Disclaimer: The Matrix is the property of Laurence and Andrew Paul Wachowski. I likewise do not own Dude, Where's My Car? or Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, which this chapter was inspired by.
Uh, the tenses in this one are kind of messed up, partially because it was translated from an originally script fic that was supposed to be the second chapter of my fic 'Dude, Where's My Sunglasses?' that got deleted last year. But as long as none of you are English teachers, it should be fine.
Matrix Revolutions: The Dude-ified Version
It was a most triumphant storm. It had clouds and thunder and lightning and everything, and there were these clone dudes who all looked like Agent Smith standing around the place. They were all wearing really excellent sunglasses. The original Agent Smith was standing in the middle, and Neo was walking towards him. He also had really excellent sunglasses, and I want them but he won't let me try them on. He's got this real pair that's based on the one he has in the Matrix, but he keeps it to himself all the time which is just selfish.
"Mr. Anderson, welcome back," Agent Smith said.
"How's it going, dudes?" Neo asked in a much more friendly voice than Smith's.
"We... missed you," Smith said, ignoring Neo's greeting, which was totally rude of him.
But Neo didn't follow his example. "Yeah, me too," he said.
Smith was still kinda talking to himself, because he was ignoring everything Neo said. "Like what I've done to the place?"
"Yeah!" Neo exclaimed happiy. "It's like 'Attack of the Clones', dude!"
"No, Mr. Anderson, it's not."
"Oh."
Smith has this totally egregious habit of always calling Neo 'Mr. Anderson'. Neo doesn't like it, and he keeps telling Smith to call him 'Neo', but Smith never listens. I think maybe he's slightly deaf.
"You've forgotten your lines again, haven't you, Mr. Anderson?"
"Um..." Neo said.
"So why, why, may I ask, are you getting paid more than me? Why, Mr. Anderson, WHY?"
"I don't know, dude," said Neo.
"You are wasting your time, Mr. Anderson."
Neo's face lit up. "So can I go then?"
Smith just glared at him in a most heinous way. "No, Mr. Anderson," he said. "You cannot escape. Resistance is futile, Mr. Anderson."
"Bogus," Neo sighed.
"Yes, Mr. Anderson. You have reached the point of no return and there is no returning. Tonight, either you die or I die. Most probably it will be you that dies, Mr. Anderson, because I'll prefer it that way."
"Bogus," Neo said again.
"Everything that has a beginning has an end, Mr. Anderson."
"How about the Neverending Story, dude?" Neo asked.
"It ended, Mr. Anderson."
Neo was shocked. "No way!"
"Yes way!"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Neo yelled, like the way Luke Skywalker did when he found out that the most bodaciously evil dude in the galaxy was actually his dad.
But Smith hadn't watched Star Wars, or maybe he was really deaf like I said, because he didn't say anything about Neo's Star Wars reference.
"You see, Mr. Anderson," he said instead, "there is nothing left in this world for you to fight for. So why don't you just give up?"
Neo scratched his head and looked puzzled. "I thought you said I couldn't leave, dude."
Now Smith was confused too. "Oh," he said. "Uh..."
Neo stopped being confused and grinned. "GOTCHA, dude!"
Smith scowled most righteously at him, with his eyebrows doing evil eyebrow stuff. "Keep quiet, Mr. Anderson!" he said. "I'm trying to think!"
Neo became interested, because now he could try and see how other people did their thinking. He'd never really learnt how to think before, so now he could watch Smith and see how he d--
That was when Neo violently yanked the keyboard away from Ted Logan's fingers.
"What do you think you're..." Neo's eyes scanned through the words that the teen had typed out on the computer, and he raised his eyebrows. "That is NOT funny," he muttered darkly.
Neo hit several well-chosen keys on the keyboard, and the story was deleted before its author could do anything.
"Hey!" Ted yelled in a wounded voice when he realised what had happened. "I was writing that, dude!"
Neo closed the window for the Matrix Revolutions script as well. "Well, not anymore. Get lost. I want the computer."
"Can you lend me your sunglasses?" Ted asked hopefully.
Neo gritted his teeth. "For the forty-second time, NO!"
Ted's face fell. "Why?"
"Because. Get off the chair."
Miserably, the teen obeyed and trudged off to a corner of the room. Times like this, he really missed Bill.
THE END
Review! ;P
To readers of They've Got Mail: You know all those times when the characters were just sort of sitting around doing nothing? Well, maybe this is one of the things that happened then. ;)
To non-readers of They've Got Mail: Hi! ;P
Nithke: Thanks for reviewing!
frozonedude12: Absolutely, old fruit.
Fuzzy Bunny: Thanks for reviewing!
LiMiYa: Yep. More versions on the way! ;)
HyperCaz: Thanks for your review! ;P
Fellowship of the Band Geeks: I could make the next one freakier...
Perilous: Heh. I used to be an Enid Blyton fan too. Funny about the English teacher's question. ;P
FanOfLOST: Thanks for reviewing!
smithbabe65: Thank you very much, old bean! Tea? Oh, how kind of you.
frantastic: Thanks for reviewing!
Back to Front: Thanks for your review! Sorry, I'm running out of stuff to say.
Selina Enriquez: Thanks! Um, yeah. Are you okay afterfalling off the chair? ;)
Eyes of sky: French version... hmm. Maybe sometime in another chapter, though I'm not too familiar with how the French speak.
