AN: Well guys I'm sure I can't answer all your questions; I guess this is one of those annoying stories that just keep on unfolding with way more questions than answers. Sigh… I guess that's what happens when you try to imitate life too much.
CHAPTER 8: BREAK
"We only have that last Jewel Shard from the Bear Demon. How are we meant to do ANYTHING with only one?" Whined Shippo.
Inuyasha was having a very hard time restraining himself from taking everything out on the little fox demon.
"Patience, Shippo. Remember, we have had times when we had none." Miroku admonished, raising his hand as if in prayer while speaking. "Besides, it's not as if we use them."
Sango, who had been walking at the front of the diminished group, stopped and turned around.
"What's up, Sango?" Inuyasha asked, relieved about a distraction.
"We've been patrolling this area for two days now. I don't think it'll do us any good, especially without Kagome. Let's just camp and think of an effective way to do this."
Kirara whined in agreement.
Inuyasha sighed. "It's not just that, though. We have to do something… We'll just feel useless if we sit in one place and wait."
"Don't you mean YOU'LL feel useless??? We'll be just fi- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA Inuyasha's hurting me again!!!!!!!" Shippo jumped away from Inuyasha, clutching his sore head where Inuyasha had mercilessly pounded it. "When Kagome comes back, you're going to regret-"
Inuyasha growled. "Don't you GET IT? She might NOT BE COMING BACK!" He was shaking, his head lowered, his hands formed into tight fists. He turned away, still shaking – from rage or something else, it was hard to tell – and broke into a run, jumping up into the tree branches, away from the group.
"Well, we might as well-" Miroku did not get far, because Shippo had started shouting too.
"IT'S NOT FAIR! KAGOME'S… Kagome's… she's… she HAS to come back… I…" Shippo fell silent, staring at his feet, then he too broke into a run, in the opposite direction of where Inuyasha had gone.
Sango and Miroku stood in shocked silence, in the wake of their companions. Sango gave a deep sigh. "I guess we really have nothing to do but make camp and wait. If neither of them is back in the morning we'll look."
"Why?" Miroku said quietly. "They can go if they want to. There's nothing here to keep them."
Sango couldn't do anything but stare at Miroku, surprised and hurt, while he unpacked their gear silently, which they had collected from their deserted camp after Kagome's disappearance. Then she too, quietly, said, "Come on Kirara. I guess there's nothing to keep us either, is there?" She quickly got on Kirara, and flew away.
Miroku too, could only stare at their receding silhouette against the setting sun, and whisper, "That's not what I meant…"
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Sango, after flying away to a safe distance, told Kirara to land. She got down into a little remote patch of forest, huddled underneath a tree, and buried her face in her hands. Kirara could do nothing but purr and comfort Sango the best she could.
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Miroku, in his fashion, stood and walked away. The nearest village was going to be exorcised soon, whether it needed it or not.
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Shippo, after stumbling madly for an hour, finally got back to the place where he had left his friends. No one was to be seen, heard, or detected by his superior sense of smell. The little fox demon sniffed, and nearly burst into tears again. But he didn't, and instead marched bravely on into the scrub. He'd live off what he could find, just like he did before.
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Inuyasha was perched on a tree, in his usual watch position. The tree overlooked the now deserted battlefield. Scavengers had long since fixed the rotting meat problem. All that remained now was the occasional battle-axe and armour, or protruding bone. If Kagome and Kikyo were coming back, he'd be first to know.
The members of the previously determined and inseparable group had temporarily forgotten all about their search of Naraku and the Jewel.
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Kikyo and Kagome had avoided each other as much as they could, and had unconsciously separated again, moving into different spots of the forest. They didn't know what they were doing or what they were waiting for, but somehow both knew this time of quiet wasn't going to last. Until then, much thinking was done…
To live is to die. To die is to live. Pure is impure. Impure is pure. Good is evil. Evil is good. To live, then die, and live, and live, and live again… Kikyo kneaded her face in her hands. What was going on? How could she just have… become human again, just like that? This wasn't possible. What her cold soul and dead heart had wanted most, she now had: life. But now that she had, she wasn't so sure.
Previously she had assumed that since she was going to Hell anyway, she might as well take the one she had loved and hated most: Inuyasha. Now that she was alive… Did she have to? When she was made of clay, she could not feel anything new. She was frozen into the way she had been when she was dead. She could only feel things her living self had felt, only much duller, and less life-like… She had been numb. Numb to all the new sensations. If mercy had not been in her heart, then mercy she would not feel.
Fortunately when she died, she had not had much time to hate. That way her self previous to being betrayed had shone through when she had been brought to life by Urasue, and that way she could keep being a priestess in that half-life, helping people along the way. The only real hatred she could feel was against Inuyasha. That hatred and sense of betrayal had been the last thing she felt before passing away, and had dominated her clay heart. It was the only thing that made her feel remotely alive, along with a longing for the Inuyasha she knew before he had betrayed her.
When she learnt that it was not really Inuyasha that had struck the fatal wound, and that he in turn had been tricked, her clay heart was already set. It could not change. No matter how she had tried all this time, her clay heart was frozen into what it had been when she was alive. When she was alive, she had felt no hatred for Onigumo. So, she now felt nothing towards Naraku but pity.
Now, all the new things of her life that had not been able to affect her before, hit her with a sharpness she had almost forgotten. Inuyasha really WAS innocent. Kagome… Kagome… Kagome… Naraku… Onigumo… Her old memories and new experiences swirled, twisted and mixed, and everything she had not been able to feel she now understood and accepted. She was becoming the Kikyo she had been. Slowly, but surely, she was being restored.
The first thing she felt when she managed to straighten everything out in her mind was the forgiveness. She felt forgiveness. Forgiveness, even if it was for something Inuyasha had not done, she still needed to feel it, to accept its truth. That was the only she could dispel the hatred and betrayal that had frozen her, and that which had taken over her half-living self.
Now that she could think clearly for the first time in fifty years, she could only smile sadly at the way things had turned out. The Jewel of Four Souls had tried to recompense her deep hatred and impurity by reincarnating her into Kagome… But that did not change the original malice in Kikyo's heart. It only led Kagome back to the Feudal Era, to try and change what had happened there, and only really served to shatter the Jewel and stain it more, rather than purify it.
She knew why she had always passed on the shards she possessed to Naraku; it was because she knew she could not purify them, couldn't do anything with them, and that struck a chord in her priestess' mind: to get rid of everything that did not fit in with the way she had been. She knew why she had always tried to kill Kagome in accordance with Naraku's wishes; it was because the girl was now everything Kikyo couldn't be then; it seems there was space in her heart for a little jealousy after all… Now towards Kagome she no longer felt resentment. After all, the girl had not done anything in particular to oppose her. And now, she was no longer superior. Kagome was an equal, at the most. But she now knew, she knew everything, and she could fix everything now… The old Kikyo was back.
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Kagome's thoughts were going in a much different direction from Kikyo's. While Kikyo's had been much more philosophical, Kagome's were a bit more practical. She was trying to figure out how she was going to get out of this forest… it definitely wasn't anywhere she had been before. Wandering around would be useless. She needed to get out of this place to her own world.
And how were her friends? She wished she knew. She wondered if she was ever going to get back, so she could see her family, see Inuyasha, see Shippo, and Miroku, Sango, Kirara, and if she'll ever get to defeat Naraku…
Beside her Yasei chirped. He was constantly flitting between her and Kikyo nowadays, as if he was in charge of them and had to constantly check up on them. Whatever it was, she was glad she wasn't alone with just Kikyo. That she was alive – properly- and STILL cold and unfeeling, was getting to her.
"Chirii!" How are you today?
"I'm fine. Today has a different feel to it… as if something's going to happen… Don't you think so?"
Yasei-Hane stayed mysteriously silent, looking at her with both eyes firmly locked on her. Kagome shifted a little under his stare, and gave a nervous little laugh, only managing to freak herself out even more, and nearly falling over.
"Chi?" Are you okay?
Now Yasei was looking at her as if SHE was the crazy one. Probably was, in this case.
"Umm yes, well, of course. Shall I go find Kikyo and see about lunch?" Kagome decided on a bit of hospitality.
"Chiri!" Sure!
They set off into the general direction of Kikyo's camp, only to find Kikyo coming to find them herself. Kikyo attempted a smile, and failed. She wasn't used to so much… feeling… Even the distant birdcalls were new and exciting. It was as if she was a baby, only yet getting to know the world. The rough texture of the bark that she would have not felt a week ago now fascinated her. Only in the last day had she really opened her eyes to her new existence; now she was impatient to DO something, and see again how life felt.
Kagome was surprised to see Kikyo actually staring off into the distance, apparently listening to the birds, rather than unnerving her with her stare as always, and decided that this was probably a chance to break the ice between them.
"Good morning Kikyo, I was just going to see if you felt like lunch…" Kagome broke off as Kikyo reverted to herself and fixed her with her normal blank gaze. After a slight pause, Kagome wondered why she was even letting Kikyo get to her, and started again, "Do you have any preferences as to how your fish should be cooked, Kikyo?"
Kikyo shook her head.
Oh great, she's not even talking to me…Kagome, a little put out that her attempt at a peace offering had failed, set off to the river.
Kikyo wondered why Kagome had set off so briskly. All she had done was scrutinise her face for a likeness… Should she have said something, perhaps? It seemed Kikyo was not yet quite as accustomed to this world as she had thought she was.
Yasei gave an exasperated 'Chiri' at the two priestesses, and hopped to a more comfortable position on Kikyo's shoulder.
AN: Well this turned out a bit differently than I had originally thought… I promise, the Inuyasha gang isn't going to be like that forever… that would be just too heartbreaking. Right now I really feel sorry for Shippo…
Well guys at this point please - PLEASE - tell me if the whole Kikyo-thinking bit was boring. Every one of you who reviews should just answer a yes-or-no question: was the Kikyo thinking bit BORING? Tell me so I can improve. Pretty please. Sorry if it was. I was just trying to explain her in a way the most determined Kikyo-hater would understand… though I doubt you'd have gotten this far if you really hated her that much… Oh well.
Because I just saw the fourth Inu movie…. And GRRRRR Inu was SO MEAN to Kagome… he left her just for a puppet Kikyo! Not even the clay one! Just a puppet! I am tormented. He shall have to be punished… or at least taught a lesson.
