"What do you think?" Lily said, gesturing at the purple curtains that now hung in front of their living room window.

"They're purple," Remus observed.

Lily frowned.

"Yes, but do you like them?" Lily pressed.

"Sure. It won't be so bright, I guess," Remus replied, knowing that Lily would leave them open most of the time anyway.

"You hate them," Lily insisted.

"I do not! I am indifferent at worst," Remus said.

"Good thing, 'cause I am not taking them down," Lily said, plopping down on the couch.

Lily looked hot, her light-brown skin shining with sweat. She had spent all day cleaning and arranging things in their new apartment. Remus had helped but he always felt sort of confused and useless. He was perfectly happy to help out but he always felt like he just did things wrong, though Lily never gave him a hard time for anything.

"You want some ice water?" Remus asked his miserable-looking best friend.

Lily threw her head back and closed her eyes.

"That would be a-ma-zing," Lily groaned.

Remus dashed off to the kitchen, tossing three large ice cubes in a tall glass then filling it tap water. He brought it to Lily whose face lit up, taking it from him with glee.

"Thank you," she said, sipping it then setting it aside.

"No problem. You worked your ass off today," Remus said.

Remus sat down next to her, not feeling tired but not sure what else to do.

"Remus… Sev is coming over," Lily admitted and Remus's stomach suddenly felt tied up in knots.

Severus Snape was not Remus's favorite person, not by a long shot. He had never done anything to him personally, but Remus didn't like the way he sneered at him, the way he threw around slurs and insults and the way he acted almost proprietary over Lily. Everything about Severus screamed that he was bad news but Remus had never been able to point to any one instance of him stepping over the line.

And besides, Remus always opted to respect Lily's choices and autonomy. If she wanted to give time to the creep, it was her business.

"I figured Mary and Dorcas would be over," Remus said.

"They will… later. Sev wanted to come by before them," Lily said, setting her water down on the end table next to the couch.

Of course, he does, Remus thought. Severus didn't like Lily's girlfriend's much. Remus felt like Severus just wanted them to get out of his way. Hell, he probably wanted Remus out of the way too, and he was only her best friend.

"If you don't need anything else… I'll be in my room," Remus said, anxiety settling in.

"I'm fine. I'm gonna take a shower," Lily said, pulling herself off the couch and removing her dark-red hair from its ponytail.

"Have fun," Remus said with a small smile, then shuffled off to his room.

Remus's room was the only dark space in the house, as Lily preferred keeping all the windows open elsewhere. On warmer New Hampshire summer days, Remus was forced to open the blinds but he liked the dark and he didn't like people looking in on him as they walked by the apartment. It made him feel like a caged animal. It made him feel exposed. It made him feel anxious.

Remus hadn't always been so shy. As a small child he had been very outgoing, even if he was a little awkward and confused by social expectations. Even still, he often played by himself, dreaming up stories in his head, not because his reality was bad but because it was just how he was naturally wired. He didn't have imaginary friends, he had his stories and that was all that mattered.

His shyness and anxiety set in around puberty. Things got harder to cope with. The social pressures he struggled with when he was younger became exponentially worse and his grades suffered. When his parents moved to a new town, they were convinced things would get better for him, assuming he was being bullied, even though that wasn't really the case.

His new high school didn't feel any better than the old one and almost everyone was white, making a Korean kid like him only feel more out of place. But then there was Lily. Lily welcomed and befriended him. She introduced him to her girlfriends… and Severus Snape, a friend she had grown up with. Lily was mixed race too, Puerto Rican in her case. She was openly pansexual and polyamorous and Remus thought she was pretty cool.

Somehow, they became best friends, despite very different personalities. Sometimes Remus thought that Severus Snape didn't like him just because of that. He had considered other possibilities… he considered that Severus looked down on him because of his race or because he thought Remus was gay. Remus wasn't sure that he was gay, but it was fair to say he wasn't straight and he had made that obvious from time to time.

Remus sat down at his desk and opened his laptop. It was new, an eighteenth birthday gift from his parents just a few months back. He never would be able to afford such a thing by himself. The only reason he was able to help pay rent on this apartment was because of being on SSI for his anxiety.

Once it became obvious that Remus's anxiety was going to prevent him from holding down a job, his parents worked to get him approved. It hadn't been easy and the process had taken nearly two years. He'd been forced to stand in front of a judge. It had all felt so demoralizing. But it was good having some security, even if Remus hoped he wouldn't need the help forever.

Remus opened up iTunes and put on his headphones. Severus would be here soon and he didn't want to hear anything he had to say. He could just pretend he wasn't there. He supposed at some point he would have to get used to having Severus spending a lot of time in the place he lived but this was not that day.


"Seems small," Severus said, his dark eyes roaming around.

"Well, that's because it is. Remus and I don't exactly make a lot of money," Lily said.

"He's not living here for free?" Sev asked with a smirk.

"No. He insisted on splitting the rent, even though I know he's just going to stay in his room most of the time," Lily said.

Severus furrowed his brow.

"You shouldn't enable his laziness," Severus said.

"I'm not. I asked him to move in with me, knowing that he doesn't make a lot on SSI. I'm more than willing to sacrifice some of what I make for a friend," Lily declared, hoping her tone ended the subject.

"Fair enough," Severus said, though he didn't sound convinced.

Severus sat down the couch.

"This from your parents's house?" Severus asked, his hands exploring the upholstery.

"Yeah. It was my dad's actually. It's from the seventies, I think. Mom said it just made her sad so I went ahead and took it off her hands. I like it," Lily said, sitting down next to him.

Severus shrugged but didn't comment further, to Lily's great relief. She hated when he got judgmental like that. Lily turned on the TV then signed into Netflix on her Wii.

"You need to get something with HD. I bet I could get you a bargain on a Playstation 3," Severus said proudly, gracefully swiping his black hair out of his eyes as he leaned back on the sofa.

Severus was manager at a Gamestop, a position he was very proud of. Lily liked games, though the Wii and her DS were the only systems she had ever owned or really played. Mostly she played Pokemon and Animal Crossing on her DS. The Wii she used mostly for Netflix.

"I don't think I could justify the money on something I would never play games on," Lily said.

"It plays blu-rays too, though," Severus said with a grin.

Lily shrugged.

"I've got tons of DVDs already and I get most of them cheap. My DVD player is kinda old but it works fine… mostly," Lily said, thinking of at least one occasion where she couldn't get a movie to play.

"I mean, I could help you. I could pay half and you could pay me back whenever," Severus said.

Lily chuckled.

"That's very generous, Sev, but I don't think I need it. Look how small my TV is. HD would be a waste on it," Lily said.

She wasn't sure how large the TV was. It was a flatscreen LCD and maybe twenty-four inches. It was technically an HDTV but Lily figured she didn't know what she was missing. Her mom still had a old square tube TV that wasn't much bigger that Lily had grown up watching.

"I mean… it's better on your eyes. I'm just saying… I think you'd be surprised," Severus said.

"I'm not really worried about it. But thanks," she said, giving her friend a smile.

Severus smiled and nodded. Lily knew her other friends didn't care for Severus but he really could be a nice guy. He could be very giving, even though she didn't always want the help he was offering and he sometimes had to be persuaded to take no for an answer. He had a judgmental streak but she was hopeful that with time he would grow out of it.

"So what have you been watching?" Severus asked.

"Fullmetal Alchemist. I'm on Brotherhood," Lily said.

"Brotherhood sucks," Severus said.

"Really? I like it. I mean… I was thrown off at first, since I thought it was a sequel but once it got going… it's got a lot of great characters and the story feels more complex. It's just bigger. So many female characters, too," Lily said.

"The original was more fresh. The animation was better and I liked that it just focused on Ed and Al. Brotherhood has more action but it's got too much silliness, like I'm watching a kids's cartoon," Severus said, with a scowl and dismissive gestures.

"What's wrong with kids's cartoons?" Lily said with a frown.

"They're for kids," Severus said flatly.

"If you say so," Lily said, putting on Death Note, which they had been watching together, though Severus had seen it before.

Lily tossed the Wii remote aside and scooted over to Severus, laying her body against his. Severus wrapped his arm around her shoulders, lightly squeezing. Lily made a happy sound and said, "It's so nice having friends who are comfortable cuddling like this."

"Yeah," Severus said tonelessly.

Lily had long suspected that Severus was romantically interested in her. They'd had a number of conversations over the years where he maintained it wasn't a big deal and that being friends was good enough for him. But sometimes she still worried. She wanted to believe she could trust him to be honest or not assume more than he should. She cuddled with him just like she cuddled with Remus.

Being polyamorous didn't mean that she had romantic feelings for everyone. She did have relaxed policy on sexual partners, she supposed. Severus wasn't exactly conventionally attractive but his face had strong character and she found that appealing. Yes, she was definitely interested in him sexually but lingering concerns on her part kept it from happening. Every now and then he would drop hints or joke about it and Lily just laughed it off.

Lily yawned.

"Tired?" Severus asked.

"Yeah. Long day. And the girls are still coming over after you leave. And then I've gotta work in the morning," Lily said.

Lily wasn't proud to admit that she was a manager at the local Wal-Mart. Working for them felt icky but she needed money.

"That sucks. About work, I mean," Severus said.

"Yeah," Lily said, finding it hard to keep her eyes open.


Remus looked at all the open tabs he had in Google Chrome. There were at least twenty. It was amazing how easy it was to fall into a rabbit hole on Wikipedia. He could hardly remember where it started but he was currently looking at the article on Victorian literature.

He wiped his eyes and paused iTunes, cutting Florence + the Machines off mid-song. He pulled his earbuds out and listened. The apartment seemed silent. He supposed Severus must've left. His bladder was painfully full, held in for fear of leaving the room and having to walk past the Severus's gaze. He stepped out of his room only to find Lily and Severus on the couch together. Lily was sleeping with her head on his lap and Severus was scrolling through his phone.

Severus glanced up at Remus, giving him a look of disapproval then looking back down at his phone. What a creep, Remus thought, going into the bathroom. After taking care of his business he stopped to look at himself in the mirror. His honey-brown hair was getting long. He hated getting haircuts. The stylists always wanted to chat. Remus sucked at small talk. He didn't understand how people managed it. Lily was great at small talk. Remus was great at… hiding… keeping his head down… not getting in the way.

He sighed. He thought he should get back into his room. Lily's girlfriends would be there soon. He liked Mary and Dorcas but couldn't really deal with both of them at once. In a way, dealing with Severus was preferable. Severus mostly left him alone, aside from a few snide remarks and sneers. Mary and Dorcas actually liked him and would want to talk to him. It could sometimes just be too much for his anxiety.

It made him feel so bad, so stupid and pathetic. Why couldn't he just do it? It wasn't like the anxiety would kill him. There was nothing to be afraid of! He had talked to people online who had social anxiety. All of them were medicating to deal with it, some of them taking pills prescribed to them, others taking pills that weren't prescribed to them. Some drank alcohol or smoked pot to deal with their anxiety.

Remus was leery of anything that could be addictive. He had bad memories of his tyrant, alcoholic grandfather as a child. He was his mother's father and he had only died a few years before. Remus never wanted to be like him.

Pot wasn't that harmful per se, but Remus didn't like how it made him feel and he still preferred to keep his head clear. And it was illegal anyway. He'd consider therapy but finding doctors that took Medicaid wasn't easy, and the process of going to the doctor still required him to overcome anxiety, a bitter irony.

Remus sighed again, knowing he was stalling. Suddenly, there was a knock at the front door and Remus tensed up.

"Shit," he heard Lily say.

He listened as the front door was unlatched, unlocked and opened.

"Hey!" he heard Mary or Dorcas say.

Remus felt frozen. He messed up. Now if he dashed off to his room it would look like he was being rude. Dammit, Remus, stop being a coward, he scolded himself. He opened the bathroom door.

"Hey, Remus," Mary said.

Mary MacDonald was a cute girl with an athletic build, brown skin and short brown hair. She was high energy and friendlier than most people Remus had ever met before.

"Hey," Remus said, feeling compelled to approach, briefly flashing her a smile before looking down as he walked over.

"How are you?" Mary asked.

"Fine," Remus answered.

"That's good," Mary said.

Lily and Dorcas were talking about work stuff while Severus stood there looking annoyed.

"I'm gonna go," Severus said.

"Bye!" Lily said, patting him on the arm.

Neither Mary or Dorcas paid Severus much mind. In a twisted sort of way, Remus felt bad for him. He didn't like Severus but he did try to acknowledge him. On the other hand, Severus wasn't exactly friendly to them, so perhaps Remus was being too generous to him.

"Remus! Can I hug you?" Dorcas asked, smiling brightly.

Dorcas was a very short black girl with large brown rimmed glasses that made her brown eyes look huge. She was very affectionate, though always respected boundaries.

"Yeah," Remus said, surprised to find himself smiling.

Dorcas leaned up and hugged him tightly, while Lily grinned over her shoulder. The hug eased his anxiety a little but he still wanted to run.

Lily closed the front door and locked it up again.

"Geez. I didn't even get a hug," Lily said sarcastically.

Dorcas laughed and hugged Lily who let out an, "Oof."

Mary then came to their side and hugged them both. Remus chuckled and took that as his opportunity to leave, sighing with relief as he reentered his bedroom. He sat down at his laptop. He needed a distraction from all the evening's anxiety. He reached over to his DVD shelf, pulling off his DVD of Captain America: The First Avenger, which Lily had gotten him for his birthday.

Remus had never been into comic books or super heroes but he was enjoying the Marvel films and he and Lily had even gone to see The Avengers on opening day. The funny thing about his anxiety was that he could do a thing like that and it wasn't a big deal. There was no social pressure in a packed theater and everyone was focused on the movie, not each other.

Remus popped the movie in and tried to relax. He felt a little hungry but that could wait until Mary and Dorcas were gone.


"I'm sick of working retail. There's a lady working there who is three times my age. She has grandkids. She's been working there since when we were kids. How does she do it? I'm ready to pull my hair out," Dorcas complained, as she laid on the couch with her legs draped over the end and her head in Lily's lap.

"Then quit," Mary suggested.

Dorcas scowled.

"I can't just quit. I like having money," Dorcas said.

"Yeah, but you still live with your parents. They aren't going to throw you out. You'll have time to find another job," Mary said.

"I don't want to live with my parents, though. What do you think, Lils?" Dorcas asked with a pout.

Lily pouted back down at Dorcas, which made Dorcas laugh.

"I think… I think I'm tired of Wal-Mart. The work sucks. It feels soulless and just working for them feels gross," Lily said.

"You should quit too," Mary said, then laughed.

"Hey, I actually do have to pay rent," Lily said.

"Should've moved into the house I'm living in. It's great. It's a big house. Everyone gets stoned and plays video games. It's chill as fuck," Mary said.

"Yeah, but it's all college students. I would feel out of place. And I thought it would be cool to live with Remus. And if I lived in a place with a bunch of other people he would never want to come over. That would suck," Lily said.

Dorcas frowned and nodded in her lap. Mary also frowned and said, "Yeah. I get that. But you should come hang out sometime."

"Will do," Lily said.

"Are we quitting our jobs?" Dorcas asked.

"I don't know. I'm trying to save money. I want to move away someday. Somewhere… sunny," Lily said, smiling wistfully.

"Sun is nice. I just want to travel. I like the idea of going from place to place. Meeting different people," Mary said, leaning back and seeming to lose herself in a fantasy.

"I want security and comfort. That's it," Dorcas said.

"Fair enough," Lily replied.

"Are we quitting our jobs?" Dorcas repeated with a frown.

"You sound like you want to be given permission to quit your job, babe. Do it if you want to. Don't do it if you don't want to. We can all snuggle afterwards either way," Mary said, blowing Dorcas a kiss.

Dorcas giggled and Lily snorted.

"You guys are dorks," Lily said.

"Pfft, you're the dork," Mary said with a smirk.

"I think I'm going to quit my job," Lily said.

"I'm not. I can't," Dorcas said.

"But I need work. Wish there was something I was good at. Some in demand skill that didn't require more school. Lots of people work from home on their computers now!" Lily said with a pout.

"Could be a cam girl," Mary commented.

"Do they still make money? It's not like porn is difficult to find these days," Lily said.

"Sure. One of my roommates does it. She makes enough to pay her rent. You might need a part-time job too I guess," Mary said.

"Huh. I… never really considered that," Lily said.

"Well, babe, you've been eighteen for six months and were living with your parents for most of that," Mary said.

"You are pretty good… with sex," Dorcas said then giggled.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't be having sex. I would just be… like… masturbating," Lily said then laughed.

"It's more than that. Have you never watched a cam girl?" Mary asked.

"No. I have… very particular tastes in pornography," Lily said.

"Fair. But anyhow, you should watch. I mean… I'm not saying you definitely should do it. But it's an option and you clearly have some skill with sex and seduction," Mary said with a wink.

"Yeah," Dorcas agreed.

Lily could feel herself blushing and shook her head.

"You jerks are embarrassing me," Lily said.

"Awww," Mary said then wrapped an arm around Lily, squeezing her tightly then giving her a soft kiss on her cheek.

Lily giggled and winced, feeling goosebumps arise on her arms and legs.

"You two… I swear. If I weren't exhausted and didn't have to get up to go to that job I'm probably going to quit tomorrow, I would march you both right to the bedroom," Lily said.

"Shame," Mary said.

"Yeah. Instead, I'm going to kick you both out," Lily said, laughing as she stood up, forcing Dorcas to move.

"Rude," Dorcas said.

"Right?" Mary chimed.

Dorcas stood up and gave Lily a kiss, then went to the door, put on her shoes and left. Mary strode over and gave Lily a big hug.

"I really wish I was staying," Mary groaned in Lily's ear.

"Me too. But I really am tired," Lily said.

Mary pulled away, standing in front of her with a playful look on her face.

"That's not a problem for me. I could still show you a good time," Mary said.

"I know you could. Goodnight, Mar," Lily said and gave her a kiss.

"Night," Mary said, slid into her sandals and left.

Lily went to her bedroom, falling onto her bed face first in a hard flop.

"Ugh," she said, suddenly feeling too tired to even change into her bed clothes.

She laid there, considering Mary's cam girl suggestion. She decided she would do some research. It couldn't hurt, she supposed.