I don't own any rights to Hollywood Heights storyline or characters; this is the fantasy world I created.

Keeping Secrets Chapter 14

And I Hold

(Lyrics from Falling Into You by Cody Longo)

It's dusk by the time we arrive at the cabin in Big Bear. Loren is still asleep on my lap. The driver opens the door, I carefully lift her bridal style and exit the car, "there is a flower pot to the left of the steps; can you lift the plant and get the key out of the bottom please?" I ask the driver. The driver walks away and comes back with the key. "Thanks," I say taking the key from him. "Please put her bag inside the door before you leave and thank you for the ride," I say to the driver as I walk up the steps and open the door. I carry Loren to the bedroom and gently lay her on the bed, slip off her shoes, and cover her with the blanket. Okay Duran this is it, your one and only shot at saving your marriage. I go into the other room, build a fire, sit on the couch and wait for Loren to wake up.

"Mmhmm," I stretch my arms over my head and arch my back. "Where am I," I ask myself. I look around, burning candles are my only source of light but the room is familiar. "I'm back at the cabin," I say to myself. Eddie must have carried me in and put me in bed. I better go find him so we can get this over with. I climb out the bed and go into the other room. There is a fire burning low in the fireplace, candles burning in the kitchen and Eddie is asleep on the couch. I sit on the couch and watch him sleep for a few minutes. Tears form in my eyes because I know I love him, I just can't be his wife any more. I get up from the couch and go into the kitchen to find us something to eat.

"The power is out," I say and chuckle when she jumps at the sound of my voice. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I placed candles around the cabin so we could have some light." I walk over to the kitchen table and pull out a chair for her. "I thought you might be hungry when you woke up so I walked down to that coffee shop next to the general store and picked up some sandwiches," I tell her as I push her chair in once she sits down. I take the food out of the bag and put it on paper plates. Once I carry everything over to the table I sit across from Loren. "Sorry, I fell asleep. I haven't slept since you left."

"How long was I out?" I ask unwrapping my sandwich.

"A couple of hours," I smile at her, "You fell asleep in my arms on the way here. It felt good to hold you again. I miss you Lo. I love you," I had to tell her.

I take a bite of my sandwich, and drop my eyes. I wish he would just answer my questions and get this over with. After a few minutes of us eating in silence, I look up at him. "Was I just the rebound chick you married five years ago?" I ask.

Okay. So it starts. I swallow my bite of sandwich and clear my throat, "Lo, you have never been the rebound chick. I told you at the beach bungalow that I was running away from my feelings for you. What I didn't tell you was that I've loved you from the moment you walked into MK the night of my song writing contest. I was finally face to face with Love2LoveYou. I didn't know I could fall so hard, so fast for someone and it scared me. Deep down I knew Chloe wasn't the woman I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. There were too many secrets and too many lies." I reach out and cover her hand with mine, looking her deep in her eyes, hoping she can see all the way to my soul. "You could never be the rebound chick because you have always been and will always be the one and only love of my life."

Chloe said he fell for me the moment I walked into MK. But then again they could have come up with that story when he was secretly visiting her. "Do you regret marrying me?" I ask not looking him in his eyes.

I squeeze her hand and wait for her to look at me. I've lost my appetite so I push my plate away with my other hand. "Please look at me Loren," I plead with her when she continued to look down. She slowly lifts her eyes until they meet mines. I smile at her, "How could I ever regret marrying you? You make me whole. I thank God every day for brining you into my life. You make me so happy. If I could have married you right there on stage I would have done it in a heartbeat. I couldn't wait to make you Mrs. Duran so when you wanted to get married the next day I was on cloud nine. To answer your question, no I do not regret marrying you. I will never regret marrying you. If I had to do it over, a thousand times, I would marry you in that chapel in Las Vegas nine hundred and ninety nine of them," I joke kissing the pack of her hand.

"And the thousandth time?" I ask playing along.

"You and I would have gotten married right there on stage the minute you said yes to my marriage proposal," I smile at her. That's a good sign she remembers our conversation the day after I finally worked up enough courage to kiss her for the first time. I remember how my heart was racing and I was stuttering standing there at her door. I had wanted to kiss her since the day she fainted in my arms. My eyes drop to her lips now remembering how they feel against mine. I want to go over there and kiss her until she forgets this divorce madness.

I remember that day he was super early picking me up for my meeting with Kelly. I was in my robe and feeling anxious about the kiss we shared the night before and him regretting it. That internet photo of him and Chloe hugging ruined my special night. He used that "if I had to do it over, a thousand times" line on me and it worked. Eddie Duran charmed me that day. Why is he staring at my lips? I self-consciously bite my bottom lip. A groan escapes his lips. I scoot my chair back, stand up picking up our plates and walking over to dump them in the trash.

I can't help myself; I get up from the table and walk over to her wrapping my arms around her from behind. I move her hair over to the side and place a soft kiss on her neck. She relaxes in my arms and rests her head on my chest. I place another soft kiss under her jawline, she gasps. I place another soft kiss on her cheek. The last kiss I place on the side of her mouth.

Why is he kissing me like this? We are here to talk not make out. Before I know it, I turn in his arms and reach up to cup his cheeks. I stare into his eyes before my gaze drops to his lips. I couldn't help myself. I pull his face down until his lips are touching mine. I miss kissing him like this. I give into the moment and encourage him to deepen the kiss. He pulls me in closer to his body. After a few minutes, my hands drop to his shoulders; I have to stop this before it goes too far. I break the kiss and push him away. "Do you still love her?"

I wonder why she pushed me away. She was enjoying that kiss just as much as I was. I could feel her heart racing. I take her hand a lead her to the couch. Before I sit down I add more logs to the fire. "Chloe lied and manipulated me into thinking I was in love with her. After you came into my life I realized being in love really feels like. When I got to know Cynthia I grew to care about her. I didn't keep my friendship with her a secret for five years because I loved her. I kept it a secret because I knew you and pop wouldn't understand. I knew you would have asked me not to go. But it was something about her voice that worried me when she called me the first time. When I got there I saw what my fans; our fans were doing to her. Our fans were punishing her for something she's already been punished for. Chloe didn't deserve the brutal beatings she was getting." I take a deep breath, "I love you beyond words Loren. I will always love you. I know what I did was wrong and I'm deeply sorry for keeping my friendship a secret but to answer your question; no I do not still love her."

She tries to commit suicide and he runs to the hospital. She calls him and he runs to the prison. He's right, I would have told him not to go visit Chloe. "Why did you kiss her Eddie?"

I take a deep breath and lock eyes with Loren, "that was a goodbye kiss; much like the goodbye kiss you gave me in the back of the Escalade." She looks shocked. I reach out and cup her cheek, "Lo, did you really think you could kiss me like that and I not know the meaning behind it? I could have found a different way to say goodbye but she was crying and upset and I wanted to comfort her one last time. I could have kept the kiss a secret from you but I didn't. I wanted to finally come clean about everything. When I left her condo that night, I came home fully intending to tell you everything. To confess and ask for your forgiveness but you had already put two and two together. I'm sorry for the way I said goodbye. I'm not sorry I said goodbye."

It always comes back to Chloe.

I give her a few minutes to digest everything before I ask, "do you have any more questions?" I hope she does.

I shake my head no.

"Do you still want a divorce?"

"Yes."

"WHY?" I shout.

"BECAUSE I REGRET MARRYING YOU." I shout back

~jm~