Chapter 16: Amo Ergo Sum

"Now it's yours."

Nephiah looked at the dagger with reverence. For as long as she could remember, her father had carried it.

He pointed at the Dunmeri symbols that were engraved into its hilt. "Know what that means?"

She looked back at him and slowly shook her head.

He smiled at her and removed a drop of blood from her cheek with his thumb. "One of these days, little pup, if we find a way to keep you sitting still for five minutes, we ought to teach you to read."

"Reading is boring!", she said, not pleased by the proposition.

Her father laughed. "You are going to have to learn eventually."

There was that frustrated look on her face again.

He looked at her for a moment. "You have a fire within you, little pup. I don't know where you have gotten it, but there it is. And it burns fiercely for the people you care about."

Nephiah looked at him with fascination. She knew the feeling he was describing yet hadn't had a way to name it.

"It will always lead you to a place where you can do good, just like the Sarethi farm, just like today. It is the very essence of who you are. Listen to that fire, Nephiah, you will always know what to do."

A scream echoed through the woods. They instantly looked into the direction it was coming from.

Nephiah recognized the voice, it was her mother's.

They began to run.

She had trouble keeping up, his wife's repeated screams calling him to her urgently.

She was a few meters behind him when he got thrown back and landed on the ground in front of her. It was then she saw the arrow sticking out of his chest. She gasped. "Papa!" She ran over and dropped to her knees. She grabbed the arrow, he screamed in pain, she instantly let go, leaving traces of his blood on her hand.

He looked up and spotted the three big shapes closing in.

"Son of a bitch!", one of them yelled. "That was a good shot!"

He looked at his daughter, panic in her eyes. "Little pup...", he said with his last breath, "...run..." Then his head fell back, he stopped moving.

"No, papa, no..." She cried bitter tears of despair, shaking his lifeless body at the shoulder. And then she got pulled away.

Hjornskar held her up in front of him, she seemed even smaller in his big hands. "I don't see what's so valuable about this.", he said in his deep voice.

Siegalf stopped in front of him and looked up at her as she struggled fruitlessly against the giant's grip. He shrugged. "I don't care. Look at this!" He held up a large coin purse and grinned.

Frokwulf was standing a good deal apart from them. He threw his bow over his shoulder and looked at their prize. "So you are going to be the first." He watched her continued struggle. She must have realized she wouldn't be able to get out of there yet she persistently tried. "I like a challenge."

Siegalf looked at him with skepticism. "You are a sick man, you know that, right?"

Without responding, Frokwulf turned and left for the farm.

Hjornskar, grabbing her by the ankles threw her over his shoulder and left as well.

Her tear filled eyes locked onto the dead body that was her father a moment ago until she could see it no more.

She gave off a short scream as she awoke. Breathing heavily, she looked around. She was home, lying in her bed. She quickly got to her feet and looked around. All the torches were lit, nobody was there, just the quiet she was expecting from the place. She spotted her father's dagger lying on the table in front of her. She took a step forward, picked it up and looked at the artifact, heavy with memories of her past. She hadn't looked at it in years, kept it locked away in that chest.

One of the ropes that she had attached clam shells to began to rattle, she looked up to the door. This meant someone had triggered a trap in the corridor. She picked up the dagger and rushed to the door, placing herself next to it so she could surprise anyone who might step through.

A deep rumbling on the other side of it indicated another trap had been set off. She heard the switch and the door mechanism, she reaffirmed the grip on the dagger, getting ready to strike.

As the door opened and she saw the first sign of someone stepping through she turned, ready to find a neck to put the dagger to. Terror drove down her spine like a lightning bolt as she realized who it was, stepping through the door.

She stumbled backwards, fell on her back and instantly began pushing herself away.

"SLAVE!", his voice echoed through the cave, all the wall torches lit up brightly, doubling the height of their flames. Nephiah's breathing got loud as panic took hold in her, the world around her slowing down. She hit a wall behind her and froze, looking up at him slowly stepping towards her. There was a black patch over his left eye, otherwise he hadn't changed one bit.

He reached down to pick up the dagger she had lost when she fell.

He stepped up to her and crouched down, presenting it to her. "Take the dagger.", he said in his a calm, threatening tone. "No?", he said after a moment. Then he tossed it into her lap. He turned his head far to the right, exposing his throat. "Left to right, slave. You've done it before."

Nephiah was unable to move, deep terror taking her breath away, she just stared at him.

He looked back at her. "Didn't think so."

"Who in Oblivion are you?!" Another shock drove through her limbs as she spotted Brelyna at the doorway to the kitchen. Before there was any time to react, he rushed over to her, grabbed her throat with his right hand, lifted her up and slammed her into the ground.

She instantly began coughing violently from the impact, his hand still around her neck.

He looked over to Nephiah with a sinister smile. "Where is that fire of yours now, little pup."

Her inability to move was reinforced by the certainty of what he was going to do next. Her eyes begged him not to do it, even though she knew he would. The world stood still for a moment.

Her father's voice echoed through her head. "Listen to that fire, Nephiah, you will always know what to do..."

Brelyna's voice echoed through her head. "I love you and I don't want you to die!"

Frokwulf's voice echoed through her head. "Whatever else happens, you are mine..."

Brelyna's voice echoed through her head. "Is this what you want..."

"You don't exist! You don't feel! You don't want!"

"Come back to me? Please?"

"It is the very essence of who you are..."

The world started moving again. He squeezed his hand tighter and tighter until he heard the snap.

Brelyna's arms that had been holding on to his hand fell lifelessly to her side.

"No!" She jumped up, almost hitting her head on the ceiling. She jumped off the bed she was standing on, her fists ready to punch him. Confused she looked around, there was no sign of him. Nor of Brelyna, she was alone. She was breathing heavily, looking around the room as she tried to make sense of it. It was her home but it had changed to a degree that made her unsure. She took a step into the room and looked around.

Nobody there.

The gold she had piled up around the chest had been rearranged into neat stacks, sorting the coins by value. The book pile had been replaced by shelves that now held them, judging by their shapes and colors there seemed to be a certain order to them. She turned around and noticed the military map on the table, various additional locations had been marked on it, a hand full of books scattered around its edges, Frokwulf's notebook was amongst them.

It was then that she looked down on herself, noticing she was wearing a black robe. Adding to her confusion she picked up a lock of her hair that was lying over her shoulder. It was a good deal longer than she remembered. It seemed to be well groomed though.

She lost her balance for a second and stumbled sideways until getting a hold of the table to stabilize her position. Holding on to it, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, puffing her cheeks.

She saw the image of Brelyna's neck snapping in front of her, her eyes opened instantly. She smeared a tear away with her sleeve. She held her hands up in front of her. At least those still looked like she remembered.

She heard noises coming from the kitchen. Since her sense of balance seemed to have gotten worse as time went on, she kept a hand on the wall to keep herself standing as she slowly put one foot in front of the other. As the corridor opened the view to the kitchen, she saw her, piling bowls and plates on top of each other. "Bre..." She coughed, her voice had remained without use for a while.

Brelyna turned around and gasped. The ceramic bowl she was holding fell, it shattered on the ground. She let herself fall back into the kitchen table and held tightly onto it.

Nephiah noticed that her hair had grown in length by a similar amount to her own. Her head was spinning, she fell to her knees.

"Nephiah!" Brelyna yelled. She rushed to her, grabbed her hand and put her arm around her neck to help her stand back up. She led her back through the tunnel, into the living area and to the bed and sat her down. She took a step back and looked at her with big eyes.

Nephiah rubbed her nose bridge with her thumb and index finger, trying to get control over herself. She looked back up at her. She was really there.

Brelyna took another step back. A moment of silence passed, she quickly smeared away the tear she caught rolling down her cheek. "Sooo...", she eventually began, "You've been out for six months."

Nephiah squeezed her eyes shut and put a hand to her temple. A headache settled in as the situation became clear.

"You've been lying there, didn't move. Half a year." The weight of the time spent waiting was noticeable in Brelyna's voice.

Nephiah tried to stand up but quickly fell back to a sitting position. Brelyna rushed forward and grabbed her arm and shoulder to make sure she wouldn't fall. Then she stepped back again. "So I've had some time on my hands.", she said after another moment had passed. "Wait there." She rushed to the storage room.

Nephiah took deep breaths as her drowsiness began to subside. She heard some metallic rattling from the back, a moment later Brelyna reappeared, carrying the heavy torso of a set of steel plate armor. She let off a few exertion noises as she put it down on the chair in front of Nephiah so she could get a good look at it.

"For you.", she said waiting for a reaction.

It was solid plated steel, well crafted, artful engravings on the shoulder covers. Nephiah looked at her, still processing the situation.

"I hope you don't mind...", Brelyna continued, "...but I took some of your gold. Oh!" Her face lit up as she remembered something. "I also got you these!" She rushed back out of the room.

Nephiah let a hand run over the breast plate to feel the smooth surface, interrupted only by fine engraved lines. She knocked on it, it was solid, could easily block a sword or an axe.

Brelyna returned again, this time with a sword made of ebony in each hand. She held them up pointing down, one could see she usually doesn't handle swords. She leaned them on the table.

"Ebony is really tough and really hard to come by. I happened across a Khajiit caravan who was willing to trade."

Nephiah leaned forward, picked one up and put it on her lap. The metal was black and dark purple, decorative engravings on the hilt and blade.

"Oh!" Brelyna disappeared again.

Nephiah stood up and held the sword up in front of her. She rotated it on her wrist a few times. The slightly higher pitch of the noise it made cutting through the air informed her of its superior sharpness and aerodynamics. Its quality was legions away from the iron swords she used. She took the second sword into her left hand and twirled both of them around with ease. She was a little surprised how easy the movement was for she usually only held a sword in her right hand. She figured it was the difference in quality.

"These I got for me." Brelyna re-emerged yet again, this time with a robe over her forearm and a box in hand.

She put the box down on the table and held the robe up. It was masterfully stitched, its measurements seemed like it would fit her perfectly. "This is the robe of a destruction master, like Faralda."

Nephiah put the swords down on the bed and scanned the robe. "I'm far from being a master but its enchantments should make it a lot easier to keep a spell up." She put it over the chair and opened the box. In it were various pieces of jewelry.

"I took those from your chest and had them enchanted at the college. We can't go there anymore so I had to hire someone to do it." There were two compartments in the chest. "Right side is yours, left side is mine."

On each side was a circlet, a necklace, a pair of ear rings and a ring. Everything was of different design, except the rings, they were identical. The items on the left were giving off a faint red aura, the ones on the right a blue one.

Nephiah looked into the box for a while, taking note of all the items.

"I wasn't sure which ones you'd like, I hope they are all right."

Nephiah took the ear rings from her side and looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes... I didn't think so either. But better safe than sorry!"

She tossed the ear rings over her shoulder, they landed by the treasure chest.

Brelyna closed the box and put it down on the chair beside the armor. "Look." She pointed at the map.

Nephiah quickly looked down but then right back into Brelyna's eyes. She was very composed, task oriented, like she was going through a rehearsed play. She began to imagine the lengths she went to while keeping her alive. She remembered the last words Brelyna had said to her and how everything now proved her to have told the truth.

"I've done some research. Remember Siegalf at the camp? He said he would join with a group called the Vigilants in their strong hold? It's the Vigilants of Stendarr and they have a hall right there." She put her finger down on the map, just below a red circle in the northern region.

Nephiah didn't look. She kept looking her into the eyes as she ran through a list of things Brelyna must have done for her, a list that grew longer and longer with every word she said. A strange feeling rose in her chest, it got stronger by the second, compelling her to act. She took a step towards Brelyna.

"Now I know what you're going to say." Brelyna noticed her stepping closer in the corner of her eye, she blinked but didn't look, she focused on the map. "Storm in, kill them all. But."

Nephiah took another step, now standing directly at her side.

"But maybe we can avoid getting a bounty on... our heads in yet another... another hold..." Brelyna got distracted by her standing so close, she couldn't focus anymore and looked up into Nephiah's eyes. There she was. All close and beautiful. That stern look on her face.

Nephiah took Brelyna hands and turned her towards herself.

Brelyna began to breathe heavily as the gesture tore down an emotional barrier she had built for herself a while back. A barrier so that the way each day would crush her hope of Nephiah awakening didn't hurt that much. But now she was there, her strong hands holding her, her dark, warm eyes looking directly into hers.

Nephiah pulled her closer and lowered her head until their foreheads gently touched. She put her hands around her hips.

Brelyna began to sob softly. "I have waited so long..." She moved her hands up and touched Nephiah's face. "The days hurt so much..." She finally broke down and let the tears that had been locked up for so long flow down her face.

Each of her words intensified the emotion in Nephiah tenfold, it was very warm and almost overwhelming. She put her index finger below her chin and moved it up so they would look at each other. "Have you called out to me?", she whispered. Brelyna's eyes opened in surprise as she nodded slowly. "I heard you. I had a nightmare and I heard you."

Brelyna began to sob loudly, but it was slowly getting clear that they were tears of joy.

Nephiah had found a name for the force that she felt pulsating inside of her. She marveled how Brelyna in all her youthfulness was wise enough to have figured this out long ago. For in this very moment she loved her. She loved her so much that this instant it had consumed everything around her, her past, her plans for the future, the room she was in, the earth she stood upon, the very air she was breathing. Nothing existed but that creature in front of her, so beautiful in every way she could imagine. She pulled her close and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

Brelyna's sobs persisted, be it in a somewhat muffled form. Warmth shot through her chest outward to her arms, her legs, her head. There it was, that magic that she had missed, back in full strength like nothing ever happened.

Her sobs turned into moans of pleasure as the kiss intensified, their mouths opened and their tongues greeted each other yet again. She felt levitated, energized, the incredible weight lifted from her shoulders, it all happened instantly.

Nephiah grabbed her thighs and lifted her up, wrapping Brelyna's legs around her hips.

Brelyna's arms moved around her neck, holding on to her.

"Now.", Nephiah said. "Where were we."

Brelyna giggled at first but then gave off a few loud laughs as she was carried to the bed and put down onto her back.

Nephiah moved over her, placing her hands on either side of her shoulders, her knees on either side of her hips. "Have you ever done this before?", she asked.

"Well, yes." Brelyna forced a stern look on her face. "This is the part where you usually lose consciousness one way or the other."

One side of Nephiah's mouth moved up ever so slightly.

"Made you smile, didn't I." Brelyna giggled.

Nephiah slowly shook her head. "Smirk."

She grabbed her robe by the collar. "Lift.", she said in her very focused, task driven way.

Brelyna arched up on her feet and lifted her arms above her head. With one grand swoop, Nephiah had pulled the robe over her head and tossed it away, making it land somewhere beyond the foot end of the bed.

Brelyna rested her body back on the furs. She looked Nephiah deep into the eyes as her breathing got deeper and she felt various areas of her body emit immense amounts of heat, the least of which were her cheeks and forehead. She felt a brief cool breeze as Nephiah sent her own robe flying.

She let herself fall to her side, resting her arm on Brelyna's chest and her hand on her cheek.

Brelyna took a deep breath as she felt the sensation of skin against skin from her shoulders all the way down to her feet. Nephiah's leg moved over hers, entangling them, and spreading Brelyna's knees apart.

Their eyes locked as Nephiah ran her fingers down her cheek, her neck, her chest. She gasped as they reached the sensitive area. That hand, capable of running a sword through a stone wall, it was so gentle in its touch, so precise in its movement, so careful in its assertion of pressure. She giggled as the fingers traveled across her stomach, yet her breathing intensified in anticipation.

In reflex she took in a lot of air as Nephiah's hand reached between her legs, thumb and pinkie touching the inner sides of her thighs, the middle finger slightly breaching the surface.

Nephiah's head moved down to kiss her as her hand began massaging the surface, slow at first but going faster and faster.

Brelyna closed her eyes, her hips twisting up and down as she felt fingers slip in, her breath on her lips, her heartbeat so strong.

She moved her hand down Nephiah's body. It was intercepted and grabbed by the wrist short of reaching its destination. She opened her eyes as she noticed the resistance but Nephiah quickly moved her hand from the wrist to intertwine their fingers, moving the hand up and away. Then she intensified the movement with her other hand.

Brelyna lost the capacity to think straight right then as she began to moan, both her hands reaching around Nephiah's neck to pull her close, their tongues entangling. Her breathing got faster and faster, she detached her lips, pulling Nephiah even closer, cheek touching cheek as finally the hand between her legs made her explode in feelings of pleasure, endorphins and adrenalin making synapses release fireworks all over.

Dawn was on the horizon over the serene little pond. A deer was grazing on the small island in its center, a flock of birds resided in the top of the tree that grew upon in. A woman's scream echoed from below making the birds rise up from their branches and fly away. The deer got startled and fled.

Her breathing was deep as it slowed down. Her moans were interrupted by occasional giggles as she kissed Nephiah's cheek, her hips were still twitching.

Nephiah's head moved up, their eyes locked. "I love you...", Brelyna whispered.

Nephiah's head moved down for another kiss. As she came back up, Brelyna took her face in both her hands. "Do you love me too?", she asked still whispering.

Nephiah's eyes widened at the realization that she'd have to say it. She nodded slowly.

Brelyna put her hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her so she would lie on her back. She could detect fear on Nephiah's face. She who would charge a warhammer wielding giant without batting an eye was afraid now. "I know...", Brelyna whispered moving her head down to her ear. "But it's me now." She moved her head back up and looked her in the eyes. She gently put her hand on Nephiah's chest. "Trust me?"

Nephiah didn't react, just silently looked at her, still afraid.

Brelyna began to slowly move her hand down. "Trust me...", she whispered kissing her cheeks, her neck, her shoulders.

Nephiah was overtaken by a flight reflex, prepared to jump up at a moment's notice. Her eyes followed Brelyna's face closely, registering every movement, trying to anticipate changes of speed and direction.

Brelyna stopped as she was about to move on from her shoulders and looked back up into her eyes. She took hold of her lover's hand which formed a firm fist and moved it up to place a kiss on its back, still looking up to her.

Suddenly Nephiah remembered the way her brand mark hurt whenever something touched it. Except for when that something was Brelyna. So she fought the instinct to flee. She tensed up, tightened her fists and held her ground.

"Trust me..." Brelyna whispered again.

She would try. Just this one time she would try. She nodded in a head movement so subtle, it was barely visible.

Brelyna began to move on down, placing gentle kisses on her lover's breasts. She didn't mind the scars, they were all a part of her. She kissed the cuts and burn marks with as much tenderness as any other area she came across.

Nephiah continued to observe her closely, her breathing was deep, in part from fear in part... something else.

Brelyna's hand reached her legs but couldn't squeeze through as they were tightly closed. As her head caught up, she looked back into Nephiah's eyes and gently tapped her fingers on her lower stomach. "May I come in?", she giggled.

Hesitantly Nephiah opened up a bit, her eyes not looking away from Brelyna's for even a second.

Brelyna's hand moved between and began to caress the outer edges, her breathing began to get louder, but without the voice behind it. She placed kisses on the border of the stomach and the sacred area that lay below. She turned to move between Nephiah's legs, her movement graceful, almost weightless. She paused and looked up at her lover yet again.

Still tensed up, Nephiah just looked at her, still focusing on not running away. It was a lot easier for her to do this for Brelyna than have her do the same in return. Then suddenly, for the first time in a while, she blinked.

Feelings rose, that she didn't connect with the activity. She had provided this service many times in captivity, pleasure was the last thing she'd associate with it. But there she was, so close, those big eyes looking up at her, her flushed cheeks, sweat on her forehead. So very kind, so gentle, so worth protecting, so worth to let herself be protected in return. She nodded again.

Brelyna began to kiss the top her lover's most vulnerable area, eventually letting her tongue breach the surface with ever increasing frequency.

Nephiah's head fell back onto the furs, her eyes closed, tears rolled down her cheeks. She arched up, breathing in loudly, her fists opened up.

"Let me hear you...", Brelyna whispered as fingers began to move inside to accompany her soft lips.

Nephiah's breathing got faster, she squeezed her eyes shut as fingers began to move in and out of her more rapidly. Finally, she broke down. Her wrists turned, she grabbed the furs and pulled hard as her body was taken over by her love's touch, shockwaves of pleasure running up her torso, her hips instinctively moving up and down.

"You exist...", Brelyna whispered. "Let me hear you..."

Nephiah's breathing was audible but her voice was not triggered.

"Let me hear you...", Brelyna whispered again, moving in for another kiss.

Nephiah's eyes opened wide as she let herself and all that was be consumed by Brelyna's touch, be it just for this moment.

"Let me hear you..."

Sunlight broke through over the hill tops, illuminating the serene little pond. The water twinkled, birds settled back down on the branches of the tree in its middle. A deer reached the water to have a drink. A woman's scream echoed from below. The flock of birds rose up from their branches and flew away. The deer got startled and fled.

Nephiah sobbed, tears ran down the sides of her face as she removed strands of hair from Brelyna's sweaty forehead.

She crawled up over her and rested her body on Nephiah's side, her arm on her chest, her head on her shoulder. "That. Was. Loud.", she giggled.

Laughter broke through Nephiah's sobs as she felt liberated in a way she hadn't thought possible. She stared at the ceiling, letting the aftermath of the eruption surge through her body. She took a deep breath and exhaled through pursed lips. "I exist."