Chess
I had not slept well the past few nights with Cullen's Lyrium confession and Sampson leading the red Templars.
Everything was getting too complicated. I hadn't even told Cullen that I still had feelings yet and he just tells me something like that.
But then he wasn't talking to me the was talking to the inquisitor. His chief in command. If only I could get him to think of himself for awhile.
Of Course, I was still avoiding my father. He had to find out at some point that we had moved. I just wished he would give up on letting me see 'his' way. I needed to think. I petted Hector and handed him a piece of goat from my lunch. I had eaten it half-heartedly remembering my father's letter a few weeks ago. I Left my chambers, everything seemed to pass as though I was in a dream while I walked.
I ignored all the Inquisitors and Lady Trevelyan's as I passed through the hall.
I Passed Josephine's office where she was most likely trying to seal another alliance. I didn't care my family is going to come to light soon whether I liked it or not.
I had found myself in the garden. It was quiet and serene filled with only a few people at this hour. I usually came here to think. As looked across the way, I saw Cullen and Dorian playing chess.
I couldn't help myself I crossed, listening in on the conversation.
"Gloat all you like but I have this one" Cullen was confident. Ever the great commander. If only my father could see past the surface of men.
"Are you sassing me, Commander? I didn't know you had it in you." it was the same with Dorian but almost no one could see past his surface.
He moved a piece. "Why do I even…" Cullen broke off finally noticing that I was watching.
"Inquisitor!" he stood up, almost knocking over one of his towers in the process.
"Leaving, are you? Does this mean I win?" Dorian chirped, he knew exactly what was on Cullen's mind seeing me. I just Smiled, "Are you boys playing nice?"
"You know me, inquisitor. I am always nice." Dorian paused sipping his glass of wine.
Cullen sat back down putting the tower into position "Alright your move," I was happy to have distracted him for a moment, like old times.
He needs to relax, so wound up with his position and tough on his men. I knew why he did it but, it's not good for his health as my great aunt would say.
Dorian as confident as ever in his perfection" You need to come to terms with my inevitable victory. You'll feel much better."
"Really, cause I just won and I feel fine." Cullen smiled and relaxed in his chair. I wished to see this Cullen more often.
"Don't get smug." dorian shook his head, "There will be no living with you." he picked up his glass and bottle of wine, winking at me as he walked away. I shook my head as heard his chuckle from behind me. Apparently my n'th cousin; as he had told me, enjoyed setting me up.
"I should return to my duties as well. Unless you would care for a game?" I smiled if it was with Cullen, sure.
Hopefully, it would be enough to distract me.
"Prepare the Board Commander." It's been so long I hope I remember how to play. I used to play with my brother before he left to join the Templar order.
He was only 15, he died, though. An abomination on his first day serving at the circle in Kirkwall
"As I child I played this with my sister. She would get this stuck up grin whenever she won which was all the time." Cullen smiled remembering his family, "My brother and I practiced for weeks. the look on her face the day I finally won. "
I was happy to hear he had a nicer family life than I had.
"Between serving the Templars and the Inquisition, I haven't seen them in years. I wonder if she still plays?" He asked himself as we moved the pieces into position.
"I used to play with my elder Brother, I always lost. He kept telling me that I couldn't see the long game. So you have siblings as well?" sitting down across from him, he smiled shifting in his chair, "Two sisters and a brother."
I thought of my brother and his pyre "Where are they now?" I moved my pawn to E4
"They moved to south reach after the blight I do not write to them as often as I should," he said as he looked at the board.
" Ah, it's my turn." His pawn went to E5.
"Alright then, let's see what you got." I moved my knight to F3
And then He moved his knight to C6. I think I was starting to remember this.
I went pawn to d4 hoping he would take it.
He took the bait and the pawn took D4.
I moved my Mage to C4 for the long game.
His mage went to B4. Check. Why was he not developing?
I moved pawn to C3
And he took it with his pawn to C3?
I took advantage of his mistake and castled out of that mess.
He proceeded to take my pawn on B2. He was hoping to promote. Just fine I can work with this.
I moved my Mage to take his B2 pawn.
He moved his mage to F8. A retreat? Haven might be messing with his chess game as well.
His eyes met mine as he leaned back in his seat "This may be the longest we have gone without discussing the inquisition. Or related matters. To be honest I appreciate the distraction."
I felt the same. "We should spend more time together." I smiled moving my pawn to E5. his smile was wide at my suggestion, "I would like that." He moved his pawn to D6.
"Me too," I thought of that embrace back at Haven as I moved my tower to E1
"You said that." He paused, the soft grin was still there, "We should finish our game right?" his voice soft and eager as He glanced at the game " My turn?"
His Pawn took E5.
I smiled and not just because of the game as my knight went to E5
Cullen saved his queen moving it to D1, he has to be letting me win. I moved my mage to F7. "Check."
he moved his king to E7, now he couldn't castle. It was time for me to pounce, were my brother alive I would thank him for all that practice. "Knight to G6"
He looked at me, I met his eyes as I smiled, "Check."
his king went to F7 and I had him, as he knew. His hand ran through his hair, "I believe this one is yours well played we shall have to try again sometime."
I looked at him in the eyes and smiled as I moved my knight to H8, "Checkmate."
It was while I was helping Cullen put his lovely chess set away. That I heard the horror of all voices in Thedas come through the door on the other side of the garden.
My Father. Shit, I was not ready for this. Not Now.
I was thankful the garden was vacant except for a few servants in the corner.
"I want to see my daughter. Seems like every time I come to visit her she is off on some wild escapade!" My father shouted at Josephine as he searched the grounds for me.
Our eyes met and I saw what could amount to pure fury in his eyes.
This was not going to go well no matter who was present. I motioned for the servants to leave. They scurried off to the kitchen as fast as they could muster. I don't blame them, wishing I could do the same.
My father was coming towards me, with his heavy dark green overcoat bound by a thick leather belt. He had put on some weight over the years. His balding black hair and trimmed beard was starting to show some flecks of gray.
Josephine was trying to catch up with him, "Please, Ser I am sure she could see you in my quarters not out here like this."
She tried to reason with my father. It would not work, It never worked.
My father was before me, Josie's eyes pleading me to reason with him, "Josie, I'll Handle the Bann. You go and try to keep the gossip to a minimum."
She looked at me and nodded and walked off making a note along the way. I sighed, time to put on my mask and play the game I hate with him.
Cullen was trying to leave, most likely thinking my order to Josie applied to him as well. I held his arm and muttered, "Please Stay," I paused as My father sized up Cullen, "Commander" I finished as my father gave him a disgusted grimace. It made me want to kick him all the way back to Ostwick.
Tara, Stay Calm, "So Bann Reginald, What do I owe the pleasure of your company? It's not like you are here for my nameday,That was a month ago." I said trying to contain my rage. Cullen was handling it better, meeting my fathers eyes, not backing down.
Father looked back at me then, " You know why I am here. Daughter," His hand was balled in a white knuckled fist, "Am I right that you tried to sacrifice yourself at the attack on Haven?"
Of course, "Oh, Daddy did the news finally reach you?" passing him a false smile, "because usually, it has to go through a few cousins at the very least." I tightly squeezed Cullen's hand, preparing for my father's response. he huffed trying to keep his composure, "You and your tongue, this is why I cannot get anyone to want to marry you without some dowry let alone a parcel." he spat.
it was the same dance every time he was like this, he would rage at my independence and I would play coy. "Sorry to hear that father. I did tell you not to worry and that I would find someone." I glanced at Cullen "But I am being rude may I introduce Ser Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition." I said cheerfully I knew a witty remark at this point would only anger my father more. Hopefully, he would make his usual threat and leave soon enough.
Cullen stepped forward in a vain attempt to greet my father, "Ser. I am honored to meet…" My father cut him off, "Ah yes the EX-Templar Dog Lord, Not even a lord. A commoner. You could do no worse daughter." he huffed, I knew he was trying to see if Cullen would play his game. I squeezed his hand again, He glanced at me, smiling at him for a moment as I hid our hands from father's gaze.
"I'm sorry to hear that you disapprove father but last I checked the cousins asked me and my Fine commander for assistance in ending a family dispute" pretendin to be thoughtful, "and not your, oh what was it now… Ah yes, your drunk Chevallier who can barely hold his ale, let alone a sword." my father was positively incensed as I looked at him with pity, " It's sad really to think that the family cannot even trust you with that minor of a task." His rage had come to a head, "Why You.." He raised his hand and attempted to step towards me.
I was about to move away, when Cullen stepped between us, his hand on his blade. "Now Ser. As you know it is my duty to keep all the inhabitants in this hold safe." He looked down to my father who was just a few inches shorter, "You would not be trying to hurt one of the most important people in this Hold Ser..." he looked to me "What was your father's name again Inquisitor?"
"Ser Bann Reginald Trevelyan of Ostwick" I smiled, thankful for his quick thinking.
He started up once more "Bann Reginald Trevelyan of Ostwick because if you are I would have to take action."
Cullen motioned to the guards on patrol, They came rushing down the stairs to stand at attention, "Ser!" they replied in unison.
Cullen really was good with his men. "I would like you to escort the Bann to his 'quarters' and inform the Ambassador of his actions to harm the Inquisitor today."
The guards tried to grab him "Un-Hand me, I Can lead myself." my father straightened his dark green overcoat, "And Daughter.." he paused to glare at me, trying to step towards me only to be cut off by one of the men. "You Will regret this. Mark my word." He turned as the soldiers saluted Cullen and myself, and lead my very irate father away.
"It was nice seeing you again father." I said as he left, his hand twitched. I looked back to Cullen, "Thank You," he was still watching my father as his men led him into the main hall. He met my gaze then, "I can see why you went to Kirkwall. He is a piece of work."
"Yes that he is," I let out a breath "He wasn't always like this there was a time where he was positively joyful. But that was before my mother passed. It was arranged but when they met on the dance floor at the winter palace."
I smiled at the memory of the softer man that was once my father, "It was love. They both knew it. But when my mother passed... she had come down with a terrible illness that was affecting the town. None of the healers, mages, or alchemists my father brought in could do anything." We sat on the bench as I told him about my promise...
It was the night before Wintersend when my mother had summoned me to her bedchamber.
"Maman, I am here. You wanted to see me?" I asked her walking in the door. Her quarters were dark.
Father didn't sleep here anymore. he could not bear the thought of losing mother. She coughed. "Approchez-vous, cher." I walked to her bedside.
She was pale, her hands were chilled. Usually, She glowed vibrantly with her brown-black hair and green eyes and when I made her smile it was like she could rival andraste herself.
"Je suis ici maman," I Tossed another log in the hearth before coming back to her hand. "Ma chérie Tara." She panted in her light orlesian accent. " I know I am Dying," stopping me before I could protest. "I know I am dying. But before I go to join the Maker, I must give this to you." she shifted slowly on her bed to pick up the blue silk tied box on her bed stand.
"This was my first. As it will be to you," she told me softly as I untied the package and lifted the lid.
It was her mask, my favorite, it was lightly pressed black leather with amethysts at the crown and sides.
The silverite filigree shimmered in the soft candlelight of her bed stand. "I cannot this is for Emilie, pas pour moi."
She coughed "Your sister joined the chantry, and with that, she gave up all claim to any property, mon chéri." She smiled leaning towards me, I could see the dark circles under her eyes.
"I have not been distracting my smart girl from her studies have I?" she tried to laugh, but only coughed. "I don't know what I will do without you maman. Le père est déjà bouleversé. He sent away Ghela and he is not eating." I asked; pleaded. She still smiled, "You will endure my darling. Your auntie will watch over you and I will always be with you .. Quand vous portez cela." She placed her hand on the box. I couldn't help it. the tears started rolling down my face.
"Now my darling don't cry. You need to be strong, if this was the court, they would try to use this. Do not let them. You play the game to the death, no matter your station" She coughed "or place in life." She coughed even more as I went to grab some of her powders from the cabinet. "Promise me my darling. Faites votre propre destin. No matter your choice you will make me proud just because" she coughed more as I mixed the powder with the glass of water and handed it to her. "Tu l'as fait." she drank the concoction.
I was only ten how could I do everything that she was asking me.
She made a sour face, finishing the glass. she placed it on her bedtable and smiled at me, " Tara promise me you will never get sick… the cures are worse than the disease." I could only smile for a moment, "Je le promets à maman." She slowly patted my arm. "Bien, now get to bed before Arwen finds you."
"When I awoke the next morning, Ghela told me she had passed. My father grieved for days after that.
It was the only time I have ever seen him cry.
Anytime Wintersend came around my father would always include my mother, Arianna in his prayers." Cullen just looked at me when I finished.
"At least I hope he does," I kept my eyes on the stone floor, It was the first time I had opened up about this, to anyone.
"I Don't know what to say," he coughed rubbing the back of his head. "No one usually confides in me like this."
I tried to smile, "Yeah, that's more of Liliana's thing."
"You have that right. But I..." he cleared his throat, "I can't say that I haven't wondered what I would say to you if we had a moment alone like this"
"What's stopping you?" I asked trying not to cry. He is going to say it. he's going to say he cannot court me. that we could not keep what we had in Kirkwall. Keep Me. A terrible noble. A broken woman. Why did I tell him?
"You're the inquisitor and were at war and you," he paused I could feel his eyes on me, "I didn't think that it was possible."
That wasn't no.
"And yet I'm still here" I lifted my head to see the look on his face. It was soft and caring, not pitiful.
How could?
"So you are, right now it seems too much to ask." he moved in close his lips brushing mine, smelling of leather and sandalwood, clean, his hot breath on my lips as he whispered " But I want to... "
"Commander, you wanted a copy of sister Liliana's report," It was Tim. Merde!
I moved away for a moment and I looked toward the garden.
Yes, the garden is lovely.
Cullen growled slowly and moved to just in front of him. "What!"
Tim still oblivious to the fact we wanted to be left alone, "Sister Liliana's report. You said you wanted it delivered without delay."
I glanced over in Cullen's direction, he moved closer to Timothy.
I don't know what Cullen did but horror on the scouts face as he said "Or to your office…. Right" had him walking away as fast as his feet could take him.
Cullen came towards me as I stood, "If you need to.." cutting me off holding my face as his lips covered mine; I was shocked but as he nibbled my lip, the stubble tickling my cheeks as I leaned into him wrapping my arms around his body. The soft linen of his coat slipped over my skin as he moved. He broke the kiss for a moment, "I'm sorry" he said; there was nothing for him to be sorry for. If we were superior and subordinate then screw the rules, I wanted him. I had missed this, missed him. "That was pretty nice," he smiled, running his hand through his hair. "Well, I believe that was a kiss, but I cannot be sure it's all a blur," I met his eyes, He chuckled, our foreheads touched "Yes well…" He leaned back into me, I kissed his scar on his lip as we entwined, our lips met as his hands made their way down my lower back examining every detail. My hands tangled in his soft curly hair. He pressed me into the hard brick wall as his hands ran over my rear. We stood there kissing in the garden for some time. He broke our kiss, I wanted more. But we needed to get to our duties.
"I must say I like your hair tousled, it has that whole I am a roguish ex-templar look," I said commenting on my work.
And the I just laid one on my boss look. He smiled "Yes, well we should get back to our duties. I have a noble to detain," He walked off hopefully smiling all the way. I have to talk with Josephine about my father's privileges. I was happy for our moment and I could only hope it could last this time.
I slowly made my way back to Josie's office. When I walked in all of the war council was there; Cullen, Josephine, and Liliana. Josephine Stood up immediately. "You arrested your father?" She raised her voice; uncharacteristic. "Josie keep it down."
"Do you even realize what it will do for our reputation, your reputation," she said while sitting back down at her desk once more.
Liliana looked to me for a moment. "Actually Josephine, she may have just saved you from a travesty." Of course, she knows. At least Liliana tried to keep it to herself.
"Yes, Sera told me a few months back I didn't say anything because most of the time I rather not have people in 'family business'." I looked at Josephine and sighed.
"Since My mother died. My Father has not been the same. He has been harsh on the servants and frequently took to punishing me when I acted out. To harsh Extremes. Since I left, however… He has directed that anger at my stepmother and half siblings." I told them as I walked over to the fireplace. I glanced at them.
Cullen was looking at me with concern most likely putting two and two together with my drinking. Josie looked away and down at her paperwork most likely sorry she had asked. Liliana was the only one who looked at me the same after that confession. This is why I hate telling others, most of the time they never treat me the same afterward.
Liliana just turned to Josie "So as you can see Josephine if that came to light we would have more harm than good come from it." I just stared into the hearth, Home. the flames dancing as everything burned. I didn't want to tell them this, I didn't want them to see my scars. I needed a Drink.
"Still Why Didn't you tell me I could have avoided all of this," Josephine said as she started to taking notes. Lovely.
"Because most of the court knows we are not close, If anything they would invite both of us to a party to see the fight." Reason I avoided any party but my aunt's soiree's, "I had hoped you would have heard about it along the way and I would never have to mention all this."
"I put him in one of the cells below," Cullen told me, his eyes meeting mine. The look on his face saying that he would love to throw away the key.
"Well keep him there for awhile, my great aunt sent me word that when he made this trip, she invited my Stepmother and siblings to her place. Under the pretense that she rarely gets to see her nieces and nephew." I said looking at Josephine once more, she was still taking notes, "So that's what we have to work with. Now how am I getting to empress Celene with that hanging over us." I looked at them for a moment. Then I walked out. I really needed that drink. Maybe Bourbon.
"Lilianna" I called as I came to her office in the rookery. The cries from the ravens in their cages echoed around the room. She offered to let me keep Hector up here but I declined, saying that I needed company. I hate sleeping where it is too quiet. She was talking with Cullen when I came up to her. She was sending out the notices for those who died at Haven. "You must Blame me for this," she said to me staring at the list of names on her desk. "No I blame Corypheus, He is the enemy."
"When the first of my agents started vanishing I pulled them back to Haven awaiting more information. If I had left them in the field."
"If you had left them in the field we would have lost them and haven most likely, you were right to pull them back."
"Can we afford such sentimentality? My men know their duty and that sometimes they must put their lives on the line for it. Would corypheus …" I cut her off right then. "We are Better than Corypheus." I said sternly, I softened my voice and told her." You made the right choice, our men are more valuable than anything."
"But... There was something else you wanted to ask?" She looked at me. Changing the subject was ok in my book, today. "How much do you know about me and my father?" I looked at her knowing she had not said everything in Josephine's office yesterday. "A lot more than I should." Her voice soft, as to not be over heard. She knew, She knew about the dungeon. "So I guess you know why I hate dungeons," I asked we both looked out her window. She nodded out of the corner of my eye. "Well then keep doing what you are doing. Gardez-le à vous-même." I still remember getting them. No, I will not think about it. It only hurts. "That's one piece of the past only I can tell." I needed another drink, who had told her? "Liliana, Whoever told you, are they silenced?" I asked her softly. She smiled for a moment. "She has been bribed to keep it to herself. If she doesn't I'll give her a personal visit." I nodded. "Remember no killing." I remembered Cole and I on the bridge "Take Cole with you. He will see taking that memory from anyone as an act of compassion." I muttered starting down the stairs. I said no to Cole's offer to do the same thing for me. I need these memories to be me, Taking them from me does nobody any good.
