughter, and Cas was smiling too. The drawing looked almost like a photograph rather than a sketch, and Anna's heart squeezed at the sight.

"I wish I could draw like you." She told her brother, kissing the top of his head.

"I wish I could paint like you." Castiel returned.

A car rumbled into the driveway, and both Anna and Cas grinned at Adam as he climbed out of the car.

"Cas, Anna!" he said happily, running over to them. "How are you guys?" Adam asked them, and the Novaks filled Adam in on their lives since they saw him last. Cas closed his sketchbook and forced down the longing in his heart as Dean's grin disappeared behind the filled pages.

Ambling down the stairs of his childhood home, Sam yawned and ran a hand through his bedhead. His mom was outside gardening, so when he found the completed application for University of Kansas on the table, he grinned.

Sammy,

Fine, you win. Take this to campus for me, would ya?

Thanks,

Dean

"You sure about this, Dean?" Bobby asked as the older man led him to his private garage.

"I've never been surer of anything, Bobby." Dean said.

"Not for anything, but when I brought this up before you ran like hell." Bobby told him.

"I know. I'm not running now, though." Dean replied, and helped Bobby push up the garage door, revealing the Impala to them both. "First thing's first, gotta clean her up."

Bobby left Dean to his work, making sure he was within shouting distance. The idjit still had a broken arm and black eye, after all.

A/N: Voila! Told you this one would be a doozy. 12 pages of angst and Sabriel fluff right here. Hope you guys enjoyed and I answered your questions!

Please review/comment/leave kudos! Thanks in advance!

-Charmy