"How is Sirius?" Charity said, as she walked along the sidewalk, arm in arm with James, autumn leaves falling around them and fluttering in the breeze.
James frowned.
"I don't know. If I'm being honest… we've barely spoken for months. Not because we aren't around each other. But… it's like he's not there anymore. He doesn't take even photographs anymore," James said.
"That sucks. Is there anything I can do?" Charity asked with a pained look on her face.
"Nah. I think he'll work through it in time. I hope. He's been sleepwalking through classes as far as I can tell. I haven't asked him about his grades but…," James said then shook his head.
This wasn't the way he thought things would go. Moving to this resort town was supposed to be a blast. It was supposed to be a way to let loose and for Sirius to unwind and escape the pain of his family. Instead, James was finding himself the one who was doing all the partying while Sirius suffered in silence.
"So, you're coming to the party tonight, right?" Charity asked, looking timidly hopeful.
"Yeah. Definitely," James said, giving his girlfriend a small grin.
"Cool," Charity said, squeezing his arm.
Things between him and Charity were wavering between fun and serious. He liked her a lot. She was fun and very sweet. Even though she was three years older, she didn't seem a day over sixteen, at least from what he remembered sixteen year old girls to be like.
They didn't have a ton in common but they always had a good time together. She was a pretty great kisser too. He didn't know if they had a future but James didn't even want to think about the future. In some ways, seeing how downtrodden Sirius had become only made him wanted to live life more. Regulus was younger than them and he was dead. Better to enjoy life to the fullest than wait for life to take you out. That was probably bullshit but James liked the way it sounded in his head.
They walked further along the sidewalk, until they had arrived in front of Charity's apartment building. Smiling up at him, Charity held his hands in hers.
"James… After the party, would you… Would you like to stay the night with me? Valerie's out of town this weekend," Charity said, her brown eyes wider and even more hopeful than before.
James gulped. Was Charity saying what he thought she was saying?
"Are-Are you sure?" James stammered.
"Yeah. I'd enjoy your company," Charity stated warmly.
"Yeah. OK. Sure," James replied and she leaned up, giving him a slow, sweet kiss.
She pulled away then stared up, positively beaming.
"Thanks," she said and gave him a wink, before heading up to her apartment.
James strolled back home, his mind fluttering and his heart pounding. He and Charity had been dating for nearly four months and the topic of sex had barely even come up between them. James liked to think of himself a gentleman. He didn't want to pressure women into sleeping with him. Certainly they had made out a great many times and he'd desired her more than he'd cared to put into words but he didn't press the issue.
He also wasn't sure if perhaps Charity was the sort of girl who believed Jesus wanted her to save herself for marriage. She was twenty-one but she seemed to take her faith at least a little seriously. And James loved him some Jesus but he wasn't sure Jesus cared so much about that sort of thing. James was all about the Jesus of love and goodwill to all mankind. Sex was fun and could be an expression of love, well, in theory anyhow.
James's prior experiences with sex weren't so special. His first time was rotten and the girl he did it with dumped him afterwards, which he thought was fair enough. But he was only sixteen then. He'd possessed more enthusiasm than knowledge or skill. He did some reading. He watched a whole lot of videos. He wanted to learn how to really please a woman, just in case it ever came up again.
He went down on a girl he dated for a while. He snuck through her bedroom window while her parents were sleeping. They were making out and neither of them had any condoms. She made the suggestion. It was just a little trade. He went down on her first. After bringing her to climax her parents woke up and he got the hell out of there, only a little bit disappointed she didn't get to hold up her end of the deal.
They broke up after that too. Not because of the sex. It was other stuff. James had probably been an ass about something. It was a bad habit. But he was trying not to fuck it up with Charity. This was his first adult relationship with an adult woman. And she was nice. Sure, every relationship couldn't be a one way street to happily ever after but the least he could do was put in in a good effort.
Charity would probably be the longest relationship James had ever had, if it weren't for Stacy Reynolds. They dated for two years… when they were both ten. They were basically friends who held hands a lot, not really a comparable experience.
When he went inside the house, Peter was on the couch playing a video game. Sirius was probably in his room. James wanted to reach out to him again but nothing ever worked. In some ways, it felt like he had lost Sirius. He always worried that he'd be the one lost in some pretty girl while Sirius stood there looking annoyed but instead Sirius… Sirius was just gone.
James approached Sirius's bedroom door. He clenched his fist, preparing to knock but… he hesitated. No, I shouldn't bother him, he thought. He exhaled and went to get ready for the party.
James laughed as Charity unlocked her apartment door, leading him inside. He was almost certain he wasn't high or drunk, though he'd definitely smoked a joint and drank a few beers earlier.
"Coffee?" Charity asked, turning on a tall lamp in her living room then gently kicking her heels off with a sigh.
"Yes, please," James said, flopping down on her sofa as she set her purse down on the opposite side of the sofa then went over to the kitchen.
James didn't usually spend a lot of time at Charity's apartment. Her roommate, Valerie, didn't like having guests over. It was a fairly small but otherwise nice place. It was clean and tidy in a comfortable sort of way. It wasn't like his mom and dad's place. He'd had many stern lectures growing up about not touching things and leaving things in their place. And God forbid if he actually broke something, which he often managed with ease.
"Did you have fun?" Charity asked.
"Yeah. The game was something else," James said, though football wasn't exactly his preferred sport.
"Yeah," Charity replied, the sounds of her coffeemaker growing loud.
Charity came back into the living room. She frowned and pulled off her socks, tossing them aside with a smile then wiggling her brightly painted toes that matched her hot pink blouse and skirt. James smirked as she plopped down next to him, giggling as she planted a soft kiss on his neck.
James turned and gave her a deep kiss. She tasted like pot and beer, though he supposed he did too. The coffee finished and she hopped up, shuttling over two mugs in a hurry. James liked his coffee black. Charity loaded her coffee up with so much sugar and cream he wasn't sure you could legally call it coffee anymore.
As James was quietly sipping his coffee, that was still very hot, Charity interrupted with, "Umm… James… I need to…we need to… I need to tell you something."
James smiled a Charity whose eyes were wide, her face seeming nervous.
"Yeah. What is it?" James asked, trying to stay calm.
"I've never done it before," Charity said, then exhaled, seeming relieved.
"Really? Huh. You're a virgin?" James asked.
Charity cringed.
"I don't really like the concept of virginity. I'm not holding onto anything and I don't have anything to lose. I've just… never particularly gotten around to that sort of thing before," Charity said.
"Oh. Huh. I guess I thought because you were older…" James said, gesturing with a hand towards her.
"Yeah… I don't know. I've never really done a lot of dating. I didn't even have my first kiss until last year!" Charity said, drinking some of her coffee.
"Huh. So um… Thanks for letting me know. I guess. Not that it matters to me. It's not a big deal. I mean, I'm not… I have… done it," James said, feeling himself blushing a little.
"Yeah, I know. No, it's just… I didn't want you… I know we shouldn't view sex as a performance but… I guess I just wanted you not to judge me too harshly. I mean… I masturbate! I watch porn! I am an owner of various sex toys and I know how to get myself off. But I still might… well, suck," Charity said then quickly added, "No pun intended."
James laughed, nearly spilling his coffee.
"No worries, Char, no worries. It's cool. Man, my first time… I promise you it was nothing to write home about," James said, then drank more coffee.
Charity laughed.
"Dear mom and dad, I had really terrible sex, love James?" Charity asked then stuck out her tongue.
James laughed again, nearly spitting out his coffee.
"You are such a goofball," James said.
"I try," Charity said, setting her now empty mug aside on an end table.
Despite the party, despite the laughter, and despite the coffee, James's intention was slowly drifting to the situation in his jeans. He could feel the desire raging through him, like his body knew he was getting laid. Oh shit, this is it, the real thing, his body screamed at him, his dick rock-hard and balls aching. He wondered what it was like for her. Was she aroused? Did it feel like she was going to explode if she didn't do something fast?
Charity slid next to him, giggling once more as she softly sucked on his neck, her hand now resting on his thigh. James poured the rest of his coffee down his throat, not caring how much it burned. He turned and their mouths met in heat and desperation. The sweetness of her tongue made him instantly take back everything he had ever thought about the sugar and cream she put in her coffee.
Charity moaned and her hand clutched him between his legs, surprising him. James laughed as she pulled her mouth away, rubbing him through his jeans with the palm of her hand. She got on her knees, tucking her skirt underneath her.
"Can I pull it out?" Charity asked with a bright smile.
"Who am I to say no to such a beautiful woman?" James joked as she undid his belt, button and zipper in succession, finally pulling down his boxers to expose his hard dick.
"That's a penis," Charity observed almost as if she was a doctor explaining it to a class then laughed, seemingly at herself.
"It is, in fact," James said as Charity tried to wrap her fingers around it.
"Seems thick-ish. Thicker than any of my dildos, at least," Charity said, dragging her pale fingers up to the swollen head of his cock, causing James to let out a soft moan.
"Yeah. It, uh, my first time… It was a mess. I couldn't get it to fit. I didn't really ever think I was big or anything because it's not long. And I didn't know anything about foreplay or lubricant. It wasn't… It sucked," James said then laughed.
"Aww. You poor babies," Charity said, her hand slowly stroking up and down the shaft.
"Yeah. She dumped me. I mean… not just because of that. But I guess it didn't help," James said.
"I'm not gonna dump you if the sex is bad, honey, don't worry," Charity said.
"That's a relief. So now what do we-" James started but was caught off guard by Charity leaning over, her mouth drifting to his cock.
"Oh," James said as her mouth wrapped around the head, feeling so soft, wet and warm.
James gasped and grunted. So this is why everyone loves getting head so damn much, he thought. Charity's head bobbed, her brown curls bouncing with her. James felt sort of heavenly.
Eventually, she pulled her away, getting back on her knees to smile at him.
"Bedroom?" Charity asked.
"Yeah," James said and Charity hopped off the couch and ran to her bedroom.
She quickly turned on a couple of a lamps then pulled off her blouse and removed her bra, leaving her golden cross necklace on as she always did, hanging between her boobs. James was pretty sure she showered with that thing on.
Charity came over to James and helped him pull off his tee-shirt. She rubbed his torso with her hands, tracing the lines of his lean muscles, before a hand drifted back down to grip his cock. James leaned down to kiss her, wanting to touch every part of her as his hands cupped her boobs.
Charity fell back onto her bed, sending a few of her stuffed animals flying off. James hopped out of his jeans and got on the bed, hovering over her as he kissed her. He kissed her lips, her cheek, her neck and nibbled on her ear lobe. He then leaned in and told her how badly he wanted to eat her pussy.
"That sounds… nice," Charity said, closing her eyes and tilting her head back, almost as if she was standing beneath sunlight.
James drifted down her body, making sure not to ignore her hard, brown nipples which he sucked in turn, making sure not to get himself entangled in her necklace. Charity giggled as he kissed over her soft belly and then pulled her skirt and panties down, revealing the dark, damp curls of her pubic mound. His fingers explored her as she spread her thighs. He liked the way she moaned as he gently stroked her swollen clit. She was more wet than he expected.
He kissed her thighs, teasing only for a moment before his tongue began to softly lap at her clit.
"Oh. Wow. Hmm," Charity moaned.
James knew he could do this part. He wanted to make Charity come. He wanted her to know that he could do that to her. It was a gift that could keep on giving, if they both wanted it to.
With patience, love and determination he did make her come. He loved the way her chest heaved with hard breaths and her lips quivered as her mouth hung open, letting out her deep moans.
"Oh, James. I could just sit on your beautiful face," Charity said, tapping his head then leading him back up to her face with a finger.
"That could be arranged," James said with a grin as she kissed him hard, slowly sucking on his bottom lip.
Her hand found his cock again, stroking it hard. His balls ached something terrible. He craved relief.
"You've got a condom? I mean I have some but…" Charity said as James slid off the bed, reaching into the back pocket of his jeans.
In a moment, he had slid the condom over his cock. She had pulled out an egg-shaped vibrator which she had lowered to her clit and turned on, creating a surprisingly loud buzz.
"Lube's there," she said, gesturing at the large clear plastic bottle on her night stand that he couldn't have missed if he wanted to.
James slicked himself up with a significant amount of lube then got between her legs. He felt like he couldn't breathe as he lowered the tip to her sopping hole, the feel of her heat through the latex very enticing.
"It's OK. Go slow," Charity said.
"OK," James said as he pushed gently inside.
"Oh. OK, stop," she said, as he had barely more than the head inside.
James froze, smiling up at her.
"OK. You can continue. Just go slow. Pull it in and out until it slides all the way in," Charity said.
James did just that, surprised by how quickly he did get inside. This was so much better than the first time. That had been so… uncomfortable and dry. This was… tight but wet and slippery. Charity was smiling with that sunshine look on her face again.
It felt so good. He wondered what it would feel like without the condom, if it was this damn good with one on. He could barely hold on.
"Mmm. That feels good, James," Charity breathed, her eyes closed and her mouth open.
James clutched her hips as he thrust into her, feeling himself sitting on the brink of ecstasy.
"You can come if you want. I want to see you come," Charity said, her eyes open and looking at him with great fondness.
James pounded harder. He could come for her. He could come hard for her. He could feel it building and burning inside of him. His insides clutched as his cock twitched hard.
"Fuck," James called out as he tried to keep thrusting.
"That's good," Charity said, reaching up to touch his face, leading him down to her face to kiss me as he still shuddered from his orgasm.
Their bodies pressed together, feeling hot, minus the cold metal of the cross that pressed against the center of James's chest. He felt tired, euphoric and so connected to Charity. The feel her of naked against him was so perfect. It felt right.
She pulled the vibrating egg out from between them, turning it off. James kissed her again, sweetly, softly and deeply. This was real. This was good. At that moment it felt like this was the only thing he ever needed. He was in love.
"'Sup, Char?" James said as he approached Charity.
She had texted him, asking him to come to the park. It was a miserable February day. They had barely spoken for the last few weeks. He knew this was coming. He didn't know why. He wasn't sure what he had done. He supposed he would find out now.
Charity sighed. Her eyes were puffy. She had been crying. Dammit, what was wrong?
"You're dumping me. I get it. Just… tell me why," James said, frowning and feeling a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach.
"I'm not dumping you. You're dumping me," Charity said, sounding like she was going to cry.
"I'm pretty sure I'm not," James said.
"I've been cheating on you," Charity said, looking sad.
"Oh… Uh…" James said, suddenly feeling confused.
"I'm sorry. There's not really any sufficient excuses. I messed up," Charity said.
"I just… don't understand. I don't understand when this happened… or how," James said, surprised that he was more confused than angry.
"It started at Christmas. While you were at home in San Francisco. It was with Tom," Charity said.
"Tom? Who the hell is Tom?" James said, not feeling any less confused.
"You've met him. Tall. Blond. Blue eyes? He's been at a lot of parties," Charity said.
"You just described like eighty-percent of the white guys I've ever met, Charity. Next you'll tell me how he likes to say dude and bro a lot," James said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
"That's fair. Anyhow… there's more… I'm… pregnant," Charity said.
"Wait, what? How?" James asked.
"I think you know how it works," Charity said.
"Yes but… we always use condoms," James said.
"Tom didn't a few times. He and I didn't," Charity admitted.
"Ugh… I think I'm getting a headache," James said, looking out at the park as he clutched his head.
There were families bundled up, the kids playing on swings and slides. They were all clearly having a better day than he was.
"I'm sorry. I… I should've said something… after it happened," Charity said.
"No, you should've said something before it happened," James corrected her.
"That's fair," Charity said with an nod as tears streamed from her eyes.
"So… so now what?" James asked.
"Now you yell at me. Tell me what a t-terrible person I am. It's what I de-deserve," Charity said, her words started to get broken up by sobs.
"You're not a terrible person, Charity. I just… I don't understand," James said, feeling light-headed.
"Aren't you angry?" Charity sobbed.
"I… I don't know. Sort of. A little. I just… feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I just thought you were going to dump me. I figured I had screwed something up," James said.
"No, no, you're wonderful," Charity pleaded.
James shrugged.
"I don't really feel so wonderful right now. So is this it? Are we done?" James asked.
"I think we have to be. I want to keep the baby. Tom doesn't want to be a parent. He's only nineteen. My parents will disown me if I show up unmarried and pregnant. They'd cut me off… They really support me and I'll need help with the baby. I don't know. I guess I could've lied and said the baby was yours but that just felt… so wrong," Charity said.
"It wouldn't have just felt wrong it would've been wrong, Charity," James said flatly.
"I know, I know. I didn't do that. I wouldn't have, I swear," Charity said.
"Charity… let me help you. I love you! I have money. I don't care who the father of your baby is. No, I'm not ready to be a father either, but sometimes you just roll with the punches," James said, placing a hand on her shoulder.
Charity looked down at the ground.
"James Potter, you are a good man. You're a better man than I deserve. I need… I need to sort all of this out and I can't drag you down with me. I've made a lot of bad choices over the years… I never should've dropped out of high school. I never should've… ran off. I shouldn't have been partying so much. I should've been studying instead. I shouldn't have cheated on you… I've gotta… clear things out. I need to straighten my life out. Probably somewhere away from here," Charity said.
James sighed but nodded.
"I understand, though I wish it didn't have to be this way," James said, urging himself to keep it together.
He didn't want to cry before he could get home and be alone in his bedroom. He could be strong, if only for Charity's sake. He was distantly aware that his phone was buzzing in the pocket of his jacket but he ignored it.
"Me too. Can… can we hug?" Charity asked and James embraced her as she sobbed into his shoulder, her pain pouring out and James felt his own tears falling as well, unable to be strong any longer.
James drove home with the radio off. He always thought heartbreak was something other people experienced. Something that didn't happen as long as you kept a positive attitude and didn't take things too seriously. His phone was buzzing again in his jacket. He would call whoever it was back when he was at home.
When he pulled up to the house there was an ambulance. He parked on the side of the curb, feeling panicked.
"James! Why didn't you answer your phone?" Peter screeched as he ran over.
"I was busy. What's going on?" James said, his heart racing.
"Sirius collapsed. I don't think he's been eating enough… or at all," Peter cringed.
"Is he OK?" James said.
"They're taking him to the hospital," Peter said.
"Get in my car. We'll follow them there," James said, quickly getting back into his car.
"James?" Sirius said, sitting up slightly from his hospital bed.
James reached over and placed a hand on Sirius's hand, squeezing it. Sirius's head tilted James's direction, his grey eyes looking tired and worn down.
"They made me use my goddamn dead name," Sirius said with a frown.
"I'm sorry, Sirius," James said.
"It's OK. I guess. They let me use Sirius once I explained. I've really gotta get it legally changed…" Sirius said.
"Have you been eating, Sirius?" James said.
Sirius threw his head back and groaned.
"You're as bad as the doctors," Sirius complained.
"No, I'm worse. I care about you. I love you. It hurts to see the ones you love suffer," James said, his eyes hot and feeling like he had spent too much of the day crying.
Sirius closed his eyes and nodded.
"I know. I swear I wasn't trying to starve myself. I just… haven't felt like eating much. I fucked up. I wasn't thinking," Sirius said.
"You've gotta eat. Dammit, if you need help, just ask me," James insisted.
"I will. I promise. Hey… where's Charity?" Sirius asked, looking around.
"We broke up," James said flatly.
"Broke up? What do you mean you broke up? When the hell did you have the time?" Sirius said with exasperation.
"Earlier. It's not important right now…" James replied.
"Of course it is. My god, James. I'm sorry," Sirius said, squeezing James's hand and giving him a frown.
That meant a lot coming from Sirius, whose views on romance weren't so rosy.
"Thanks. Now back to you…" James said.
Sirius groaned and whispered, "Shit. OK. Let's talk about me."
