So...it's been a while. And I can't express enough my apologies for that. I can't really offer an explanation except that I really need to work on my time management skills. This chapter was the hardest to write out of all of them so far, and with where I want to go with this, there'll be more struggles. So please accept my sincerest apologies and enjoy the chapter.
Title: Paradox
Rating: M
Genre: Supernatural, Horror, Romance, Adventure
Summary: In a world where magic is used only by the rich and the elite, debonair noble Lucy Heartfilia is far from pleased when her father assigns a trainer to help her with her magic. He is strong, sharp-tongued, mysterious, and dangerously powerful—and despite this, she finds herself drawn to him, and together they spiral into a world of darkness and intrigue.
Characters: Lucy Heartfilia, Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, Jude Heartfilia, Erza Scarlet, Jellal Fernandes, Makarov Dreyar, Laxus Dreyar, Freed Justine, Bickslow, Gajeel, Sting, Rogue, others
Relationships: Natsu/Lucy (implied), Natsu/Gray, Laxus/Freed/Bickslow (eventually)
Warnings: Blood and Gore, Torture, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Mind Games, Mind Manipulation, Depression, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Masochism, Sadism, Implied/Referenced Submissive & Dominant Relationship
Don't forget to review, favorite, and follow! Thanks for your support! :)
He was standing alone in the darkness, and the chill that hung in the air filled him to his very core.
He knew he had been here before. But he just couldn't remember when or why.
There it was. A little flicker of movement in the corner of his eye. He knew that it was a sign, something to let him know that there was something much, much worse in store for him in the next few moments.
A terrible, gut-wrenching screech tore through the heavy silence, and then the man was crying out and falling to his knees, his hands clamped down tight over his ears as he rocked in a shuddering agony.
No. No, no, no. He couldn't let it all happen again. He couldn't.
You think you can run? You think you can hide from your inevitable destruction?
He trembled and dug his nails deep into his skin, drawing blood and hissing at the welcome pain. He had to take back control, to keep his grasp on reality.
You know they wanted more than just power. They wanted vengeance, to feel the blood of their enemies soak through their skin and to hear their pitiful cries as they burned within the torment of their deepest, darkest nightmares.
Crimson flickered in his vision, and two immovable, powerful hands wrapped around his throat. He gasped, rocking on his feet as he clawed and struggled—no, yearned—to breathe again, to do nothing but—
Coward! You dare to fight me? You dare to raise your miserable, disgusting defenses against me?
A scream tore from the trembling man's throat as his blood began to soak the floor, the walls, the ceiling—everything and anything it could touch.
You will give in. It is inevitable.
He whined and shook his head, his sharpened nails close to tearing his scalp to bloody ribbons. He had to stay in control and he couldn't hurt any more people.
Fire bubbled up in his veins, a dangerous reminder of his own demonic power. His body continued to shudder as the mere thought of losing his grasp on reality plagued his mind—
He woke with a start, sweat drenching his skin and his chest heaving his labored, heavy breaths.
The fire in his veins hissed and rolled within its confines, a beast only at bay for the moment.
A harsh mixture between a cough and a sob escaped his throat, and he moaned and shifted in the strong, icy arms of his companion. The tremors shaking his body did not want to cease, and they only became worse by the minute.
A soft groan came from the slumbering ice wizard, and he shifted his weight as he cracked open a clear blue-black eye.
Gray tensed as he felt his partner's tremors, feeling concern wash over him as the pinkette's face remained hidden in shadow. "Natsu?" He moved so his back was to the headrest of their shared bed, frowning deeply as he traced a hand over flushed, heated skin. "What's wrong?"
Natsu hissed as he turned on his side, baring his teeth. "N-Nothing."
"Take the mask off when you speak to me," the raven-haired man growled, drawing himself up and glaring down at the shivering man. "You can talk to me openly."
"I can't...and I—I won't," the dragon bit out through his heavy breathing. "You wouldn't understand."
"I can't understand if you won't talk to me." Icy hands rose to run through bright pink hair, a soft and almost infinitesimal, feather-like touch. "Is it because of what happened in the gardens?"
"I could've lost control. My—my reality was slipping and I almost...I almost—"
"But you didn't. You knew I wasn't going to let that happen."
Natsu's breath hitched, and he began to rock back and forth, his body trembling violently.
Gray sighed, running his fingertips over the large scar on the side of his partner's neck. He knew it was pointless to try and comfort the fire wizard with words—he was in too much pain, and he wouldn't listen to what he had to say. He could only amount to attempting to calm him down enough so he would go back to sleep.
A soft growl rumbling in his throat, the ice wizard leaned his head back against the wooden headrest and shut his eyes. Their mission would have to wait—Natsu couldn't do anything while incapacitated like this.
Gray let a low rumble escape the back of his throat, momentarily disregarding his partner's current hypersensitivity.
"Get well soon, Natsu. Our lives depend on it."
He allowed himself to fall into a light slumber, the faint and nagging notion that he would have to have a long chat with the Heartfilia girl clear in the back of his mind.
I panted as I stood with my wooden sword outstretched, sweat trickling down the side of my neck and making my hair stick to my skin.
Ever since the strange encounter with Gray, I had decided that I would have to train in order to be seen in a better light. The ice wizard, for some reason, possessed a deep and unbridled hatred for my family and me. I knew somewhere in my mind that being able to beat him in a fight would earn his acknowledgment and respect.
I turned as the door opened, using one hand to hold my damp hair high over my neck.
To my surprise, Natsu slipped into the room. He was sickly pale, and sweat gleamed on his skin. As he came in unsteadily, his heat increased the temperature of the room to uncomfortable heights.
"Natsu?" I stayed where I was, somehow aware of the fire wizard's trembling body even as I glanced away from him to avoid meeting his eyes. "Are you okay?"
His head turned, and I was taken aback by the pure exhaustion in his emerald eyes.
"Blondie." His voice was hoarse and ragged, and something like a smirk passed over his lips. "Don't let me stop you. Keep going."
I hesitated, watching warily as he leaned against the wall behind him and ran a hand through his damp hair.
"Well?" His voice tore through the sudden silence, stained with an exhausted irritation.
I jolted in shame and embarrassment, feeling the blood rush to my face. "Sorry."
I continued on with the stances and motions Natsu had taught me, acutely aware of his heavy, hooded eyes blazing into my back.
"Stop."
I flinched back slightly as two large and hot hands were placed on my sides, my body tensing and my breath hitching in the back of my throat. Natsu was there, his heavy and damp breath an unsettling warmth on my skin.
"When you're going at your attacker, you can feint movements to confuse them." The fire wizard shifted his weight, his dull eyes catching the fluorescent lights above us. "If I come at you, I can move and you'd think I'm going to hit you here"—he pressed his hand to my side, right above my ribs—"when I could, in actuality, go to snap your neck instead."
I gasped as his hands were suddenly wrapped around my throat, and I could feel the sharpened points of his nails tracing over my skin. Bracing myself, I turned my head slightly to face him.
A shudder went through me as I saw the hungry look in his darkened eyes. His breathing was labored as he leaned close, his broad chest pressing against my back.
"This is what you need to work on," Natsu hissed, his eyes boring into my soul, "If you want to take down Gray."
A chill raced down my spine, and I turned to stare at him. "How did you—?"
"It's the only way he'll acknowledge you, Blondie. You know that as well as I do."
"Is that how you gained his attention?" My voice was cold and dry, carefully free of emotion. "By fighting him?"
He let out a shaky breath and shut his eyes. "Not exactly. But I—"
Natsu's voice cracked without warning, and he began to tremble visibly as his breaths came faster. His hands, instead of falling like I thought they would, began to tighten their grasp on my neck, and I failed to restrain the shudders that went through my body.
He was breathing hoarsely, and his unnatural heat wavered around the two of us. I could feel him trembling, and something like a snarl rumbled through his chest and thundered throughout both of our bodies.
"Natsu?"
The fire wizard groaned, and I felt a wet warmth begin to drip onto my skin. I risked a glance back and saw that he was biting his lip, sharpened white daggers that tore through his skin.
Blood. His blood was dripping onto my shoulder.
Shuddering, I pressed against him, trying to escape the sight and feel. "Natsu. I—can you let go of me?"
He didn't seem to hear me, his breaths increasing in speed and heaviness. His nails seemed to extend, and a violent wave of heat filled the room as pain flared throughout my body. I stood there trembling, afraid of what he would do to me if I tried to move at all.
Moving again, Natsu's face was dangerously close to mine. His eyes were heavy and hooded, the golden specks made especially vibrant within the darkened green of his irises.
"Lucy..."
His voice was dark and droning, a menacing rumble that made my heart seize in fear.
"What would you do if I ended up fighting you to the death?"
Another chill raced down my spine as I resisted the urge to glance at him. I didn't want to see what kind of emotions were burning within those monstrous eyes. "Why would you ever have to fight me to the death?"
"I...I wouldn't—it's just a question, blondie. Answer the question. Answer the question," he hissed, a growl thundering in the back of his throat as his nails scraped over the flesh of my neck.
My breath hitched in my throat and I clenched my hands into fists. "I wouldn't be any viable or verifiable match for you. You're much more powerful and in control of your magic."
"My magic?" The pinkette shifted his weight from one side to the other, his breath hot and heavy and damp against my own sweat-slicked skin. "We haven't been working on magic. We've been working on tactics, strategy—your ability to hold your ground in a fight that may decide whether or not you'll live at the end."
"That's not what you've been—" I tensed as his grip tightened, my body protesting as pain laced throughout it. "You know that's not what we've been doing. I don't know—Natsu, can you let go of me?"
There was a flash of gold and salmon, and then his face was dangerously close to mine. "Little blondie, you mean to tell me that I don't know what I'm doing?" There was a faint flare of pain in his gaze, and I realized that it was most likely physically hurting him to speak and possibly move. "I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing."
"I know you do." I kept my voice soft and even, forcing my own anxiety down. I had to calm the fire wizard down before something bad happened—like when he almost attacked me in the garden paths. "But do you know what you're doing now?"
"We're training," he rumbled, his eyes now more gold than green. "We're training and we have been—you never answered my question. What if we had to fight to the death?"
I let out a shaky breath and stamped down the urge to shift in his immovable grasp. "I'm not going to fight you."
"I could kill you."
Suppressing a shudder at the cold, dry way he presented those words, I found myself seeing more and more of the strange ice wizard displayed in the salmon-haired man. "I know. But I won't fight you."
"Strange little blondie," the man drawled, turning his body in a way that allowed him to become level with my gaze. I met his burning stare defiantly, not wanting to show my fear and weakness in front of him. His multicolored eyes darted back and forth, taking in my expression and no doubt trying to decipher my thoughts.
After a long, uncomfortable moment of staring, the fire wizard straightened and released me, ambling towards the hallway. The state of vertigo in which he had entered in seemed to be put on hold for the moment.
"Where are you going?"
Natsu waved a hand dismissively over his shoulder, not bothering to turn and acknowledge me. "Out. I need some air. And don't even think about following me."
Remembering all too clearly our last encounter in the gardens, I subconsciously nodded and watched him leave my field of vision.
The cold midday wind whistled throughout the brightly lit land. Golden light tinted the multiple colors of an endless array of flowers and plant life, and hues ranging from crimson to gold to green spread lazily across the landscape around him.
He sighed, watching the clouds drift across the clear blue sky. How could the world be so calm when there was nothing but chaos erupting over the earth?
Running the back of his hand over his eyes, Gray Fullbuster continued on down the worn, weather-beaten path of the Heartfilia gardens, spreading his aura out in order to be aware of any incoming—and perhaps entirely unwanted—visitors.
He could not help but think back to his encounter with the Hearfilia girl. Why had she believed so fervently that he would end up taking her life and maybe those of what remained of her family? Had Natsu said something to her about his past or had she decided to conduct intimate research of her own?
The ice wizard scowled and shook his head. Now was not the time to be dwelling on such trivial manners. He had a job to do, and both his life and that of his partner's depended on its completion.
Get in, eradicate them all, and get out. Understand? We will take no failure, especially from the likes of you.
I understand, and it will be completed.
Do I have your word? Do not let the dragon distract you.
You have my word the mission will be completed.
Digging his nails into his skin at the unwanted memories, the raven reached inside his long white trench coat and pulled out a small, worn book. Its cover was composed of ancient leather, beaten and worn down over time from his fingers caressing the material for years, or for as long as he could remember. Dark, sleek, and compact, the little book held secrets and implied desires that no rational man would ever dare to speak or mention aloud.
It was in this book that the darkest recesses of his abysmal, horrific desires resided—it never left his side and it never would.
The wind rushed past him at that moment, causing the nearly glowing and ethereal material of his clothing billow and writhe around his lean, powerful frame. Using his free hand to raise the collar of his coat, the man continued walking down the well-used earthen path. His fingers traced over the book cover with a strange sort of admiration and care.
In the ends of his field of vision, he could see the outline of a dark and polished metal bench. He would be able to recollect his mind there—to sort through all of his raging thoughts and fragmented turmoil and horrendous passion.
Reaching out the hand that was not holding the little book, he stopped briefly to survey a small path of flowers. From what he could tell, there was wildlife ranging from magnolia blossoms to sakura trees and calla lilies and various colors of roses and tulips. At least the Heartfilias kept their garden safe and sound from the disasters of the world.
His fingers hovered over the outcast within the bright and vibrant hues of color. Leaning slightly to the side and waving gently in the breeze was a single rose. Its petals were darkly colored, a deep maroon shade that bordered on the darkest shade of obsidian. It was out of place in the flow and ebb of the vibrant pool of colors around it, and Gray could not help but wonder if it was a mistake or nothing but a coincidence.
Pushing that thought aside, he spread his coat out around his body and sat slowly, almost gingerly, on the cool metal bench. It was slightly damp from the morning dew that had not fully dried, but it didn't bother him too much.
He shut his eyes and leaned his head back, taking the moment to breathe in the crisp air. Stained with the scents of wildlife and an icy midday atmosphere, it was almost as if the ice wizard belonged here, wrapped in the uncharacteristic vibrancy and eloquence surrounding him.
Almost blindly, he opened the little book that was now cradled in his hands and began to turn through the pages. Various textured lines met his roaming fingers—some smooth, others jagged, and the most prominent lines harsh and heavy. He stopped as he felt the soft and chalky material of his prized artist's tool and opened his eyes.
Staring back at him were the slanted eyes of his partner, hidden through thick and fading locks of hair. The charcoal had been treated so that it would not smear whenever he opened it, but he was beginning to feel a strange loathing burning in the back of his mind. Natsu was not fixated on one thing alone, and while he may have been stubborn, he would not stay rooted to one spot for an extended period of time.
He decided he would have to begin another drawing.
His fingers twitching, the ice wizard glanced up at the nearest window. Watching him with her body hidden halfway behind a massive crimson curtain was none other than the Heartfilia daughter.
Narrowing his eyes, the ice wizard tilted his head to the side and glanced away. He did not need to concern himself with the self-titled princess at the moment.
Out of the corner of his vision, the black rose swayed enticingly in the breeze, its petals waving back and forth in a dangerously captivating dance.
The last dance he had had was years ago, back in his former home with Natsu and their current team at the time.
Ominous shadows danced over the smoldering ruins of the guild hall.
The majority of the wizards were shuddering in terror, hatred, agony—or any mixture of other emotions. Only a few were injured, but they were minor wounds that would heal with time and rest.
"How could you have let this happen?"
Gray remained silent, cradling the unconscious form of his lover in his lap. Shadows flickered over his darkened gaze, adding to the tense and spine-tingling atmosphere filling the room.
"Answer him, you monster!"
His muscles tense, the ice wizard glanced at the offender. The man in question—a slim and orange-haired man with sharp teeth—pressed his lips together and boldly met the feared wizard's gaze.
Finally looking away, the raven-haired man ran his fingers through bloody rose-colored locks of hair. His aura was slowly gaining strength, and the temperature of the air around him was slowly dropping. The faintest hints of frost began to glaze his pale skin, and a menacing darkness hung in a thick, heavy haze around his body.
"You would think to call Gray a monster? He isn't the monster," Mira murmured, her skin and hair almost glowing in the ethereal fog of magic settling in the room. "If anything, it's Natsu that is the monster, and Gray is only here to keep him tamed."
A growl escaped the back of the ice wizard's throat as he turned to glare at the demon wizard. She met his gaze and smiled widely, her hair flowing in snowy rivers over her bare shoulders.
Gray let out a heavy breath and cleared his throat, addressing the majority of the wizards standing—or cowering—before him.
"Natsu and I have been together for years, longer than everyone gathered here has known about. We will not and cannot be separated from each others' sides, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop us." Icy eyes fixed on every wizard for a long moment, piercing their very beings with a metaphorical coldness that penetrated every crevice of their bodies. "No matter how you think of it, Natsu and I are far from normal. We are monsters—there is no doubt about that. However, it is how we choose to live as monsters and what type of monster we live as that really affects those around us. Doesn't it, Mirajane?"
The slim white-haired woman frowned slightly, tilting her head to the side. "I suppose it does, ice wizard."
"You can't be here anymore. Not if you can't control that thing you call a partner," Elfman rumbled, crossing his massive arms over his chest. "We've suffered enough damage."
Gray's breath hitched in the back of his throat as his shoulders began to tremble. Unnatural frost coated the floor around the shuddering man and his partner. The rest of the wizards shivered as their breath became visible to them in wispy clouds.
"There's no need for that here," Mirajane stated softly, making her way towards the front of the distressed crowd with the intention of calming the enraged wizard down. "Your partner already destroyed our guild more than once. We don't need to add you to the list, now, do we?"
"Your words mean nothing, demon," the ice wizard growled, casting a searing glare towards the woman. "Not when they are coated with such poisonous lies and deceit."
At that, the wizards in the audience became restless but eager at the same time, anticipating the Demon's reaction to such a comment.
Mirajane only smiled once more and moved closer to the kneeling raven-haired man. Outstretching a hand, she waited patiently for him to take it.
"Does it look like I want your help?" the incensed man snarled, baring his teeth and rearing back from the approaching woman like a cornered predator. "I would rather die than accept assistance from the likes of you."
The Demon's gaze became dark as she leaned even closer to the seething man. Her lips almost brushed his skin, and the wild and unrestrained aroma of star anise and honeysuckle wafted towards him on an icy wind.
"You know the way out, don't you? The Master is waiting for you."
With a sudden growl, Gray surged to his feet in a fit of rage. Casting the small journal aside, a vicious cry escaped the back of his throat as his emotions roared in a storm throughout his body.
In nothing but a mere instant, the gardens were engulfed in a bitter, resentful cage of ice. The sky became dark and overcast, seemingly adjusting to his mood.
Breathing shakily, the ice wizard paced the length of the path in front of the bench he had been sitting on, a maelstrom of violent emotions forming a murderous and blackened haze in his aura.
He could feel the eyes of the Heartfilia girl on him once again.
With a sudden movement, he cast out a hand in a large, sweeping motion. A wave of ice traveled up the side of the building, completely covering the overly curious gaze of the girl—the blondie, as his lover seemed to like calling her.
Enough of this. Get a hold of yourself.
Sighing heavily, the man slowly sank to his knees and cradled his head in his hands. He couldn't come undone here, not when Natsu needed him and not when they were so close to acquiring their freedom.
He groaned softly, digging his icy, bloodless fingers deep into his scalp and tangling his hair in knots. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Calm down and control yourself.
Slowly, the thick frost that was blanketing the plantlife around him melted away, evaporating in a heavy cloud that hung heavily in the air before fading away.
Good. Don't let it happen again.
It won't.
You can't be so sure of that.
With a frustrated curse hissed out beneath his breath, Gray took his seat once again and began to outline the single black rose swaying before him.
"Have I ever told you the story about how my wife died?"
Natsu tensed as the deep and rumbling voice sounded behind him. Digging his nails into the soft skin of his palms, he turned and was shocked to find none other than Jude Heartfilia approaching him through the brightly lit hallway.
Gathering the breath that left him suddenly, the fire wizard made to tell the man to leave him be. However, the leader of the Heartfilia Konzern continued on, seemingly without noticing the younger man's agitation.
"The servants here, as well as myself, all believe that my daughter is almost an exact replica of my wife. Layla Heartfilia's best work, they used to say."
Natsu murmured something incomprehensible before shrugging heavily. "What are you telling me this for?"
"So you know why Lucy is the way she is."
The pinkette smirked slightly, but the action was weakened by his exhaustion and illness. "What makes you think I really want to know?"
"Because I know you do. Don't you want to know why she's so scared of blood?"
The fire wizard tensed at that, and he was tilting his head to the side as he stared intently at the older man. "Huh. You knew about her fear all this time, old man?" He glanced away, the sunlight making his eyes glow a vibrant gold. "You know, it's not something to be scared of. It shows that you're alive. Or would you rather we all be walking corpses with frozen blood in our veins?"
Frowning at the younger man's analogy, Jude shook his head and stared out through the open window of the grand hallway. The faint aroma of magnolia and cherry blossoms wafted across the gentle breeze, making the fire wizard's hair wave violently around his shoulders.
"Layla Heartfilia was murdered in her sleep a few years ago while traveling in a carriage on the way back to her home," the large blond man rumbled, linking his arms behind the small of his back and watching the smaller male out of the corner of his eye. "My daughter was asleep in her lap at the time, and she slept on during the atrocities that occurred around her. We did as much investigating as we could, but the killer seemed to take care of all witnesses excluding my daughter."
"She woke up to the sight of her mother's body."
Jude nodded, his expression grave and partially concealed in shadow. "Her mother, the coachmen, the guards, and the horses were all torn to nearly unrecognizable shreds. We don't know why they spared Lucy."
Natsu was silent as he moved closer to the older man, his hands trembling at his sides. "Why are you telling me this?"
The man in charge of the Hearfilia Konzern spared a glance over at the now-shaking man. "Isn't it obvious? I want you to get rid of this fear. No child of mine will be afraid of something as trivial as blood."
The fire wizard bared his teeth as his nails dug crescent moon shaped trenches into his skin. "This was not in the job description. I am not and will not be your daughter's psychiatrist."
"I already know that you won't be. Do you take me for a fool?" Jude Heartfilia demanded, his raised voice echoing in the otherwise vacant hallway. Natsu grimaced and narrowed his eyes at the sudden onslaught of noise.
"It may not be in the job description, but since you are her teacher—her personal trainer, if you will—helping her overcome her fears is what you are entitled to do." The looming man leaned down so he was eye-to-eye with the seething pinkette. "Or would you rather I find someone more suited for the job and whatever unimplied requirements it may seek?"
His lip curling back in a snarl, the fire wizard glared viciously at the older man as sparks danced over his skin. An uncomfortable heat surrounded his body, a heavily implied warning to the businessman before him.
"Destroy my home and you and your partner will be charged profoundly." Jude turned away and ambled down the hallway, continuing to speak without bothering to look over his shoulder.
"Shouldn't you be off training with my daughter?"
Without waiting for a response, the man turned into another hall and vanished, leaving a fuming Natsu behind.
So sorry for the wait once again, the super long chapter, and for the rather bizarre way of explaining Lucy's fear of blood and Layla's death. To be honest, Jude is one of my least favorite characters to write, so the last scene was written rather slowly.
Let me know if there are any grammatical errors or the like. I super-typed this chapter when inspiration hit me.
Any comments, concerns, or questions, be sure to leave them in a review (and don't forget to review).
Also, it would be greatly appreciated if you guys took a look at my other Fairy Tail stories (most of them are still in the works). I'd love to hear from you on them.
Thanks for reading!
