I don't own any rights to Hollywood Heights storyline or characters; this is the fantasy world I created.

Keeping Secrets Chapter 12

I'm Standing On The Edge

(Lyrics from Falling Into You by Cody Longo)

Loren is shocked to see me. "I know I'm the last person you expected to see," I say. "Please don't leave. Please give me a chance to answer your questions, after that I will let you decide what happens next." I hold my breath waiting for her to say something.

I was not prepared to face him right now. I know I made up my mind to finally talk to him but I thought I would at least have time to compose myself. I sit in the seat across from him, close my eyes, count to ten then open my eyes, "I need a minute. Can you give me a minute Eddie?" I ask him.

"Take all the time you need," I tell her thankful that she didn't run away from me. I signal for the driver to drive. The first thirty minutes of our drive we stare into each other's eyes. I can't read her eyes right now and I dare not speak. I hold my breath waiting for the love of my life to say something.

I take a deep breath and break our eye connection. I turn my head and look out the window not really seeing anything. I'm still so angry with him. I'm feel betrayed. But I love him so much and I miss him. Tears begin to form in my eyes and before I know it they are falling down my cheeks. How could he do this to me?

Even though she breaks our eye connection, I continue to look at her. She's hurting and it's my fault. I watch as tears begin to roll down her cheeks. It's killing me. I want to go over to her and kiss those tears away. I wonder what she would do if I sat next to her and wiped the tears from her eyes. Will she reject me? Push me away? Or will she allow me to comfort her? To hell with it, I'll take my chances. I slowly unfasten my seat belt and lift up; she turns and looks at me. I slowly move across the truck and sit next to her.

Out the corner of my eye I see Eddie unfasten his seat belt. I turn my head and look at him as he moves to sit next to me. I turn my head back to the window. I can feel him looking at me. More tears begin to fall from my eyes. I don't bother wiping them away. I feel Eddie's arm wrap around my shoulder. My body tenses.

She doesn't question why I moved to the seat next to her. She turns her head and goes back to looking out the window but I can see more tears rolling down her cheeks. I slowly wrap my arm around her shoulder. I immediately feel the tension in her body but she doesn't pull away from me. I reach with my other hand until it is cupping her cheek and slowly turning her face to me. I use my thumb to wipe away her tears.

I immediately drop my gaze. I can't look him in the eyes right now. I'm fighting back the sob that is making its way from my chest. His fingers move under my chin gently lifting my face until we're once again staring in each other's eyes. I see a man standing on the edge. The sob I'm so desperately trying to hold onto escapes my lips.

I know the desperation I feel inside shows in my eyes. I'm desperately trying to hold onto my wife. My rock. My heart. The love of my life. My best friend. When she sobs my heart breaks even more. I've caused her so much pain. I unfasten her seat belt and pull her onto my lap her body shakes as more sobs tear through her body. I wrap my arms around her as she rests her head on my chest near my heart. I need her to hear my heart beat. I need her to listen to me when I answer her questions. I need her to know how much I love her. I need her to know that I'm sorry. I need her to forgive me. I need her to trust me again. I know Loren like I know my own heartbeat. I know she's made her decision.

When Eddie pulls me onto his lap, I lose it, more sobs rip through my body as I think about everything that has happened. I can't find it within myself to forgive him, not right now. He broke my heart, how can I ever trust him again? I allow him to wrap his arm around me as I lay my head on his chest. My tears are soaking the front of his shirt as my body shake from the pain I'm in. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. After an hour the sobbing stops but the tears continue. I count his heart beats. I reach up and cup his cheek with my hand. I lift my head from his chest and stare into his eyes. I pull his face to me until his lips touch mine. I start off giving him soft sweet kisses on his lips, and then I trace his bottom lip with my tongue. My hand moves to the back of his neck pulling him closer to me. He opens his mouth as I deepen the kiss. He allowing me to control this kiss. I reminisce about how we began. His concert at the Avalon when he held my hand and sung to me. His song writing contest. Our first kiss. Our first time. Our Las Vegas Wedding. Everything plays in my mind like a slide show. I break the kiss and rest my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat again. He wraps his arms around me again this time tighter than before. "I want a divorce," I whisper.

My foot slips from the edge.

~jm~