When Kurt wakes up, it takes him a few blissful moments to remember what happened last night. When he does, he moans and buries his head in his pillow. He doesn't want to wake up. He doesn't want to face a day when he's no longer allowed to be excited about Sebastian's existence; not yet.
He reaches for his phone, and as predicted, he has a couple of missed calls and a few texts from Sebastian. He doesn't read them, just sends a No, closes the conversation, and throws the phone down his bed. It's a little before ten and he has to be at work by three. Five hours is not enough time to go back to sleep, but it's still too much time to think.
He ends up in front of his computer, mindlessly browsing through craigs list entries tagged with 'New York'. It's about everything from apartments for rent, to babysitters needed, and Kurt finds himself getting more and more willing to do just about anything to get away from here. Get away from this town, away from this life, away from himself as the person he is here.
When his phone bleeps, telling him it's time to get to work, he's jerked out of his downward spiral. He closes the browser without saving any of the twenty-seven tabs and shuts his computer off. He won't be going anywhere but to the Lima Bean for the foreseeable future. He might as well accept the fact and just deal with it.
xoxoxoxox
Kurt doesn't know if he really looks that miserable, or if his co-workers are just that nice, but when he gets into work and asks them to warn him if Sebastian comes in, they don't question it. Two hours into his shift he's standing with his back to the door, when Lisa suddenly pokes him in the side and hisses "Backroom, now" in his ear. He doesn't even question it, just gracefully disappears into the backroom as if that had been his intention the whole time, and he sends a silent thanks to Lisa when he hears Sebastian's voice drifting through the open door.
"Hi, is Kurt here?" Sebastian asks, even though he must have seen Kurt disappearing.
"He's busy," Lisa answers, snappier than Kurt has ever heard her. "Can I take your order?"
"Could you ask him if he-"
"Kurt is busy. May I take your order?"
Kurt doesn't need to see Sebastian to know that his gaze is flickering between Lisa and the wall Kurt is hiding behind. Kurt wants to see him, wants to go out and take a look and see if Sebastian is hurting just as badly as Kurt is, but he can't. He's afraid he'll see that Sebastian isn't, so he stays where he is, leaning against the wall, waiting while Lisa takes Sebastian's order and makes it for him. He hears the door open and close, but not until she calls out "He's gone" does he walk back out.
"Thank you," he says as he resumes his place by the counter. Lisa gives him a quick shoulder-squeeze and a reassuring smile.
"Anytime."
xoxoxoxox
Sebastian doesn't come to the Lima Bean at all on Saturday, and by the time Sunday afternoon rolls around, Kurt is torn. He's relieved that he hasn't had to see Sebastian, but at the same time he can't help being disappointed at Sebastian's obvious lack of interest. If he really likes Kurt as much as he'd said, he could've tried a little harder. Kurt is contradicting himself, he knows, because Sebastian has tried to call him, several times, and sent him multiple texts, which have all been ignored. He has tried, and Kurt has ignored him, but it still feels too easy. It enforces Kurt's thoughts about this just being a fun temporary thing for Sebastian, that he never meant any part of what he said by the lake a few weeks ago.
When Kurt gets home from work, he heads straight up to his room and opens his closet. He spent last night at Rachel's, curled up in her bed with her laptop between them, going through craigslist once again. Kurt needs to do something, needs to get away from here, and he and Rachel have a tentative plan going on now. One thing that's definitely clear is that he can't possibly take all of his clothes with him to New York, so he might as well start to sort out his closet.
He's just reaching out to grab the first shirt, when the doorbell rings, and he hears his dad wander out to get it. Kurt stills with his hand on the fabric and tries to make something out of the muffled voices, but he gets nothing. Then his dad yells "Kurt! It's for you!" and Kurt knows his dad's different voices enough to realize that it's Sebastian at the door. He's instantly filled with equal parts dread and anticipation and he abandons his clothes in favor of looking over himself in the mirror. He's still wearing his work clothes and he hasn't showered, but Sebastian has seen him looking worse than this, so it doesn't matter. Probably.
Kurt takes his time, doesn't hurry to get out of his room or down the stairs. It's comforting that Sebastian is here, because this is Kurt's safe place, he has the upper hand here and can tell Sebastian to leave if it gets to be too much.
His dad gives him a questioning look when he gets down the stairs. Kurt gives him a half-shrug and a nod, and his dad gives him a short nod back before going back into the living room. Kurt shoves his hands deep down in his pockets and walks around the corner to the hall. Sebastian is standing with his back to the open door, arms crossed over his chest and staring intently at his shoes. He looks up when he hears Kurt's soft footsteps.
"Hey," he says, his voice a bit off. Kurt doesn't say anything, just stops at the threshold and looks at him. Sebastian meets his gaze for a second, then looks away. "Look, I know you don't want to talk to me, but I just-need to explain, please."
Kurt feels his dad's presence in the living room and knows that he's probably straining to hear the conversation.
"Come on, let's-" He steps forward and Sebastian steps back, out on the porch. Kurt closes the door behind them and leans back against it, looking at Sebastian expectantly. He doesn't particularly want to hear whatever excuse Sebastian is about to make up, but he needs to get some kind of closure.
Sebastian leans back against one of the pillars and sighs. "We weren't supposed to leave for another month. I know I should've told you earlier, but I just-I didn't want to ruin what we had."
"As opposed to now, you mean?" Kurt can't help but cut in. Sebastian shoots him a glare to compete with Kurt's own, so he just presses his lips together and waits.
"I know I should have told you earlier," Sebastian repeats. "Like, on our first date. Or something like that. But I didn't, and then you-I knew you'd be upset, and I just wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. Shitty of me, I know, but-I was honest when we talked about the future. I want to do those things with you. I want you to visit me over there, I want all of those things."
Sebastian drags a hand over his face and sits down on the stairs. "I was planning to tell you in a better way. It involved these." He pulls an envelope from the front pocket of his hoodie and hands it to Kurt.
It's a plain, white envelope, and Kurt opens it reluctantly. He pulls out a few sheets of paper and unfolds them, his eyes widening as he reads.
"Sebastian, this is-"
It's a printout from Sebastian's Gmail account, a reservation for a Kurt Hummel on a flight to Paris in two months. It's dated three weeks ago.
"It's presumptuous, I know, but it's changeable, and you haven't said anything about new plans for fall, so..." Sebastian trails off and looks down at his knees. "I really meant to tell you."
"This is-I can't-" Kurt stutters, still staring at the papers as if i can't believe they're real.
Sebastian shrugs. "My parents are loaded, you know that. It's not-I want you to visit. And now I sure as fuck don't care what they'll say, not after what mom did."
Kurt folds up the papers back in the envelope and hands it back to Sebastian. "Can you-I believe you, but...Can I get some time? To think?"
Sebastian stuffs the envelope back in his pocket and stands up. "Sure. Sure I'll just-" He doesn't meet Kurt's eyes, barely looks in his direction. "Whatever. I'll just-go home." He turns around and walks down the stairs, without looking back.
"Sebastian!" Kurt calls out after him. Sebastian stops and spins on the spot and throws his arms out.
"What?" he says, and he sounds choked up. Kurt wants to go after him and hug him, but he really needs to sort out his own thoughts. He believes that Sebastian is sincere, the email was pretty convincing, but he still needs to deal with the thought of possibly being in a relationship with someone across the Atlantic. He can't rush into this, he has to take his time, for his own sake and for Sebastian's. "What do you want me to do?" Sebastian continues, jerking Kurt out of his thoughts. "You want me to sit on your porch while you decide if I'm good enough for you? I've explained, and apologized, and if you can't accept it-that's on you."
He turns again and walks away before Kurt has a chance to say anything. He stays on the porch, watching Sebastian drive away, and not until the sound of the engine has completely faded does he go inside again.
xoxoxoxox
Kurt spends the rest of the night locked up in his room, sorting his clothes with a system almost bordering on obsessive, and thinking.
Does he want to be in a transatlantic long-distance relationship? Is it worth it? Will it be worth the tears and the aching longing, the insane phone bills and missed sleep due to late night skype sessions?
Probably. Kurt feels like he's insane for even considering it; he's only known Sebastian for three months and they've spent so much time together, it's hard to imagine how they'll work out when they'll only see each other a few times a year at the very most. But, at the same time, he really wants to give this a shot. He's never felt this way about anyone before. Not that he's had any chance before, but he wants to give this a try. He feels like he owes it, to both himself and Sebastian. If it doesn't work out, at least they'll never have to see each other again.
The realization hits Kurt hard and he sits down at the edge of the bed, holding an old sweater in his arms. He's actually going to try and do this. If Sebastian still wants to, they're going to try a transatlantic long-distance relationship.
This was not how Kurt imagined his summer to end.
xoxoxoxox
Kurt gives it a few more days to really think it over and let it sink in, but Wednesday night, when he's spent all day at work zoning out, he realizes that his feelings aren't going away. Sebastian is, though, and if Kurt wants to do this, he needs to do something about it now.
He can barely sit still during dinner, and as soon as they're done, he says "I'm going over to Sebastian's," grabs his car keys, and is out the door before his father or Carole have a chance to reply.
Kurt has no idea what he's going to say to Sebastian, but the thought of losing him, like this, without even trying, makes Kurt dizzy. It's been cloudy all day and the sky keeps getting darker in a way that has nothing to do with nightfall the closer Kurt gets to Sebastian's house. Kurt recognizes it in a distant sort of way, but he doesn't realize what it means until he turns onto Sebastian's street and the rain starts to splatter on his windshield. He parks on the street and looks up at the house. Sebastian is on the porch with a book in his lap, but his eyes are focused on Kurt. In just a few seconds, the rain goes from dripping to downright pouring, and when Kurt steps out of the car, he's soaked before he even locks it up.
Sebastian is standing when Kurt makes it up the walkway and Kurt stops about halfway to the porch, not wanting to get closer to Sebastian before he knows what he'll say.
"Hi," Kurt says, squinting up at Sebastian through the rain. He knows he should be freezing, but he's too nervous to register the cold.
"Hi," Sebastian replies, arms crossed over his chest and sounding wary.
"I, uh-" Kurt really hasn't thought this through, at all. He sighs, takes a deep breath. "I want this, too. Us. I-believe you. And I understand why you didn't-why you didn't want to say something. I don't think I would've, either." He stares at Sebastian's clavicle as he talks, can't look him in the face, but when he's done, he aims his gaze a bit higher. "And...I think I'm in love with you," he adds, looking Sebastian in the eye this time.
"You think?" Sebastian echoes, but there's no malice in his voice.
"Yes. And I-I want to be in a fucking long-distance relationship with you, Sebastian, can you-" Kurt doesn't get to finish his sentence, Sebastian is down the stairs and in front of him in seconds and then they're kissing.
It's still raining, and Kurt is pretty sure his phone won't survive this, but Sebastian's lips are warm against his and how is he supposed to care about anything but that?
"It's gonna be really shitty most of the time," Sebastian says when they finally break apart. He's soaked now, too, raindrops streaming down his face. "With time zones, and someone forgetting to call, and not being able to touch each other, and-"
"I know, shut up," Kurt says, pulling him in for another kiss. "I know, but-It's worth a try, isn't it?"
Sebastian smiles a thim. "Hell yes, it is."
They lose themselves in kissing, don't break apart again until someone clears their throat up on the porch. Sebastian spins around and sees his father standing there with a bemused smile.
"While I'm sure we all appreciate the dramatic flare of this, you will catch a cold if you stay out much longer," he says, trying hard to sound serious.
"Uhm, yeah..." Sebastian turns to Kurt. "You wanna come in? You can borrow something so you won't have to drive home like that. Or you could, I mean-"
"I'm heading over to Nick's," Sebastian's dad interrupts, nodding towards a house further down the street. Kurt realizes now that he has an umbrella in one hand. "We're gonna watch the game. I'll probably be away for at least a few hours. And your mother doesn't come home until tomorrow." He opens the umbrella and steps down on the walkway. "Good to see you, Kurt," he says as he passes them.
Kurt and Sebastian both stare after him as he walks down the street.
"Did your dad just tell us we could-"
"Finish that sentence, and I'll never speak to you again," Sebastian cuts him off with a strained voice. Kurt laughs and tangles his fingers with Sebastian's, then turns them around towards the house.
"If it helps, I like his idea."
"Noted, but it doesn't."
When they step up on the porch and the roof protects them from the rain, Kurt is instantly hit with the realization of how cold he is. His clothes are sticking to his skin and water is trickling from his hair, down his neck and into the collar of his shirt. He presses his lips together to keep his teeth from rattling and keeps silent during the walk to Sebastian's bedroom. When they're both in dry clothes, Sebastian grabs Kurt's arm and pulls him close, hugging him.
"That was probably not the best idea," Sebastian says after a while.
"No," Kurt agrees, snuggling closer and burrowing his face in the soft fabric of Sebastian's hoodie. "I'd do it again, though," he adds.
"Well, good. I'd want you to do it again."
"Yeah, who wouldn't want a soaking wet boy standing in front of their house telling them they love you every day," Kurt deadpans, but Sebastian stiffens in his arms. Kurt steps back. "What?"
"Nothing. Just-I love you, too."
"Good." Kurt leans in to kiss him again, and it quickly turns heated.
"Why did we get dressed?" Sebastian asks, tugging on Kurt's shirt.
"Something with 'wet' and 'cold' I think," Kurt murmurs back, reluctant to let go of Sebastian's mouth even to pull their shirts over their heads.
"Doesn't make sense, you're hot," Sebastian says between kisses. Kurt groans and rolls his eyes, and the movement lets Sebastian push him backwards onto the bed. "Come on," he says, sliding his hands in under the waistband of the pajama pants Kurt has borrowed. Kurt lifts his hips to help him, then does the same to Sebastian, leaving them both in their underwear.
It only takes a few minutes of kissing and roaming hands to get them both hard and panting. Sebastian presses down, his cock sliding against Kurt's through the cotton, and Kurt arches up against him. They're in Sebastian's bed, and they're alone for a few more hours, and Sebastian is leaving on Monday. A surge of heat goes through Kurt as he realizes exactly what he wants to do before Sebastian leaves and his cock twitches at the thought, making Sebastian groan where he has his mouth pressed against the soft skin of Kurt's neck.
Kurt grabs the back of Sebastian's head and guides him up until their lips meet again. "Fuck me," he breathes out against Sebastian's mouth. Sebastian stills, but Kurt can feel his cock pulse against Kurt's.
"Are you-?" He starts to ask, but Kurt slides his hands down and grabs Sebastian's ass and presses him closer in an imitation of a thrust, effectively shutting him up.
"Yes," he says, and sticks his hands inside of Sebastian's underwear so he can drag his nails over his skin. "I'm sure."
"Okay. Okay, I'll just-" He reaches over to open the drawer in the bedside table, pulling out lube and condoms. "Fuck, Kurt-"
"Yes, exactly. Come on, off," Kurt says, tugging on Sebastian's boxers. Sebastian helps him to get them off, then pulls off Kurt's, and then they're both gloriously naked and achingly hard. Sebastian starts to move down the bed, but Kurt stops him with a hand on his shoulder. "Could you-I'm...pretty close, already, so..." He feels his cheeks heat up with embarrassment, but Sebastian doesn't laugh at him, just lies down on top of him instead and kisses him again.
Kurt hears the snap of the lube bottle lid, and a few seconds later, Sebastian is trailing cool, sticky fingers against his hole.
"Like this?" Sebastian asks, his breath ghosting over Kurt's skin.
"Uh-huh," Kurt nods, swallowing hard when Sebastian presses the first fingertip in.
It's-good. Kurt has experimented on his own, especially since he started dating Sebastian, but this is so much better than doing it alone. Sebastian quickly works it up to two fingers and he's panting heavily against Kurt's neck. Kurt roams his hands over Sebastian's body, feels the strain in his arm where he's keeping himself hovering over Kurt and god, he's so turned on by the whole situation.
"More," he pleads when the pain has lessened and there's just slick hot pressure. Sebastian opens his mouth, presumably to ask Kurt if he's sure, but Kurt grabs his head and kisses him hard to stop him. "You need to fuck me before I come," he says, and he feels more than sees Sebastian swallow and nod. Then he eases in another finger next to the other two, and Kurt moans, loudly. "Come on, Sebastian."
"Okay, I'll just-" Sebastian sits back on his heels and Kurt shivers when he doesn't have a warm body hovering over him anymore. He watches Sebastian reach for a condom and put it on, slick himself up, and then Sebastian meets his eyes for a second. He raises his eyebrows in a silent question and Kurt nods, too turned on and excited and nervous to be able to come up with a witty reply to such a redundant question.
There's blunt pressure, and Kurt forces himself to relax, takes a deep breath and watches Sebastian concentrate as he slowly presses inside.
"God," Sebastian breathes out when he's finally inside. He reaches up to swipe his hair out of his face but can't tear his gaze away from where they're joined. Kurt is finding it surprisingly hot to watch just how hot Sebastian thinks this is, and his cock is aching so much now that he has to touch it. He reaches down to grab himself, and he can see how Sebastian immediately refocuses, and then closes his eyes and groans.
"Kurt, you can't," he says, sounding tense with the strain it is to keep still. His hands are on Kurt's thighs, keeping them apart, and his nails are digging into Kurt's skin.
"Move," Kurt says, finally feeling ready and needing more. He puts his heels on Sebastian's ass and presses, for emphasis. Sebastian catches on quickly, moving in and out with long, slow thrusts, despite Kurt pressing for more. "Come on," he huffs impatiently. "Harder." Sebastian's eyes meet his, and he smirks, and there's the Sebastian that Kurt knows. He takes a better grip on Kurt's thighs, presses them up and apart, thrusts in harder, and Kurt loses his breath for a second.
"Jesus," he groans, jerking his cock faster. "Fuck, Sebastian, right there, god-" He clutches the sheets with his free hand and tries to arch his hips up to meet Sebastian's thrusts, but he's inexperienced and can't match his rhythm, at all. It doesn't really matter though, because after only a couple of more thrusts, Kurt feels the tell-tale sensation in his back, and he knows he's close. Sebastian seems to notice, too, because he rearranges his grip on Kurt's legs and then reaches down to grasp Kurt's cock, jerking it with practiced moves.
"Come on, Kurt," he urges, working his hips the best he can. "Just let it go, come on my cock, come on-"
And Kurt does. He squeezes his eyes shut and lets his orgasm rush over him in powerful waves, just going with it. He's so lost in the sensation that he doesn't notice the stuttering of Sebastian's hips and his drawn-out groan until he slumps down on the bed beside Kurt, placing a sloppy kiss on his mouth.
"I'm so glad we did that before I leave," he says, sighing contentedly.
"Okay...?" Kurt says, not really sure if he wants to hear the answer.
"Jerk-off material for months," Sebastian says, cuddling closer to Kurt and burrowing his face in Kurt's neck. "I'm gonna need it."
Kurt can feel himself blush, even though he logically knows Sebastian jerks off. He most certainly appreciates being the source of Sebastian's fantasies, but he still gets embarrassed to have it spelled out so bluntly.
"Good for you, then," he says, his voice a bit higher than normal. Sebastian kisses his neck and Kurt can feel his smile.
"Yeah. Good for me."
xoxoxoxox
During Sebastian's last days in the country, they spend all of their free time together. Their parents are not too happy about it, but Kurt and Sebastian really don't care. Sebastian packs while Kurt's at work, and then they spend as much time as possible doing as little as possible. Kurt still hasn't told Sebastian about his New York plans, which makes him feel a bit like a hypocrite, but on the other hand it won't exactly affect their relationship if Kurt's in Ohio or New York. He'll still be hours away from Sebastian.
Kurt doesn't come along to the airport. He doesn't want to drive, and he doesn't want to take a cab back home, so he says his goodbye to Sebastian at home.
Sebastian's dad isn't moving for another few months, so the house is still almost fully furnished. It feels weird to lie in Sebastian's bed, knowing that they'll probably never return. The next time they're together, it'll be in Paris. They're leaving for the airport around seven in the morning, and Kurt and Sebastian have been up all night, just laying in bed, talking.
"I'm gonna miss you so much," Kurt says when the sunlight starts to trickle in through the curtains. His throat is tight and he blinks furiously to avoid any tears.
"I'm gonna miss you, too," Sebastian replies, closing the couple of inches between them to kiss him. Kurt hasn't let any tears fall, but there's still wetness against his cheeks.