Reveal

I walked into the armory as one of Cullen's scouts had told me he would be here.

I knew something was wrong the moment I didn't see him in his office.

I walked in the door to hear Cassandra say " You asked for my opinion, and I have given it. Why would you Expect it to change?"

Cullen was pacing " I expect you to keep your word. It's relentless. I can't…"

Cassandra cut him off " you give yourself too little credit."

"If I'm Unable to fulfill the vows I kept, Then nothing good has come of this. Would you rather save face than admit…" He growled. As noticed me and his anger faded. He looked Back to Cassandra and said "we will speak of this later" he walked out glancing at me as he passed the door.

Cassandra huffed " And people say I'm stubborn. This is ridiculous."

She looked at me "Cullen has told you that he is no longer taking lyrium?"

I nodded at her "Yes, and I respect his decision."

"As do I, not that he will listen. he gives himself too little credit. Cullen Has asked that I recommend a replacement for him. I refused It is not necessary. Besides, it would destroy him, he's come so far."

"Is there anything I could do to change his mind," I asked.

Cassandra sighed "If anyone could It's you. Mages have made their suffering known, templars never have. They are bound to the order, Mind, and Soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash." We looked at the forge, it's flames consuming the hot embered wood. "Cullen has a chance to break that leash, to prove to himself and anyone who would follow suit, that it's possible." she looked at me "He can do this, I knew that when we met in Kirkwall."

I always knew he could.

" Talk to him." she nodded to me as she walked to the door.

"Decide if now is the time." and she walked out.

I proceeded out of the armory a while after she left I needed to figure this out. Time to think.

looked towards the hall wondering if I would be missed, what I saw though was Solas Out of his study for a rare moment, He and cole were having some kind of debate. What in thedas is going on? they never argued.

They came into range as I passed the newly built training yard.
"No," Solas replied, what was Cole asking about?

"But you like demons" cole pleaded, demons? But he is not a demon.

"I enjoy the company of spirits, yes, which is part of why I don't abuse them with bindings." solas stepped away from cole. What, we just stopped an entire demon army and cole wants solas to bind him?

"It isn't abuse if I ask!" Cole was desperate. why?

"Not Always true." He turned to Cole "Also, I do not practice blood magic which renders this entire conversation academic."

Cole Came up to me."He won't bind me he is a mage and he likes demons, but he won't help"

"Why would you want Solas to bind you?" Binding is the last thing he needed.

"So I'm safe" he moved away and turned back to the hall. " if solas won't do the ritual to bind me someone else could. Will! Like the warden mages! And then.."

He looked down at his feet "I'm not me anymore" He started mumbling "walls around what I want blocking, bleeding, making me a monster" he doesn't want to be used by the enemy.

Alright, I'll help. "There has to be some middle ground between 'do nothing' and 'bind cole with blood magic'."

"Indeed." solas nodded "I recall stories of amulets used by rivaini seers to protect spirits they summoned from rival mages. A spirit wearing an amulet of the unbound was immune to blood magic and binding. It should protect cole as well. The resources of the inquisition could be used to find such a talisman." I was praying this was not going to be another lecture.

"Good. they will not take me." cole walked off determination in his stride. I could understand not wanting to be bound. I was bound once before, it was not pleasant.

I memoed myself to get one of these amulets.


"Well if it isn't The Raven, flew off to leave the poor Fennic to find you." I turned to the soft melodic voice, from the corner of the great hall.

"Fennic!" I smiled and swooped the fair half dwarf in my arms.

"Agh, Get off! Sheesh If I knew you missed me this much I would have come sooner. but I had some things to set up within the company and Alex is not far behind me."

she brushed herself off, "Come, Fennic you can tell me more in the Rookery. Everyone will hear us here."

we reached the rookery after passing through at least three of my recent comrades watching and following the new face around Skyhold.

"So, How have you been Fennic?"

"As fine as any person can be after she avoids being captured by blood mages."

"Heh yeah, thankfully we fixed that."

"Good I would hate to have to play target practice with gray wardens."

"I take it you put our little company in suspension until all of this is over?"

"Yes, And all intelligence assets I want to put forward to help the inquisition."

"I missed you, Eda."

"Same here Tara."

Lilianna spotted us then. "Incoming Fennic."

"Inquisitor, is this who I think it is?"

"Yes Liliana, Fennic this is our head of intelligence I am sure you know each other."

Liliana met Fennic's eyes then, "so you are the one who has been intercepting intelligence?"

"Possibly, it depends. Though I really cannot say, since I get my intelligence from everywhere. I am sure you know all about that." Fennic gave Lilianna one of her half-moon grins.

"Liliana, Fennic wants to offer our little company's intelligence assets to the inquisition." I placed my hand on the Nightengale's shoulder.

"I suggest you take them, Fennic I'll catch up with you later," I waved to my friend and smiled my way back down to the hall. I sat in my throne and called court into session.

It's time to judge those from Adamant.


It was close to nightfall when I went to check on Cullen, I hoped he had not done anything rash as I came to his door with a small meal from the kitchens. I looked in, he had not noticed me. He was too focused on the kit at his desk. As I started to come in the office he let a loud angry growl as a box flew and barely missed me. Glass shattered. He was immediately sorry. "Maker's breath, I didn't hear you enter I… " he shook his head "forgive me" I grinned for his sake "As long as you were not aiming at me, then I am sure the box had it coming."

"I swear I didn't Know you were…" he grunted in pain "I didn't want this to interfere" he continued. he was bent over only using his desk for support. I set the food down, worried about him
" Are you going to be alright?"

"Yes, I don't know. You asked what happened at Ferelden's circle. It was taken over by abominations. The templars my friends were slaughtered." he took a breath and walked over to the window " I was tortured. they tried to break my mind and I" he sighed though it sounded more like sob " How could I be the same person after that? Still, I wanted to serve." He turned with a scowl "And they sent me to Kirkwall." His anger bleeding through " I trusted my knight-commander and for what? Hmm, her fear of mages ended in madness." He looked out the window " And Kirkwall's Circle fell. Innocent people died in the streets." he glanced at me. I remembered the fires and all the faces I could not save that day.

He stepped closer to me. "Can't you see why I want nothing to do with that life?" Yes. I felt the same every time a letter from my father came.

"Of course I can I…" he cut me off.

"Don't, you should be questioning what I've done" he sighed, "I thought this would be better. That I would regain some control over my life, but these thoughts won't leave me." He paced "how many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this Cause! I will not give less to the inquisition than I did the chantry." he took a breath looking down at his hands, they were shaking " I should be taking it!" he punched the bookshelf. His tone halfway between anger and pleading me to give him permission. He whispered "I should be taking it" he held his fist against the bookshelf.

"This doesn't have to be about the inquisition. Is this what you want?" I met his eyes.

"No" He sighed his fist going limp. I moved closer in front of him now between him and the shelf and he lowered his arm down to hold my hand.

"But these memories have always haunted me. If they become worse if I cannot endure this."

"You Can." I lead him outside to the battlements. I looked out at the mountainside, the moon was starting to rise over the crest.

I should tell him I understand his pain. I looked back to him his amber eyes distant. " I understand the need to forget Cullen."

"How? You were not there at the circle. You didn't have to see Meredith's fall. you..." He said some of his anger returning. I cut him off.

" You remember my father?" I asked, he stopped in his tracks,

"Yes, I do. But how?" He didn't need to finish the question

"I didn't tell you everything. And what happened after…" I took a breath, I never shared this with anyone. Not even my younger siblings know of this. "There was a day seems just like yesterday sometimes." His eyes met mine now, curious what I was telling him. "It was shortly after I had punched my arranged fiance at our coming out ball. My father was not pleased to hear that I stole a sword from our neighbor who was now wanting restitution for his trouble. Of course, I did not tell him where it was." before he could say anything " It was a family sword that he had taken from some farmers with force.

He had called it a tithe and It wasn't right so I fixed it. Now it's where it belongs." I took a breath at what I had to tell him next" My father said I gave him no choice but to have me punished. I knew he could not kill me, So what was the worst that could happen I thought at the time."

I took a breath trying to just let it all fall out and maybe it would not hurt so much. I didn't look at Cullen, couldn't.

What if he thought this was just a rich girl whining.

"I Once again had underestimated how far he had fallen." I turned to look at the wall maybe that will make it easier. "I was taken down to the dungeon and had me stripped my waist. My skirt was all that they left to cover me." The retelling… I trembled "my hands were bound and tied to a post." The knowing what was coming next didn't hurt as much as the thought that my father let it happen. Cullen placed his hand on my shoulder to turn me towards him. I closed my eyes. " Arwen our elven stableman had come in behind me, father always had him do the dirty work. "I am sorry for this, But I will get the same if I defy him. I will try to make this light as I can." he had whispered in my ear" my voice trembled.

I was a fool to think saying this would be easy.

"He stepped back and I heard it." The fear I felt then was more than anything I have felt before that or since. I opened my eyes Cullen's face had changed. his concern, it had me on the verge of tears. I didn't want pity.

"I had closed my eyes trying to be ready for what was to come but it didn't help."

I closed my eyes in reflex. I couldn't look. I didn't want to see what he thought, "The pain..."

My eyes water started to water just like then; Cullen pulled me close. "It didn't stop by the middle I was limp and crying out at every strike.I kept praying to the maker that he would finish. But then my father had to make his point. He called Arwen weak and took it from him. The next five were the hardest, he wanted to make sure I bled."

I remembered watching the red bleed into my skirt, that time it was my own not others. I choked "25, I counted. "

I started crying, I couldn't keep the mask on now. "He wasn't even sorry my father, But by that point, I had run out of tears to cry."

"I could never follow his plan. Because he had watched the whole time… He wasn't even my father, not anymore."
The dreams they haunt me to this day, will he see? We are two souls on the same journey?

...

She told me all that, I looked into her eyes.

I had thought the scars were just from her merc work but, just knowing the truth.

She said her father had changed but...

She needed me if I broke what would it do to her. She met my eyes. Despite the redness of her cheeks against her fair skin, Maker, she's beautiful.

Why she was sent to me I will never know.

I held her close and guided her face close to mine, our lips touched.

I moved slowly worshipping the feel of her against me.

I held her close not wanting to let go of the dream in my arms.

I wanted her to smile just like all those nights in Kirkwall. How long had I missed this? Where it was just us, for only a moment.

She pulled away resting her head against me, i knew it could not last eventually someone would find us.

Her soft hair Brushed against my chin as she sighed, "The commander of the inquisition and the herald of andraste, that will have people talking."

"Tell me about it, you would not believe how fast rumors travel through the barracks."

I sighed. "but I rather this." I kept her close "Stay between us"

"of course Cullen but eventually people will find out." She's right, but I can hope.

She softly smiled and asked, " What took you so long?"

"I guess I just have been busy."

We stayed there a while watching the moon rise before she pulled away, "I should let you rest, we both have long days tomorrow. I'm sure you need time to think. Left some food on your desk if you are hungry"

I wanted her to stay.

"Are you sure you could just.."

"I do but I think we both need to be alone right now." She met my eyes, "I hope you feel better" she paused, "cause I do."

she turned and walked away and all I could do was pray.


It was just before dawn when I awoke, I wanted to check on Cullen to make sure he made it through the night, I knew he was in a bad way the other day I could only hope I helped.

I walked into his office the scarf I had used to bring him dinner was neatly folded on his desk, I saw him out on the battlements, watching the sunrise. He was only dressed in his training clothes and had yet to brush his hair.

I placed my hand on his, he looked at me has amber eyes catching the sun's rays."I wanted to thank you for coming to see me..."

He rubbed the back of his head. I smiled as he said "if there's anything" he let out a breath "this sounded much better in my head"

I remembered last night. "I trust you're feeling better?"

"I... yes." Good.

"Is it always that bad, Cullen?" I asked, wondering.

"The pain comes and goes, sometimes I feel as if I'm back there. I should not have pushed myself so far." I could see his regret, there was nothing to be sorry for.

"I am just Glad you are alright."

I wanted to be there, to heal the hurt.

He smiled. He looked towards the mountains, The colors that glimmered in the morning sun."I am. I never told anyone what truly happened to me at Ferelden's circle. I was not myself after that."
"I was angry for years that anger blinded me." I still remember his anger, some of our conversations leaned towards magic and whenever it did, his would clench and he would tell me he was needed elsewhere.
"I am not proud of the man that made me. now I can put some distance between myself and everything that happened. it's a start." I watched him, Wanting to take it all in. A man like him laying himself bare.
"for what is worth, I like the man standing before me today."
He looked at me, his eyes meeting mine, "Even After?"

"Cullen, I care for you nothing is ever going to change that."

He smiled softly wrapping his arm around me. "What About you? you have troubles of your own, how are you holding up?"

"I don't know, Cullen." I thought of the inquisition "I have met good people here and knowing they have my back... it helps."

"Yes, you do certainly keep interesting company." he chuckled "I suppose I do as well."

I smiled then "I missed this, Cullen but, we should go. I bet your men are waiting for you in the yard, I hate to think I made you late."

He whispered in my ear "you could always stay and practice your knife throwing. make it feel like old times?"

"I would like that." and we started down to the yard