Disclaimer: I own neither the Matrix franchise nor Happy Tree Friends


MATRIX REVOLUTIONS: THE HAPPY TREE FRIENDS VERSION

The lines of Smiths held hands and danced, the music of their joyous singing filling the air.

"La la lalala! La la la lalala! La la lalala! Lalala lalala!"

It was raining heavily. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck down and split a line of Smiths horizontally into two. The Smith half-bodies fell to the ground, twitching spasmodically.

Neo pointed and laughed.

The Ice Age came on them and froze the rain clouds. They fell as huge boulders of ice, collapsing several buildings with Smiths in them.

Neo pointed and laughed.

Then an ice boulder landed on him and he stopped laughing.

"AAHHHH!" Neo yelled. He clawed at the ice boulder on top of him. Technically, he should have been able to move it, being The One and all, but this was a Happy Matrix Boulder and didn't understand that it was supposed to move.

So Neo had to get out the hard way. He dug at the ground and finally crawled over out of his self-made tunnel, his fingers worn down to bloody stumps half their original length.

He looked at them.

"Whoa," he concluded intelligently.

He squeezed a finger. Blood spurted out. Neo giggled.

"BLOOD FINGERS!" he yelled, squirting blood at the singing Smiths.

The blood stopped spurting out. He frowned, then squeezed his forearm instead. Blood gushed out. He grinned.

"MORE AMMO!" he yelled, firing jets of blood into the air.

Smith rushed him. Neo punched him in the face. Smith's eyeballs burst, and Neo squirted copious amounts of blood into his eye sockets.

Then Neo died of anaemia. The end.


Eh. And now for something slightly different... i.e. humour/angst without the humour.

The Kenselton Hotel

"But I don't want to die."

But no one pays attention to the pleas of the fictional human. The guards are impassioned. Just doing their job. They give him five minutes with his floormates, gathered in the common room.

The usual offers spurting out of mouths: "I'll go instead." They could swap clothes, fool the guards, and then... but no. Their faces might be the same, but they were still so different, and people could tell. And even if they couldn't, the guilt of staying safe while a friend died in your place would perhaps be too much to bear.

Everyone would probably have to go in the end, anyway. Eventually their name would be called.

No words can console at a time like this, though words might distract the thoughts in his head that burn in repressed rage at his undeserved death.

Now there's just the tears, wiped off hastily lest someone might see, although their eyes are already fixed on him and tracking his every action.

He wonders what would happen after he died in this world. Somewhere in his mind he tries to hope that his death would send him home to the life he was pulled out from. But hope is just hope and nothing more.

The guards look at him through the glass doors of the common room. One taps at his watch. Time is up.

Head bowed, eyes downcast, he walked slowly towards the doors, feeling the hands of his floormates lightly wish him a silent goodbye as he passes them. Their hands slip off his shoulders as he reaches the doors. He goes through, and the guards take over.

x x x

The customer fingers the gun in her hand and tests its weight. She lets off a few practice shots in the soundproofed room, then settles down to wait.

The door opens and the guards push him in. He looks up, his eyes still pleading, and for a moment she falters.

She had never really imagined it as going to be this way. He was almost too - too real, almost human, almost-

Heck, she paid for this.

She aims the gun and squeezes the trigger, and as he hits the ground with his eyes shut in death, she waits for the expected euphoria that for some reason never comes.

end


Review!

Meanwhile I recently heard that Keanu is likely to be coming to my country (Singapore) to film Point Break 2 sometime in future. Should I attempt to stalk him? If yes, should I try to give him anything? I was thinking maybe the Shakespeare Matrix and the list of things in his beard (compiled with some people at the IMDB boards; currently there are 53 items purportedly in there, and counting).