PARTY PARTY PARTY oh, and wow...

The party planning went well. The teens recommended their friends and friends' families for the party, knowing that they would probably visit, but be completely confused. Sirius sent the Dursleys an invite as well, having transformed for a while when everyone was asleep. They had unsurprisingly declined the invite.

The Weasleys, the Longbottoms and all the Hogwarts professors were invited. All arrived except for Snape (citing some important potions that needed tending), Percy (citing bums that needed kissing, er, "ministry duties"), Bill (citing work), and Charlie (citing dragon mating season coming early).

"You have the coolest hat," Xander told the elder Longbottom as he took her coat. "How do you get the vulture to stay still?"

"Years of discipline," replied the Longbottom matron with complete assurance. The vulture, relaxing on the woman's hat, winked at Xander.

"Well, I'll have Giles show you around," Xander said. "Drinks are by the pool. Feel free to take any empty seat."

"Thank you," the woman said.

Xander looked down at the boy behind her who had been swaddled in a coat too many times too thick for that kind of weather. "Neville, you can hand me the coat and go visit Harry and Hermione by the pool, if you want."

"Oh, thanks for inviting me," the boy said. Neville shivered under the gaze of the very scary muggle torturer.

"I didn't, they did," the man said, pointing his thumb over his shoulder at his daughter and her fiance. "Go play."

"Yessir," the boy said formally. With one last nod, Neville ran off - perhaps a little too fast.

'Well, that was odd,' Xander thought to himself.

There was a crack as the Hogwarts staff portkeyed in. Dressed in robes of many clashing colors, they greeted him warmly.

"Mr. Granger, how pleasant to meet you again," McGonagall said with a smile.

"Likewise," Xander said with a roguish smirk. "The party's in there."

"So this is where young Miss Granger lives," the diminutive professor Flitwick pondered. "Not precisely what I expected, I must admit."

"Well, this is only the entryway," Xander said, taking the man's coat. "You'll have to see the library later."

"I think I would enjoy that," the small professor said with a smile. Xander went on to take coats of the other professors and, as he took the divination professor's coat, she announced that he would die.

"Well, yeah," Xander agreed nonchalantly. The others gasped at his agreement. He shrugged. "Gotta happen sometime. Some more often than others, but I'm good with just the once."

"How can you be so blasé about death?" asked McGonagall.

He smirked his roguish smirk and shrugged. "Comes with the job."

Every wizarding folk in hearing agreed silently that Dentistry must be a truly terrible occupation.

"Mr. Giles," Albus Dumbledore said crisply. The man in question turned around with a puzzled look.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" Giles asked.

"Yes, but you went as Ripper, then," Dumbledore stated flatly, with a hint of disapproval.

"Oh, then in that case, we have nothing to speak of," Giles stated, before attempting to turn away.

"I think we might, seeing as your granddaughter is one of my students," Dumbledore said, putting a hand on Giles' shoulder. The academic looked at the offending hand like he was seriously considering cutting it off. "I have no desire to see demons running around my school."

"I'll make a note of it," Giles said coldly as he looked up into the headmaster's twinkling eyes. "Personally, I haven't been very much pleased with your conduct since my dear little girl sent a letter home speaking about her encounter with a troll in the bathroom."

"I'll make a note of it," Dumbledore said, surprised at the negative reaction. Giles wasn't done.

"However, be aware that she takes after both her parents quite a bit," the tweed wearing man added firmly. "She won't tolerate even you threatening her family, of which I am a member. That protection also works both ways. Threaten her, and you shall feel equal reprisals. You would be wise to remember this, Mr. Dumbledore."

"I believe I understand," Dumbledore said quietly.

"Also, there are two one eyed men in this house and only one is allowed to be here," Giles stated bluntly, nodding to where Mad-Eye Moody was "observing" under an invisibility cloak. "I suggest the uninvited one vacate the premise immediately."

With that, he spun around and started chatting up the pretty astronomy professor, Aurora Sinistra, who seemed to like the attention.

Dumbledore, still not sure of what to make of the situation, decided it was time for a drink.

Soon enough, everyone had arrived and was enjoying the bright summer sun on the 31st of July. Apparently, Arthur Weasley didn't quite understand that there were different muggle cultures and so not everything was the same. Celebrating the Queen's birthday, for example. Xander's coworkers were besieged by seemingly endless questions from the man. His mindset was explained by telling the other muggles that the Weasleys and others were "from away," and that seemed to simplify the conversations.

Eventually, there was a bit of a confrontation between Ginny Weasley and the newly engaged couple.

"I won't let you take him from me!" Ginny Weasley snarled at Hermione Granger with a look of near madness. "He's precious to me!"

The room, filled with primarily non-wizarding folk, was suddenly silent. The three kids suddenly realized that everyone was looking at them. After a tense moment, Harry turned to Hermione.

"Hermione, wonderful person that you are, would you do me a favor?" he asked her.

"Sure?" Hermione replied, not quite knowing why he was changing the subject.

"Please don't throw me in a volcano."

Hermione grinned, suddenly getting the reference; the wizarding folk (save the Headmaster) were totally lost. "Of course, I wouldn't. And besides, even Gandalf and Elrond over there probably wouldn't approve."

She nodded towards Dumbledore and Giles, who both looking on in interest, having paused their personal conversations. Xander chuckled before leaning close to his wife. "Are we sure she won't vanish if she gets him wrapped around her finger?"

"We'll just have to send the scruffy Samwise after them," she replied, gesturing to Neville. She paused in thought. "Or maybe that's Ron? But who is Boromir?"

Harry and Hermione looked into each other's eyes with a grin. "Snape!"

"What's this?" Giles asked as he and the fetching Astronomy Professor walked over to join the other couple.

"You're Elrond, Hermione's Frodo, Neville or Ron is Samwise and Snape's Boromir," Harry said. Giles smirked. "Moody is obviously Gimli, and most obvious of all is Gandalf." He motioned to the Headmaster.

"Oh? But who are you, Harry? Legolas or Strider?" Giles inquired.

"Oh, no," Harry said. "You see I'm a seeker and I've got a connection to a Dark Lord. But don't you worry; Hermione's already promised not to throw me in a volcano."

"Yes, and I'm sure we were all so worried about that," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye.

"What are you talking about?" Ginny demanded. "All I said was that you were precious to me!"

There was suddenly a lot of space around Ginny Weasley as she emphasized the phrase. She looked just as confused as all the other Wizarding folk (minus Dumbledore, of course). Xander chuckled. "Can you say that again, but in more of a hiss?"

"Preciousss?"

Xander shook his head. "You're doing it all wrong. Say it again and draw out the syllables. Maybe growl and hiss it a little."

"Preah-shoussss?"A number of listeners jumped at the perfect rendition.

"GREAT GOOGLIY-MOOGILY!" Xander screamed in horror.

Harry turned to Hermione. "That was creepily real."

"Oh, yeah," she agreed. Hermione gave the redheaded girl a thumbs-up. "That was perfect."

"Who are we?" Buffy asked curiously, gesturing to the remaining Scoobies. Hermione pursed her lips and tapped her forefinger on them until she came up with the decision.

"Buffy's Legolas, Dad's Strider and Mum's Arwen, for obvious reasons," the girl explained with a hint of a grin. "Tara is Gladriel and Faith is Eowen."

"Fred and George should be obvious," Harry said, "Merry and Pippen, of course. And Hagrid is Treebeard."

"Willow…you know, Wils, I'm not sure where you fit in," Hermione said, stumped.

"That's me, Elizabeth Nigma," Willow said with a grin.

"I give you much props for the Batman and rule 63 references, my Willowy friend," Xander said with an appreciative nod. "What about the esteemed Mr. Lupin?"

"Faramir," Hermione and Harry said in unison.

"What is going on?" Ginny demanded, annoyed and clearly confused. "I only said he was precious to me. Why is precious such a bad thing?"

Giles silently handed her a large red tome.

"What's this?" she asked, surprised by the weight. "The Lord of the Rings?"

"The answer to your question," Giles said. "I am afraid it would take far too long to explain, otherwise."

And where was Ron during all of this?

Ron had discovered the rare delicacy known as the Hamburger and was making sure he knew every one intimately. There would be none left for anyone else.

Unbeknownst to most guests, the entire thing was being documented by a certain illegal animagus who was being watched by another certain illegal animagus. About half way through the party, Sirius Black, in his commonly viewed form of Padfoot, a large, scruffy Irish Wolfhound, leapt up, snatched a beetle out of the air and settled down under Hermione's feet. He licked her hand and deposited the poor reporter in the girl's hand. Hermione instantly scooped the beetle up and placed her in a jar, screwing the lid on tight.

"Hermione, I didn't know you collected bugs," Tara said.

"I don't," the girl said with an evil smile. "Harry and I do collect illegal animagi, however. We've got a dog and a beetle. Not quite a full set, but it's a start."

Tara took a better look at the jar. "Oh, that's the one Willow spotted earlier, right?"

"Yep," Hermione said, giving the jar a little shake. "Should solve some of our problems. Are you going back to Maine after the party?"

"Uh-huh," Tara nodded. "We think there's another attempt at resurrecting the Old One trapped under 'Salem's Lot. We're going to have to do some clean up if it gets out again."

"What's an Old One?" Neville asked. Neither one had realized he was there.

"A, uh, really old thing," Tara prevaricated badly.

"Tara!" Hermione protested indignantly, before turning back to her classmate. "Neville, there are things out there that are beyond the scope of the Wizarding world. Some people call them demons or horrors or other things. They bridge the muggle, the magical, the realms beyond both. At one point, the world was ruled by Old Ones. These creatures were so powerful that they were able to dominate in ways we cannot even comprehend now. However, humans rebelled and either forced the Old Ones to flee, or captured and imprisoned them. Most were trapped in something called the Greater Well, but there are a few others here and there."

"So, are they like big boggarts?"

Tara and Hermione shared a look. Hermione shook her head as she turned back to her schoolmate. "No, big dementor that eats more than just the soul is closer."

"You're not trying to scare me?" Neville asked.

"Trying? No," Tara said with a warm smile. "But it's okay to be scared. They're really, really scary."

"But they're not out and about that much, so no need to worry," Hermione told him. "Except for vampires. They're minor demons, you know."

"I don't like vampires," Neville said. "I don't understand why there are laws protecting them, when their only food source is people."

"You won't find many people who will argue against you at this party," Hermione said. "With the exception of two, vamps are icky."

"Two?" Neville asked.

"Well, used to be three, but one turned human again," Hermione said. "Uncle Hair-Gelly got married to Cordy, who is like a sort of quasi-aunt, and they've had fourteen kids."

"Fifteen," Tara correct. "Cordy just had another one."

"Don't they know about birth control?" Hermione asked.

"Cordy's got a curse from something Jasmine did," replied Tara. "Pretty much she's doomed to mystical pregnancies."

"Just glad that's not me," Hermione said.

"Well, you're just on your first real relationship," Tara said. "Give it time."

"Uh, what about the other vampires?" Neville asked. "The good ones or the not-evil ones?"

"Well, there's Spike," Hermione said. "He's got a soul and he's more like my only uncle, even if he's not really family."

"I think he's turned quite nice," Tara said. "He hasn't gone on a murderous rampage in a long time. He's even completely gotten over Drusilla and Buffy."

"Uh, that's nice, I guess," Neville said, a bit clumsily. "Hermione? Weren't you supposed to be a muggleborn?"

"Uh, well, that's just what I let everyone assume," Hermione said, with a slight blush of embarrassment.

"In your terms, Hermione's more like a half blood or a three quarters blood, depending on how you look at it," Xander said as he slumped into a chair next to them.

"Really? We all thought you were a dentist?"

Xander gave the boy a look filled with so much confusion; casters of confundus charms would have been greatly impressed. "Uh, no, I'm not a dentist," he said, shaking his head in disagreement. Turning to his daughter, he asked, "Hermione, why would they all think I'm a dentist?"

"Uh, because I told them you were," Hermione said, looking at her feet.

"You come from a proud family of demon hunters, young lady, going back three or four generations, depending on how you look at it," Xander chided. "I won't have any of that kind of talk in my house. Dentist? Really, Hermione!"

"Sorry, Dad," she whispered.

"Wait, so you're not a muggleborn?" Neville asked. "Your parents are magical?"

"I wouldn't say magical," Xander replied. "I've cast a spell or two, but I've never been very good at it. I tend to have bad results, like getting married to a song demon. What a mistake that was! Dawn, Willow and Tara here are the real spellcasters in the family."

"You?" Neville said, turning to the smiling blonde woman lounging next to him. She nodded sweetly.

"I'm a wicca, just like them," Tara told him.

"What's a wicca?"

"It's like a witch, but I don't use a wand," Tara said. "Totally different magical tradition."

"Wow," Neville said. He didn't say anything for a while, and then repeated, "Wow."

"Neville?" Hermione asked. "Just… I don't know, please keep it quiet okay? I don't think the others would understand."

"Wow," Neville said again.

"You okay?"

"Wow."

"Neville?" Hermione asked once more, a bit more worried for her friend.

"Wow."

"I think we broke him," Hermione said worriedly to Tara.

"He'll be fine," Tara said with a knowing smile. "It's just his paradigm shifting."

"So how did you two meet?" Molly Weasley asked Dawn and Xander. The three of them and Arthur were sitting in the shade, watching as people dove in the pool, chatted and cavorted. At the question, Dawn gave her husband a knowing smirk. Xander sighed and replied.

"Well, I went to school with Buffy, Dawnie's older sister," Xander said. "I got to know Dawnie by visiting."

"Dawn, who by the way, hated being called Dawnie at the time," Dawn was quick to point out.

"Yeah, so back then, I wasn't really interested in dating a ten year old girl," Xander said, "but years passed, we grew up, I graduated from school, and our town became a crater."

"More years passed, Xander went off to Africa for work, I finished school and a few years after that, I got tired of waiting," Dawn explained.

"What were you doing in Africa?" Arthur asked.

"Headhunting," Xander said, "and looking for people to fill some jobs."

"Oh," Arthur said. He shared a look with his wife. Both understood that the rumors had just been confirmed. Xander was a very dangerous man. While this was true, it wasn't for the reasons they believed.

"Yeah, so after a few months after I left, I got to Sudan and finally tracked him down," Dawn said.

"She shot me with a tranq gun, tied me up and used me for merry sport," Xander finished with a grin.

"Then Buffy found out and told me I'd better make an honest man of him," Dawn said with an even bigger grin.

"She's never succeeded, but it was a valiant effort," Xander said with a loving smirk at his wife.

"So what happened to Hermione's birth mother?" Molly asked. Dawn's face grew dark.

"I am her birth mother," Dawn said. Both Weasleys jumped at the force in her voice.

"Oh, but you look so young," Molly said, trying to cover her mistake.

"Tell me about it," Xander said with a roll of his eye. "I'm tired of being picked up by the cops because they think I'm dating a teen."

"Humph, I'm tired of being picked up by cops because storekeepers think I've got a fake ID," Dawn grumbled.

"May I have your attention, please?" Hermione said, but was unable to gather their attention. Professor McGonagall leaned forward and tapped her neck with a Sonorus charm.

"MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?"

Yep, that worked.

"It's almost time, and I'd like to thank everybody for coming," Hermione said. "It's foremost a birthday party, at first for Harry, but we realized that it was Neville's birthday yesterday, so we'd like to include him in this as well."

"Wow," Neville said, actually honest about being amazed and thankful to have friends at his party for the first time ever.

"And it's a party for all those people from Dad's office who just showed up for the booze," Hermione continued, gathering some laughs. "Dad told me to say that. So let's get to the presents!"

"Hey Harry," Xander said to the boy next to him. "How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday?"

"I dunno," Harry replied.

"He felt his presents," Xander finished to a collective groan. It was a pretty bad joke, but seemed to be in the mood of the day.

The party was starting to wind down when Willow got up abruptly. The Hogwarts staff had all left, and the Weasleys were on their way out. Willow, her playful brainy nature temporarily subdued, ran over to Tara and whispered in her ear. By the time she was done, the Longbottoms were the only guests left.

"Sorry, guys, trouble back home," Willow said with an apologetic smile.

"Have fun saving the world!" Buffy called out.

"We won't, but we'll pretend we will," Tara said with a smile. They nodded to Dawn who nicked her finger with a fork, opening up a great green glowing portal revealing an idyllic scene of lobstermen, tourists and Deep Ones running all over the place. The two American witches stepped through and the portal closed behind them

There was a long moment of silence before Neville Longbottom summed it all up for everyone not a Scooby.

"Wow."

Three days later, they discovered that Professor Flitwick had discovered the library, and hadn't left.

Thanks GreyWizard, once more!