After dinner, Kanan had found his way back to the Ghost and was sitting in the booth listening quietly to Hera type away on a holopad beside him, along with the other natural ambient sounds of the ship. Even while docked on solid ground, the Ghost was still humming with life, from the sound of Chopper's wheels distantly rolling from room to room to the purr of the ship's life support system cycling fresh air throughout.

Although Kanan had tried to focus his mind on other things, he'd spent a lot of the last few hours pondering Ezra's apparent haircut. He didn't have an issue with the cut itself; the kid was getting older, after all (had to happen sooner or later) and any growth brought change along with it. It was a fact of life.

Ezra had only last week complained about a twinging ache in his arms and legs that Hera attributed to growing pains. He was probably getting taller and more mature looking with every passing day, and though Kanan would never say it out loud, it was slowly breaking his heart that he couldn't watch it happening.

No, the issue Kanan was having trouble with was that Ezra simply hadn't told him about it.

The door to the common room hissed open, and Kanan turned his ear to the footsteps that entered. He was getting much better at distinguishing whose feet belonged to who (Zeb, being the heaviest and most leaden-foot, was the easiest; Sabine, light, stealthy and with warrior reflexes, was the hardest; meanwhile Chopper had turned out to be more difficult than expected, as while his wheels made a distinctive sound on the floor, the cunning little droid had taken to heavily oiling them and then attempting to sneak up on Kanan when it was least expected, just to be annoying).

These footsteps were on the lighter side and appeared to be dragging slightly on the metal floor, which meant-

But before he could finish that thought, Hera rustled beside him and said, "Hello Ezra, how are you tonight?"

Kanan sat up in his seat. Think of the Padawan and he shall appear.

"I'm alright, Hera," Ezra's voice replied. He went to walk past them, and Kanan could tell from the direction the footsteps were heading that he was on his way to the galley on the other side of the room.

Ezra had, according to Hera and Zeb, been spending a lot of time in his room by himself, that was when he wasn't doing combat training with Rex or on a mission. They had agreed as a crew to give the kid his space, not only because he was he a growing teenager who needed independence on their relatively small ship, but in the wake of what had happened on Malachor he'd needed some time to process and heal. It was the best they could do for Ezra, no matter how much Kanan had desperately been missing his company.

Who wants to hang out with a blind guy, anyway?

Kanan smiled and turned his bandaged face to follow Ezra's path. "Hey, kid," he said, warmly. For a second he thought he heard a slight falter in the kid's step.

"Hey Kanan," Ezra replied, and he sounded cheerful enough that Kanan chalked what he thought he'd heard up to his imagination. Ezra was fine, of course he was. He might have had a little less hair, but he was always fine.

Kanan heard the door to the galley open and then the sounds of Ezra rustling about in the drawers, the clicking of plastic on plastic and freshness seals being opened.

"Ezra, don't eat too much, you should have had enough at dinner," called Hera in such a motherly tone that Kanan had to hold back a smirk, knowing that it wouldn't be appreciated.

"Just getting a snack, don't worry," was Ezra's casual reply. Hera hummed with a hint of disbelief mixed in.

After a few minutes, Kanan heard Ezra's slightly dragging footsteps return, accompanied by the sound of something crispy being munched on. It was probably some kind of fruit, as that was one of Ezra's favourite kinds of food, although Kanan couldn't put a word to describing it.

The footsteps were on a beeline back to the door, and he frowned again.

Kanan tried to hold back a grunt at the twinge of pain from his damaged eye sockets that followed, but the moment didn't go unnoticed by Hera sitting right beside him. Her hand was on his arm in an instant, rubbing at it comfortingly.

Force, he was lucky to have met her.

"Hey Ezra, wait a bit," Kanan called. Ezra's footsteps paused. Kanan took a steadying breath before continuing. "What's the rush, kid, I feel like I haven't seen-"

He grimaced at the word. Every time he or someone around him awkwardly stumbled over it felt like just another reminder that he was adjusting from scratch to a new reality. Everything, from the way he walked to his own vocabulary, had been forced to change.

"I mean, I feel like I haven't talked with you in days. Anything new you wanna tell me about?"

It was as indirect as Kanan dared to be. A part of him just wanted to hear it straight from Ezra's mouth and pretend he hadn't overheard it from some random people on the landing platform, to have the kid confide in him like he had before Malachor, before Maul and Ahsoka, before Kanan had started walking to the edge of the base to be out of the way and Ezra had taken to staying in his room.

There was a long pause. Even Hera stopped tapping at her holopad. Kanan thought that the two of them must have been looking at each other, but he had no way to tell what passed between them.

"Um. No, not really anything," Ezra said. He took another bite of whatever he was eating, and his next words came through muffled. "I gave Chopper an oil bath today and ran some diagnostics on the Phantom. Y'know, same old boring work."

Kanan once again had to force on a smile, hoping that it looked natural.

"Oh, that's good. It's… good you've been keeping busy."

Ezra rustled like he was fidgeting, and Kanan heard his feet scuffing at the metal floor. He waited with the feeling that Ezra wanted to say something more, but was holding back. Maybe it was about the haircut, maybe it was something else.

Kanan just wanted to keep hearing his voice, really.

"Well, if that's everything, guys, I think I'm gonna go back to my room," the kid finally said. "Goodnight, if you're heading to bed soon."

The confidence and finality in his tone had Kanan slightly taken aback. Had he been wrong in thinking the kid had wanted to say more? Had Ezra grown and changed that much since he'd lost his eyes that Kanan could no longer read him at all?

"Goodnight Ezra," Hera called in reply, after a beat.

"Alright kid, goodnight," Kanan said as well, trying to quell the bite of disappointment in his chest.

He heard the hiss of the door again, and then Ezra was gone. Kanan was left again with his thoughts.

Maybe the rebels he'd overheard had been mistaken. Maybe it had slipped Ezra's mind that Kanan needed to be told about physical changes entirely. Maybe Ezra just hadn't felt the need to tell Kanan at all.

He leaned forward on the dejarik table and began kneading at his temple with both hands.

He heard Hera sigh beside him. "So I'm guessing you heard about the haircut, but not from him, huh?"

Kanan nodded against his fingers, not surprised in the least that she had worked it out. "Heard some base personnel talking about it earlier. It… didn't seem right to find out that way."

Hera clicked her holopad down on the table before her and exhaled angrily. Kanan had could only imagine her pinching at the bridge of her nose and the slight expressive quiver of her lekku that usually accompanied that particular angry tone. "I told him to tell you about it."

"Well, he didn't. When did it happen?" Kanan asked, turning to her

"A couple of days ago. Sabine helped him out, but only because she walked in on him holding the shaver and couldn't stand the thought of him with a terribly uneven haircut."

"That's good, Sabine's always been good with hair," Kanan said fondly. The smile faded from his lips and he directed his sightless gaze away across the room and shifted in his seat. "So… why didn't he tell me about it? Why didn't anyone tell me about it?"

He tried and failed to keep the plea from his voice.

Hera sighed again, this time sad and heavy.

"I won't pretend to know what's going through his head, but he's been busy lately, love. We all have," Hera said in a kind and patient voice. Her hand returned to his shoulder, rubbing comforting circles into it. "And it really doesn't help that you've started isolating yourself from the crew. I'm sure if you two took a little time to actually talk to each other-"

"Yeah," interjected Kanan, "I know. You've said before. But I keep telling you, Hera, I don't want to get under anyone's feet here. Ezra doesn't need me distracting him if he's got important work to do."

"You're not distracting us, love," Hera breathed softly, but Kanan couldn't believe it.

He stopped himself from frowning this time. Things hadn't been easy since Malachor, and he hadn't expected them to be. But he'd never wanted this, for Ezra to have been standing right in front of him and Kanan unable to 'see' him in more than one sense, for them to have been talking but not really 'talking' to each other. Kanan knew he was drifting away from them all, and it pained him deeply. But what use was he to them now? He was a blind jedi, a drain on vital resources and just one more thing for them to worry about.

Kanan squeezed briefly at Hera's arm, then moved to shuffle himself out of the other side of the booth. He took a few seconds to reorient once he was back on his feet.

"I'm sure he just forgot to tell me or forgot I couldn't see it. It's just a haircut, it doesn't matter that much after all," he said to Hera. "I think I'm going to head to my bunk for some meditation before bed."

"You've been meditating a lot lately," Hera's voice replied, pointedly. She was probably pursing her lips and folding her arms at him in irritation.

"Yeah, well, what else am I supposed do?" he muttered bitterly under his breath and made his way in the direction of the door. He was getting far too good at self-deprecation lately.


Second chapter done!

Next/final chapter- Ezra and Kanan finally freaking talk about the haircut.