That Night At the Inn
Apology
The gang got out of the inn that night and traveled as far as they could before the sun rose.
InuYasha was walking ahead of them, his arms in his sleeves, carefully looking away from everybody, Kagome especially.
Kagome had hung back a bit to stay with Sango who was being very supportive of her. Shippo, oblivious to anything being wrong, sucked on a sucker Kagome had given him to keep him from annoying InuYasha. Trailing behind all of them, in trouble with both Sango and InuYasha, supporting bruises from both, was Miroku who was grinning evilly but keeping his lecherous thoughts to himself.
They weren't talking as they would normally do. It was very quite.
The sun rose and the day was beautiful, but for them it was quite and a bit solemn.
By unspoken agreement, they were heading back to the village. Kagome was glad for it; she needed to be alone, preferably at home, to think.
It was one thing to sleep with the man you loved, and Kagome had to admit that she had enjoyed herself.
But it was another thing to sleep with the man you loved because someone else had wanted you to.
She was replaying the events from last night back again and again, thinking it all over.
The incubus hadn't actually done anything to stimulate them; it had been the perfect host, in fact. Food, sake, music; everything a real innkeeper would have done.
It was just that the sake he gave them was demon sake.
So really all that had happened was that Kagome and InuYasha had gotten drunk, their inhibitions were pretty much thrown out the window, and they did what drunk people had been doing since there had been drunk people.
And Kagome really just couldn't regret it. Fact of the matter was, she was happy. She had lain with InuYasha, the man she loved, yes she had been plastered at the time, but it had been wonderful.
And she knew she had to get him alone, talk it all out, and get everything out in the open before he would let her do it again.
And she planned on doing it again.
Kagome was a modern woman. She accepted that he was a medieval man, he could accept that she was a modern woman. And modern women weren't ashamed of their sexuality and when they wanted it they were as free as men to go and get it.
Too bad the man that walked ahead of her was busy trying to block her out. He wasn't ignoring her, worse; he was being polite to her. Not looking at her, speaking only when it was important. It was annoying and a little more than insulting.
She needed to talk to him, soon, before that mind of his managed to make it his fault or he convinced himself to never speak of it again and act like it hadn't happened.
But it did happen and, whether he liked it or not, sex changed everything.
Especially since Kagome planned on having sex again in the near future.
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She was staring at him. He could feel her eyes on the back of his head but he tried to remain calm.
It was natural that she was angry. It was times like this he wished she would sit him. She never sat him when he felt he deserved it. She was crueler than that. She would let him sit in his own self-hatred as she stared at him with those big, brown eyes and guilt trapped him into even more self-hatred.
It was a vicious thing but InuYasha still felt that he deserved it.
He had forced himself on her.
Kagome, the woman he had sworn to protect, the woman he had sworn never to hurt, he had hurt her. Ravaged her like a wild animal. It was no wonder she was angry with him.
He felt like dirt, lower than dirt. He felt like the half-breed scum everyone accused him of being. Everyone but her because she was too kind for that kind of thing.
And he had hurt her.
He couldn't let his own pain show, it would be wrong. He would get her alone later and beg her forgiveness even if he had to literally beg for it.
He would make her trust him again, he would. Even if he had to break his own arm to do it. He wouldn't ever lay a hand on her like that again.
She needed to feel safe with him. That was the only thing he could give her, his protection. And he wouldn't rest again until she felt that same sense of security she had before.
That she was back there with Sango, holding onto the demon slayer's arm for support, proved that she didn't trust him at all. But he would gain that trust back; he would, no matter what it took.
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That night, they made camp, same as usual, no one looking at each other.
InuYasha had taken Shippo hunting as he had gotten into the habit of doing lately, teaching him how to hunt for himself. Kagome started and tended the fire while Sango and Miroku gathered firewood and set up everything else.
It was a familiar routine, comfortable.
True, there was no laughter and chatter like normal, but the actions were just like always and Kagome took a bit of courage from that.
She would need it to call InuYasha out for later.
She had decided to call him out after dinner, drag him into the woods to talk privately. She already had Sango's word to keep Miroku away from them, giving them the peace they needed while they talked.
Now she just needed the courage to actually call his name and tell him she wanted to talk.
"Here." InuYasha said pulling her from her thoughts, holding out rabbit meat, already skinned and prepared for cooking.
"Thanks." Kagome took it but she noticed he was careful to keep from touching her and never actually looked at her.
The second she had the meat in her hands, he jumped up into the tree he had chosen for the night and Shippo sat next to the fire.
Kagome speared the food and stuck the sticks firmly into the dirt, keeping them edged toward the flame but not in it.
Then she stood and brushed herself off.
InuYasha watched her through slitted eyes. He didn't want her to know he was watching her, it might make her uncomfortable.
She didn't look up at him as she moved which wasn't all that unusual.
She did put her sleeping bag under his tree, same as always, and that gave him hope that maybe she didn't hate him completely. She still trusted him to keep her alive, at least. That was something and he could definitely build off of that.
He had built their entire relationship on that alone, he could start over again.
Of course, he hadn't actually hurt her the first time they met. He tried, but had never actually done it. He regretted trying to claw her even now despite the fact that she probably didn't even think of it. He knew he would hate himself for forcing her for the rest of his days.
But he would get her to forgive him even if he couldn't forgive himself.
And despite that, despite that he knew he was the lowest type of man, he still couldn't look away from her beautiful form as she moved.
Sex changed everything, he knew that now.
Before he would watch her move and be enchanted. It was lovely, innocent, and she always had this gracefulness about her.
But now?
Now she was mesmerizing.
He couldn't not watch the way her hips moved, or peek at the skin of her thighs that showed when she bent over, or those beautiful lips when she looked up at the sky, checking the time by the location of the sun and moon.
She carried his scent now.
She had always carried his scent but now it was in her, around her, coming from her. He enjoyed that, he enjoyed smelling their scents mingled in her body and he knew he carried a bit of her scent now as well. The entire thing was arousing.
And because he enjoyed the sights and the smells, he felt even worse.
He ravaged her and he was enjoying the results. How horrible could he possibly get?
She trusted him and he betrayed that trust. It was something he would have to mend soon, very soon.
He heard girls that had been forced into situations like that often carried the scars with them for the rest of their lives, some never recovered. He had even heard stories of girls that had killed themselves because of it.
No matter what, he had to avoid those outcomes. He already had the death of one woman he cared for on his conscience, he refused to add another one. He wouldn't survive it.
He wasn't hungry so when Kagome called to him to tell him that the food was done, he pretended to be asleep.
It was the coward's way out, but he just couldn't bring himself to answer her. He didn't deserve that; he didn't even deserve to look at her anymore.
After a moment, the others turned to their food and ate without him. Shippo was certainly happy enough to eat his portion despite the fact that his piece plus InuYasha's larger piece would give him a bellyache.
Sure enough, after dinner, he whined to Kagome that his tummy hurt.
Kagome admonished him for eating too much and one side of InuYasha's mouth rose in amusement. She told him to lay down in her sleeping bag as Sango pulled her Hiraikotsu in her lap and began wiping it down with the cleaning cloth Kagome had brought her from the future.
Miroku, a bit tired from all the beatings he had received these past few days, laid down to sleep.
There was a moment of companionable silence as the sounds of the forest at night played around them.
Then he heard her voice say, "InuYasha? Can I talk to you?"
He debated internally for a moment on continuing the pretense of being asleep, but that would be inexcusably cowardly, so he opened his eyes and nodded.
As Kagome stood, he jumped from his tree and landed beside her.
"Sango?" Kagome looked at her friend who nodded.
They turned and walked into the woods, keeping a three-foot distance between them.
Miroku moved to stand but there was suddenly a giant boomerang in his way.
"Don't even consider it, monk." Sango said dryly. "Go back to sleep. You leave them alone."
"But my love-"
Sango made a move to grab the short sword she kept with her.
Miroku cleared his throat. "I suppose a bit of privacy isn't too much to ask."
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They walked for a good thirty minutes. Actually, hiking was probably a closer term.
InuYasha led the way, clearing a path for her to walk on. He still didn't speak to her, but he was caring for her as he always did, making sure she could walk with relative ease, something that warmed Kagome's heart.
Finally, they came upon a clearing. It wasn't a very wide clearing.
It was the three-foot waterfall of a brook that was obviously a popular animal watering hole. It wasn't completely closed in and Kagome could see the beautiful night sky again.
InuYasha paused once there and Kagome walked past him.
He didn't speak as she kneeled down and scooped up some water in her hands and brought it to her mouth.
That he didn't immediately demand to know what she wanted set off a red flag in Kagome's mind. He was only polite like this when he was punishing himself.
She drank her fill then stood and turned to him.
He wasn't looking at her; he was looking at the ground slightly to the side, his arms in his fire rat robe sleeves.
Suddenly, all of Kagome's bravery dried up.
How exactly was she supposed to start this conversation? She should have practiced, she decided. Maybe she would be more prepared if she had written an internal script before hand.
But she was saved from having to come up with something by InuYasha saying, "I'm sorry."
"Huh?" Kagome blinked, surprised. "What?"
"I said, I'm sorry." he repeated, still looking away.
"Why?" Kagome asked. She was pretty sure she knew the answer but she wanted to hear him say it.
InuYasha swallowed nervously and said, "I'm sorry for...you know...what I did."
"What you did." Kagome repeated quietly. Oh, she had been afraid of this.
"Yes." InuYasha said. "I know that what I did was wrong. The only excuse I have is that the demon had...well, you know. But that doesn't change it, I know that. And I'm sorry. I'll do whatever I need to-"
"Why?" Kagome interrupted him. "Why are you sorry?"
"Because I..." InuYasha hesitated. She was going to make him say it. He was avoiding even thinking the actual word. But if it would help, he had to force himself to admit what he did. "Because I...I..."
He took a deep breath and said quickly, "I'm sorry I raped you!"
Dun Dun Duuuuuuuun! What will happen? Will Kagome convince our favorite hanyou that he's not a sicko? Or will InuYasha go on an honor kick? Find out next chapter!