When They Think of Me (They Think of You)
By: TheFifthCharmedOne
Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.
Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna
Cas won't look at him, and on some level, Dean thought he deserved that. He approached Cas slowly, sitting down on the bed a respective distance away.
"We need to talk," Dean said. "And…shit, Cas, I hate this kind of stuff."
"Was Charlie right?" asked Cas, his voice small and quiet.
Dean sighed, deflating slightly.
"If she was?" Dean asked in response, and Cas still doesn't meet his gaze, but he can see how Cas's posture seems to stiffen and relax at the same time, and the tension in the room must've gotten to Dean's brain because he decided to do something brave.
He moved just a little bit closer and cupped the side of Cas's face, thumb gently caressing his cheekbone. "I think you love me too. I don't think you ever stopped." Cas leaned into the touch, and Dean's heart leaped at the longing in those haunting blue eyes that have finally met his own. Even more encouraging, the dark-haired man whimpered as Dean continued to stroke his cheek.
Cas released a rattling breath and pushed Dean's hand away, standing up and walking toward his bedroom door. Dean followed.
"It doesn't change anything," Cas said to Dean, even as the light haired man came closer to him.
"Who are you trying to kid, Cas? It changes everything." Dean leaned close to Cas's ear, and growled, "I haven't forgotten any of your sensitive spots, angel." Dean took Cas's earlobe between his teeth and pulled gently, teasing and taunting the man under him.
Cas sucked both of his lips into his mouth, his arousal is like a fire in his veins, quick and unforgiving.
Dean brushed his nose down from Cas's sideburn to his Adam's apple, which was bobbing quickly in response to his frantic heartbeat.
"Wait," Cas said, his voice a mere whisper, echoing the desire tightening in his pants. Dean leaned back and looked into his eyes. "Was it me?"
"Was what you, angel?" Dean asked him, stroking his knuckle down the side of Cas's face again.
"Was…was the breakup my fault? Did I do something wrong to make you break up with me?"
Dean froze.
"Is that what you think?" he asked after an eternity of silence. "God, no. Cas, being with you was the best thing that ever happened to me."
"Then why?" Cas asked, finally voicing the question he'd been asking himself for so long.
Dean inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Please, Dean. I deserve – no, I need to know the truth."
"It was like this." Dean moved back from Cas, leaning against the opposite wall and picking at his cast. "My dad…he was an alcoholic. He got fired when he showed up to Bobby's garage drunk too many times, and that just made things worse. He…" Dean swallowed, licking his lips. "He beat me after he kicked you out. Said he wouldn't have a faggot for a son."
Cas flinched at the word, but Dean didn't seem to notice. "My mom made him leave, told him she was going to divorce him if he didn't. See, the thing was, my dad was a different person when he got whiskey in him. He was never violent until then. Never. Sure, he'd shout and bellow when he and Sammy duked it out, but he never hit us, or Mom. Until the night I – we - came out to him." Dean leaned his head back, and Cas could see tears gleaming in his iridescent green eyes. "God, he was so pissed. I had the bruises for weeks afterward." He shook his head now as if to clear it. "I didn't know what he would do. I was afraid that he'd hurt you or something. I had to make sure that didn't happen."
Cas let this sink in.
"You broke up with me to…protect me?"
Dean snorted.
"I guess you could say that."
"Well, that was stupid of you."
Dean locked eyes with Cas and saw pure fury on his face.
"You didn't even give me a choice in the matter. You just told me we were done and then you left me. You made me think – you made me – goddammit, Dean!"
Cas charged at him, rage fueling his feet and fists as he pinned Dean against the wall, pounding against his chest. Cas choked back sobs, and Dean let him be angry, just absorbed the blows. The anger seemed to fade away as quickly as it had begun.
Once Cas was done, Dean awkwardly maneuvered them so they were on the floor of Cas's bedroom, sitting on their feet while Dean held Cas. "I did love you. I loved you so much, and it terrified me." Cas whispered. "And you're right. I never stopped. I still love you now."
Dean ran his hand through Cas's tousled locks, holding the smaller man against him.
"I love you too, Cas. I love you. I'm going to keep saying it. I love you, and I'm so sorry."
"Your father was a monster," Cas said harshly.
"A bigoted bastard." Dean agreed.
They sat like that for a few minutes, just holding each other and listening to their heartbeats. "So, what now?" Dean asked.
"I want you back. I never stopped wanting you." Cas said quietly, so much so that Dean had to struggle to hear him. His heart leaped, and he pulled Cas's head so the brunette man's face was firmly between his palms.
"I want that too, Cas. More than I've ever wanted anything."
Dean leaned in and pressed a messy kiss to Cas's mouth, slipping his tongue between those sinfully sweet lips. He managed to push Cas flat on the floor, still kissing passionately.
Cas's fingers went to the base of Dean's neck and scratched against his hairline, making Dean almost choke on his tongue. He pulled away and found Cas smirking at him.
"You're not the only one who remembers weak spots," Cas told him.
Samsquatch
Do you think I could bother you for the afternoon? Our brothers are finally working through their UST, and as much as I love voyeur porn, I'm not interested in it when Cassie is involved.
Gabriel's thumb hovered over the send button, hoping that Sam would answer quickly. If not, he supposed he could just go bother Anna, but she was on a date with Charlie, and far be it from him to be a third wheel.
Before he could overthink it, he pressed send.
Gabe scrolled through his social media accounts, trying not to tap his foot or bite on his fingernails. He was acting ridiculously and he knew it, but for some reason, he couldn't stop.
His phone buzzed, and the notification of a new text message popped up.
Samsquatch
Sure, Gabe. I have a few hours before my night class's final, so if you wanna get coffee or something, I'm at KU's library.
Gabe took the offer and ran with it, glad not to witness the reunion of all reunions going on upstairs.
"Sam!" The younger Winchester glanced up and saw Jess waving to him. He took a sip of his coffee and waved her over.
"Hey, how was your econ final?" he asked her, and she grimaced. "That bad, huh?"
"I'm hoping for a curve. A big one." Jess replied. "What are you up too?"
"Last minute studying and waiting for Gabe," Sam told her, and Jess's expression dimmed. Sam groaned. "Don't start."
"Start what? I wasn't going to start anything!" Jess proclaimed though Sam knew she was lying. Sam raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm just worried about you."
"I know you are, J," Sam said with a sigh. "And I appreciate it, I do. I love that you care so much."
"But?" Jess prompted.
"But I'm a grown man, I can take care of myself," Sam said. "And Gabe…" Sam smiled at the thought of his boyfriend(?). "Gabe is a good guy. What we're doing feels right."
"For your sake, I hope so," Jess told him. Sam resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Well, I'm going to head home and eat something before work. What time is your final?"
"5:30, I should be back in time to give you a ride," Sam answered. Jess nodded, kissed his cheek, and left the library.
Gabriel showed up a few minutes later and saw the look on Sam's face.
"What's with the face?" Gabe asked.
"What face?" Sam said, steadfastly ignoring the blush that was rushing up his neck. Gabriel raised an eyebrow.
"We might not have been dating very long, but I can tell when you're deep in thought."
Dating? Sam thought, his heart throbbing. "Dating? Is that what we're doing?" he voiced, and Gabriel picked up one of Sam's notebooks and covered their faces as he kissed him. Sam's eyes were wide open, so he could count the number of eyelashes on Gabriel's closed eyelids. There was also a tiny scar right along his brow bone, and Sam made a mental note to ask about that later.
This was their first kiss.
"Uh, Sam, this is usually a two player game," Sam blinked and found that Gabriel had moved back and lowered the notebook, looking slightly embarrassed. Chastised but not at all ashamed, Sam grabbed the collar of Gabriel's jacket and pulled him in for a heated kiss.
Hoots sounded throughout the library, quickly followed by shushing sounds.
Sam pulled back; only to realize that in his eagerness he had accidentally picked Gabriel a few inches off the ground.
"Sorry," he said and watched as Gabe's sandals met the linoleum floor once more.
"You've got nothing to apologize for," Gabe said, face flushed and eyes dark.
How many people have caused that reaction in him? Sam wondered. Frustrated with himself now, hating that Jess's stupid fears were getting to him, he opened his mouth to speak his mind.
"So what's on your mind, kiddo?" Gabe asked before he could say anything. "Other than kissing me, which I'm totally down for more of that, by the way."
Sam chuckled and then asked the question that had been plaguing him for weeks now.
"Gabe, uh, do you actually like me? Like, beyond wanting to get in my pants?"
Gabriel watched him for a few seconds, tilting his head the way Sam had seen Cas do when he didn't understand something. The similarity was uncanny in a way that made Sam smile.
"I get it. Jess talked to you, didn't she?" Gabe said, and it wasn't really a question. Sam wouldn't meet Gabriel's eyes, and that was answer enough. "Sam, I'll be the first to tell you, I've been with a lot of different people. Some women, some men, some trans, hell, there was even a gender-fluid person in there somewhere." Gabe waved his hand dismissively. "But not one of them ever affected me the way you do. I won't be overly cheesy and say it was love at first sight, but it was definitely lust and curiosity."
A happy feeling unfurled in Sam's stomach. "You don't want to know how many times I asked Jo and Anna for help on how to seduce you."
"You did?" Sam asked, and Gabe nodded. The happy feeling started climbing up toward his heart, and Sam was sure that this was what falling in love felt like. He couldn't remember when he'd felt like this with Jess, but it certainly hadn't been this real.
Gabe sat down across from Sam.
"Since I'm bearing my heart and soul here, I might as well be completely honest." Gabe began, and Sam had a feeling that this was going to be a long story.
"You know that I've spent the majority of my life traveling across the country with my brother and sister. But I'm sure that nerdy brain of yours has been wondering why for quite a while." Gabe smiled fondly at Sam's scowl. "When I was twelve, my three eldest brothers, Michael, Lucifer, and Raphael, got into a ridiculously huge fight. Mike and Luke are twins, but they couldn't more opposite if they tried. Raph was always the black sheep of the family, even more than me. He was sent to juvie when he was 13 for stealing. When he got out, he came home and confronted Mike and Luke…"
"Where. Is. Father." Raphael spat, eyes narrowed in rage.
"We don't know," Lucifer said. "If you hadn't gotten caught stealing, maybe you'd know that." Raphael took a step toward Lucifer, but Michael stepped between them.
"Luke is right, Raphie," Michael said, and Raphael's lip curled. "Dad disappeared when Mom stopped being able to conceive." Though his voice was steady, the tension in his shoulders showed his true feelings. "We haven't seen him since Castiel was in elementary school."
"I was here then," Raphael said.
"But you were barely a teenager, you were too wrapped up in your own angst to see what was going on."
"That's when Luke punched Raph," Gabriel said. "Anna and I were watching from the stairs, keeping Cassie away. He still had ears though." Gabe ran a hand over his face, sighing before continuing. "Michael tried to stop them, but Luke and Raph were determined to keep fighting. Michael's twin had a known anger problem, but we never expected what he did the next morning."
"What did he do?" Sam asked though part of him didn't want to know. Gabe smiled bitterly.
"He set our house on fire, nearly killed us all. Anna smelled smoke first, then woke me, and we grabbed Cas just as the fire was climbing from the basement. Anna, Cas, and I have been running from our brothers ever since. Anna almost had a psychotic breakdown because of it."
"I guess I'll be honest too," Sam said. "You know about my brother and my mom. Our dad died two years ago from liver failure, but before that, his bigotry made Dean break up with Cas."
Gabriel's eyes widened – so Dean hadn't broken his brother's heart selfishly. He'd done so selflessly. Interesting.
"Dean thinks I don't know about it, but I saw the way Dean carried himself for weeks after. I'm a black belt in karate, I know what a stomach and chest bruise look like." Sam scoffed. "When dad died, my mom almost had to sell the house in order to pay for his funeral expenses. Dean took out a loan from Crowley, and just recently paid it back."
"How recently?" Gabriel asked.
"Like three or four days ago, why?"
"That explains it," Gabe said. "Remember when we were at the Roadhouse and Dean wasn't? Cas wanted to invite him to his graduation ceremony."
"So they're finally talking things through?" Gabe nodded, and Sam whistled. "For both of their sakes, I hope they work it out."
Dean smelled like gasoline, leather, and spicy cologne.
Cas smelled like graphite, clean laundry, and Irish Spring soap.
Dean's hands slid under Cas's shirt, the hot skin smooth under his fingers.
"Is this okay?" Dean asked as he readied to pull Cas's shirt off.
"Please, Dean." Cas groaned. "Need you."
Dean smiled and pulled Cas's shirt off, throwing it across the room. He started peppering kisses down his chest, stopping to suck each nipple to full hardness. Cas arched his back and his jeans slid past his delightfully sharp hipbones.
Cas's hands scratched along Dean's back, his shirt long gone. Cas's hands clambered for Dean's jeans, and Dean took hold of his wrists.
"Not yet angel. I wanna enjoy this." Dean said throatily, his Kansas twang sending a new spike of arousal through Cas.
"You're a tease," Cas accused, and Dean raised an eyebrow at him.
"This coming from the man who purposely walked around his dorm room shirtless for months before we starting dating?" Dean replied playfully.
"Not my fault you always came to see me when I'd just gotten a shower." Cas returned, not at all guilty.
Dean dragged his hand down to flatten his palm against Cas's aching cock.
"So hard for me," Dean rumbled. "I missed you so much."
"I was never far. I lived in Topeka; commuted to KU. Avoided Sam and Jess." Cas was speaking in fragments, his face flushed and pupils blown wide. "Please, Dean. Please."
"You lived in Topeka all this time?" Dean asked, nipping on Cas's hipbones as he finally undid the other man's jeans.
"I was already established at KU, I couldn't – ah, fuck Dean!" He was cut off as Dean licked his cock from base to tip, biting gently on the head, as if in reprimand. Somehow along the way Dean had taken off Cas's jeans and boxers, leaving him in only his socks.
Dean hollowed his cheeks around Cas's dick, sucking and licking the oversensitive skin. As he did so, he grabbed Cas's butt cheeks and inserted a finger knuckle deep into that hole.
"F-Fuck." Cas stammered. "Been so long."
"Were you with anyone besides me?"
Cas shook his head. "I tried, but I could only imagine you when they got close."
Dean inserted his finger all the way in, and Cas gasped like a dying man as the tip brushed against his prostate.
"Ready for the second finger baby?" Dean asked, and not for the first time, Cas envied Dean's composure. While Cas fell apart under him, Dean always kept his sanity.
"Y-Yes," Cas said, and Dean slid his middle finger inside to join his pointer, and Cas felt the muscle expanding in a wonderfully painful way.
"My cock missed your hole, angel," Dean said filthily. "Thought of you each time I jerked off."
"God, Dean, I'm gonna cum…" Cas said. "…if you keep talking like that."
"You say that like it's a bad thing." Dean grinned, and he slid his third finger inside Cas's entrance, and the cool metal of his ring made Cas cry out.
"Please, I'm ready. Ready for your big cock." Cas begged. "Fucking fuck I missed you."
Dean came up suddenly and kissed Cas, and then grinned down at him.
"I love you, angel."
Something about that pet name, or just the way Dean's eyes were bright, or something else altogether, made Cas gasp brokenly as his cock exploded up his stomach and chest, covering him in his orgasm. Dean smirked victoriously as he pulled his fingers out of Cas's entrance, and pushed his legs up so he could line his rock hard dick up with it. "Ready?"
Cas nodded, still woozy from his orgasm, and Dean pressed himself inside.
"Shit fuck!" Cas cursed as Dean's cock filled him.
"Such a dirty mouth," Dean murmured, sheathing himself fully. "I should start a swear jar."
"Shut up and fuck me, Dean," Cas said breathlessly, and Dean happily obliged.
"So tight and warm baby fuck," Dean groaned. Cas threw his head back as Dean's cock hit his prostate again, again, and again.
"Gonna cum," Dean warned. Cas just moaned, and the sound of that guttural noise, the knowledge that Cas was so undone by him…Dean's orgasm was the strongest he'd ever had.
Meanwhile, the Spencer Museum of Art was quiet and the perfect place for a first date.
Charlie and Anna were strolling casually through the gallery, chatting and learning about each other.
"One of my favorite things to do is LARPing."
At Anna's (adorably) confused look, Charlie explained. "Live-action role-play. It's a lot of fun."
"Really?" Anna said, and then her eye caught on something and she jogged ahead to a small, enclosed exhibit. Charlie's eyebrows furrowed. "This is what I wanted to show you." Anna fished a small golden key from her pocket and unlocked the door.
On the far wall was a large painting, of a dark summer night, a black car, and two men sitting on the hood of it.
Wait.
Upon further inspection, Charlie knew those two men; Dean and Sam and the car was the Impala.
"It's called Impala Utopia," Anna said. "I've been working on it for the last few weeks, and when it was finally done, I showed it to my advisor, and she nominated me for the artist in residence."
"It's absolutely amazing!" Charlie cried, pulling Anna into a hug. "Dean and Sam are gonna flip."
Anna smiled bashfully, her face burning as red as her hair.
Charlie looked back at the painting, and that was when she noticed the other two men leaning on the side of the Impala – Anna's brothers, Gabriel and Castiel. "You're an incredible artist," Charlie complimented.
Anna's blush deepened.
"Thank you," Anna said. She moved closer to Charlie, placing her hands gently on the other woman's hips. "You know, we have this room all to ourselves...we should make good use of it."
Anna leaned in and Charlie met her halfway, wrapping her arms around the slightly taller redhead's neck.
Dean and Cas laid in bed, Dean resting his head on his palm and elbow on the pillow, just watching Cas and tracing small patterns on the other man's shoulder.
Cas was flat on his back, still covered in his own ejaculation, and the room positively reeked of sex, but Cas couldn't be bothered to care.
Cas looked over toward Dean and couldn't hide his smile at the pure joy in Dean's eyes.
"What?" Dean asked.
"Nothing. You just look…you look so happy."
"Why do I get the feeling that you were going to say something else?"
Cas instantly thought of the sketchbook under his bed, of the pages filled with drawings of Dean, and felt color bloom into his face before he could stop it.
Dean smirked and moved to straddle his lover(?). He ran loving hands along Cas's stomach and chest, his thumbs flicking at Cas's nipples teasingly.
"Tell me," Dean said.
"Tell you what?" Cas asked, not meeting Dean's eyes again.
"Tell me what you were gonna say," Dean answered.
Cas bit his lip, clearly indecisive, but seemingly came to a conclusion in a few seconds.
"Let me up," Dean moved off of Cas and allowed him to get off of the bed and kneel down under his bed.
His naked butt made Dean both giggly and aroused, so he slapped it.
Cas let out an unmanly squeak as he came up, sketchbook in hand. He glowered at Dean, but the green-eyed man knew he wasn't truly mad.
"For as long as I can remember, I've loved to draw." Cas began. "I taught myself, and with a lot of practice, I think I've become passable."
He handed Dean the sketchbook. "You're the only person I've ever shown this too." He admitted.
Dean's eyebrows flew up, but he said nothing as he opened the book and began to look through.
Gabriel and Sam had decided to take a walk through campus rather than staying in the "stuffy old library" as Gabe had dubbed it.
Sam knew he would have to leave soon for his final, but he wanted to spend as much time as he could with Gabriel before he did.
"I wonder if it's safe for me to go back to my apartment," Gabe said thoughtfully. "It's been hours. I doubt even Dean can last that long."
Sam made a face, and Gabe guffawed.
"That was your most adorable bitchface ever," Gabe said, reaching up and running his thumb over Sam's lips. Sam pressed a kiss against the appendage, and Gabriel's eyes darkened. "You don't play fair, Winchester."
"All's fair in love and war, Novak." Sam returned, and affection bloomed in Gabe's chest at the cliché line.
"Is that your way of saying you love me?" Gabe asked, and Sam shrugged.
"Maybe. Maybe not." Sam said casually. "As you said earlier, we haven't been dating that long."
"Love doesn't know or care about time, Sam," Gabe said. "All I know is, I really like you. And I really want you to fuck me into next week."
Sam coughed, heat and embarrassment rushing through him at Gabriel's bluntness. In his pocket, Sam's phone began to vibrate, and he took it out only to realize he had fifteen minutes to make it across campus.
"See you later?" Sam asked hopefully.
"Undoubtedly," Gabriel replied, and with a quick peck, the two men parted ways.
A/N: Woo! That was a doozy. That's probably one of the dirtiest smut scenes I've ever written, but certainly not one of the dirtiest I've ever read.
Sorry for how long this took, especially since I left the last chap on such a cliffhanger. I hit some serious writer's block along the way, but thanks to my awesome boyfriend, I climbed my way out of it.
Please review/comment/leave kudos!
-Charmy
