A/N: I decided to break the chapter in two, so for once I can update in a reasonable time :). Enjoy!
Thanks to cpneb for the beta.
Chapter 7: Muddy Waters, part 1
≈O≈
With poorly disguised distaste, Mr. Steven Barkin watched the chaos unfold before his very eyes. The undisciplined hustle and bustle of the Cheer Squad loading their things onto the bus tempted Barkin to order all of them to 'drop and give him twenty'. If there was anything more unruly than a group of excited teenaged girls, he wasn't aware of it - and he had seen action during his military service.
He took a deep breath.
"Okay, people," he bellowed, "stop screwing around and listen up!"
Little by little, the chaos died down. For the moment, at least.
"Before we head out, I have an announcement to make," Barkin said, looking, if possible, even more gruff than usual. "The PTA in its infinite wisdom," he continued, the sarcasm dripping heavily, "have decided that it's not a good idea for you to be accompanied by a lone male teacher, and are sending a parent with us. Never mind it being a blatant vote of distrust against a devoted educator."
"So, who is it?" Kim asked, ignoring Barkin's outburst.
"What?" Barkin snapped to from his rant. "Oh, right: the parent," he said and as he looked about, he saw the person in question walking up.
"Okay, people, meet your chaperone: Mrs. Renee Williams," Barking introduced as Renee stepped next to him.
"Mom?!" Tara exclaimed in shock.
"Hi, Tarball," the blonde's mother greeted her cheerily. The other cheerleaders snickered at the nickname.
Tara buried her face in her hands. "Kill me now, God, just kill me now," she moaned.
Kim on the other hand, thanked her lucky stars. Apparently, so did Ron, as she had to physically lift his jaw up. She thought she saw some drool as well. She couldn't really blame the guy. Tara's mom looked divine in her white French Terry capris and hoody, with her loose ponytail swaying hypnotically with every movement.
Barkin continued the introduction. "As Mrs. Williams is familiar with basic first aid and treating stress related injuries, you will direct all requests not having to do with lifting something or opening a pickle jar, to her."
Renee cast an amused glance at Barkin. "So," she said, turning back to the students, "like Mr. Porkin here oinked," she joked, getting some stiffled snickers, "I'm available at all hours for anything you might have on your mind."
Kim could think of a few things.
Mr. Barkin looked like his head was about to explode. "Enough chitchat!" he roared. "Everybody in the bus!"
The bus was loaded in ten seconds flat. As it rolled out of the school yard, Ron turned to Kim at the back of the bus where they had settled.
"Man, I didn't remember Tara's mom being so hot."
"I'm right there with you, Ron," Kim agreed, her eyes locked on the Yummy Mommy, who was up ahead, leaning on a seat, making conversation with some of the girls. Of particular interest was her juicy posterior, the lines of her panties shining through the white fabric. "Good God in Heaven," Kim whispered as Renee shifted her weight, her buns bouncing much like two kittens wrestling in a blanket.
"She's so hot," Ron said, reaching for the big foam head of his mascot outfit. He put it on, and continued, "she's making the Mad Dog foam at the mouth!"
Ron howled and shook his head vigorously, sending the banana cream he used for the foam flying everywhere.
"He's doing it again," Bonnie huffed, peering from a farther row, cream dripping down her cheek.
"Ron, amp down," Kim urged. She glanced apologetically back at Bonnie, who was staring murderous daggers at Ron. Kim turned back to Ron. "And take that stupid thing off. This is not the time or place."
"But, KP-"
"Take it off. Now."
Ron gave in, and started taking off the foam head, grumbling. Kim turned to look at Bonnie, and noticed her eyes had taken on a mischievous glint. The creamed brunette glanced around surreptitiously to make sure no one was looking. When her eyes returned to Kim, her finger was sliding across her cheek, gathering up the cream. The finger moved slowly to her mouth, and disappeared between her lips, emerging a moment later, cream-free.
Kim turned to Ron. "Do you happen to have an extra can of that stuff?" she asked with a hidden grin.
Bonnie turned back to Tara, wiping off the rest of the cream.
"What the hell do you see in that dork?"
When Bonnie didn't get the defensive rant she was expecting, she looked at Tara, and saw blonde wearing a very uncharacteristic frown.
"Cheer up, Tar'. It's not the end of the world."
"You're not the one she calls Tarball."
"Okay, that is pretty bad. But everyone seems to like her so far. Hey, at least she's not as bad as my mom."
"Maybe you're right," Tara conceded, but only a little cheerier. "But you know how she gets carried away. Can you imagine if she found out about you and Kim?"
Bonnie shuddered. "I get your point."
≈O≈
Kim turned to Ron. "Don't you think Tara's cute?"
After learning that Tara had a crush on Ron, Kim and Bonnie had agreed to step in and grease the wheels. Even though the idea made Bonnie sick to her stomach, she wanted her friend to be happy, and if it meant setting her up with the buffoon, that was just what Bonnie would do.
"Don't tell me you're already thinking of cheating on Bonnie?" Ron asked.
"What?! No, I just thought you two would make a good couple."
"Get real, KP. A girl like that would never be interested in someone like me."
"How do you know if you don't ask? What's the worst that could happen?"
"Utter humiliation, a broken heart, and an atomic wedgie from the jocks," Ron counted off the points.
"Wedgie!" Rufus chimed in, his face in a sympathy grimace.
Oy! Kim thought. This was going to be tougher than she'd thought.
≈O≈
"Ma'am, a word?" Barkin said.
"Sure, Steve," Renee said, leaning on the hump that lay between the driver's seat and the steps leading out of the bus. "Though I'd prefer if you called me Renee."
"I'm sure you would, Mrs. Williams. And I'd prefer if you didn't try to undermine my authority in front of the students."
"Don't take it so seriously. I was only joking, trying to break the ice."
"Be that as it may, my ability to do my job rests solely on absolute authority. It's not easy with a bunch of rebellious teens, and you're not helping."
"Neither were you with those sexist comments."
Barkin controlled his temper. "Look, Mrs. Williams," he said, gritting his teeth, "I'm just trying to protect myself. It's obvious the PTA doesn't trust me with the girls, so, for the time being, I'm playing their game. Even though I've been on these trips more times than I care to remember, and not once has there been any misconduct or even a hint of an accusation of any. I take my duties very seriously."
Renee smiled at the gruff educator, seeing that he was indeed someone to be trusted, even if stiff as a petrified redwood board.
"You know, Steve, the decision was far from unanimous or orderly. There were a few who felt they couldn't trust the girls with you, but most were, like you, just trying to cover their asses."
"I'm not sure I follow you."
"You remember the incident at the Lowerton High School camping trip a year back?"
"Yeah, big stink. I heard a lot of heads rolled for that one. I'm still not sure what really happened."
"Well, I happen to know someone in the know, and apparently there was some girl who reacted badly to a dream, raised a big fuss, and a lot of people got dragged down. It didn't matter that afterwards everyone was found innocent of any wrongdoing, but the damage was already done. The school almost went bankrupt from all the lawsuits."
"Sounds like the only ones who came out laughing, were the lawyers." Steve rolled his eyes.
"Got that right," Renee nodded. "And that's why they decided to send me with you. It's not about you, it's about them and the school."
"I tell you, the world's going to Hell in a handbasket."
"If it was just me, I wouldn't be that worried, but as a mother... it scares the shit out of me."
Barkin gave her a sharp look. She covered her mouth.
"Nutbunnies. That's another quarter in the swearjar. Looks like Tara's getting a mighty fine graduation present."
"Having problems with your French?"
"Well, I wasn't always a mother. Before I opened the aerobics studio, I worked a forklift in a warehouse as the only woman in a group of men. Picked up some raunchy language. I guess old habits die hard."
Barkin merely grunted in agreement.
The bus hit a pothole, causing Renee to stagger.
"Ma'am, why don't you go find a place to sit, before we need to give you first aid," Barkin suggested.
"We wouldn't want that," Renee replied and started looking around for free seat.
Kim and Ron saw her looking, and raised their hands, both shouting at the same time: "You can sit here, Mrs. Williams!"
As Renee started to make her way across the bus, Kim and Ron started arguing next to whom she'd sit. In the end they split the difference and made room between them on the wide backseat.
"At least they're enjoying my misery," Tara grumbled.
Maybe a little too much, Bonnie thought as she watched Kim and Ron trip over themselves trying to impress the older hottie. She turned to her pouting friend, sitting there arms crossed.
"I bet you wouldn't be so grumpy if you had a goofy blonde to smack lips with," Bonnie teased.
"Bonnie!" Tara yelped.
"That reminds me: Tara, you gotta run interference for me and Kim."
"No way! I'm not gonna ruin a perfectly good camping trip just so you guys can play 'L-word'."
"You owe us after that stunt you pulled last week."
"What stunt?"
"You really think I can't recognize a fake yawn?" Bonnie scoffed. "I know you heard us."
Tara blushed bright red. "Only a part of it," she said quietly, staring down.
"And that's why you owe us. You don't have to hang on her all the time, just distract her so me and Kim can sneak off."
Tara sighed. Sometimes she thought she'd be better off not knowing.
≈O≈
A good while into the trip, Ron started showing signs of distress. He kept staring out the windows like a scared animal. Finally, he turned back to Kim and Renee. "This road looks familiar. Too familiar!" he said in an agitated voice that had Kim thinking of the time he thought that Buene Nacho had run out of cheese.
Ron dove over Renee and began rummaging in Kim's bag.
"Do you mind!" Kim protested.
Ron returned to his seat with the Kimmunicator in hand. "Wade, I need a GPS lock on our position!"
Wade looked back at him from the tiny screen. "Okay, calm down, Mad Dog. Locked."
The image that appeared on the screen drove terror into Ron's heart. "That can't be right. That can't be right!" he repeated in disbelief and distress.
Kim was starting to get a little tired of Ron's antics. "Ron!" she yelled.
"What's wrong, Ron?" Renee asked, looking a little worried.
"It's m-m-my worst nightmare. Return to Camp Wannaweep!"
Renee furrowed her brow at Ron, and glanced at Kim. "Does he do this often?"
"All the time," Kim groaned.
"Stoppable, do you have a problem?" Barkin hollered from the front of the bus.
"Drive, drive fast, Mr. Barkin! Drive like my life depends on it!"
"What are you yabberin' about?"
"It was the worst summer of all time!" Ron wailed. "I swore I'd never come back to Camp Wannaweep, never!"
"Ron!" Kim snapped. "We're not going to Wannaweep."
"Why don't I go and ask Steve where we're going?" Renee suggested.
As Renee stood up, loud bangs startled everyone in the bus. The tires of the bus having apparently blown out, the heavy vehicle began to shake and swerve out of control, causing Renee to fall back. Luckily, Ron caught her, and ended up having the older woman sitting in his lap.
"My hero," Renee grinned at Ron.
Ron didn't dare say what was on his mind, but a part of his body was starting to react in a very unhero-like manner.
"No bus wipes out on Steve Barkin's watch!" Barkin declared, and started making aggressive steering corrections. As the bus rocked from side to side, so did the passengers. As tightly as Ron held on to Renee, his grip wasn't fast enough, and the woman slipped from his lap, dropping back-first on the floor. Another swing of the bus threw Kim off her seat and onto the floored Renee.
Barkin finally managed to bring the bus to a safe stop. "Sound off if you're hurtin'!" he yelled.
Despite all the moaning and groaning, everyone seemed to be fine, except for Ron and his ever-present whining. While the other passengers picked themselves up, Kim was frozen in place, forgotten in the blue eyes of Mrs. Renee Williams.
She was so close. So close... and yet, so far.
"You can get off me now," Renee said to the dazed Kim.
"What?" Kim replied, slowly coming out of her trance.
"Kim," Tara said, peering over the seats with a confused frown, "why are you groping my mom?"
Kim looked down and saw her hand had landed on Renee's luscious breast. She jumped up in a flash, her face glowing bright red.
"I was trying to break my fall, it was purely on instinct," Kim explained in rapidfire, while Tara and Bonnie helped Renee up.
Bonnie shook her head sadly. "And she was supposed to keep us from getting harassed."
"I feel so violated," Renee said, quick to get in the swing. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked away, as if ashamed. "Her hands were everywhere," she added with a wink to Tara, who had to stifle a giggle.
"No, I-," Kim stammered, before being interrupted by Barkin.
"Okay, people, we seem to have ourselves some flats. We better call for help."
"Saved by the Barkin," Bonnie grinned at Kim before turning to the other girls. "Ladies, cellphones!"
The dozens of fingers clicking away only resulted in a group exclamation: "No service?!"
Even Kim looked worriedly up from her communicator. "That's weird. The Kimmunicator isn't working, either."
Having no other choice, Barkin turned to the most unlikely source for help. "Stoppable, you know the way of the land?"
Ron shriveled in fear. "Every rock, every tree, every bloodthirsty tick. It haunts me."
"Good. Where's the phone?"
Ron shuddered as the memory of pleading for help from his parents surfaced. "I seem to recall a payphone."
"Lead the way," Barkin said.
"Mr. Barkin, I am not... What did you say?"
"I said, lead the way," Barkin reiterated.
Ron suddenly became energized and puffed up his chest. "Yeah! This is it! The one time that Ron Stoppable gets to lead, gets to call the shots, gets to be the big boss man," he declared enthusiastically.
Kim shuddered. They were stranded in the middle of the woods, and the one person they had to rely on to guide them was Ron? This did not bode well...
To be continued...
