I don't own any rights to Hollywood Heights storyline or characters; this is the fantasy world I created.
Keeping Secrets Chapter 13
I Know That You're My Ledge
(Lyrics from Falling Into You by Cody Longo)
He stops breathing. His heart stops beating. His body goes stiff so I know he heard me say I want a divorce.
I stop breathing. My heart stops beating. My body goes stiff. I can't lose her. Oh God. Please. This can't be happening. Please tell me she did not just say she wants a divorce. Divorce was never a part of our marriage vows. Divorce is not an option. I know I always tell her I would give her whatever she wants but a divorce I cannot give her. She can have my heart. She can have my soul. She can have my fame. She can have my fortune. She can hit me every day for the rest of my life. She can throw things at me for the rest of my life. She can move out of our bedroom. But she cannot have a divorce. I will fight her to the death if I have to, but I will not sign divorce papers. I will not divorce her. Death is the only thing that will part us. Not that friendship with Chloe. Not that kiss.
His still isn't breathing. His heart still isn't beating. His body is still stiff. He still hasn't responded to my request. I know he heard me.
I hurt her. I know the pain she's feeling. I've been in her shoes. I've walked that road. I can help her get through this like she helped me when I was in pain. I know she can forgive me. But can she forgive me for the kiss? Yes she can forgive me for kissing Chloe. I know a kiss can be an intimate act but I also know that kiss I shared with Chloe wasn't intimate. It was more like the kiss Loren just gave me. A goodbye kiss. I knew the minute I walked into Chloe's apartment that night that I would be saying goodbye. I helped her survive five years of prison and I truly wanted to continue our friendship once she got out, but I knew that our friendship was over when the parole committee granted her parole. There were no feelings behind that kiss. It was my final goodbye to Chloe. There was no way I could continue to keep my friendship from my wife and family. I don't regret my friendship with Chloe. I don't regret telling Chloe goodbye. I do regret the way I told her goodbye.
Should I say something? Did my words kill him? Why isn't he breathing? Why isn't his heart beating? Why hasn't his body relaxed?
What do I do now? I only get one shot at this. My life depends on this one shot. I have to get her to forgive me? I have to repair my marriage? We have to be alone. No distractions. No interruptions. Just the two of us. She hasn't given me the opportunity to answer the questions she left on my voicemail. That is where I start. I take a breath, I allow my heart start beating, I relax my body, "No," I whisper. "I'm not giving you what you want."
I release the breath I didn't know I was holding. His lungs take in air, his heart starts back beating, and his body is relaxed. Did he just tell me no? Did I hear him correctly? Who the hell does he think he is to tell me no? "Excuse me," I say.
"I said no Loren; I'm not giving you what you want this time," I say a little louder so she can hear me.
"Why Eddie? Why won't you give me a divorce?" I ask. Eddie never tells me no when I tell him I want something.
"You didn't give me the chance to answer your questions."
"What questions Eddie?"
"The questions you left on my voicemail? Give me the chance to answer those questions and any other questions you may have. Then if you decide you still want a divorce, I will sign the papers and set you free," my heart starts to pick up speed waiting for her answer. I can't blow this chance. "I will answer all your questions with complete and utter honesty. Just give me this one chance Loren. You owe me that much," oops did I really just say she owes me something? She doesn't owe me anything. I'm ruining this before she even agrees to my request.
Did he really just say I owe him something? I don't owe him a damn thing. He's the one who has been keeping secrets. He's the one who shared an extramarital kiss with another woman and he dare say I owe him the chance to answer my questions. "I don't owe you a damn thing. I've already contacted my attorney Eddie. The divorce is happening whether you want it or not."
Oh shit, I wasn't expecting this. She already filed! SHIT SHIT SHIT this wasn't a part of the plan. Think Duran, you don't need her to shut down on you know, "I'm sorry Lo. You don't owe me anything. I didn't mean it like it came out. What I mean is after five years of marriage, I'm asking you to please give me the opportunity to answer your questions with love and honesty," I could feel her body relax once again. I can't afford to make her mad now that I know she contacted her attorney. I hope defused that ticking bomb.
I relax and count to ten. Eddie Duran was about to get punched in the gut for even thinking I owe him anything other than divorce papers. "Okay. I will give you the chance to answer my questions. But let me warn you Eddie, I've had a week to think about this and my mind is made up. I want a divorce," I had to make myself clear. "Go ahead, answer my questions. Do you need me to repeat them?"
"No, you don't need to repeat them. But I don't want to answer them right now. You and I need to go somewhere where we can be alone. No interruptions. Just you and me talking," "and working things out" I say to myself. "Where do you want to go to talk?" I need her to be relaxed and open minded so I'm allowing her to pick the place for us to have this conversation.
"What's wrong with us talking right now? It won't take that long for you to answer my questions. I don't have any other questions."
"We are an hour away from LA, I need more than an hour to answer your questions. And after hearing my answers you may come up with more questions. So I'm asking you, to please think of a place where we can be alone for more than an hour," I hold my breath and wait for her to answer.
There's only one place I can think of for us to be alone. "Let's go to my family's cabin in Big Bear."
I smile to myself. I know this woman like I know my own heartbeat. I knew she would pick the cabin. I just hope pop and Tyler can get everything in place for us before we get there. "Okay let's go to the cabin in Big Bear for a few hours," I say to myself. I pick up the car phone to tell the driver our new destination is Big Bear.
"I'm not going to change my mind Eddie. I want a divorce," I tell him.
"I hear you baby. You want a divorce. All I'm asking is that you give me this one chance to answer your questions and after that I promise I will give you whatever you ask me for," I'm smiling to myself because the fact that we're having this conversation with her still sitting in my lap wrapped in my arms makes me realize she doesn't really want a divorce. Yes I hear her say she wants a divorce, but I'm not listening to what she's saying. She may have contacted her attorney but the papers have not been filed. Yeah I know this woman like I know my own heartbeat; she doesn't really want a divorce. She's just wants the pain to go away and she thinks the only cure is a divorce.
"Will you answer one question?" I ask him.
"One question," I say.
"How did you know I was in Fresno at Chloe's?"
"Ty called me and I told me you asked for Chloe's Fresno address. I charted a private jet and flew down here. I paid the taxi driver a thousand dollars to leave."
I'm going to have a long conversation with Tyler when we get back from Fresno. I told him to not tell anyone I asked for Chloe's address. But now that I think about it, he didn't agree, instead he asked me a question I didn't answer. I'm surprised Eddie never asked me why I wanted to keep our marriage a secret for almost a year. He gave me what I asked for that time. "That driver made a lot of money off of us today."
Loren settles into my lap and before long, she falls asleep. I can't get cocky or over confident. For the next few days alone with Loren I will be fighting the fight of my life. I'm not going to make it easy for her to walk away from five years of marriage. We are in this together whether she likes it or not.
~jm~