Ferelden
I was grinding out knives out on my balcony overlooking Skyhold. Small things like this reminded me of my place in Kirkwall and now that Fennic was here it was only better. The event's at Sarnia had troubled both Cullen and I. Sampson making red lyrium from the bodies of men was monstrous. I was happy to have stopped it and the demon that was working with him. When I returned to skyhold we discussed our findings and how to dismantle Sampson's new armor. I was about to go back to my blades when I heard the fluttering of wings and turned thinking I would find Hector with some message. Instead, it was a Large black and gray flecked owl with an amulet in his beak. The Owl nodded a moment before he flew into my room, dropping the amulet on my desk, and landing on the floor.
I knew who it was the moment I saw him and smiled.
Watching Alex change always disconcerted me, it was a mix between beauty and the grotesque. Once he was done there he was standing in the middle of my room in his gray, silver embroidered jerkin and black linen trousers. "Nice, This is much grander than Kirkwall," he said flippantly his gray eyes darting around my quarters.
"Yes, and you missed a few feathers," I walked over to greet my Cousin.
He ran his hands through his black hair checking for feathers. "Oh Ha Ha. I would like you to try to do what I do."
"thank you but no. I don't need to be regurgitating my meals."
"Mouse is not that bad once you have tried it." he slipped on his boots from his pack.
I walked over to my desk "ok first gross and second is this the amulet?"
"Yeah, This should help your spirit friend. I asked If I could deliver it myself since I was coming anyway."
I Placed the amulet in my pocket to give Cole later. "It's good to see you Alex. Do you want the tour?"
"After you Madame."
I smiled "I hope you have gotten better at your Orlisian."
"why is that?"
"we have secured an invitation to the upcoming ball at the winter palace."
"really? I should be thankful my parents are dead then." Alex had to duck one of the lower hanging door frames. At nearly 6 feet, Alex towered over most people. hopefully, he will enjoy meeting Iron Bull, someone he would be nearly on the level with.
"Yes, and when Josie, Vivienne, And Dorian see you they will most likely subject your tattered long lovely locks to a trim and dress you to look stunning."
"hey it's not my fault the ladies, and some gentleman enjoy this." he flexed his arm for a moment before hitting his head on another door frame
I chuckled to myself as I made my way to the end of the hall." yes, I am sure Alex."
"It's just this solas, he is not like you and the other apostates I have known." I rushed down the stairs hoping that we would not be overheard.
Alex was keeping up handily, he had been working on his stamina since that incident years ago. But he kept telling me it was from his trying to become a bear."How is that cousin? You know almost every one of us is different in some way or form"
"Yes but solas. He has no fear, and when he seems fearful it's more defensive of himself than…"
"Are you sure you are not reading too much into this?"
"At first I thought I was but I am just not sure whenever he seems to have answers to something that should be beyond him he says 'i learned it in the Fade.' or some other such reason. never is it a genuine guess or unknowing." He is too good I thought as I opened the door to the tavern.
Alex laughed for a moment, "Alright first off stop going crazy, and two I'll keep an eye on him maybe I can get some truth from my friends." He turned to stop me from going up the stairs,"But if you really have an issue with him why do you let him stay?'
I sighed "I don't dislike him, I just get the feeling he is not being entirely honest. And as both you and I know dishonesty is not something we can discount someone on."
I moved past him "We did enough of that in Kirkwall."
Thankfully Cole was there when I got to the top. Hopefully, this shall distract Alex for a bit.
"Cole, We have found the amulet that Solas told us about." I said to cole as he moved closer" Would you like to try it on?"
Cole smiled "Yes! But not here. I like it here. We need someplace that can go away if it becomes sharp."
"come let's go to Solas' study." I gestured to Alex "Cole this is Alex he is my cousin. He likes spirits too."
But Alex was already trying to study him "You are amazing. Taking a human shape without some form of possession. I mean you were already remarkable in my cousin letters but in person. Wow."
"Thank you, you are nice too. yes, your great aunt misses you."
"Really? Wait did you just?"
"He does that Alex. Cole is infamous for prying as well but then being a spirit of compassion does that. And you miss great aunt Lucille?"
"Don't change the subject Tara, Is it only pains you want to solve? How do they feel?"
"They are tangled, knotted, I try to untangle them but sometimes I tear. I try to make them forget but Tara says that bad."
I nodded "Cole they should remember your help." We were almost to Solas' office thank the maker, one more frenzied question from my cousin and I might burst.
He always enjoyed a new element of magic; spirit or otherwise.
"What Do I do with it?" Cole asked solas as soon as we walked in.
"You found one of the amulets. Excellent. May I?" Solas said excitedly. One of the few emotions he seems to manage, and only when it's the 'Fade'. Cole showed him the amulet.
"It's simple enough. You put it on, I charge it with magic, and you should be protected." Another thing he seems to know way too much about.
I looked at Alex for a moment as cole secured the amulet to his shirt. I meet Solas' eyes once more,"We Know it's not going to work, Right? It never just works."
Solas said calmly "Have Faith, Inquisitor." Agh and right back to stone face. The last time I saw him show anything that resembled normal emotion was when we helped his spirit friend. But then even that was fade related.
He started to charge the amulet It glowed with an eerie blue hue before there was a small bang and it knocked Cole back. Cole cried out in pain As Varric walked in, "What was that?"
He saw all of us together,"Oh for the… What Are you Doing to the kid?
Cole turned to Varric and he told him worriedly "Stopping Blood mages from binding me like the demons at Adamant. But it didn't work."
"Something is interfering with the enchantment." Solas stating the obvious.
Varric just looked at him "Something like cole not being a Demon?"
"he has a point. When Agatha and I dealt with spirits they never had the kind of attitude Cole has."Alex observed, and sadly I trust my cousin more right now.
"Solas, is it possible that the amulet doesn't work on cole because He's too … Human?" I was curious was our influence changing Cole?
"Regardless of Cole's special Circumstances, he remains a spirit," he said, and that was not an answer.
Varric kept poking Solas, "Yes, A Spirit who is strangely like a person?" I am hoping Varric had the same niggle I was feeling.
Cole started to pace," I Don't matter, just lock away the parts of me that someone else could knot together to make me follow."
Solas Kept his eyes on cole despite Varric's remark,"Focus on the amulet. Tell me what you feel."
Cole started to mutter as he focused, "Warm, Soft Blanket covering, but it catches, tears, I'm the wrong shape, there's something..."
Cole turned seeming to have found the problem "There, That way."
"Well, it appears we have something to find." I looked at Solas, "I told you it never just works."
Varric nodded "All Right, Kid. Get Cullen and work with him on the map to figure out where you're sensing something wrong.
Cole looked at all of us "Will you come with me? All of you?"
"Sure" Varric agreed and Alex smiled "sure should be quite informative since I have so many questions for you."
Cole walked towards the hall As I watched Varric go up to Solas, "All right, I get it. You like Spirits. But he came into this world to be a person. Let him be one."
I nodded "if I see a way to protect Cole without taking away… Whatever he is, I'll use it, But clearly, Cole needs our help.
Varric kept his eyes on us "I'm not saying we do nothing. But that ritual of theirs only works on demons, right?"
Solas seemed upset; for once. "This is not some fanciful story child of the stone. We cannot change our nature by wishing.
"You don't think?" he said calmly.
"However we deal with the problem, Our next step is to track down whatever is interfering with the enchantment," Solas said looking off after Cole.
Varric shook his head and made his way back to his lair in the great hall.
I was now apparently the mail delivery woman since mother Giselle did not have the heart to tell Dorian the truth. I slowly made my way up to Dorian's kook in the library.
"Dorian there is a letter you need to see," I told him hoping he would just read it.
he smiled, "A letter? is it a naughty letter? a humorous proposal from some Antivan dowager?"
I shook my head as I made my way to sit down, "Not Quite. It's from your Father."
the grin quickly faded, "From my father, I see. and what does magister Halward want, Pray tell?"
"A Meeting"
Dorian quickly sat down next to me, "show me this letter"
I waited for Dorian to finish the letter his father had sent.
Dorian couldn't believe it, "'I know my son' what my father knows of me could barely fill a thimble. This is so typical. I am willing to bet this 'retainer' is a henchman, hired to knock me on the head and drag me back to Tevinter."
"Ha, that would be hard to do while I stood there." I leaned back in the chair.
Dorian nodded in agreement, "He expects me to travel with mother Giselle, although maker knows why he'd think I would. let's go, let's meet this so called 'family retainer' if it's a trap we escape and kill everyone you're good at that. If it's not, I send the man back to my father with the message that he can stick his alarm in his 'Wit's end'."
I looked out the window for a moment while I may not be able to forgive my father I always hoped he would change and we could try to be a family again, "as much as I am a fan of sticking it to father's, I think you should at least meet with this retainer to see what your family wants."
Dorian spat "I didn't ask what you thought, did I?"
He paused rethinking his words "that... was unworthy, I apologize. there would be no harm in hearing what this man of my fathers has to say. If I don't like it, however, I want to leave."
I gave a slight nod, "That works for me."
"I wonder how much my father paid this man to wait around just in case I showed?" he sighed "well we will find out soon enough."
I entered Cullen's office thankfully it was quiet. I was hoping we could go to the battlements for a moment to ourselves. before I solved everybody's problems...
Cullen looked up from his desk "Ah there you are"
Was he waiting? "Were you waiting for me?"
"Yes… I mean no.' he stammered rubbing the back of his head. Confident on the battlefield awkward on sharing his feelings.
"Oh good, I have kept and not kept you waiting." I smiled.
he sighed "let me start over"
"By all means."
"We have some dealings in ferelden and I wondered if you would accompany me." he walked around his desk to stand in front of me.
"Is something the matter?" did he have something going on too?
"What? No! I rather explain there." what could have him so unsure?
"Well, I believe there is time now" We have a lot to do there anyway with Dorian and Cole.
"I will make the necessary arrangements." he smiled.
We finally made it to Redcliffe. Cullen was waiting for us back at camp and I had sent Dorian ahead to the inn to wait for me. Cole had his sights set on one man by the griffin statue. as we closed in on him he came towards us. "greetings can I help you?"
It was then I heard a new emotion from Cole, Anger.
"You" He vanished and appeared in front of the man. and took his head in hand "You killed Me!"
"What I Don't... I don't even know you." he pleaded with Cole Fearing for his life.
" You Forgot. You locked me in the dungeon in the spire, and you forgot. And I died, in the dark."
"The Spire."
"Cole, Stop" Solas said calmly.
Varric stepped in front of Cole to keep him from chasing the man, "Just take it easy, kid."
"He killed me. He killed me. That's why it doesn't work he killed me, and now I have to kill him back." he shouted at Varric.
"Ok, Before anyone gets killed I need to understand what is going on here," I asked trying to clear this up.
"Cole this man cannot have killed you. You are a spirit. You have not even possessed a body." Solas said trying to calm cole.
I looked at Alex as cole started to mutter "A broken body, Bloody, Banged on the stone cell, Guts gripping in the dark dank, a captured apostate. They threw him into the dungeon in the spire at Val Royeaux. They forgot about him. And he starved to death." Varric grimaced as Cole continued "I came through to help... and I couldn't so I became him... Cole."
"That actually explains a lot, he wanted to help so much that he willed himself into this form," Alex said excitedly making a note in one of his journals. He wants to be human was all I could think as Varric shook his head "If cole was an apostate, that'd make the guy we saw a templar. Must've been buying lyrium."
Cole was fuming "Let me kill him, I need to... I need to." it was hatred. if he needs this then... he needs to grow.
"We can't let cole kill a man," Solas said as we watched Cole move towards the direction of the templar.
"I Don't think anyone was going to suggest that, Chuckles."
"Cole is a spirit. The death of the real Cole wounded him, perverted him from his purpose." Solas was still using that matter of fact tone that annoyed me to death.
"Are we sure this is a perversion?" Alex said.
"Of course." solas retorted.
"Solas give Alex a turn. Alex what are you getting at?"
"If Cole is a spirit of compassion. Then, This, his act of becoming Cole was the only way he could rectify his nature or in other words in becoming Cole he healed something, thedas."
"You know Alex if I didn't know you better that would be quite poetic."
"The fact still remains is that Cole is a spirit and to regain his past self, he must forgive," Solas said looking at Alex with disapproval.
"Come on! You don't just forgive someone Killing you." Varric said what was going right through my mind as he said that.
"You Don't. A Spirit can."
"The kids angry. He needs to work through it."
"A spirit does not work through emotions it embodies them." Solas was really getting to me with his inflexibility.
"But he isn't a spirit, is he? As Alex said he made himself human, and humans change. They get hurt and they heal. He needs to work it out like a person."
"You will alter the essence of what he is."
"He did that to himself when he left the fade, I'm just helping him survive it."
I cut in this has gone on long enough, "It seems Cole will never grow into a real person until he comes to terms with what happened."
"I'll take care of it," Varric said before he turned to where cole was standing, staring at the cruel man who forgot him." All right, kid. You want revenge? Come with me." I watched as Varric took Cole to enact whatever plan he had for vengeance.
"Alex, take Solas back to camp. I will meet you there once I have finished with my business with Dorian, and Solas" I looked back at the elf, "If Cole, the spirit wants to be human, if he willed himself to be human, and he has a chance to become human, I will help him if it does not harm Thedas," I sighed as I turned towards the inn, I needed to deal with this now, and Alex, while I love him like a brother, doesn't need to be part of Dorian's issues; even if he is our 'nth cousin. I made my way to the inn where Dorian was outside.
Dorian looked around the empty tavern 'uh oh, nobody's here, this does not bode well."
it was then a voice rang out from the corner "Dorian."
Dorian Turned to the regal figure in the corner "Father. so the whole story about the 'retainer' was just... what? a smokescreen?"
the magister walked forward "then you were told. I apologize for the deception inquisitor. I never intended for you to be involved."
"Of course not. Magister Pavus couldn't come to Skyhold and be seen with the dread inquisitor. What would people think? So what Exactly is this, father? kidnapping? Ambush? Warm Family Reunion?" Dorian couldn't stand it. but his father seemed so calm resolute the complete opposite from my own.
Magister Pavus sighed, "this is how it always has been."
"you went through all of this to get Dorian here. Talk to him." he needed to stop beating around the bush.
"Yes, Father. Talk to me. let me hear how you are mystified by my anger" Dorian said with venom in his words.
"Dorian there's no need to-" Dorian cut his father off to tell me.
"I prefer the company of men my father disapproves."
That was not a surprise to me at all, "Well, then your father might be here to reach out. you could give him a chance."
"Let's Just Go." he wanted to run.
the magister just stood there calmly, "Dorian, Please, if you'll only listen to me."
Dorian walked up to his father "why? so you can spout more convenient lies?"
the magister stood there taking in all of Dorian's fury, "he who taught me to hate blood magic 'the resort of a weak mind.' those are his words." Dorian started to pace," But what was the first thing you did when your precious heir refused to play pretend for the rest of his life?"
he looked back to his father "you tried to change me!" a slight sob in his voice. Dorian's attitude was just like mine... a mask for pain.
"I only wanted what was best for you!" the magister slightly pleaded.
"You wanted what was best for you! for your fucking legacy! Anything for that!" I understood Dorian's feelings at this point, but his father seemed to be sorry for what he'd done not like mine at all. I looked at Dorian as he stood there brooding over the counter.
" Don't Leave it like this, Dorian, or you will never forgive yourself." it was the same reason I still even let my father talk to me. the hope that some day I could get what Dorian is getting right now.
Dorian met my gaze before he moved back towards his father "tell me why you came?"
"if I knew I would Drive you to the inquisition..."
"you didn't. I joined the inquisition because it's the right thing to do. once I had a father who would have known that." Dorian turned as his father closed his eyes accepting this truth.
"once I had a son who trusted me. A trust I betrayed." why couldn't my father say those words to me, if Dorian wasn't moved by this nothing would do it.
Dorian turned to his father as he continued, "I only wanted to talk to him. to hear his voice again. To ask him to forgive me."
He looked at me and I nodded to Dorian, in a slight gesture to go and talk.
We were there almost till evening.
"Where are we?" I asked as he had covered my eyes to lead me here.
"You walk into danger every day. I wanted to take you away from all that. I grew up not far from here. This place was always quiet." Cullen uncovered my eyes and led me to a pier.
"Did you come here often?" I asked him taking in the view.
"I loved my siblings, but they were very loud. I came here to get away from all that. They always found me eventually." He was showing me his little hideaway.
"You were happy here?" was this place my view from Kirkwall to him?
"I was. I still am." he looked relaxed. He had grown so much from that nervous templar I met back in Kirkwall into this confident commander. Who still needed to learn he could tell me almost anything and I would accept it.
I looked out over the lake the moon and stars reflected in his depths and the fog started to roll in through the reeds, 'It's beautiful"
Cullen placed his hand in one of his pouches, what was he getting? "The last time I was here was the day I left for templar training."He pulled out a small simple silver coin," My brother gave me this he said it was for luck, templars are not supposed to keep such things our faith should see us through."
"You broke the order's rules, I'm shocked." I feigned surprise.
"Until a year ago I was very good at following them, most of the time."He looked down at the simple silver coin in his hand" This is the only thing I took from ferelden that the templars didn't give me." he met my eyes then. he held my hand placing the coin in it." Here I want you to have it. We don't know what dangers you will face before the end, this can't hurt."
The soft look on his face made me smile, "I'll Keep it safe"
"Good I know it's foolish But I am glad." He said as he pulled me close.
and we kissed there softly, entwined in the fog and soft moonlight.
I was sitting at my desk with my fine work tools. It was my special project since the ball was almost around the corner. I broke out my small heat tack and pressed it to the back of the case I had made. I then turned it over and placed Our Coin Inside. I smiled and hung it on a simple chain around my neck long enough not to show but short enough that he would know that it was there.
