Disclaimer: Same old, same old.

Okay, two here...

MATRIX REVOLUTIONS - THE INTERNET VERSION

Smith v Neo, city map. Smith pwned Neo. Neo respawned and pwned Smith. "lulz noob," Neo said.


MATRIX REVOLUTIONS - THE CHILDREN'S VERSION

See Smith! See Smith run! Run, Smith, run!
See Neo! See Neo run! Run, Neo, run!
See Smith hit Neo!

Neo hit Smith too. That was very naughty of him. Just because somebody hits you doesn't mean you can hit them back, because two wrongs do not make a right.

The Oracle appeared on the street between the quarrelsome duo. "That was very naughty of you," she told them. "Good children should be nice to each other and not fight. Look at how you've hurt each other!"

"But he's The One," Smith said. "I have to fight him. It's my purpose."

"There you go now, using such big words like 'purpose'!" the Oracle said, tut-tutting gently and shaking her head.

"And we're not children," Neo said rudely.

The Oracle smiled. "Trying to be all grown up now, are you?" she asked, ruffling his hair. "Well, little Tommy, you've still got quite a way to go. Now why don't the both of you boys come in out of the rain? You'll catch such dreadful colds if you insist on playing out here! I've made your favourite cookies, fresh from the oven. I'm sure you'll enjoy them!"

"You're not supposed to be here!" Smith said angrily. "I thought I took over you, but apparently all that's done is addle your brains."

"Now, now, Smithykins, please watch your language! Let's all try to keep this PG-5, shan't we?"

"This is ridiculous," Neo muttered darkly.

The Oracle turned sharply to look at him. "What did you say?"

Neo just stared back. "Who are you, really?" he asked. "Enid Blyton ressurected from the dead?"

The Oracle pursed her lips and a dark look came into her eyes. "Thomas, you will learn the price of your insolence!" she said.

"Wha..."

A bolt of lightning struck down from the sky, throwing Neo and Smith off their feet and briefly illuminating the Oracle's face, broken into a grin of pure evil.

Lying on the ground, Neo felt a weird sensation come over him. He blinked, rubbed his eyes, tried to get up, tripped over his trenchcoat and fell back down, in front of the horrified eyes of Smith.

The two now-six-year-olds stared unbelievingly at each other.

"No way," Neo whispered, and his voice had changed - higher, younger. He looked at his small hands and then at the Oracle, who was now all-smiles again. Next to Neo, Smith blinked blearily. Neo pulled off his trenchcoat, stood up, and tried to stop his pants from falling of. "What do you do that for?" he blurted out to the Oracle.

The Oracle smiled benevolently at the two young boys. "Do what, dear?" she asked. "And my goodness, Tommy, you're practically drenched! Just how long have the two of you been out here?"

Smith was busy mouthing random words, having a lot of things to say but not knowing quite how to say them. He lapsed into an angry confused silence.

The Oracle smiled again and put her arms around the two of them. "Well, let's not waste any more time, shall we? The cookies will get all cold and horrid, and you know how much you hate cold cookies!"

They were greeted at the foot of the staircase by a pair of highly confused adult Smith clones. The Oracle beamed at them. "Did you make them all by yourself, Smithykins?" she asked the six-year-old. How frightfully clever of you!"

"B...d...b... What?" Smith finally managed to exclaim. "What's all this supposed to mean? This isn't supposed to happen! I'm supposed to fight him, I'm supposed to win, and..."

The Oracle patted him on the shoulder. "Now, now, let's not get all ruffled, shall we? What's all this talk about fighting? Why don't we all go into the nice warm kitchen and have some cookies first. Then you can tell the Oracle all about it."

She pushed her way past the two bewildered Smith clones and up the stairs. She hummed a short string of notes, and suddenly the darkened building was flushed of all the other clones. She opened a door, and the three entered a cheery-looking kitchen. Freshly baked cookies lay on the table, and Neo started salivating despite himself. He kicked himself on the leg for giving in to the lure of the cookies, hurt, and then wondered if this constituted child abuse.

Through the window came the view of the storm outside, along with the many rows of confused Smiths who were wondering just what was going on.

The Oracle made Neo and Smith wash their hands, then got them seated at the table and gave them each a cookie.

Neo reluctantly nibbled on the cookie; then its sweetness filled his mouth and he just had to eat more of it. Smith reached into the cookie tray for a second one, unable to stop as well. They were delicious, after all.

The Oracle smiled as she watched the two children eating. The ones in the Real World are next, she thought evilly.

She wondered if Morpheus would have hair as a child.

THE END

XXX
The Kenselton Hotel

Neo found John at the lowest floor of the hotel, searching for a way out. There was not much way of knowing just where they were. There were no windows, and, as far as they could see, no doors either.

"There has to be some way out," Neo said as the two of them made their way around one of the empty basements.

"Not neccessarily."

"What about that guy on the arrival floor?"

"I checked," John replied. "He got here the same way we did."

"But there has to be a way out," Neo said. "Who would make a place like this and bring us all here if they were just going to seal it up?"

An idea struck John, and he headed for the lifts without a word. Neo followed him as he entered one of the lifts and hit the button for the top floor.

Exiting the lift car, John activated the lightsaber and plunged it into a random wall, carving out a rough square which he kicked in.

He was met with the bewildered gazes of the British Holdout group, sitting in the next room having tea for the umpteenth time that day.

The British Holdout group consisted of British folks who had discovered, to their chagrin, that the actors who had played them were not British, but American or Australian or Canadian or Eskimo or of some other barbarian nationality. Few outsiders knew just what kind of activities the British Holdout engaged in, other than that it involved a lot of talking in British accents, reminiscing about England, discussing English culture, laughing at Americans, and mostly drinking tea.

There had existed for a time an American Holdout group, but people made fun of them and they soon disbanded.

Unperturbed, John left down the corridor, reached the end, and cut out a portion of the wall there. This time it couldn't be kicked in. With the help of the lightsaber, he managed to get the wall portion onto the floor, and beyond the hole was darkness. John stuck his head through, looked down in the darkness past the sheer window-less side of the hotel, looked up into the underside of a pavement, and took his head out of the hole to look at Neo.

"We're underground," he concluded. "And don't say 'whoa'."

TO BE CONTINUED.

Maths exam tomorrow.