Four Suits

I do not own, and never will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

Chapter 2: Deuces Wild

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Edward rolled over on his bed and fell onto the floor. He kept rolling over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He hooked his left arm behind his head and sighed. How many nights now, he thought. Two? Three? Why was sleep so hard to get these days? It took a long time to get to sleep and once he did, he couldn't stay there and would toss and turn for the rest of the night.

"Bloody Alphonse," he muttered. Three days since Al had left and all Ed could feel were the eyes on him. Falman's eyes, Sheska's eyes. Why Sheska had to keep coming to the office baffled him. He would see her appear and her and Falman would huddle together with sheets of paper and hushed whispers. He had begun leaving as soon as she appeared. It had been worse today. Today Hawkeye had joined in their little huddle and the thought that they would enlist her to watch him as well had sent him to the Library for the rest of the day.

It was silly and stupid, he knew that. But it was getting to him and the more he tried not to think about it, the more he did. Why were they so interested in whether he went out with anyone? Was being single wrong? Was not knowing if you liked girls or boys wrong? Ed groaned at that one. That thought was becoming more prevalent lately. If Al hadn't started in on his personal life, Ed was sure he'd never have had to face thoughts like these.

But because of Al, he now found his thoughts running around in strange circles. Because of Al he didn't know anymore. Growing up it had been a given, boys liked girls. It was a natural law. But then they had tried to bring their mother back and some natural laws just never had the same weight after that. It had taken two weeks of being in the military to realise that boys liked boys as well. And two weeks more to realise that no-one talked about it. Some people didn't tolerate it, mainly the older guys, but most just ignored it.

Edward had merely shrugged. He hadn't cared one way or the other. He had been twelve, he had had a brother to restore, who cared if the sergeant in the next dorm had a boyfriend. The whole relationship and dating process had passed Ed by. He had always been too focused on Al. It had been all he had wanted. And now that Al was back in the flesh, he seemed to think that Ed needed one of these relationships to fill the gap.

"I don't know what I want." He held his right hand up and looked at the gleaming steel. "Even if I did know, what good will it do me anyway? I'm not exactly all human here." He kept watching as he flexed the fingers. Cold steel. Who'd want anyone as damaged as he was?

Edward hid a yawn as he sat at his desk and looked over another boring file. This was so mindless. Day after day, stuck here doing worthless paperwork shit. He ground his teeth together. And they were watching him again. There had to be a way to get out of here. Why hadn't the bastard had any of his pointless errands lately? Ed looked at the file again. He could care less that some alchemist had sent his expenses list in for authorising.

He looked around the room and met Sheska's eyes briefly before her head went back down to look at whatever she and Falman were interested in. Hawkeye entered and several more files landed on his desk and he stifled his groan. He watched as she joined the unholy pair and he grabbed the first file and left the office, heading for the stairs upwards to the roof.

He didn't stop until he had the stairwell door closed behind him and he could feel the light breeze against his face. He closed his eyes for a moment before walking around to the small corner between two stacks that offered shade without blocking the wind. He put the file down and let out a sigh as he looked out over Central. It was a big bright place, but it was feeling small to him at the moment. He felt trapped here. He sighed and sat down, laying back on the cool concrete and looking up into the blue sky and wishing he could just fly out of here. He closed his eyes as the breeze went over him.

"You planning on sleeping here all day, Boss?"

"Fuck off, Havoc." Ed answered without opening his eyes. He heard Havoc's lighter flick and began to smell the cigarette before he felt the taller man sit down nearby.

"They'll come looking for you."

"Tell them I'm here and I'll transmute those smokes of yours back into their original components."

"Harsh, Boss."

Ed turned his head and opened one eye. "Not nearly harsh enough." Havoc grinned lopsidedly at him before turning away to look out to the horizon. Ed watched as Havoc took a long drag and let the smoke drift out of his mouth, the breeze pulling it behind him. The smile had gone and he was looking resigned. Ed had seen a similar look the night of the wedding.

Ed frowned and looked away. Why had he remembered that all of a sudden? He remembered how the blond had looked in his suit. That elegant air hadn't followed him into his uniform, he was more casual now. But Ed found that strangely comfortable. He turned to look at Havoc again. Havoc had always seemed so loud at times and yet he was just sitting there. He'd always thought Havoc was one of those people who would hate silence, but Havoc was proving him wrong.

Actually when he thought about it, he didn't really know a lot about Havoc. The man never mentioned his family or his home. He didn't even know what Havoc did when he left the office. He frowned. The only things he knew about Havoc was that he smoked, he was almost as good as Falman when it came to paperwork and he never had any luck with women.

"See something you like?"

Ed blinked and realised Havoc's eyes were fixed on his. Ed felt his face go red as he began to process what Havoc had just said. The image of Havoc in his suit reappeared in his mind.

"Wha…? Of course not!" Ed began spluttering and Havoc laughed as Ed floundered slightly.

"Thought not." Havoc turned away to stub his cigarette out. "You were miles away, Boss."

Ed stopped spluttering, his sharp ears catching a slight edge to the words. He tilted his head and his eyes narrowed as the heat in his face began to fade.

"Havoc?" Ed's voice was tentative. The older blond kept his back to him but Ed saw it tense.

Loud shouts disrupted the moment and they both stood up and headed to the railing, looking down at the vast plaza. Soldiers were running up to the main gate and several others were running out. Ed and Havoc exchanged a quick look before turning around and running for the stairwell. They both knew what trouble looked like.

Three days later Ed laid his head on his arms and slumped onto his desk with a groan. It was late, he was tired and exhausted and all he wanted was to go back to his dorm.

"Cheer up Boss. Another ten minutes and we can get out of here."

"If you had reminded me about that file, I could have been home hours ago."

"I didn't even know about the file."

"That's beside the point." Edward almost whined.

In his rush from the rooftop, Ed had left the file behind and Hawkeye had found out. Late duty for the week had been his punishment. Breda had been rostered on for the late shift with Havoc, and Ed had the morning one. Hawkeye had merely swapped their rosters for the week.

"Hawkeye is too damned sharp." Ed grumbled. "And I still have half the morning shift to do anyway."

The disruption had been a demonstration gone terribly wrong. The same group who had claimed responsibility for the attack that had claimed Gracia Hughes, had managed to detonate an explosive device in the middle of the authorised march. The death toll had been high and the structural damage severe. Ed had been one of those chosen to help with the structural repairs and he had been on the streets for the last two mornings before coming here for the late shift. The only good thing about the whole situation was that he had managed to have little contact with Falman and Sheska.

"Is there much still to do?"

"No," Ed yawned widely. 'Tomorrow should see it all done."

Havoc watched the golden eyes half close and he smiled. The kid looked tired he thought as he stretched back in his chair, swinging his boots up onto his desk. Times like this were tiring for everyone. It was hard on the Chief too, Havoc thought as he considered his boots. Maes Hughes was heading the investigation and Havoc had caught the tail end of Mustang on the phone asking for some information. He hadn't sounded his usual collected self. No threats, no curses and the man had even looked sad, almost depressed afterwards. Havoc knew how the Chief got when he felt he should be doing something, but that had just seemed a little strange, even for Mustang.

Not that they could do anything until someone had some idea of just who was behind the attacks. Until the Lieutenant-Colonel and his team brought in some answers Mustang and the rest of them were stuck here, just waiting. Havoc leant back further and looked over at Ed. The eyes were completely closed now. At least he had been given the chance to be useful. Unlike me, Jean thought. Stuck in here to answer phones and push files around. He didn't even get to see him for more than five minutes when he came on for his shift.

Jean looked over at Fuery's desk. Everything neat and tidy, nothing left behind. Not even a paperclip out of place. Idiot Jean, you're an idiot you know that.

"Shut up," he muttered and kept staring at the desk. His parents had told him he'd come to grief when they had shut the door in his face.

"Don't come back!" The same blue eyes he had inherited had glared at him. "Your kind isn't wanted here. You bring shame on us all!"

Jean had hunched in the doorway, half turned away from his father's tirade. He had sought out the eyes of his mother and she had met his pleading stare with a stony face. Her eyes had not held any hope for him and in her condemnation of him he had found the courage to stand up straight.

"You're no longer a son of mine." His father had said. "Take your things and go."

"Keep them. I don't need them or you." Jean had replied. "I wouldn't want to get accused of theft later on." He had sneered and his father's hand had swung. The force had made Jean stagger against the doorframe, blood beading from a split lip.

"I wouldn't stoop to your level. You're no real man, and you'll regret this. Don't expect us to forgive you for this."

And now look at him. Pining for the one guy who was straighter than Jean could draw a line, even with a ruler. Maybe joining the military hadn't been his smartest move after being kicked out of home, but he had wanted to prove them wrong. Liking guys did not make him any less of a man. He wasn't going to regret anything. Leaving everything behind meant he had had few options and he had wanted to get as far away as he could from not only his parents but from the rest of the village.

He had stayed away from getting involved with other men for his first year but then he had slipped into a very discreet, very involved relationship that had lasted a year until they had both gone to Ishbal. Only Jean had come back. Now a Second-Lieutenant and under a new Lieutenant-Colonel, he had stopped seeking anything serious. Women became a diversion until his new commanding officer began stealing them away and he realised he had the perfect cover. No-one questioned him when he never settled into a relationship and as he began to notice Kain more often, he could use his dating failures as a conversation hook with the smaller man.

But Kain Fuery was straight. Actually some days Jean was convinced that Kain was almost completely asexual. He didn't seem to look at girls either. A small snore had Jean looking over at Ed. He grinned. He might not really believe that Fuery was uninterested in sex but there was the perfect example of someone who was uninterested. And completely innocent too, if that blush the other day had been any indication, he thought.

Why was Ed single, he suddenly thought. He wasn't ugly, he wasn't that short anymore. He had even looked presentable at the wedding, all dressed up neatly in a suit. His hair was that unusual shade of gold to match his eyes. He was intelligent, he even had a sense of humour some times. So why was he single?

He had been acting strangely, well stranger than normal, ever since the wedding, Havoc frowned. Ed often disappeared and he seemed to be avoiding Falman and Sheska. He had done it that afternoon when he had found him on the roof. Maybe Ed wasn't as uninterested as he had thought. Maybe the young blond had a crush on Sheska. Jean nearly choked as he tried to imagine Ed being attracted to Falman so Sheska it had to be. Jean grinned, he had something new he could tease the kid with. As he kept running his eyes over the sleeping face, he realised Ed really wasn't a kid anymore.

Edward was restless. Back on regular hours and the eyes were back on him. He needed to get out of here. Out of the building, out of the city, damn it, even out of the fucking country if he could. He frowned. He vaguely recalled a memo and he frowned as he tried to remember the details. He went to the filing cabinet and began rummaging through it.

He paused as he felt the tall presence behind him and he groaned.

"Fuck off Havoc."

"And here I was about to offer my invaluable assistance in filing cabinet management."

"You couldn't manage yourself out of a wet paper bag." Ed retorted.

"Slipping, Boss. Not up to your usual standard."

Ed turned his head slightly to look over his shoulder and up at Havoc. He met the blue eyes with a steady gaze. "It finally happened. I've sunk to your level."

Havoc grinned and leant closer. "You just wish you could reach …my level." Jean saw the flush that flooded into the shorter blond's face and grinned. "Or maybe Sheska's level is what you are aiming for?" He added and was not prepared for the look that appeared in the golden eyes. Ed pulled a file out roughly, slammed the filing cabinet drawer shut and turned to glare at the taller blond.

"Get the fuck out of my life, Havoc." Ed hissed the words and pushed past him, leaving the office with furious strides.

"What did you do this time, Havoc?" Falman asked as he looked from the doorway to the rather baffled looking Havoc.

"I have no idea." Havoc frowned. Edward had had an almost hunted look on his face and that had definitely been dislike in his eyes at the mention of Sheska. Just what was going on? Jean looked at Falman and shrugged. "Who knows what the Boss is thinking?"

Sheska appeared at the doorway. "I have another clue!" She went across to Falman's desk with a quick step and waved casually at Havoc as she passed. He watched her settle and open the folder she had brought with her. Havoc shook his head. Everyone was being weird around here today.

Boots coming into the room had him looking up again. Lieutenant-Colonel Hughes appeared and Havoc began to look for a reason to move away. No photos, no photos, I'll quit, no I'll cut down on the cigarettes, no photos, please no photos.

"Is the Colonel in?" Hughes asked and Havoc blinked. Where was the bouncy, bright eyed and manic I-have-photos father?

"Sure is. He's been there all morning."

Hughes nodded and entered the inner office, closing the door behind him carefully. Havoc exchanged disbelieving looks with Falman and Sheska. Something was really not right today.

Ed was furious. He stomped back to the office and ignored everyone as he opened Mustang's office door with his usual kick and slam. The folder he had taken from the filing cabinet was getting scrunched in his fist as he stalked across to Mustang's desk.

"Bastard! Why can't I get travel papers?" His voice rose as he got nearer the desk. "The admin department won't give them to me and they won't tell me why! They say I have to have your authorisation! If this is another one of your fucking schemes to keep tabs on me…"

Ed blinked as he realised Maes Hughes was standing there and that they seemed to be locked into some kind of staring match. They both looked a bit pale, and Edward suddenly shivered before shrugging it away. Dark eyes flashed in his direction and he straightened up, his scowl coming back.

Hughes moved, pushing his glasses up in his usual manner and Ed watched as the man left the room. He blinked again.

"What's up with him?" He asked, distracted by the paleness in the usually placid face, as he turned back to face the Colonel. Those dark black eyes were staring hard at him and the Colonel's expression did not bode well, but Ed refused to back down. Not when he was feeling this desperate to get out of here.

Mustang sat down without breaking eye contact and the continuing silence had Edward's temper flaring again. Damned fucking bastard, forever treating him like a child!

"Why can't I leave Central?" Edward demanded aggressively. The bastard turned his chair around to face the large window and Edward glared at the back of the high chair and felt his hands fist tight. The bastard was playing games again. Arrogant prick. The need to leave was getting harder to keep under control.

"Why can't I leave Central?" Edward slapped the file down hard onto the desk as he repeated his demand. Stop ignoring me bastard, and answer the fucking question!

"Has it not occurred to you that in times of national alert, no travel is permitted for frivolous reasons? There are no exceptions for soldiers, not even a small one. That aside, you are no longer a field agent, therefore this trip would serve no purpose." The sarcastic voice coming from the other side of that chair had him straining to breathe evenly, his nostrils flaring. His voice rose.

"But I have to leave now! Can't you sign me off? I know you'd love to get rid of me for a week. Yesterday you were complaining about my penmanship, uh— imagine a whole week of being able to read reports!"

He had to get out of here and that memo from a month ago had seemed the perfect answer. A small contingent of staff was required for limited service terms at a new base in the North. Admin had said the positions had not all been filled but had then turned around and told him he couldn't leave. And now the fucking bastard was refusing him. Nothing had been said about cancelling transfers and Ed knew he wasn't that indispensable that they could refuse his request. No, this was all Mustang's doing. It was all his fault.

Mustang swivelled around and Ed's furious eyes met the sardonic gaze of the Colonel. "As marginally tantalizing as that sounds, there is one tiny flaw in your plan. The Fuhrer is the one needed to 'sign you off'. I am but a humble soldier working for this fine country."

Edward twitched, his whole body tensing. His eyes flickered and he took a deep breath but the smirk on the bastard's face was too much. He was tired, sick and fucking bloody tired of people trying to control him, trying to force things onto him and now the bastard was deliberately taunting him. He lunged forward and slammed his hands on the desk on either side of the file.

"Do not give me that shit! You always have a way around everything! Just get me somewhere remote for a week, anywhere! I'll even go and do your dirty work, you manipulative bastard! That's what you always want, isn't it? Some willing little dog! Why stop now?" Ed spat the words out, his stomach rolling. "Fuck you and your ulterior motives…"

"Get out." The words dropped between them and Edward glared at him.

"I'm not fini…" Ed tried to stare him down but Mustang's face had become carved in stone.

"I said get out. Is that so hard for your introverted mind to comprehend? I-want-you-out-NOW." Edward's eyes narrowed. He had never heard Mustang use that tone of voice before. He met the hard stare and couldn't believe the fury he saw in there as he suddenly saw a gloved hand lifting, fingers poised. Ed's anger was swamped by a hot wave of disappointment and his eyes flickered.

"Fuck you!" Ed snarled, turning to run, half hoping the bastard would snap so he could turn and clap. He kept going, straight through the office and out into the hall.

His eyes were burning. He couldn't let himself stop running because then he would start shaking and those burning eyes might just overflow. He wasn't going to cry, he wasn't going to break down here. He had to get out of here. Fucking bastard! I've got to get out of here!

Ed stopped running when he reached the train station. Lines of people were queuing at the ticket windows. Suitcases and bags were stacked next to groups of passengers. He looked around as he wove his way through the crowds. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen it this busy. Military uniforms abounded in one area and he blinked. Was that Hughes? He craned his neck and got a quick glimpse of dark hair and glasses before the crowd shifted again. As if. There was no reason for him to be here, and Ed knew no-one would be looking for him.

He brushed at his aching eyes as he neared the platforms and stopped, mentally cursing. Barriers had been set up to stop people getting close to the trains and soldiers stood beside each train. Stern faced and scanning the crowds, they inspected everyone boarding. His half hearted thought of sneaking aboard was not going to work unless he wanted to risk using alchemy and having the flare give him away. And guards outside the train usually meant guards on the inside as well.

National alert. Mustang's words came back to him and he growled silently. Great. He was trapped here. The only way out was resigning and he could just see that being accepted at a time like this. "Not going to happen is it?" he muttered.

He put his arms on the railing of the barrier fencing and rested his chin on them as he looked along the platforms. People moved around him and he ignored them as he stared vacantly forward.

He knew he was over-reacting, but he just couldn't handle the staring. It was pressure he just didn't need. Knowing they were telling Al everything made it difficult as well. He hadn't called Al this week at all simply because he knew what was going to be discussed. It shouldn't be like this. The last major fight had sent Edward storming back to Central all those months ago. He didn't want to repeat that and he hoped… no, he knew Al wouldn't want that either.

Why was it such a big deal to Al that his brother settle down? If Ed had his way, he'd never settle down, he'd wander wherever he wanted. There was another dream that was never going to come true either.

"You going somewhere, Boss?"

"Not now, Havoc." Ed said in a quiet voice and was surprised when a hand fell lightly on his right shoulder. He turned to see no teasing look but a pair of concerned blue eyes watching him.

"Come on, Ed. I'll give you a lift back."

Ed considered refusing but in the end he sighed and straightened up. Havoc slung his arm around the younger man's shoulders and steered him through the crowd, which had increased since Ed had arrived.

"Why are you here, Havoc?"

"Just dropping some stuff off." Given the expression he has seen earlier on Ed's face, Havoc wasn't about to admit that he had been chauffeuring people who were leaving Central. Several drivers were being used to ferry the families of some officials to the station so they could leave for the security of the outer provinces.

He had had Lieutenant-Colonel Hughes with little Elysia for this trip. He had tried hard not to listen to their talk. He had been hard pressed to keep the car at a steady speed. The thought that Elysia had to be sent away for her safety was disturbing to him and the temptation to put his foot down to release his anger had been great. He didn't know how Hughes had managed to stay as calm as he had. Only after had they gotten out of the car had he seen the man avoiding his eyes and had known then that there were some things you just couldn't let other people see.

It had been mere chance that he had seen the golden braid disappearing through the crowds and after helping the Lieutenant-Colonel with the small suitcase he had gone looking for the blond. He knew Hughes was going back with one of the other drivers later, so he felt quite free to go and chase the short blond down.

They moved smoothly through the crowds. Havoc kept his arm across Ed's shoulders and together they manoeuvred their way without losing that contact. When they reached the front of the station, Havoc removed his arm and Ed frowned at the sudden loss. He could feel it imprinted on his skin but the weight had gone. He slid into the car, still slightly puzzled at the sensation.

"So what did the Chief do this time?" Havoc asked as he began to drive.

"Just the usual," Ed said reluctantly and mendaciously.

"Liar." Havoc remarked and Ed turned his head to look at him. Havoc kept concentrating on the road. "It's never been so bad that you've gone running away like this, Boss. And don't tell me you were there waiting for someone."

Ed's eyebrows rose. There was a hint of steel in Havoc's voice he hadn't heard before. But Ed didn't want to talk. He didn't want to let anyone else know what was going on. It was bad enough knowing Falman and Sheska, and possibly Hawkeye, knew, but to have Havoc as well. That was just too many eyes.

"Leave it, Havoc," Ed said dismissively and turned back to the stare out the window.

"Not this time, Ed."

"Do not push this, Havoc." Ed warned, his voice dropping as his hand fisted.

Havoc shot him a quick look but Ed was still looking out the window. He made a decision and changed lanes to bring the car to a stop by the kerb. Ed turned to face him and Havoc could see the anger in the golden eyes.

"I am going to push this time, Ed." Havoc shifted to stare at the younger blond. "You've been a little shit most of the time I've known you, but you have never, never, run from anything, and especially not from the Chief. I want to know why. Before we get back to the office."

"It's none of your business." Ed said coldly, trying to get away from the blue eyes that just wouldn't stop staring at him.

"Probably not, but I'm making my business." Havoc's eyes narrowed. "You can't just bottle these things up. You have to talk about them."

"I don't have to do anything!" Ed snapped back and turned to the door, his hand going for the door handle.

"No! You're staying here." Havoc reached over and gripped Ed's right arm. He could feel the steel under the sleeve and tightened his hold. Edward glared at him and looked at Havoc's hand.

"Let go."

"No."

"Havoc, you're going to get hurt." Edward stated calmly and he moved his right arm slightly, tensing it against Havoc's grip.

"Possibly. But you are staying here and you're going to talk."

"Are you sane? Do you really think you can keep me here?" Edward's eyes widened and Havoc stared right back at him.

"My sanity has always been questionable." Havoc paused. "I'm your friend, Ed. I thought you were mine too. I'm not doing this for fun, or for anything else. I'm doing this because I care, okay?" Havoc kept his gaze as open as he could as Edward kept staring at him. He could feel his face growing warm, but he wasn't about to take his words back.

Edward pulled his arm and Havoc let go. Edward stared down at his arm and wrapped his fingers around it at the same spot Havoc had held it. Havoc watched as Edward took several deep breaths.

"The bastard won't let me leave Central." Havoc blinked and stayed quiet as Edward suddenly spoke. "He says I can't get out of here without the Fuhrer's permission."

Havoc watched as Edward's right hand fisted hard and he heard the joints creak. Edward was staring at his arm, but Havoc would bet he really wasn't seeing anything. He had seen the almost empty gaze Ed had had when he had first seen him at the station; that was the look on Ed's face now.

"I have to get out of here." The words were thin and Havoc leant closer. He didn't like the edge of desperation he caught.

"Ed…"

Haunted golden eyes turned to look at him. "I have to get out of here, Havoc."

"Why?" Jean asked as gently as he could and Ed's eyes flickered.

"Because they keep watching me." Jean stopped himself from frowning and blinked. That didn't make sense to him and the thought that Ed was paranoid leapt into his head.

"Who's watching?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.

"Falman and Sheska." Havoc shook his head. Now it was officially delusional paranoia. He was certain of it.

"Why would they do that?"

Ed tensed as he caught the disbelief in Havoc's voice. He tried to calm himself down with a deep breath but it didn't work. Now he had started, he couldn't stop.

"Because my fucking brother asked them to!" He snarled and Havoc was startled. Edward was completely serious and upset.

"It's a bit hard…"

"A bit hard to believe?" Ed finished for him. "Then you listen to Falman next time he rings Al, or when Sheska rings Winry. Better yet, why don't you ring him so he can ask you to watch me as well!"

"Ed!" Havoc leant forward. "Why would they… why would I want to do that? Don't be stupid. I'm not going to do that."

"Why? Why?" Ed's eyes blazed. "Because they can't let me live my life as I want to. Because they feel the need to control what I do. Because I don't have a fucking girlfriend or boyfriend! Because I'm not fucking normal!"

"Ed!" Havoc slid along the seat and grabbed both of Ed's hands and held them tight as the blond took great big gasping breaths. "Easy does it, Ed. Just take your time." He watched as the angry colour began to fade and the eyes flickered.

"Take it slowly, one breath at a time." Havoc spoke as calmly as he could as his mind whirled. "Listen to me Ed. You are normal. You're as normal as the rest of us." He felt Ed's hands twitch. "You're probably a lot saner than I am. Fuck's sake Ed, it surprises me to realise you are so damned normal after all you've been through. Don't you see that?"

Edward blinked and Havoc nodded. He could see Ed's breathing getting easier, the harshness disappearing as he began to calm down. When was the last time Ed spoke to anyone, he wondered.

"Listen Ed, people are always going to tell you what to do. It's part of the military, it's part of life. Some we have to obey, others we can chose to follow or not. People will try and tell you what to do because they care, because they think you need the help, even when you don't."

"I know that." Ed's head dropped slightly. "I know that. It's the fact they feel the need to get the others to report back." Ed sighed, he was feeling lethargic and his sleepless nights were catching up to him. "I'm only eighteen, I don't need to be settling down."

"Hell no! Eighteen is too young." Havoc blinked. "Hang on. They want you to settle down? They're watching you to see who you go out with and stuff?"

Edward looked up to meet the startled blue eyes and smiled for the first time. "Yep."

"But that's... that's…"

"It's Al's way of knowing I'm not lonely without him. I think he also believes that if I have someone, it'll keep me here. That I won't go wandering anywhere. That I'll even go back to Resembool and stay there."

"That's a bit selfish of him." Havoc stated thoughtfully.

"He cares for me. No matter how much I don't like what he's trying to do, I always know that."

"There's always time for that sort of thing later. You just have to keep telling him that."

"I do, every time I talk to him."

They sat there for a long moment before Havoc let go of Ed's hands and slid back into his seat properly again. He started the engine and then looked at the young blond.

"So, which will it be, Ed? Boyfriend or girlfriend?"

Ed groaned and buried his head in his hands. He'd already said so much, he really didn't see a point to stopping now. "If I knew that, this wouldn't be getting to me as much as it is."

Havoc laughed softly. "Not decided yet?"

"No." Havoc's voice had been easy, friendly. No pressure, not even curiousity and Ed looked up, sensing a chance to get some information. "How do you choose anyway? Is it a choice?"

"Some say it is, some say it's the way you were meant to be. You just have to find the reason that feels right to you." There was a small pause. "Ed, some people know from the moment they start thinking about it who they prefer, others have to go through doubts and trial and error until they get to the right one. You're not the only who's been there." Ed frowned at the sudden change in Havoc's voice.

"You…?"

Havoc didn't look at him as he eased the car back into the flow of traffic passing them. "A long time ago."

Ed could hear the finality and knew not to ask further but he felt a loosening around his chest at the realisation that he wasn't the only one. He wondered which side Havoc had ended up choosing. Was that why he never kept girlfriends? Or was he just really bad with women anyway? Was he still having doubts and or was he changing again? Ed groaned. Oh fuck, did that mean it could take years before he knew for sure?

Havoc laughed at the sound. "Come on Boss, it's not that bad. After work I'll take you down to the bar. You sound like you need a night of no worries."

Jean Havoc had never been a vindictive man. He had an image of laid back and easy going and he worked hard to keep it like that. But the sight of his Kain Fuery in the company of a young and rather pretty Private had had his hands fisting and his blood boiling. As he drove the Colonel home, his hands were gripping the steering wheel tight.

"Who's that?" He had asked Ed as they had driven into the compound and he had seen the pair walking through the gates.

"Parker…umm, a Private in Supply I think." Ed had twisted his head around to watch Fuery and the girl. "Elle, Ella, something like that."

"You know her?" Havoc had struggled to keep his voice from revealing his growing anger and shock. Fuery couldn't be interested in her. He couldn't be interested in anyone. He was supposed to become interested in Jean, not some flirty Private.

"Sort of. Fuery introduced me the other day when I passed them at lunch."

"I didn't know he was seeing anyone." Havoc had muttered not able to completely conceal his dismay.

"I don't know if they're seeing each other. They're just friends I think. Something about a cat, Fuery said, I think."

"In other words, you weren't really interested and you didn't listen."

"That's about it."

Sometimes, Jean had thought, it was hard to believe that Ed was a genius.

He looked in the mirror again. The Chief was looking out the window again. Jean frowned and wondered if he was doing the right thing but his conscience was easily silenced as he remembered the two of them walking together. He had no choice, not if he wanted Fuery to be his. He had to get her out of the way. He looked in the mirror at Mustang again. He was staring out the window again and hadn't spoken yet. He usually spoke at least once, if only to have a dig at Havoc's dateless state. But tonight there was nothing.

"So you're just going to sit there," Havoc asked, glancing in the mirror again. Mustang didn't move and Havoc took a deep breath, his hands tensing hard again.

"Fine, I'll talk. Have you met Private Parker? Ellen Parker?" He had done a quick check and found out her correct name. Ed hadn't been far wrong.

"No, I haven't, nor do I wish to at the moment unless it's important." The Colonel's voice sounded disinterested and Havoc frowned fleetingly. That tone didn't bode well for his scheme.

"You should. She's cute and pretty and single." Havoc made the comment as casually as he could as he brought the car to a stop outside the apartment block where the Colonel resided.

"Havoc, is there something you want to say? I'm tired and could care less, so spit it out and save us both a headache." Havoc bit his lip and took another breath as the Colonel got out of the car.

"You should ask Parker out Chief." He managed to say, a quick glimpse over his shoulder at the Colonel standing there before he turned and began to drive away.

His face was red, he could feel it and he hit his hand on the steering wheel. He felt like an idiot. A fucking jealous idiot. His conscience pricked at him and he snarled at it. He braked hard at the next corner when he saw a phone box and threw himself out of the car. He regained a small measure of control over himself as he rang through to the dorms.

"Not good company tonight," he murmured as he waited for the Duty Sergeant to pick it up. Tonight he wanted to drink, but he wanted it to be alone. There was no way he wanted anyone beside him as he drank himself into oblivion.

Ed sighed, half relieved and half annoyed when he received the message. He looked around his dorm. Oh well, he could get some reading done or draw some more arrays or go to bed. He could go to the bar. He was old enough. It would be getting out. Even if it was on his own.

He rubbed his hands down his thighs at the thought. Why did the thought of going out make him nervous? Or was it the going out alone that worried him?

"Thinking too damned much again," he told himself in a low voice. He let his breath out. He didn't want to go out on his own. It was why he was annoyed that Havoc had cancelled. He had gotten himself psyched up to go out and now he felt let down and he didn't have the confidence to go out to a new place on his own. He sighed. All these months of leading a hermit life had turned him into one. His room had become the place he felt safest and the thought of being around strangers in a strange place unsettled him.

His eyes flickered. Maybe Al had a point, a small one he hastened to add mentally. He wandered over to the table and picked up the first book before dropping down onto his bed. He wanted to bury himself in obscure calculations because he knew that once he started admitting that Al might, might, be right about one thing, he might start admitting that some of the other points might be valid as well.

He opened the book and looked at the first page. Why had Havoc cancelled anyway? Maybe he'd ask the blond tomorrow. Maybe I'll ask him to go out this time. Take that, Alphonse Elric. Ed grinned to himself. Yeah, take that brother.

Havoc sighed in relief as he finally managed to get out of Headquarters. There was a bottle or three at his small flat with his name on it and he was anxious to get to them. He had thought to have been halfway through them by now, but the insidious paperwork had caught him as he had brought the car back.

Car usage, mileage, expenses and general service reports. His conscience had gotten its revenge by making sure he felt obligated to stay there and fill out every line, every page in his neatest, clearest writing. Havoc was now planning on buying an extra bottle just to make sure his conscience was nowhere near sober for a week.

The sudden shaking of the ground under his feet had him wondering if he'd started drinking without knowing about it, but the loud explosion that followed had his head whipping around.

A pillar of smoke was rising from one side of the compound and Havoc took off, running hard with other soldiers who began to appear. The ground shook again and he staggered. A rolling wave of dust came toward him and he put his arm up across his nose. It cleared and he came to a halt as he saw the damage.

The dormitory building had been blown open. A section of the wall had disappeared and rooms were visible on three sides of the gaping hole that was now there. Everything seemed to be angling dangerously, just waiting for the lightest touch to fall down onto those struggling to get out underneath. Havoc went closer and grabbed the nearest Sergeant.

"Get some men and get them to start shifting rubble from that side. We need to clear the way for the rescuers." The Sergeant moved away and began to gather some helpers and Havoc began to give other orders. He sent another Sergeant running for medics and another to start calling in all available personnel.

It was hours before he could get to a phone and he was exhausted and the sweat that trickled through the dust on his face looked more like tears.

"Sir, there's been another attack," Havoc said heavily when he heard the phone pick up. "Chief, you need to get down here. The men's dorms have been destroyed and we can't find Ed."

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone for the comments and support we have received for this… we really appreciate it…

And now you need to go and read Spirix's half to find out what Roy and Maes have been doing and thinking…

It's been fun getting this chapter together and I probably upset the demon (don't deny it, Sp'rixy) slightly for suddenly looking at things through Havoc's eyes as well… but hey, Ed and Havoc are mine for this little enterprise… grins…I promise not to touch Roy or Maes… yet…laughs

silken :)