Kurt feels like he's been slapped in the face. Out of everything he had imagined since he asked the cab driver to change the course, this was not even on the list.

"You're-okay," he says, taking a step back and just barely manages to keep himself upright when his heel hits nothing but the air above the step. "I'm just gonna-" Kurt waves towards where the cab had dropped him off, but he told the driver to leave, so there's just gravel. He'll have to call a new one.

"I mean, you can stay," Sebastian says, nodding back into the house. "As long as you need. But I'm leaving. I just thought you'd want to know."

Kurt looks between Sebastian and the empty driveway, weighs his options. He can't stay for long either way, he has to get back to work, but even though Sebastian is leaving, it's still more tempting to stay here than to face his family.

"Thanks," Kurt says, and takes a step forward again while Sebastian takes a step back to let him in

"Do you want anything? I have coffee. And some leftovers," Sebastian says, gesturing to the kitchen. When he says it, Kurt realizes that he hasn't eaten anything since breakfast, and as if on cue, his stomach rumbles. Sebastian smirks. "I'll heat something up."

The kitchen is still in its original 50's decor and Kurt sits down at the table while Sebastian takes out a tupperware container and unloads what looks like lasagna onto a plate.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" Sebastian says as he puts the plate in the microwave.

"About what?"

Sebastian nods towards where Kurt's hands are folded together on the table. His bare fingers. Kurt looks down at them, draws a shaky breath.

"No," he says shortly.

"Okay," Sebastian says easily, picking cutlery from a drawer and filling up a glass with water, placing them in front of Kurt. This won't be the last of it, Kurt is sure, but he's grateful for the acceptance for now.

"I should probably call my dad, though," Kurt says, thinking out loud more than anything. "I was gonna go there first. I didn't fly out here assuming I could, you know. Just barge in here. But I just-I can't deal with them, not right now. They're gonna have questions, and I know they mean well, but I just can't. Not yet."

The microwave dings, and Sebastian pulls the plate out and sets it down on the table. "It's okay," he says. "I meant it, you can stay here as long as you want." He sits down opposite of Kurt. "Not like I'm gonna bother you."

"Yeah, thanks. I still need to get back to work, though," Kurt says, picking the food.

"Of course. Offer still stands, though."

Kurt nods. "Why are you leaving?" he ask, can't help himself. "I thought you were...busy." He waves gestures to the room around them.

Sebastian shrugs. "There's no deadline. I'm done with the critical stuff on the outside, so there's no hurry. And I'm only gonna be gone for six months, it's not like I'm abandoning the place."

Only six months. Kurt feels lightheaded with relief. "What are you going to do?"

"Work." Sebastian gets up and starts making coffee. "We did a thing for a company as our grad work, and now they want us back for another campaign. And this time they're paying us. Plus, Michel has gotten us some other things to do, too. I'm not exactly saying no to a job."

"No, of course not. But that's good, isn't it? That they want you back?"

"Yeah, it's awesome," Sebastian says, leaning back against the counter and seemingly unable to keep the proud smile off of his face.

"Where are you gonna stay? With you mom? You said she was still in France, right?"

"Oh, god, no. I mean, yes, she's still there, but no, I'm not staying with her. I'm renting an apartment." Sebastian nods to the fridge, where Kurt can see a couple of recipes from papers, and a sheet from a notepad with dates and addresses written on it.

"What about your dad? Didn't he move with you?"

Sebastian turns around and pours his coffee. "Was supposed to, yeah," he says, not facing Kurt. "Never did. He and mom got divorced instead."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

Sebastian shrugs and turns around, sitting down at the table again. "For the best, I guess."

"Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt," Kurt says. Their eyes meet, and they both know there's a lot in those sentences.

"Yeah," Sebastian says quietly.

They're both silent for a while, Kurt finishing the last of his food and Sebastian sipping his coffee. When Kurt is done, he gets up to put the plate in the sink, but he doesn't even get up from the chair before he lets out a big yawn, causing Sebastian to huff out a laugh at him.

"Tired?" he asks. Kurt looks at him, blinks, and realizes that yes, he is tired. Exhausted, actually. He glances up at the clock on the wall and is both surprised and not surprised at all to realize it's almost eleven.

"Yeah," he says, almost sounding wondrous.

"I'll get you some linens."

x

Sebastian makes the bed in the actual guest bedroom, the only bedroom on the ground floor.

"I'm in the master bedroom if you-uhm. Need anything," Sebastian says a bit awkwardly when he's done, clutching the protective blanket that's been laying on the bed.

"No dinosaurs?" Kurt smiles.

Sebastian's eyes flash with something that Kurt doesn't have a chance to recognize, then he gives Kurt a weak smile. "No. I think I could dig up a dinosaur pillow case if you really wanted to, though."

"No need." Kurt yawns, again, and Sebastian takes a step back.

"Well, I'll leave you to it. You know where everything is."

"Yeah. Thanks, again. You didn't need to do this."

"I know," Sebastian says. "But I wanted to."

Again, Kurt feels as if they're talking about something much bigger than making beds. Sebastian leaves, and Kurt does his business in the bathroom. He strips down to his underwear and crawls in between the cool, fresh sheets, and realizes with a start that Sebastian must use the same laundry detergent as his mother does, or did, because the sheets smell almost exactly the same as the ones on Sebastian's bed all those years ago.

Almost the same, and it takes Kurt several minutes to realize it's because they're missing the smell of Sebastian.

x

Kurt barely sleeps through the night, twisting and turning and getting hit with the realization that it's over, over and over again. He still gets up early next morning and walks out into the kitchen, needing to call in sick to work. He sits down at the table and scrolls through his contacts, looking for the number for the reception. It's not until Isabelle picks up that Kurt realizes he's hit the wrong contact.

"Hi, it's-Kurt," Kurt stutters, caught off-guard.

"Hello, Kurt," Isabelle says, and Kurt can hear the smile in her voice, patiently waiting for him to explain why he's calling her half past seven in the morning, when he should be on his way to the office.

"I'm not-" He means to say I'm sorry, I'm sick, he really does, but what comes out of his mouth is, "Blaine and I split up."

"Oh, honey," Isabelle says, her voice heavy with sympathy, and Kurt can feel the tears burning behind his eyelids again.

"So I'm-I'm not in New York, I'm in Lima. I can do some work from home, but I'm-"

"Of course, take your time," she says, cutting him off. "I'll email you a couple of things that need to be done, but don't worry about it."

"Thank you," Kurt says, hoping he manages to reveal his gratitude.

"Take care," Isabelle says, and then she hangs up, cutting the conversation short and effective.

Kurt puts the phone down and stares out into the air. He just called in sick to work because his ex-fiancé broke off their engagement.

"Hey," Sebastian says, coming into the kitchen and going straight for the coffee maker.

"Hey."

Sebastian starts the coffee and then turns around. When he sees Kurt he looks worried. "You okay?" he asks.

"No," Kurt replies. Sebastian waits for him to continue, but when he doesn't, he just nods.

"I have some stuff to do today. You can-you're free to do what you want. Borrow the car or whatever."

As if on cue, Kurt's phone dings with the email from Isabelle. "Can I get your wifi password?" he asks. "I have some work to do, actually."

Sebastian coughs and avoids Kurt's gaze. "Uhm. Yeah, sure, let me-" He turns around and grabs a notepad and a pen, scribbling down something.

"Here," he says, handing the note to Kurt and then turning around again to pour the coffee. "Still just milk?"

"Yes, thank you," Kurt says and reaches for the note. It says Cart00nHer0es and he lets out a startled laugh, surprising both himself and Sebastian.

"Yeah, well," Sebastian says defensively, setting down a coffee mug in front of Kurt with a little more force than necessary. "I didn't exactly plan on sharing it."

"I'm not judging," Kurt says, even though they both know he totally is. He's smiling, though, and Sebastian seems happy enough about that to let it go.

x

"Are we going to talk about it at all before I leave?" Sebastian asks over dinner that night. Kurt has cooked, and Sebastian likes it, judging by how fast he shovels food into his mouth, at least.

"I was hoping we wouldn't," Kurt says with faked causality.

"Okay," Sebastian says and shrugs. "You do have to talk about it eventually, you know," he adds, avoiding Kurt's gaze.

"We didn't-" break up because of you, Kurt doesn't finish, because he can control himself, and because he honestly doesn't know if it's true. "It just didn't work out," he amends. "Nothing to talk about."

Sebastian raises his eyebrows, but doesn't say anything else.

"Tell me about Paris," Kurt asks, changing the subject.

Sebastian accepts it easily. "What do you want to know?"

x

They talk about Paris for almost two hours, and then Sebastian gets up to make coffee.

"Come here," he says when it's done and he has two steaming mugs in his hands, nodding towards the front porch. Kurt raises his eyebrows in question, but he doesn't say anything, just follows. He opens the door when Sebastian asks him to, watches as he sets the mugs down on the railing and then ducks inside again to flip a switch.

Kurt gasps as the porch gets flooded with the light from hundreds of teeny tiny fairy lights, hung around the pillars and across the support beams overhead.

"This is beautiful," he says when Sebastian steps back out on the porch and hands Kurt his coffee.

Sebastian shrugs, obviously pleased with Kurt's reaction but trying to hide it. "It was your idea," he says.

You need an honest chance with Sebastian.

Kurt sips his coffee and looks out over the grounds.

"I can't believe it's been five years," he says quietly. Sebastian is silent beside him. "I told Blaine we could go to Tokyo for our honeymoon," he continues, not looking at Sebastian. "Since he'd always wanted to. He was really confused. I can't believe it's been five years and you're still under my skin."

"Kurt..."

"It's insane. It shouldn't-It can't be normal."

"You're not alone. If that helps."

Yeah, Kurt has pretty much guessed that, what with the letter, and taking him in, and now the fairy lights. It doesn't really help, though, it only makes him even more confused and unsure. If Sebastian had moved on completely, and not had any lingering feelings for Kurt, it would've been so much easier to just write it off, forget it, and move on. Now he can't do that, now he has to analyze this and consider the options, and then he has to do something. He's still unsure what.

"When did you put these up?" he asks, motioning to the lights and not acknowledging Sebastian's comment.

"A week ago."

They weren't even talking a week ago. For all Sebastian knew then, they never would've spoken again.

"They're really pretty," Kurt says again, and looks at Sebastian this time. He smiles.

"Thanks." He puts his elbows on the railing and points towards one edge of grounds, close to a set of apple trees. "I'm thinking of putting up the greenhouse there," he says. "Lots of sun, and not in the way. What do you think?"

"Sounds good," Kurt says. "You could make a patio there, too. Would be nice with the shade from the trees."

"Yeah, until you get an apple in the head," Sebastian scoffs, and Kurt smiles.

"True."

"I'm thinking of making a patio over there, though," Sebastian says and points towards another part of the grounds, where the hedges are growing tall. "Plant a couple of more hedge plants in whatever cardinal direction that makes sense. Use an umbrella until they grow up." When Kurt just hums approvingly, Sebastian points towards the tree right in front of them, down by the lake. "And I'm placing a bench under the tree."

"Yeah?"

"Mm. It's a good spot."

"It is."

x

Tuesday night, Kurt gives up on trying to sleep. He's been tossing and turning for two nights, and an hour into the third, he gets up instead. He puts on his jeans and a sweatshirt and walks out, without putting on shoes. The grass is cool against his bare feet, but his clothes keep him warm enough in the chilly night air, and he takes a few deep breaths before he makes his way down to the dock.

The air is still, so the lake is completely blank, not a ripple in sight. Kurt walks halfway down the dock and then sits down cross-legged in the middle of it, his back towards the house, facing the wide expanse of water.

He doesn't know how long he sits there, and somehow he isn't the least bit surprised when he hears the wood creak behind him.

"Couldn't sleep?" Sebastian asks, his voice still a bit raspy from not being used.

"No."

"Do you want to be alone?" Sebastian asks, from right beside him, this time. Kurt shakes his head, and Sebastian sits down. Neither of them say anything for a while, but then Sebastian takes a deep breath. "Look, I know you don't want to talk about you and Blaine, but we still need to talk about this." He gestures between them. "I'm leaving tomorrow, we can't have it like this."

"I'm pretty sure you just answered your own question," Kurt says. "You're leaving tomorrow. Transatlantic long-distance relationship didn't work out so well for us the last time, did it?"

"Come on, Kurt. That's not fair."

Kurt stares at him. "Fair? You want to talk about fair? Try losing your phone for a week, only to find out your boyfriend didn't think you worthy enough to keep in contact. Try having a breakdown over a fucking Aqua song. Try falling in love with someone else, only to have him break up your engagement when your ex walks back into your life. Try that, and then we'll talk fair."

The silence seems bigger now than before. Sebastian avoids Kurt's gaze.

"I haven't burned a mix CD since we broke up," he says.

"We never broke up," Kurt points out, because they didn't, not technically. Sebastian ignores him.

"I still went to the airport. When you were supposed to come. I knew you didn't have your tickets or anything, but I still went." Sebastian pulls his knees up to his chin and wraps his arms around his legs. He looks so small that Kurt immediately wants to apologize for not showing up, for not taking the flight, but he bites his lip and keeps quiet. "I really wish things were different, that we did better then. But we were nineteen." He looks up and meets Kurt's eyes. "We're older now, and it's only six months. We could do it. If you want to."

"I just broke off an engagement," Kurt says, but it's without conviction.

"I know. Maybe the distance will be a good thing."

"I don't think so."

Sebastian smiles sadly. "Me neither."

"So..."

"So. I think we either do this, or we don't. Like, either we don't have any contact at all, until when I get home, if we still want to. Or, we try. For real. Despite the distance. We'll call and skype and text and-I'll get facebook, if I have to."

"The ultimate sacrifice," Kurt says, giving him a weak smile. It's slightly overwhelming, how ready Sebastian is to do this. Kurt is honestly still trying to process the fact that Sebastian is leaving in a couple of hours, and that he'll be gone again, so soon after meeting him.

"And you can come visit. I can show you the world," Sebastian says, looking at Kurt to see if he gets the reference, smiling when he does.

"Shining, shimmering, splendid; I'm not sure anyone uses those words to describe Paris in November," Kurt remarks, but he feels a bit better.

"You'll just have to see for yourself, won't you?"

"You really think it could work this time?" Kurt asks, and he's a little scared to hear the answer. He's scared to hear a no, to hear that Sebastian doesn't believe in them, but to hear a yes would also be terrifying. The last time they tried it went to hell, and they barely know each other now. They have no way of knowing if it'll last this time. If they can do better, if they are better. Kurt is quite sure this isn't what Blaine meant with 'honest chance.'

"Yes," Sebastian says. "I mean, it will be really fucking hard. But this time we both know what happens if we give up."

"You've thought a lot about this," Kurt says. It's not a question. Sebastian still nods.

"If you're not ready, I get it. But I can't do this limbo thing while I'm away; I'll go mad. You need to be all in or all out."

"When are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Kurt..."

"No, I know. I'm gonna answer. But can I get some time to think?"

Sebastian sighs. "Yeah. I'm taking a cab around nine, I think?"

"You want me to drive you?" Kurt asks, and gets a shrug in return.

"If you want to."

"I do."

They fall into silence after that. The chilly air starts to get to Kurt, and just as he's about to get up and go inside again, Sebastian takes another deep breath and asks, almost so fast that Kurt doesn't catch it, "Can I kiss you?"

Kurt's breath get stuck in his throat. Five years ago, in this exact spot, Sebastian asked the same question. There was a lot at stake then, and there's a lot at stake now, and the similarity almost makes Kurt tear up.

"Why?" he whispers.

"Why not?" Sebastian counters, angling himself closer.

Back then, he asked for Kurt's first real kiss. It's the exact same question now, but it feels like he's asking for so much more. Kurt doesn't know if he's ready to give it all up, but he still nods. "Okay."

Sebastian's lips are soft against Kurt's, and he kisses differently than he did then. Or maybe it's Kurt that kisses differently, it just doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel bad, it feels really good, but it's another thing that's changed between them. Sebastian's tongue sweeps against Kurt's bottom lip and he opens up, lets him in, and he gets dizzy from kissing, for the first time in a long while. Kurt lets his eyes fall close and grabs Sebastian's arm to steady himself. Sebastian takes it as encouragement and reaches up to hold Kurt's neck, deepening the kiss. The sound of them kissing seems obscenely loud in the silent night and Kurt can feel the blush creeping up his neck when he thinks about how exposed they are.

When they break apart, Kurt opens his eyes only to find himself staring into Sebastian's eyes, his breath warm and heavy against Kurt's cheek.

"That okay?" Sebastian whispers, in an echo of their first kiss. Kurt just nods, not trusting his voice enough to speak.

It's too much. He shouldn't feel like this. Not now, not yet.

"I, uhm," he croaks, then clears his throat and points towards the house. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Sebastian hides his disappointment well, but not well enough. He puts on a smile and nods. "Yeah. Sure."

Kurt doesn't know how long Sebastian stays outside, but he knows he doesn't hear the door close before he falls asleep.

x

There's an awkward silence between them all through the next morning. Kurt sits by the kitchen table while Sebastian runs around and does some last-minute packing, and then they get in the car.

About halfway to the airport, Sebastian clears his throat. "So. Uhm. Have you thought about..." he trails off.

Kurt tightens his grip on the steering wheel. "Yeah," he says.

He can feel Sebastian's eyes on him, can feel him tense up when the expected continuation doesn't come.

"Oh."

"Look, it's just-too early. Me and Blaine haven't been broke up for even a week, I can't just-"

"-Get into a long-distance relationship with a guy you've known more or less for five years, still has feelings for, and won't be able to even touch for at least a couple of months? No, I get it, it makes total sense," Sebastian says dryly, cutting him off.

"Sebastian..."

"No, just-No. I said all in or all out, so. I guess this is it."

Kurt swallows his apologies, knowing they won't be well-received, and focuses on driving. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Sebastian staring determinedly through the passenger window, and he feels his own heart sink.

This was not how this was supposed to go. Logically, Kurt knows he couldn't have expected it to end any other way, because he can't get together with Sebastian now, it would be insane. It would be rude and insensitive and other bad things, because you don't get together with someone just days after you've broken off your engagement, you just don't. It's probably law, somewhere at least.

But Sebastian going away to Paris wasn't part of the original plan. Sebastian going away to Paris and refusing to look at Kurt the minutes before he leaves was definitely not part of the plan.

If the silence was awkward before, it's nothing compared to what it is now. It's so thick it's almost touchable, and Kurt desperately wants to lighten things up, but he has no idea how.

"Thanks for the ride," Sebastian says when Kurt pulls up on the curb in front of the airport. "Just leave your keys on the table when you leave. Dad'll be by to check up on things."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Yeah, sure."

Kurt could change his mind, right now. He could tell Sebastian that he wants this, wants them, and then they would kiss and hug and Sebastian would almost miss his flight, and then they'll spend the next six months longing and crying and skyping. It'll be hell, and probably worth it, but Kurt can't bring himself to do it.