Chapter 7: The Girl Who Wasn't There
Darkness. The heavy door swung open, filling the empty room with weak light from the torches in the corridor. The giant Nord effortlessly threw Nephiah in. She crash landed on the rough wooden floor. It hurt a lot for her hands were tied behind her back and she couldn't use them to break the fall. She cried, she was hurting all over and just wanted to go home and see her parents. The fact that that is something she would never be able to do again had not yet taken hold.
Then a Bosmer boy was thrown in after her.
The man turned to his side. "Hey, Siegalf! What are we supposed to do with them?", he said in a deep voice.
Another man was standing behind him, examining the contents of a coin purse he held. "I don't know. The boss thinks there's people who will pay good coin for slaves. We made away with a month's worth of food from that raid, I don't think this is worth the hassle."
"Let's go ask him then."
The door was shut and locked, darkness again. Darkness, filled only with the crying of children.
The heavy door swung open. Both Nephiah and the boy shielded their eyes from the sudden light that they hadn't seen in hours.
A bearded man in a hooded robe stood in the doorway, his face shrouded in shadow. "Just those two?", he inquired.
The two men from earlier were standing behind them.
"You said to take the children and kill everybody else.", said the giant.
"Adults are just infinitely harder to train.", replied the hood, "There will be more."
"Train them?", Siegalf said, "Not even my dog will listen to me."
The hooded man turned to him. "Yes, my simple friend, we shall leave that to minds more suited to the task. Send Frokwulf to my room, will you."
He turned away and left.
"Frokwulf...", the giant shuddered, "...that sadistic bastard." He let go of the door he was holding open which then fell into the lock on its own.
Nephiah could still make out what they were saying.
"You know what he did yesterday? He hacked off a farmer's hands and feet and had him crawl to his wife. Only to slit her throat shortly before he arrived."
"Yes, he has always been creative when it came to killing. Just stay clear of him."
"You're supposed to run them through or take their head off, this is just not right..." Then they had moved too far away to be understood.
"Are you there?", the boy whispered.
"Yes."
"What's your name?"
"Nephiah."
"I am Arlan. What do you think they'll do?"
"Something terrible..."
"My mother told me that all life is connected and that if you hurt someone, you only hurt yourself."
"Where is your mother now?"
Then silence.
The heavy door swung open. A man holding a torch entered and began walking along the walls, lighting dry torches, illuminating the room. The children curled up and squeezed their eyes shut.
He kneeled down, grabbed Nephiah's chin and ungently turned her face towards him. "Pretty eyes.", he said in an unsettling way. He stood back up and walked back to the door.
The hooded man had entered behind him.
In the light his long black beard could be seen. "I'll train them for you. But I want that one for myself." He pointed at Nephiah.
"That's an Elf. Those are particularly valuable." the hooded man replied.
"I know. I will train her as an example. Then I will show you what I can do. Then I will train any others you bring me. And I keep that one for myself."
The hooded man looked over to Nephiah, a curled up ball of despair. "How about you show me what you can do, and then we'll talk again."
"Sounds like we have a deal." The hooded man left the room.
"My name is Frokwulf. We are going to get to know each other very well." With that he left as well, slamming the door shut behind him.
The children looked at each other with fearful eyes. Their hands were still tied behind their backs. "What should we do?", Arlan whispered.
Nephiah scanned the room. There was a pile of straw in one corner and an empty bucket in the other, the room was practically empty.
She shoved herself over and turned so her back was facing him. "Can you reach those ropes?", she asked.
Arlan immediately rolled over so their hands touched. He worked his way up until he found the binds.
The heavy door swung open. "Now now now." The children's hearts nearly stopped as Frokwulf stepped into the room at a menacingly slow pace. "Bit of a defiant spirit, are you? We will have to address that."
He closed the door, walked over and took out an iron dagger. They looked at him in terror as he slowly kneeled down. A fearful squeak escaped Nephiah as the dagger closed in on her hands, only to find the ropes had been cut. Then Arlan's.
"Now." Frokwolf grabbed them both by the collar of their clothes and pulled them to their feet. "Let me explain to you the reality you find yourselves in."
The children rubbed their aching wrists as they stared at the bald man with the black beard that towered over them.
"Your parents are dead. You will not see them again. Your homes have been burned down. You will not see them again. Your lives have ended."
Arlan lowered his head and began to whimper again, Nephiah was still frozen in fear, staring at him.
"And since your lives have ended, that means you don't exist." He got down to one knee. "And things that don't exist don't feel pain. They are invisible and they make no sound. So this..." He grabbed Arlan's chin and made him look into his eyes. "...is the last time I hear you cry."
He stood up again. While his tone of voice was eerily calm until now, his words turned to a more commanding tone. "From now on you will follow a very simple set of rules. Do what I say, when I say it. You do not want, you do not desire, you do not dream. You will not speak to anyone unless I allow it. You will make no sound, no scream, no whimper. You will eat and sleep only if I allow it. Disobey and you will be punished. Nod your heads if I am understood."
They both nodded.
Frokwulf's back hand hit Arlan across the face with enough force to send him to the floor. "I can still hear you!", he suddenly yelled aggressively.
Nephiah gasped audibly as the violence startled her.
Frokwulf instantly turned to look at her.
Expecting another hit, she backed away a little.
"Understand what you are.", he said now calm again. "We will continue later."
He walked to the door and opened it. He picked up two ragged robes from behind it and threw it in front of his captives. "When I come back you are wearing those. If I find you asleep, you will be punished. Cry now, little boy. When I return you will be silent."
The heavy door slammed shut.
A moment passed until Nephiah dared to move. She looked at Arlan who was curled up on the floor, weeping quietly. She hesitantly walked up to the roughly stitched together pieces of linen wrap and picked them up. Then she walked up to the boy and sat down. She carefully put her hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"
Arlan immediately turned around and hugged her, desperate for comfort. "I want to go home!", he said with a quivering voice.
Nephiah leaned into his embrace. "Me too..."
The heavy door swung open. As Frokwulf stepped through the door, he found the clothes the children were brought in lying at his feet. He tossed them into the hall and closed the door.
The children were sitting in the far corner of the empty room, huddled together, now wearing the linen cloth. He took a step forward and presented the broom and the whip he held in his left hand. With his right, he pointed to the middle of the room.
"Stand there.", he said.
They hesitated.
"NOW!", he yelled.
They quickly got up and moved to the indicated spot.
He pointed at the wall behind them.
"Stand there."
They looked at the wall behind them then back at him, unsure of what he wanted.
"MOVE TO THAT WALL!"
They quickly walked backwards, Arlan grabbed Nephiah's hand. He pointed at the center of the room.
"Stand there." With every command of his, they were more and more terrified of what was to come. They moved back to the middle.
"See how easy this is. You don't need to know why you are doing what I say. The why is because I say it. Anything beyond that is of no interest to you."
He handed the broom to Arlan and pointed back at the wall. "Clean up that spot."
Arlan looked at Nephian as he turned around to tend to his assignment. The broom was adult sized, it's handle towering over his head as he slowly moved it across the floor.
Frokwulf handed the whip to Nephiah.
She hesitated.
"Take it."
She looked over her shoulder, Arlan's back was turned. The back of Frokwulf's hand hit her hard across the face, she landed on her hands and knees. She looked up at him with pain in her eyes.
"Not a single sound."
She pressed her lips together.
Then he handed her the whip again. "Take it."
She got up and complied. "Have you learned to count?"
She nodded.
"You will strike him ten times."
Arlan turned around.
"Back to work!" Frokwolf yelled. "And if I hear so much as a whimper it will be me who is holding the whip, not her!"
He looked back at Nephiah.
"Ten times."
She looked at Arlan, she could hear his fast, scared breathing.
"Disobey, you don't get the whip. You get the broom."
Tears filled her eyes as she slowly turned and made a first tiny step towards the wall.
"He doesn't exist.", Frokwulf said. "You cannot hurt him."
As she reached Arlan, she could hear he had trouble staying quiet, he was so afraid. She couldn't do it. She pressed her lips together and turned around to face Frokwulf. The whip dropped to the floor.
In an instant, Frokwulf left his calm stance and rushed towards them. He grabbed Nephiah's head, threw her to the ground and took the broom away from Arlan. Then he brought the broom down upon her back. She cried out in pain. Frokwulf began to shout. "You don't exist! You don't feel pain! You don't want! You obey!" The wooden handle came down again and again with every command he yelled.
Arlan threw himself at Frokwolf's stong arm, attempting to stop him.
He quickly found himself dangling in the air as the arm was raised.
Frokwulf tossed the broom away and grabbed the boy by the neck. "Oh I see."
He raised him up as far as he could, then slammed him down onto the ground, making the wooden floor boards shake. He was on his back next to Nephiah who was lying on her stomach, looking at him.
"There is nothing for you to protect, nothing to protect you." Frokwulf squeezed his hand tight until he heard a snap.
Arlan stopped moving.
"Doesn't exist.", Frokwulf said.
Nephiah cried out one final time.
He got up and left them both were they were.
Nephiah quietly stared at Arlan, her tears dripping onto the dirty floor. "If I find you asleep when I return, you will be punished." The heavy door slammed shut.
Nephiah let off a short scream as she awoke and jumped from a lying into a sitting position, pushing herself back with her feet until her back hit the wall. She hastily looked around to get her bearings.
Brelyna had fallen asleep in the chair, resting her head on the small table next to it. The noise woke her. "What... what's going on..."
Nephiah got up and walked to the door. She opened it a just a bit and peeked the into the hall. It was empty, the festivities had ended. She pushed the door open the rest of the way.
The innkeeper was still up, cleaning the counter.
Nephiah turned back and signaled Brelyna to follow. "Ugh... it's much too early..." Nephiah took the bandit's notebook out of her pouch and signaled her again. "I'm coming, I'm coming..."
Brelyna pushed herself out of the chair and joined Nephiah who had already reached the counter.
"Need anything?", the innkeeper inquired.
Nephiah looked at her friend, expecting her to answer.
"Hm?" Still in the process of waking up, Brelyna looked at her in dazed confusion. "Oh, me? You can talk, I've seen you do it!"
Nephiah nodded at her, reinforcing her request.
"Oh fine." She looked at the innkeeper and put on a polite smile. "Hello. We were wondering if you could help us find someone."
"Sure, if I can help." He stopped cleaning and leaned against the counter.
"We are looking for a man named Siegalf." The innkeeper didn't move for a moment, as if he was thinking about his reply. "Never heard of him."
Brelyna looked at her companion whose face slowly changed from curious to angry.
"That's odd. You see..." She took the notebook out of Nephiah's hand and opened it. After a moment of browsing she turned it to the innkeeper and pointed at a text passage. "See here? This man was going to come here to look for him. He specifically mentioned the Nightgate Inn."
The innkeeper detached himself from the counter and started cleaning it again. "I don't know what to tell you. I don't know who that is."
"Never overheard anybody mentioning him?"
"Listen, Elf, I have many guests and I don't meddle in their business. I just provide food and a bed for anyone who can pay."
Nephiah grabbed the hand with which he was sweeping, took a knife from the counter and rammed it through both his hand and the cleaning cloth below it, nailing both securely to the counter's surface. The move was over in an instant, the innkeeper screamed in pain and surprise.
In a reflex action Brelyna stepped back. Shocked she looked at Nephiah who was still holding the knife handle, pressing it down. "What are you doing?!"
"ARGH! Tell your crazy friend to let go!"
He was trying to remove her fist from the knife with his free hand.
Another nod let Brelyna know she was supposed to continue the interrogation. After a moment of hesitation she hastily stepped back up. "Please, I only met her very recently, I am still figuring things out myself! Just tell us what we want to know!"
"By the nine! I don't know anybody by that name!" He kept giving off moans as his attempts to remove Nephiah's grip remained fruitless.
"Will you let the man go?! He doesn't know anything!" She nudged Nephiah's shoulder, but she just looked the innkeeper dead in the eye.
"Problem?" Two of the other rooms had opened. The guards from earlier had spent the night and the screams had woken them. They stepped towards the counter, hands on swords, ready to draw.
They reached the counter, Brelyna raised her hands, still shocked at how quickly the situation was escalating. "We can explain!" She looked at Nephiah who had slightly turned her head and was peeking over her shoulder. "...somehow..." she added.
As the guards were looking at her, Nephiah pulled the knife out of the counter, turned and rammed it into the shoulder of the man to her right.
The second guard began to draw his sword but her fist contacted his nose before he could finish the movement. Blood burst over his mouth as he stumbled back, losing secure footing.
"Nephiah! Stop!" Brelyna tried to halt the display of violence but Nephiah didn't react. She charged the stumbling man with a lowered upper body, rammed her shoulder into his stomach and pushed him back until they hit a wall. The guard's head flung back upon impact, colliding with solid wood.
He was disoriented and didn't put up much of a fight as Nephiah stood upright, grabbed his uniform with her left and let a few powerful right hooks cross his face. He fell to the floor as she let go. She drew her sword, moved to his head and lifted her foot up.
"No! Wait!", Brelyna shouted across the room.
To no avail as the foot had already began to move on its downward trajectory. The loud crack of the skull and subsequent sound of liquid spilling on the floor made Brelyna shudder, she closed her eyes and turned away.
The sound of a small metallic object hitting the floor let Nephiah know that the first guard was back in action. He drew his sword, they ran towards each other. As they met he began attacking, she blocked his blows.
One could see that while he was a trained swordsman, she was making things up as she went.
As clumsy as it looked however, not a single one of his blows met its target. He moved forward, she moved back defensively. Focusing on her enemy's weapon she did not notice the empty ale mug on the floor behind her. Another step backwards and she found herself slipping and crashing into a table.
Lying in a pile of broken wood and dinnerware, she had no time to get her bearings as a polished steel blade rushed towards her through the cloud of brown dust. Her sword instinctively moved across her chest, stopping it from slicing her open. The sword quickly came down again and again, she did her best to survive.
"Brelyna!", she yelled eventually.
Brelyna was overtaken by terror as she realized she was being called upon to help murder a Riften town's guard. There was no time to ponder a decision, she went with her gut. "Damnit!", she shouted and thrust forth a column of fire.
The screams of pain became louder and louder as the guard realized his flesh was burning and began to run around with flailing arms. He eventually reached the door that led outside, broke through it and collapsed on the stairway in front of the inn.
"Azura..." Brelyna had a hard time processing the image.
Nephiah cumbrously pushed herself out of the debris to her feet, she looked like a drunk who had lost a bar fight. She brushed pieces of leftover food off her armour and looked around for the innkeeper.
He had been slowly moving towards the door since the fight started. He had almost reached it when the guard busted through. Their eyes met, he realized it was his turn. He ran through the open door, Nephiah instantly followed.
Brelyna looked around, still in shock at how the morning turned out. The room was filled with music and joyful banter mere hours ago. Now there was blood and mayhem everywhere. She shook her head in disbelief. Eventually she began to move and ran outside.
The sun had come up and bright white snow was glittering everywhere, it blinded her for a moment. She looked around, trying to adjust to the brightness of day. She finally found two trails of footprints in the snow and began to follow them. It didn't take long for her to know she was on the right path as she heard the innkeeper scream in the distance. She moved up a hill and saw them standing on the road behind the inn. He had not gotten far.
Nephiah's right hand held him by the throat, he had grabbed her arm to try and release some of the pressure.
"Please don't kill me!", he begged.
She pressed her lips together, lifted him up and then slammed him down onto the cobblestone road. He let loose of her arm upon hitting the ground and started coughing.
"Please... I'm not one of them!"
She moved her face down into close proximity to his, her hand still holding his throat. "One of who?", she whispered.
Brelyna had finally reached them, although she didn't dare get too close. She watched the scene from a few meters away.
"His name is Hjornskar Head-Smasher! He's stationed at a Stormcloak military camp up that road!" One could hear the fear of death in his voice. He pointed to the road leading west. "He is a giant of a man, you can't miss him!"
Nephiah closed her eyes. Anger turned to pain as she remembered a man she once knew who fit that description. "He comes here from time to time to trade supplies for his men and meet some people I don't know! I overheard him say that name a few times, that's all I know, I swear!"
Nephiah looked to the horizon in the west. She squeezed her hand tight until she heard a snap.
The innkeeper stopped moving.
She stood up and briskly walked back to the inn.
Brelyna remained in place, looking at the unarmed man that had been murdered in cold blood right in front of her. She then looked up at the mountains. In the far distance, she could see the shrine of Azura clearly now in the bright daylight against the crystal blue sky.
After a moment Nephiah re-emerged with a cloak made of bear fur around her shoulders, another one in her hand. She let it drop in front of Brelyna's feet as she passed her and continued on the road west. After a moment of walking she stopped, she didn't hear any footsteps behind her. She turned around spotting her still standing there.
Brelyna looked up at her. "What have you done?..."
Nephiah didn't react, she looked unsure as to what she meant.
Brelyna ran up to her and began to hit her chest with the bottom of her fists. "What have you done?!"
There wasn't much force behind the hits, Nephiah let it happen.
Eventually Brelyna took a step backwards, took a deep breath and wiped away a tear. Even though she hadn't had time to articulate it, she had conjured great hope for a future with Nephiah in her life. Nothing specific, just a warm feeling that had been rising steadily ever since she first laid eyes on her. And now it was gone. Hard as she tried to find it, her hope was shattered. She took another breath.
"You have just murdered three people. Two of which were guardsmen. Even worse, you made me kill one of them, making me an accomplice!"
Nephiah started breathing in deeply. She was afraid of something but she couldn't put her finger on it.
Brelyna looked at her, demanding an answer.
"No witnesses.", she uttered after a moment.
"No witnesses?! That's your response?! That's rich! Put aside the fact that a room full of people saw you behave very suspiciously last night and that it doesn't take much to put this together, you just killed innocent people!"
Nephiah looked to the ground. She was being judged, she hadn't been judged in a very long time. And this time for reasons unknown to her it hurt extensively more.
"I don't exist...", she said hesitantly after another moment of silence had passed.
"W-what?" Brelyna didn't really know what to expect but that answer took her off guard
. Nephiah looked up. "None of this is happening. Because I don't exist." Nephiah's eyes were pleading for Brelyna to understand her words, but she only gave off a short laugh, she didn't know what to answer. Nephiah looked back at her feet.
"I thought maybe we... I thought I could..." Brelyna was stumbling over her words. "Listen, obviously something very bad happened to you and I am very sorry for that. I wish I could heal your wounds, I really do." She almost sounded like she was begging her, Nephiah didn't dare look up. "But I can't! I can't do this! Take me to burn down Falmer or the Undead, sure! But this..."
The finality in her words made her voice quiver.
"The college is that way." She pointed at the road behind her. "What you want is there."
She pointed to the path behind Nephiah. "I'm going home. I'm sorry."
She took another step back. "Come with me?"
No response.
"We have sweetrolls!" Brelyna laughed at the childishness of her words. After getting no response yet again, she turned around and started walking.
As she reached the bear pelt put out for her she stopped and picked it up. She looked at the dead body and then turned to Nephiah who still was standing there without moving.
"Remember M'aiq? The cat from the campfire? He said you wouldn't find what you were looking for. I guess that makes him a liar."
Nephiah looked up, sadness in her eyes. "He was talking to you."
Brelyna displayed a sad smile as the picture became clear to her. She threw the coat over her shoulder, turned around and began her journey home.
Nephiah looked at the road behind her, the Stormcloak camp was somewhere out there. As she turned back around she realized Brelyna had gotten even farther away, only taking up a tiny fraction of her field of vision. And as the distance grew she was finally able to identify the fear she felt. She feared Brelyna would leave.
She took a step forward but stopped instantly. Certainty lay behind her, uncertainty in front of her. Eventually she was unable to tell her apart from the trees and the snow, she looked back at her feet. "Don't go."
